The two of them were closer when my son was younger, but as he's gotten older, he doesn't want to hang out with him as much. And now my 10 year old wants nothing to do with him because he won't leave him alone. We all live together so my grandfather isn't alone or in a home. He has become so obsessed with my son. He walks into his room anytime he walks by, sometimes just walking in without knocking, sometimes over and over again until my son is screaming at him to go away. If my son isn't home, he will ask me every couple min if I know where he is. I'll even write on a dry erase board where everyone is, but he still asks. In the middle of the night, he will get up and go into his room. There have been times I will be downstairs and I'll hear them upstairs yelling and cussing at each other. I'll break it up only to have to run back a min later to break it up again. It's a constant battle everyday. I try to explain to grandpa he doesn't want to be bothered then he just yells at me tells me to off. This is just one of many bad behaviors grandpa has picked up in the last couple years. Idk what to do it's causing a lot of stress on my kids....
Only a doctor can figure out what’s going on, since he might have several health issues. (——He could also just be bored and want to harass someone/your son/easy target).
Obviously something’s not right with your grandfather. And you won’t be able to change his personality.
I realize you want to keep him out of a NH but you may need to place him. Its not fair to your 10 yr old to have to deal with this kind of thing or ur other kids. Seems Gpa cannot be reasoned with and this is one if the first signs of Dementia. Your family is #1. They need home a soft place to land.
When was the last time GPA had cognitive testing?
HAve you mentioned these symptoms to his doctor?
As I said, first obligation is to your own child. Period.
Just want to make you aware of this.
Whether this is dementia or mental illness causing such behavior, your grandfather needs a psych evaluation by a REAL doctor who can diagnose him properly. You'll then know which type of facility to place him in.
Take action NOW.
Elderly with start of dementia can fixate on people. This can absolutely become inappropriate & sexual.
Many have been abused as minors by family members in this way.
Protect your son RIGHT NOW.
Protect your son at all costs, he is your first responsibility.
Don't drag your feet, start the process now.
This behavior is only going to get worse. Even though you are trying to do the right thing by grandpa, you know that this is hurting your son. You mention that you have “children”. It is wrong for all of them to be exposed to this; you’re allowing abuse. At age 10, adolescence, is right around the corner for your son. That alone is a challenging time for all.
Dare I ask what the others are?
Your son in entitled to his own space in his own house. He should have a lock on his door.
If grandpa has not been diagnosed with dementia then he should respect your son and allow him his privacy. Obviously he has not grasped this concept and that leads me to believe there is some cognitive decline that should be diagnosed.
**side note here this might be a difficult conversation to bring up to your son but it is IMPORTANT has your grandfather tried to grab your son, exposed himself to your son or even said anything to your son that would frighten him in ANY way? I think this is an important discussion to have with EACH of your kids separately and in private preferably away from the house so the know no one else can hear the conversation**
If as you say grandpa does not have dementia then you give him a move out date (the sooner the better).
If he has dementia whoever is POA for him can make the choice of what MC facility he will become a resident of.
If no one is POA and no family wishes to become his Guardian the Court will appoint a Guardian.
A conversation with a Elder Care Attorney might be in order.
PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN
There is a guy at my Mom’s MC unit who is obsessed with food. He will attempt to follow visitors into rooms and also will dig into handbags just because he can. He is a tall, imposing guy with a deadpan stare, does not talk and constantly walks the hallway. He is very scary looking. Thankfully he will not open doors.
Believe in your son. Move Grandfather to another living facility.
I hope this helps - wishing you all the best.
You said that "we all live together" so how many people are in the home and what is the relation to grandfather?
Is the home yours or grandpa's? This makes a difference because a placement into a facility could involve a review of all grandpa's assets, etc.
If the home belongs to grandpa, it could also mean that everyone may need to move and allow the home to be sold so the funds can support grandpa in a facility.
Nothing was ever mentioned about a UTI. Yes, UTI'S can have strange affects on the body, but his actions have been going on for years and getting worse, If this man has a UTI, he must hold the world record for having the longest UTI in history!
Just in case this is your situation - any promises made to take care of him forever are officially null and void the minute your kids are threatened. Case closed, door locked, Grandpa out.
It is very stressful, and distressing for your son. You are not stalked in your own home. You are not walked in on, over and over.
You are allowing this to continue. Your poor son has no privacy. Feels unsafe in every room. Even if he locked the door, it is still not going to stop.
And then you are yelling at the grandfather on top of it. A big scene. More distressing, more stress. This has to stop. It's abusive.
MOM you need to protect your son. You are not!
Time to find solutions. Get him to a geriatric psychiatrist. Get him on some meds. If there is nothing that can help, its time for a new address for grandpa.
Your son deserves to feel safe in his own home. He shouldn't be sacrificed for the grandfather. You are not the one being hunted down and harassed non stop.
You need to do something. The son shouldn't have to tolerate this. You are not being a good mom to him. And you are not getting the grandfather the help he needs. It is distressing for him as well. You need to address this situation immediately!!!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
There were occasions where the resident found away to sneak out the door and come in through the front door in the lobby. You NEED to protect your son's well being first. unfortunately, THAT means you need to get Grandpa OUT OF THE HOUSE ASAP!
Colleen P. Pell.