he is kind and sweet and loving to bro and sis and everyone, but with me he is awful. I am here 24/7 and he just told me he can't wait for me to leave and the next time he sees me it'll be at his funeral. What the heck? he puts on this different face when others are around even when he was in the psych ward, they said he was no trouble and the sweetest man. Then he gets home and poof all of that is gone. He fell getting yogurt out of the fridge, I asked him to call me if he needed more food, he ate 2 tuna sandwiches and chips for lunch, oh and a banana. and he was still wanting food so he went to the fridge (partial paralysis and WAYY TOO unsteady to walk around for no reason). I can't pick him up alone anymore he is too weak to help and I've hurt my back too bad from him picking up his feet while you're lifting... does it always. He is stuck there until I can find someone to help get him up. I just don't know why he has to be so nasty... I was telling him I can't pick him up anymore, he told me "has anyone ever told you not to sh#$ where you sleep?" ... what does that mean? I asked. "F*&^ with me and I'll F)*& your world" why? because he has hurt me every time I try to pick him up off the floor? because I didnt' anticipate him wanting yogurt? why? now he's rolling around pulling everything off the shelves and out of the cabinets in the livingroom trying to "find" something to help him get up. How do you get someone into a home who can't afford to pay 5000 a month for care? without just giving them to the state? How do I get through this until we can get him placed? he can't be left alone he is too unpredictable and does such wacko stuff when he's alone.
Rather than trying to assign reason where reason has flown, spend your energy figuring out what he needs and how to provide it for him.
When you apply for Medicaid and Medicaid pays for a care center, that is not "giving him up to the state." That is getting financial aid to pay for what is needed. Being able to visit him without being responsible for him may restore your relationship. You can treat him as your father, not as a patient you are responsible for.
Honestly, if someone told me he couldn't wait for me to leave, I wouldn't keep him waiting.
You feel an obligation to him which he doesn't appreciate or reciprocate.
Dementia or not, I'd be considering getting out and letting him fend for himself. Cruel? Perhaps. But is he cruel to you? Definitely yes.
If it were me, I'd video tape his old cranky ass and whip it out to show the others so it's just not YOU who gets to witness his behavior.
Good luck!!