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I'm not sure about FBI or any fraud agencies. It happened in 1997. One could hope they tripped up and got caught if they lured another victim. It was determined they may have been lurking around my husband's other aunt and learned about the uncle through her. Both the aunt and the uncle had no children of their own and were very resistant to advice and help from the nephews. Despite their limitations, they were considered legally competent so there was little we or their attorneys could do but warn them.

I'm not sure withholding funeral obituaries would help in the long run. Word gets out. Surviving spouses meet new people. The only real legal protection that I know of is an irrevocable trust. However that is an understandably difficult decision for many elders to make.
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I agree. If the seniors know this than the Administrator shouldbe informed and her banned. My GFs father fell for a lady at Church after his wife died. He was ready to get married TG she wasn't. Men don't do well after wives die.
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Magdalena, I was thinking that not publishing an obituary wouldn't alert potential criminals or scammers, but the fact that word does get out by people who do know is an important point to consider. That's a good consideration to remember, especially in my case as there are some who would otherwise be aware of the situation who have big mouths.

There is no surviving spouse in this case.

JoAnn, I think you're right; I do think men are more vulnerable when their wives dies first - wives really can hold a family together and provide support which men may not realize until they're gone. That's not a criticism, just perhaps the way things are.
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Has anyone been successful at stopping a sweetheart scam? If yes, please let us know the steps you took.
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Good question, NYDaughterinLaw,
What I have observed, fortunately most of them burn themselves out after a few months or years of agony for the family. But some result in disastrous late in life marriages These scammers aren't only at senior centers. They attend funerals of people they barely know, work as receptionists at investment businesses, and troll bereavement groups.
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contact the Dr Phil show. He loves to blow up scams like this, especially against the elderly.
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We dealt with a scammer like this. An elderly man who was taking financial advantage of my MIL. It took my husband and I moving in with her and kicking him out and changing locks to get him out of the house to start. My husband got POA and guardianship without too much drama. She wanted her oldest son to help her anyway. The guy had already tapped out her savings. His goal was really the house. His idea was to get married to her and secure his right to the community property, then sell the house and liquidate the asset (then probably leave) . He tipped his hand when he came to visit and she left her house voluntarily with him. What he didn't know is that she had no legal capacity to marry. And finally the local police were able to find her and help her be returned home. Getting the
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The police involved was difficult until our lawyer called and talked to the chief, reminding them that this is like a lost child case. She had stage 3 ALZ diagnosis, was under guardianship, and incapable legally or otherwise , to make any significant personal, medical, or financial decisions. This guy had to return my MIL or was looking at kidnapping or exploitation of an elderly person charges. We took the opportunity to issue the criminal trespass order, too, when he returned to the property. This enabled us to have him arrested if he was ever to return again. It was a long road to helping her, but if the other 4 siblings hadn't unified with us to help her, it easily could have gone very badly.
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The more and more I read about this topic, the more I understand how FREQUENT this is. A previous comment mentioned the psychology behind why men struggle. When this fraudulent women came into his life less than 2 months after grandma's passing, the family was puzzled! We were [and still are] mourning grandma. We didn't understand how he could move on! And so fast! So I called up a psychiatrist friend so said this isn't uncommon and the quicker it happened, the more they [widower] is hurting. My grandpa has always been so dependent on grandma to do everything! So when swindler walked into the situation and took over, he just let her. It was a diversion from his pain and a relief from all of these new responsibilities that in 84 years that he never had to do.

UPDATE ON OUR DIY INVESTIGATION -
Oh Facebook. I am thankful for people with public profiles. We have located the swindlers entire family!! All of her children and grandchildren. We even have an address! But no current phone numbers. Our next plan is to contact them.

We met with a lawyer who estimates this process of obtaining guardianship at a minimum of $10K. DANG. That's out of reach. However, he ran a quick report on this woman and she has an open and active court civil judgement for $3100. She never showed up to court for it and now has a warrant!! We are calling the police today. Now, I realize that when she gets picked up, Grandpa will bail her out. And probably pay her fine. So we are strategically planning a way on how to handle this that will get him back on "team family" and not "team scammer".

Also, we spoke with the senior center, police [prior to knowing about the warrant], the department of human services and APS. No one will do a darn thing about this. This is beyond frustrating. I wrote to the DOJ and FBI last week too but of course have heard nothing.
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Well, at least issuance of the Bench Warrant and her arrest will be reflected in her criminal record. If you happen to know when your father will be at the Senior Center, and when she'll be there, tip off the police so she can be arrested in front of others.

I wasn't aware a Bench Warrant was issued though for a civil judgment; it's been years since I've had any experience with one, but I thought that civil judgments could be entered with the defendant in absentia, and a true copy just sent to him/her, just as a Default Judgment would be handled.

Bench Warrants to the best of my knowledge are issued for failure to appear in response to a Subpoena or some criminal action.

Another possibility: get a copy of the civil Judgment as well as the pleadings (or have your attorney do it) to see what the civil case was about. You may have to go all the way back to the original Complaint.

If it's for scamming (i.e. a suit by another victim), you've hit paydirt. Copy the complaint, judgment and send it to the Senior Center and anyone in charge at the city/county level.

You might try pulling a legal maneuver on them, after discussing first with your attorney, and advise them (assuming that the suit is for some financial victimization) that they have "constructive and active notice" that this woman who's scammed before is being allowed in the Senior Center, using their premises to identify at least one victim, and that their failure to prevent her access could affect their liability if they're providing and allowing her to use the Center as a place to identify victims.

It might be a stretch, so check with your attorney first. But municipal officials can tend to be more concerned if their actions or inactions are on the line.

Maybe it's also time to anonymously send a copy of the pleadings you obtain (as well as a copy of the Bench Warrant if it's filed before she's located and commandeered) to the local news stations, with information on having contacted various governmental entities that haven't done anything.

I would, however, not contact the swindler's family yourself. You don't know whether or not these people are violent.

Much as I detest Facebook, this is one case in which it's been helpful. It's also hard to imagine anyone who's a scammer being so stupid as to post information about her activities online in a social media site, but then, thank God for stupid people.
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Sorry, that should have been "actual" notice.

My point was that the officials have been made aware that this woman is using the Senior Center as hunting grounds, has found at least one victim, but the officials have failed to take action to prevent her activity.

There used to be a level of liability difference between actual and constructive notice, with the former raising the level.
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I also wanted to note that when I spoke with the City Human Resource [those funding the senior center], they have no record of this woman attending. I have a strong suspicion that there is an accomplice. When grandpa first met this scammer, he had first met her friend at the senior center. After some time chatting, the friend said [quote], "You must meet my friend". She then called her and within minutes, she was at the senior center.
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Use Facebook also. And, did the OP say that the senior center called to say this woman was a scammer? So what if they think the issue is closed. Press charges on THEM for patient neglect. You went back to them for help and they wrote it off...they are not paying attention to your family, or frankly, to the craziness of the woman doing the scamming. Not good. Also, what about changing the locks on the door of the house and installing some kind of home video recorder to catch her in action? You can get his consent for this escpecially since he says everything is ok. And tell her the house is being video monitor. Yes report fraud to section 8, her landlord, medicaid, etc. They will be all over it looking for unreported assets. Hope it resolves soon, and safely!
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Support, seems like the initial contact was the "scout", and the scammer was called in to close the deal. The work in tandem, with the scout identifying the potential mark.

This is just so disgraceful. I'd love to see them caught and exposed.
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Just occurred to me - is anyone in your family old enough to pretend to be in a lonely situation, i.e., to draw the attention of the scout? If so, then you'd be able to get more information on these people and how they operate, but going undercover could be dangerous.

What would be great is if the police set up a sting operation.
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Another option...get some family therapy if possible. Anyone can go for almost any reason...the "issue" could be that the family misses the elder since this new person has come along. The therapist can help screen for elder abuse and sometimes having a professional make an APS report adds crediblity to the story. Discuss in the session about all these experiences. And mention your concerns in the initial phone call to the therapist.
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$10,000 is a lot of money but not so much that it's out of reach of generous people. Start a Kickstarter fund drive. Ask grandpa for the money and tell him it's a matter of life and death! Do you live near a law school? Many law schools have family law or elder law clinics that you can use to get this scammer out of your grandpa's life.

Call the United States Senate Special Committee on Aging. Their website says that "If you or a loved one have been the victim of fraud, please contact us at 1-855-303-9470."

I agree with Ruthie that you should not let the Senior Center off the hook. Bad publicity is every town official's nightmare. If this woman's name doesn't appear on the records then the senior center director is lazy with the paperwork. I would want to know whether the director was hired after a thorough background check. Start asking town officials the hard questions - policy questions. You have the right to know whether the senior center really is a safe place and that everyone who works there checks out. Keep up the tremendous work, Support!!!
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I don't have advice just a story to share. My grandmother died March 1989 at age 68. Within a few months, my grandfather met Diane. He just couldn't be alone. She was my mother's age, "white trash" everyone said, divorced with 5 kids and pets covered in fleas. She moved in with all the kids and fleas. They were married June 1990. He died February 1991. My grandfather's four kids each got $100. His new wife got the rest including the family home that he built with his own hands. This could be your grandfather's future. We couldn't do anything to stop it. We had to let it go.
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sorry to heard about the awful situation... I would said that your granddad obviously was missing companion ship and feeling the absent of social/ human contact, and most probably individual attention/care/ love, which is what the facility supposed to provide to residents, maybe a bit too late but you can always try.... get a volunteer from communities ( male/female) to spent time with your granddad.. this may get Him interest in meeting new people.Good Luck and God guide you, many Blessings .
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Zombie - thank you for sharing your story. This is exactly my fear and what fuels the whole family to continue the fight. I really love one of the recent suggestions regarding counseling for Grandpa and the added benefit of knowing they are a mandatory reporter as well. We've talked with him so many times about seeing a counselor but he's always refused. He agreed to a community grieving group which shows videos and has group discussion but he really needs to talk with someone one-on-one about his depression and grieving and what he's been doing to cope. He's never been one to talk about his feelings.
We set grandpa up with an online senior dating profile. I don't know that it was the best move but our intent was to show him that the grass is greener. He refuses to let go of 'scammer' because he doesn't want to [in his words], "Sit home and stare at the walls". He seems pretty excited about it but he too busy shuttling 'scammer' to the casino to really delve into it. This is all so exhausting. We are interviewing potential private investigators this week. And fueling up our energy to battle the Senior Center.
Thanks again for ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT, EVERYONE! So appreciated!
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I don't know that a casino would willingly turn away business, but you could try contacting them, briefly explaining the situation without revealing enough that they perceive you're interfering, and ask them if they can ban her from entry.

You might also explain that she's using your GF's money and he's almost broke (whether he is or not) and that as a family you would intervene to ensure that he's not held responsible for this woman's debts, and her gambling debts (if any) would likely remain unpaid.

Maybe if the casino managers think she's going to run up debts that won't be paid, they'll think twice.

Since he doesn't want to "sit home and stare at the walls", can you create a program whereby members of your family take him someplace different on a regular basis, even if it's just out to lunch? It might help break the hold this woman has on him.

And even though I think this is underhanded, it might be worth it: when someone has him out for awhile, get security cameras, voice activated if that's possible, to monitor her when she comes to his house. You may get evidence of her asking him for money.

Honestly, I'm not sure it's legal, but it might be used to "convince" her to leave him alone as well as to let her know you mean business. This woman seems to be very, very determined.
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As to the casino issue.. at thier age they are probably playing the slots.. not high end table games. And none of the casinos we take mom and aunt to take "credit" inless you are a really high roller. Even at the table games. Its cash on the machine or table. So they really don;t have to worry about them oweing the casino money.. it;s Gpas bank account that will take the hit.
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Pam, thanks for the explanation. I had visions of sitting at the tables with piles and piles of chips and the stakes rising higher and higher. Guess you can tell I don't go to casinos!
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and I know too much Garden!! My mom and dad went to Atlantic City every month,, and they were "compt" all the time... knew everyone there! But they played slots mainly. They always got free rooms and food. Now that Mom lives with me, it;s local only! And I was never a casino person. But you live and learn. Now Hubs and I have to take mom and aunt every 6 weeks or so. We go along and spend a few bucks.. but Mom and Aunt still drop some cash! And we have never been able to play on credit.. or Mom and Aunt. (and they could afford to...LOL )
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Seek an attorney.
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I am wondering what is up! Hope things are better!
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Hi! We don't have much of an update. Grandpa has been telling an awful lot of lies lately to keep every appeased. But, it just makes it more discouraging for us to help him. Before Grandma died, she expressed her concerns about not having anyone to 'take care of Grandpa' and we told her we would. Lately, it feels like we have to try really hard to keep that promise.
We spoke with the courthouse and they said the previous civil warrant is no longer active. We opened an investigation with the local police department. We even opened a personal ad for Grandpa to help him 'move on' from this woman. He's not interested. Quite frankly, we feel defeated. He now takes this woman to the casino about 5 days a week!! We were going to contact her children about her 'gambling habit' which we knew would bother her that we knew of her children but that hasn't worked out well. We can't find any working phone numbers. I've focused my energy on building a community garden in grandma's name.
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Grandpa is one step away from losing his family. You can't call him without her picking up a receiver and listening in. We can't get time with him without her involvement. As mentioned before, she forwards his phone number to her cell phone. It's bad. And really disappointing. And sad.
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It IS sad, but you can take some consolation in the fact he has a companion and seems to be enjoying his new life. When his health declines I'm sure she will be out of there like a shot and family will be left to pick up the pieces. The inheritance will be gone, but if he ever needs a nursing home it would have been gone anyway. Try not to be too bitter when that time comes, after all these scammers know all the buttons to push to worm their way into someones affections and isolate them from family.
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Hire an attorney so that this "gold digger" woman can be taken to court.
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