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I used to be able to feed her, but no more ! The help is great and I wonder if this is part of the normal progression of the disease.

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Hi there everyone, I am the husband that originally asked the question. After reading many of the comments, I am soo pleased that we came to Overlook, 2 yrs ago. I can go, under cover from my apt all the way to where my wife . I am so glad that I don't have to take care of her by myself ! P.S. Tomorrow my son in law goes in for a 3rd brain operation. Thank God my wife is as comfortable as possible !!
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ren-- check with the nursing staff about possibly bringing your wife some Assure or something similar when you visit. It's full of calories and comes in flavors that your wife will most probably appreciate. At this stage of the game -- sounds like your wife and my Dad are in about the same stage(s) -- if they want to have sweets on a more extreme basis than you or I would eat them, I say let them have what they want. As for nursing homes not allowing snacks, etc. to be brought in -- my Mom and I were told that we could bring any kind of snacks we wanted to as long as they weren't allowed to sit around and spoil. As I said, Mom takes cookies and hot chocolate every time she visits. Dad has a bowl on his night stand that is full of hard candies (butterscotch, which he likes, at least for the moment!) and chocolate candies. I'm not sure who eats more of the chocolates, him or his roommate! The facility had a Christmas luncheon for the residents and each received a gift from staff or businesses that pulled names off their tree. Dad received his gift from a staff member -- and half of it was KitKats, which he loves. Nursing homes, Alzheimer's units, etc. aren't prisons -- or at least they shouldn't be if they're good facilities. I'm sure your wife is receiving nourishing meals. You said that you used to be able to feed her. Are you with her at all of her meals? My Mom used to visit at lunch every day when Dad first moved to the nursing home. Dad got to the point where he didn't want to eat lunch anymore when she was there because she kept trying to help him, kept fiddling with his food, etc. She finally decided not to visit during the lunch hour and he ate his meals just fine. How is her appetite for "regular" food when you're not around? Check with the nursing staff and find out! And again, losing weight IS part of the progression of the disease.
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I know exactly how Alz plays out I watched my father go from being a vibrant man to one became bedridden. I'm not judging you nor is what I said about who has it worse than someone else. My mother has Borderline personality disorder and Alz. She is mentally incapacitated. She doesn't live with me because I lived my first 19 years with her abuse and won't allow her abuse in my marriage. I have already walked that road.
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From your profile: ., take her out for lunch, hair cuts,etc. I pick up all her supplies, visit her 2-3 times a week. Her dog is living with me now, I take the dog with me for visits, we walk around the nearby park. Sounds like your mother is in great shape.
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Sharyn there is no fixing dementia. All one can do is make warm comforting noises and try to re-assure, then go bang your head on a wall. Your mother seems to be in decent shape, able to go out to lunch, have her hair done, go for walks and so on. I was caring for my mother 24/7 at home when she was that good long ago. At that stage you can care for them at home, why not. My mother cannot sit up or stand by herself now, sleeps most of the time, is incoherent and delusional. Let me know how you feel when your mother gets to that stage. As they say, walk a mile in my moccasins.
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Ren~I am wondering if your loved one is on pureed foods yet? I agree that sweets are very desired by the elderly as their taste for sweets seems to be the last to go. Alz/dementia effects the brain but eventually effects the body with weight loss, swallowing issues and on ward.

My father passed with Alz in 2003, my mother now is in mid stages of Alz. She is mentally incapacitated now.

While my mother has been problematic with borderline personality disorder and now Alz...I personally find it offensive to refer to my parents as looney tunes. This is a disease, and yes I have great humor regarding what they say and do, but really....looney tunes??? You wouldn't call someone passing from cancer as looney tunes,...so please...find another term. Peace and Love to all of you!!
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In Canada, maybe things are different elsewhere. A holiday dinner, pizza ... she wouldn't touch it. My mother is at the stage she'll eat next to nothing, theirs or mine, and she's totally out of her mind ... her mind is gone. Yesterday she asked if my dad was there - he died 15 years ago. Today she was insistent someone was stealing her chocolates. I assured her she may have eaten them and forgot but, no, someone stole 2 pieces of chocolate. She has a big stash of chocolate and I assured her I would buy her more but, no, she fixated on the supposed theft of 2 pieces of chocolate. In advanced dementia it would seem that we now have paranoia in the mix. Physical issues you can deal with but there is no dealing with looney tunes.
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Ashlynne, that is not true in many facilities. Sorry you had to put up with a restriction like that! Most places let you bring in extra snacks and with my mom we even brought her a whole Holiday dinner a couple times, and pizza was always welcome. They would even let me know if her sugar free candy dish was getting low.
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Moxie read and knock it off! Ren has said his wife is not in his care any more. When someone is in a nursing home you are not allowed to give them anything. Anything they drink or eat has to come out of the NH kitchen, end of story. I sneak in a lot of apple juice, fruit, cookies and so on. You are talking like you have control, to cook and feed. Once our folks go to NH we don`t have any control. Ham and chicken nuggets É my mother is a vegetarian, I`m not and I wouldnt feed that crap to my dogs!
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My Dad is in a nursing home. He gets three wonderful meals a day (I wish I ate that well!) and eats most of what he's given. He gets a morning and afternoon snack, usually pudding or something else sweet. Mom takes him cookies and usually hot chocolate four days a week. He's probably eating as much there as he was at home. But he also continues to lose weight, slowly. He was at 169 when we moved him exactly two months ago. He dropped to about 164, then had severe leg and ankle swelling that upped him to 167, as well as a UTI, which he's overcome. He's now at about 162. It's just normal progression of the disease, which often changes how a person is able to taste and smell. Due to lack of activity the individual also needs fewer calories, so often doesn't eat as much. As pstiegman stated, check into hospice care. A diagnosis of dementia, along with your wife's weight loss, would most probably qualify her for their services, which are wonderful.
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What a lot of caregivers do is put honey or sweetener on savory foods in order to get the dementia/Alz patient to eat them - this works very will with foods such as ham and chicken nuggets. The taste of sweet is the last to go, so this is why your wife only wants sweet foods - the other foods have no taste to her. It is possible to supplement your wife's diet with caloric dense foods such as making a milk shake with protein powder, ice cream and heavy cream or yogurt. The lack of protein is mostly what causes weight loss. Snacks such as protein bars may also be accepted which have the added benefit of vitamins and, of course, there is peanut butter with honey or jelly and whole chocolate milk. Applesauce, canned mix fruit and puddings are also good options.
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My mother, 87, in a nursing home with Parkinsons and dementia is the same. A spoon of this, a spoon of that and lots of apple juice. Apart from that it's chocolates and sweets. When I visited today she said "Is dad here"? My father passed 15 years ago and I said "No, not right now". At this point, if it makes her happy so be it.
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Yes, eventually they lose interest in food or may no longer be able to digest it. At this point you might ask the doctor if it is time for Hospice. He will want to do some bloodwork and see if the kidneys and liver are working. Just keep her comfortable.
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