My mother has been having “tip of tongue” word stumbling since beginning of pandemic. Her conversation skills have also declined; she replies “huh…wow” to almost anything but doesn’t seem to retain the info. I have to tell her again the next day because she insists “you never told me.”
Now the memory problems seemed to have progressed…She’s having trouble with technology (off and on, can’t remember how to send an email; remote control won’t work; landline phone isn’t charged; a bill wasn’t paid). I went to her apt and was shocked to find she and my 51 year old sister are living in mountains of boarded items and food. My sister is the hoarder but my mom seems to like it or be used to it. I tried to tidy up and she became angry, verbally abusive and confused. Threatened to call the police. It was terrifying; she was like another person. Now that I’m back to calling her every day and out of her space, her personality is back to itself. Maybe I don’t live with her so I don’t see the decline. My sister is mentally ill and doesn’t want to acknowledge it; just says mom is “mean.” But I’m so worried she will fall or set fire to the place. She won’t allow a cleaning lady to come either. Is she embarrassed? Afraid? What is going on?
Yes, as TeethGrinder65 noted, hoarding is a form of mental illness and any touching or even moving of her hoard will result in her rage. You may wish to consult with a therapist who deals with hoarding for insights and strategies so you can develop healthy boundaries and better engagement with her. You cannot fix her, she needs to want to do it herself.
I would remove your mother from that situation. Even if it requires reporting it to APS. At the very least your mom should have a physical to see if there's anything else going on with her that may be treatable (like a UTI, thyroid problem, vitamin deficiency, over- or under-medication of OTC or prescription meds — like for sleep or pain or thyroid — dehydration, high blood pressure, diabetes). These can all create dementia-like symptoms or worsen existing dementia symptoms. Once this is done she can be tested for cogntive and memory impairment.
Is anyone your Mom's PoA? If it's your sister...ugh. I would act to protect your Mom from her. She can't protect herself.
You can call the town and see if your sister's home is violating any codes, in which case, they could threaten eviction so your mom is in a safer space. Protective Services could also help your mom get out if the situation is so bad it's unhealthy (it usually is).
But it's rare that a person will be kicked out of their home for hoarding, because the town would then have to find them housing at the taxpayer's cost.
As for your mom's decline, she may have depression made worse by the pandemic (like a lot of us). But she may also have some kind of cognitive decline. Leave your sister alone as much as you can and focus on getting an evaluation for your mom. I'm so sorry…hoarding is awful for families.