My cousin is refusing to go into Assisted Living. The Dr, is insisting and I agree. I won't give the details, but it's necessary. I have Healthcare POA, but it only kicks in when the Dr. says she is not able to make medical decisions on her own. So, with that in hand, will the sheriff help me transport her to the facility? I wonder if he will do it without a court order. I'm trying to avoid Guardianship, as I don't want to be hers. I've read here about the ER, but am confused.
She agreed to give it a chance and though she often asked me how long she would be there, she was content about it. I was shocked. I think she actually was relieved to get somewhere she would be cared for around the clock and feel safe.
Last week she told she the people there are great, treat her well and she is happy, except for missing her cat. Once she even made the comment that IF she ever goes home, instead of WHEN, I go home. I think she realizes she now has much more than she did at home. At her home she was so isolated. Now she chats with other residents and staff all day. They have singers perform at the AL at least twice per week, they have on site church service, games, crafts, great meals, and two snacks per day.
She looks much better as she has gotten her diabetes under control with meds. She has minor issues with her roommate, but that's something we can work out.
I haven't seen her this happy in a long while. I'm not sure how much of it is due to memory loss or an understanding that she is getting the care she needs.
I have read here on AC (agingcare) of family tricking their loved ones into going to AL or a facility. One person took the mom out to lunch while the rest of the family took her mom's stuff and quickly transferred it to the Facility. Then after lunch, they drove to the AL.. Surprise! This is now your new home. So, maybe you can do the same with your cousin? If she has not been in AL yet. For all I know, she may already be in one since your thread was about 11 days ago.
Call the dept of Aging, take their lead, you cannot be compellled to be her guardian, but she may become a guardian if the state, in which case they can make decisions.
Be grateful she cannot find her car keys.
Most of the reason that I am alone in trying to help her is that she has always been very demanding and unappreciative for anything.. She has burned bridges with all other family and friends with a nasty attitude and lying, plus many of them are dead or elderly now. Now my mom is elderly and I'm the only one left willing to help her, but I have health issues, care for my own ailing parents and work full time.
I have toured 6 different facilities and selected one near her home and her doctors.The AL place I found is a nice place with activities and good staff. They accept dementia patients and Medicaid, which she has.
She is not able to take her meds or monitor her blood sugar. She even forgets she is supposed to take meds. She hides her house keys and looks for them all day. She needs round the clock supervision as she cannot recall what happened 5 minutes ago. She also will not eat much or take vitamins or Ensure. She's lost a lot of weight.
A year ago I cared for her when she broke her foot, but she got so nasty to me that she actually told me to leave and that she would call me when she learned how to treat people better. That's what she said. I was just contacted by someone who discovered her recent condition.
No one is trying to lock her up. I want to protect her and ensure she gets medical care. I will maintain her house for her return if she improves, but with this stage of dementia, that is highly unlikely. I live 30 miles from her and cannot care for her.
There is no way she is making sound decisions. I'm pretty sure the doctor will say that. If I can't get her to go voluntarily, I'm turning it over to Social Services. I can't sacrifice my health, my infirmed parents and job anymore.
People with short term memory loss (or full on progressive dementia) are not stupid - they just have dementia. She will be afraid. She's losing control. Assure her that she will gain freedom if she moves: she'll have a sense of belonging, a sense of intimacy, and a sense of purpose while living with other seniors who are sharing her aging experience. It's also fear of the unknown. Assure her that no one is incarcerating her (are they?) and make a deal with her to try it out for 2-3 months. Usually that's enough to let them settle in. Assure her that if this isn't the right place, you'll move her.
In her heart, she probably has fear living alone but would never admit it, because fear of the unknown, or being locked away, is a worse fear. If she has memory loss as you say, or the doctor has told her that she has dementia - she knows she is losing her mind. Wouldn't you be afraid?
Bargain with her to try out an assisted living. She shouldn't need secured memory care yet, but they will assess. There are tons of seniors living in AL with memory loss. It's up to the community. In California, the law says that if her entry physician's report says dementia, they can't take her in AL, but she has to go to memory care. Check your state laws. I hope that you have a nice assisted living community picked out. You might take her to it and one other, and let her be involved in the decision - take her for lunch and a tour. Again, bargain with her to try it, understand her fears related to aging, losing control, and the unknown. That's my two cents.
If you have his certification, and you have the healthcare POA, before you involve the sheriff wouldn't it be better to take those pieces of paper to your cousin and say "you walk in or you get carried in - your choice."? If you've already tried that, apologies.
On the other hand, if it's the doctor who is saying that your cousin needs to be sectioned/Baker Acted or the equivalent of those, why not let the doctor sort out the enforcement? Then all you have to do is provide the necessary consent, on your cousin's behalf, using your HPOA.