Is it worth it trying to persuade my 90 y/o narcissist mother to go to a therapist?
I changed her primary care physician from a GP to a very reputable geriatrician. During the first exam/visit my mother had a rather extreme meltdown after about an hour in - this is the second time I’ve seen this happen in a medical facility, the other time was during an x-ray procedure. What prompted it this time was the doctor said to her that she seemed agitated and then asked her what was bothering her. She started yelling and sobbing – it seemed like a cross between a tantrum and a panic attack. She started repeating over and over that she was afraid to saying anything, as she would be in “big trouble when she got home.”
When she finally calmed down, the doctor suggested that she see a therapist, and possibly be put on some kind of psychiatric medication, to control her anxiety. My mother flat out refused to see a therapist. The doctor stated clearly to me that she does not display any symptoms of dementia, or Alzheimer’s disease, and that her problems are related to some kind of long standing psychiatric disorder. My mother has a history of refusing to follow any of her doctor’s advice, be it wearing compression stockings, elevating her feet, not sitting in the same position for hours on end, etc. She has developed 3 bedsores on her backside as she sits and sleeps in the same position for endless hours. The doctor told her the only way the bedsores will start to heal is if she continuously shifts her seating position. My mother is not in a wheel chair, and is not confined to a bed.
The doctor said at the minimum she should have someone come in and clean and cook for her at least three days a week. But my mother flat out refuses to allow this to happen; the numerous social workers from the visiting nurse associations that have been involved over the years have also suggested this. The doctor stated that this is the biggest obstacle preventing my mother from not having continuous preventable health issues from constantly reoccurring.
My mother has multiple health issues: Congestive Heart Failure, Polymyalgia Rheumatica, her teeth need to be pulled out due to decay from neglect, she needs to get cataract surgery; lots of typical age related stuff. They are all being monitored.
Does anyone have experience with getting a reluctant person to a therapist and on psychotropic drugs? My mother wants to stay at home, but is unwilling to compromise on anything. Is it worth the battle?
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I'd see if this dr can give her anxiety medication and if he doesn't help then you might need to find a Dr who will.
If you can't do that, I would become her POA, but probably not become her guardian because that makes you liable if something happens to her. You should get that doctor or other one familiar with herd to sign a statement of incompetency and you could be the POA, esp. for healthcare. Just an idea. The patient does have the right to refuse meds even if they are completely senile.
No sense in worrying your life away about someone like that who just doesn't seem to care about anything. I would try my best to get her into a nursing facility and then they can switch her to a geriatric pysch ward, perhaps. She will probably try to make you feel like the lowest person on earth, but actually her distorted outlook is the big problem.