Mom has no short-term memory but she's a very organized individual and manages well at home. She eats frozen dinners, high-quality cereals, peanut butter and cold-cut sandwiches. She snacks on packaged cookies and candy. She's entertained watching baseball and basketball and reading. Oh, and news programs. Though she's willing to change to something else for me, by the middle of the show she wants the remote back so she can find something she likes. She loses food in the refrigerator if you bring her something new. She seems content but I wonder if living with other people would make her more energetic.
as there are regular visits and things to do, I am very content - as i am sure
she is.
I keep thinking I need to take the step to move her to a Senior Living facility just to be around more people & have something to do, but then I start thinking about the expense and knowing that eventually she will end up in a assisted living or nursing home. Its tough, I know that moving her from her home of 50+ years and giving up many of her things is going to be hard on all of us. I too, am torn on when and what to do.
So although we might like to think of our parents eating a fabulous five a day diet, taking gentle exercise and making new friends (or even more: "old people can be so cute!" from the film Clueless springs to mind) and smiling on their supportive team of caregivers as they join in making festive decorations...
If, on sober reflection, such a scenario would make you wonder if your mother had been abducted and cloned by aliens...
Best not interfere. You don't necessarily know better than she does what's good for her.
Having said that: her voluntarily giving up the car shows that she is realistic about the need to adapt, plus there are one or two signs that you want to keep an eye on her own preferred routines to make sure she's coping. Then you can be ready to send in reinforcements or rethink her care plan as needed.
It sounds like your mother is doing well and happy where she is, but having a conversation about what she would like in the future may be good for both of you. It may ease your mind knowing you are fulfilling her wishes once she can no longer make those decisions.
I can't have that conversation with my mother, who is 91 and lives alone by choice yet complains about everything: neighbors, her heat, her a/c, the sun coming in her window, you name it, but she won't have a conversation that results in any improvements. As a result, I have communicated my wishes to my sons and daughters-in-law so they can know what I would want even if I can't communicate it should something happen.
I wish you the best, but "don't fix what ain't broke." Gauge the situation by your mother's content, health, safety, and happiness. Good luck!
She sounds like she is just fine at home, if you are worried about her being alone to much, try to find visiting Angel's or volunteer visitors to come see her or enlist all the friends and family to rotate spending time with her.
Old people get tired and less social, do her wanting to stay home is completely normal.
I pray she continues to do well at home and gets to go on her terms.
Is there a senior center near your mom? Many provide transportation to and from home for little or no cost. At this point, Mom might more readily agree to spending a few mornings or days a week at a senior center program. Once she enjoys the socialization opportunities there, she may be more likely to consider AL.
My mom lost her ability to drive due to macular degeneration and became a total shut in in her late 70's. Although she insisted she wanted to stay in her familiar home and we were available for weekly shopping trips when I look back I realize that the decades of isolation must have been brutal and I regret that we allowed ourselves to accept the status quo. Whether you choose IL, AL, daycare or the seniors centre I think that all people, even introverts, do better when they have the opportunity to connect with others.