Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

No. Like Carol says. Is it wrong? No, just human.

My mother has always been my best friend. I have watch mom deteriorate so much over the past few years, I love and adore my mother, but yes, there are time I can't help but think how much easier everything would be if she would die. I feel guilty about the thoughts, but I have been told they are normal.

Sounds like you need to pull the plug on being your mom's caregiver .it is toxic for you. Tell her doctor you will not be caring for her when she gets released from the hospital...the best to you an your mom...sometimes you just have to let go.💝

nothing wrong with the feeling but that is fundamental wrong to act as it is negative as if your mom was thinking of aborting you @ birth.

I feel for you. My dad (90) has been emotionally abusive and controlling towards me, my 4 siblings, and my mom our whole lives. He’s had a number of health issues over the years and was just discharged from the hospital after a diabetic seizure. My sisters had to take him in a wheelchair for pre surgery testing for a prostrate issue that’s causing incontinence because he took a sleeping pill last night, YET four hours later he got in his car (we’ve tried taking the keys away) because my sister wouldn’t immediately take him to the bank when he wanted to to go (she’d just spent two hours on the phone with the bank to clear up fraudulent charges). Honestly, he’s been so horrible to everyone who has rallied to be with him literally night and day, a part of me was just hoping he’d crash the car and die once and for all. We’ve been bailing him out of bad decisions our whole lives. So, a long winded way of saying, I really feel for you.

No its not wrong for she is in very old age and she might be in too much pain. Death s the only thing go her comfort from the pain.

Don't beat yourself up. My Dad was 91 with advanced dementia and suffered from Sundowners disorder. My Mom was asleep and my father got up, got dressed and went out the back door, open the garage door and sat in the car before walking out and down the street at Midnite. Fortunately someone saw him and called the Cops before be became a speed bump on the busy traffic lane.
The following day, I installed a interior lock at the top of the door and that stopped that nonsense. There were a few times he slipped out of the recliner and we found him crawling around on the floor when we got up and had to call the Fire Men to pick him up.
Then it happened, he was sitting in his recliner and he started screaming, clutching his lower back. I called EMS and got him to hospital and it was a bad UTI. He was later transferred to a Nursing facility and passed away in his sleep 2 weeks later wearing his WW2 Naval hat. Do I miss my Dad, Yes. Did I cry at his funeral, No. The day he looked at me, 2 years prior and asked me Who I was, was the day he died. I don't miss the disease, its like a Cancer of the Brain, it eats away the memory until you become a Zombie, more dead than alive. Dementia and Alzheimer's are worse than HIV or Cancer, at least your loved ones can make their peace with loved ones and with Jesus.

I do it every day. For Trump.

No i dont think so if some is in pain in his/her old age then it would be better for him/her to die in peace.

Cats4Ever's remark is totally uncalled for; stay with the subject, please.

I understand this question is about the guilt we feel as caregivers when we wish something for ourselves; which is completion of a seemingly never-ending torrent of need from human beings who are ill, hurting, depressed and self-centered; the frustration for me is not primarily the physical care but trying to keep my dad's hope going, keep him social and engaged. After years of this, when apparently his dementia caused him to be consistently critical of me while praising family members who haven't spoken to him for years, I had enough of that impossible task of "filling his cup" over and over just to dump it in my face. My answer has been to ask God to "fill his cup" and hang in there to make sure he is physically taken care of, watch a movie with him every night, have my kids visit him frequently and employ my husband to take him for drives....but from me, cut and dried care only. He expressed his dissapointment at feeling "unloved" but he WAS loved, is loved, I just CAN'T GIVE MY ALL for years with nothing left for my family and self. Now he is actively dying; I have some grief but mostly relief and a fear he may change his mind (he has expressed a fear of dying and declaration to live as long as possible) and start making demands. Our finances are drained, I haven't been able to work, he lives on a pathetic social security check which they will take back the month of death (which looks like August) so we are borrowing to cover everything. Short answer: YES I have hoped he would die peacefully and I can then start piecing my life back together albeit with a load of guilt for emotionally distancing from him at the end. Prayers and abundant love to ANYONE out there going through this, I hope God "fills your cup" and mine, to overflowing.

It just keeps getting worse and worse.

With help from other relatives, my grandfather got regular meals again. However, he completely stopped sleeping at night which would result in things like destroying our basement one night, or flipping furniture. I also have not gotten any sleep because I would constantly have to wake up to show him where the bathroom is, etc. In the span of 2 months, he has had 3 falls, breaking his ribs, busting his head and needing stitches and this last time getting strange rug burns all over his face and head.

My mother had to have surgery and had no help so I had to take off of work to take her, care for her then drive across town to check on my grandparents. After just one day I broke down crying, I was exhuasted and have been for months. She felt bad (as I think she should, but that's another story) and her siblings came to town for the 4th of July holiday which helped some. My mom is better now but still has some pain. However she's still on leave from work which has helped a lot in the last few weeks.

My mother has stayed over here some with me and my grandparents. She took my grandfather to an appt for an MRI which turned into an ER visit for his arm (he hurt it in that last fall). The ER visit turned into a week long hospital stay for pnuemonia, dementia and Lord knows what else (I can't keep up, nor do I want to). He was agitated and fought nurses and had to get restrained. They gave him meds that caused him to shake and stop speaking.

Meanwhile, my grandmother also got worse. She stopped eating altogether and showed signs of depression. My mother took her to her doc and she was admitted, mainly for malnutrition (she was only 100 pounds). Ironically, both grandparents were on the same floor just a few rooms down from each other. That week was sent from God, as I got the house to myself, got to clean/straighten/throw things away and got some much needed sleep.

My grandfather was sent to a rehab facility who did not do anything. Last weekend I was out with friends for a break only for my mom to call in a panic because he was sent to a hospital super far out because they said he was agitated. He was transported back to the rehab, where he did not sleep at all, told old war stories and was still agitated. My mother decided to get him transported to another hospital in the middle of the city, as they have geriatric care specialities. He was transported to this other hospital at 4am that night/morning, and is still there. I've only visited once just to say I've been. Luckily he was sleeping when I got there. Apparently in every place he goes, he calls the nurses by my name. Family thinks it's sweet, I think it's annoying. He's not going back to that rehab place and his things have been collected. My mom and aunt found another rehab which he will go to whenever he's released.

My grandmother lied and said she was fine just to get released to come home. She didn't even try to walk, just dramatically fell on the porch for all to see and my mom and I had to carry her inside. She's been insufferable and hasn't really wanted to try to get up to go to the bathroom, sit in the living area, etc., unless someone else does it. I don't have that special touch, nor do I want it. We have a neighbor who has been an angel and is here almost every day to help her bathe, eat, etc. Her antidepressants were changed and her appetite is back, so is her nagging.

I pray every day that God will take both of them away because I am over it all and grieved several years ago. I was done with my grandmother a couple years back when she told an awful lie involving me, and I was done with my grandfather when he tried to attack me a week or so before his hospital stay. I know they're not the same people, and I just pray every day and every night that God can take them and us out of this misery

Lonely, no way to get them in a facility? Medicaid for nursing home? Memory care? Anything? The drama will only get worse.... what will you do then? Is there a social worker, or dept of aging, or something that can help you? Sounds awful, wish to be able to help....

To me, it's human and HUMANE to hope for the end of a life that's no longer a life.

I understand how you feel. I think it's normal to feel that way in your position. It's exhausting for you to deal with while comprehending how little control you have over it and how she just doesn't seem to help herself or care to.

I can totally understand. I have 2 parents like that...

It's amazing what parents "expect" from kids , as if we are all supposed to be automatically be their stellar servants and angels for them in their old age... Extreme folly for them to not think ahead. Idiocy to be honest. I am back on meds due to both parents.

I feel as if our parents got to enjoy their 40s and 50s and now they are enjoying ours. The better care we give the longer this goes on !

I had the same feelings when my mom was very ill. She fought for a long time and then decided that she was done and it was 5 months of watching her slowly decline that was the worst. It’s ok to want their suffering to end. Now my father is declining and making me insane...I would like my suffering to end. All totally normal.

I feel your pain. I am currently providing care for my 93 year old mother and I have never known her to have a happy day in her life. It is so hard and I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. She is in a senior apartment so between my sister and I we care for her. My sister lives out of town so she may come down for a couple of weeks and then I stay with her. I had to give up my job, which created such a financial burden. I am away from my husband weeks at a time, which is not good for a marriage, I am moving her to my home at the end of the year and she what happens. She can barely walk, have a mild case of dementia, and we have to do everything for her. I feel my life has ended. I understand because my mom is just a shell of herself and I do not like seeing her in this position. She is adamant about not going in a nursing home (because she used to work in one) and we are trying to honor her wishes. She cannot afford an assistance living home, so we are doing the best we can.

People who were miserable,unhappy and self-absorbed don't change when they age. Getting old doesn't make them eligible for sainthood. Don't feel guilt for her life long behavior. My mother left me as a baby, took care of her step children and gave them everything. Never visited me ever, I didn't exist until her stepson took their money. Now she's living with me,wants a hand maid and servant. Cares only for herself and her needs. Complains about her ailments from the time she gets up until bedtime it's me me me.
I'll be glad when she's gone. She's never done anything for any of her own children. Just abandoned us to mean drunken abusive father's. She's always been a worthless selfish person.
I will be glad when she's gone and I have no guilt for it.
People who have never given love or respect can't expect to get love and respect from their grown children. That boat sailed long ago.

I don't think it's wrong. My narcissistic, selfish mother has sucked all the life out of me and I find myself wondering if I'll ever get any peace. She's so miserable that even SHE wants to die- she's constantly telling me how she wishes "everything was over", "If I could just go to sleep and never wake up that would be fine with me!", and "If somebody took a gun and shot me in the head I'd be fine with it!" She makes suicidal threats and comments all the time yet when I get "experts" involved, she convinces them she's "fine" and they send her back home. I'm beginning to think she'll outlive us all. As the saying goes, "Heaven doesn't want her and Hell's afraid she'll take over"!

No it is not. I have been taking care of my. 9 s needs for 7 years since she stopped driving. I moved her to assisted living last year but she got sick and needed more care. Now she in long term care and hates it. The guilt is unbearable. My only brother wants nothing to do with it because his wife hates her so he hasn’t spoke to her since December. I meet with 2 good friends once a week and we have all been through it. We all talk about how we just wished they would go quietly in their sleep. So much. Suffering and since my brother does nothing I have always felt I had to be her everything. Her entertainment, her friend,etc. she was a wonderful mom and always thanks me but I find myself getting jealous of my friend whose mom died quietly in front of her tv. These are natural feelings and I think it’s not because we want them dead we just want it to go away. As my 2 friends whose parents have passed away say, “ this too shall pass” .

There are many reasons why a person would wish someone would dies sooner rather than later. Your thoughts and feeling are not actions. In my opinion it is what you do that counts. Please be careful that thoughts do not lead to wrong actions. Take good care of yourself, so that stress does not get the better of you. You might want to see a counselor, no I don't think you are mentally ill. Talking things out with someone who is not making a judgement and can't break confidence is very important. A support group is also helpful.

Don’t feel guilty. That’s an emotion with no benefits to either side. You need physical rest mental rest and time to yourself. Don’t be hard on you. After everything you’ done you should get a gold ⭐️. Who else has done as much as you? No one. Take a well deserved break and don’t be hard on yourself for wanting your life back

I think it's totally normal. Heck, I have those thoughts all the time, so I hope it's normal!! And I pray every day that his good Lord will welcome my father into his loving arms sooner rather than later.

My father too is one of the most miserable human beings on the planet. Nothing makes him happy, nothing is ever good enough, he says he wants one thing-like to leave him alone-and when you give him that he complains you don't care. It's impossible and completely infuriating.

Yes, I wish my father would die, to end his suffering and this horrible lack of quality life he is now enduring. I guess I would be pretty unhappy if I were in his shoes too. Only thing is Dad has been this horrible all my life, the dementia just makes it worse.

Sometimes I wonder why I even got involved, why I bothered to move in and help him out. The truth is had I not he would already be dead. He was severely dehydrated, had lost a lot of weight, wasn't eating, but was still drinking alcohol. I stopped buying the booze, starting feeding him 3 wholesome meals a day, got him med compliant, and got him to the hospital when he fell and fractured his pelvis and got a spinal compression fracture. Had I not been here he never would have made it this far. Silly me.

So yes, I too wish my Dad would die and end this horrible mess and suffering for both of us. I'm in the process of getting him into a care facility. My nephew says that will be the death of him, because he's lived in his home for 60yrs and wants to die here. I said that would be a blessing!!

Good luck with your journey!

I'd like to rephrase the question (Is it wrong to hope someone dies?) to "Is it wrong to want an end to the physical and mental suffering that is happening to your loved one?"

The two questions are basically the same but the last puts it in a different perspective. If they weren't suffering with broken body or mind (or both), we wouldn't be wishing for their horrible existence to end.

So no one should feel badly to see someone's suffering end.
Just my 2 pesos.

I've been dealing with my 95 year-old father for 10 years. He yells and complains continuously, day in and day out, about everything, Yesterday, there weren't enough holes in his swiss cheese. My mental escape is to imagine how peaceful life will be without him. I see to his well-being conscientiously but I feel entitled to my thoughts. I will have earned my feelings of relief and paid for them with years of my life. Nobody in their right mind would miss this. I don't plan to waste a minute of my future freedom on guilt.

Im in the same boat with a narcissist mother in law she has made all the wrong choices for her recovery from a stroke so now we are at the end of life with her and I know how you feel it just need to be over the resentment I have is horrible we as caregivers do so much to care and help and they don’t want it fight you in everything so don’t feel horrible
i have now a wonderful group of people from hospice and I’m thankful just want it over

I just spent the morning with my alcoholic mom and my dementia dad. They have no quality of life but are slowly killing mine. To answer your question: Nope.