Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

No it’s not wrong.
When we are seeing Loved ones suffer and be in pain I think it’s only human to want that pain to end for them and for them to in peace.

No your not. My husband and I wishes that about my mother n law who lives with us quite often. She gets mad at my son who has been the only one of her kids to stick around and take care of her and she calls him very bad names and tells him she hates him. She does not have dementia she is just an evil mean narcissist who no one can stand or tolerate. She has had my living kind husband in tears for the way she treats him and have treated him all his life. We are pretty much stuck with her and her living with us has definitely put a strain on our marriage. Her health has declined so she sleeps a lot which is great because that keeps her from being up and talking crazy to my husband and me. We both feel like she has lived a nice long life although most of it has been making everyone else miserable. I have never seen a 93 year old woman as mean and horrible as her. With that being said my husband and I would not be devastated when God takes the wheel and call her home

No, it isn't. Some people just live too long. It's that simple.

I have wished random rude strangers to peace out from this world but not family. I admit I have wished things to be over( and they are now- I just cried a river, im in deep grief) when my grandma was in the sun downing stage of her dementia, or just behaving bizzare. But by over I didn't want her to die, no NEVER. She was the sweetest most innocent person ever. My family felt complete with her under my roof. I don't get along with my mom, she is quite negative and I often think about her aging and how it will affect her, I don't think id hope she dies, i'm not that type of person with close family members. Looks like you lack that nurture with your mother, as you seem rather annoyed with her. She is a burden to you, it looks like.

No it is not my mom has well outstayed her welcome on this planet. She has caused me no end of grief and nearly wrecked my marriage intentionally and with passion. Unfortunately God and the Devil are in deep discussions as to who will take her. Its not going well.

I specifically pray for best outcome. The best outcome for me would be closure.

There are many reasons you would wish someone to pass rather than stick around in the condition they are in. I loved my husband dearly. He had ALS. In my opinion the worst disease a person can get. He stayed upbeat and positive though his entire 4 year battle. But toward the end it was impossible. He was losing his ability to speak, swallow, and breathing was getting harder. He was alreaday almost completely paralyzed and needed 24/7 care. What was about to happen to him was too horrible to even contemplate. Being totally "locked in" to your body while your mind is still functioning normally, unable to move a muscle or tell anyone what you needed. You better believe I prayed for him to pass.

Well, I'm not God, but I know who is, so my prayer is for mercy and comfort. However that is meted out, I pray for mercy and comfort.

My father lived with me for several years. He was such a kind sweet person, trying not to be a burden. He became seriously incapacitated(not demented) but just asked not to be institutionized. He was very introverted, quiet so I understood. The day I called home health for more help with his care he dropped dead in my living room. I did not mourn as it seemed a blessing but still miss him 18 years later.

Nobody likes to talk about this subject, but I'm sure it's in the mind of every caregiver. Realistically speaking, death is better that a miserable life. I some countries euthanasia is legal. I believe that in Oregon too. Death is a natural phenomenon, it's not a sin. Anything that was born has to die, as simple as that. In the U.S., the end of life has become a booming business. People with great sacrifice save money for the golden years. However, they never enjoy it because it's spent in an expensive miserable end if life.

You are Emotional Stressed, and it's okay to feel the way you feel, but share your feeling with God, tell him you had Enough. Trust God to handle 🙏 your prayers. He knows what is Best for us all,and everything happens in his timings. Thanks for sharing, Gjbrown

I know in my case; I didn't want either one of my parents to die, but they were both selfish people. My mother was an alcoholic and before she died, I got the burden of taking care of her and my disabled sister. My dad remarried a few months afterwards since he had abandoned the family. He washed some clothes one evening before going to his teaching job and never returned. He didn't bother to tell anyone goodbye. It was twenty-five years of hell between us. He had hospice towards the end of his life. I couldn't stand the situation he had placed the immediate family. I wasn't glad that he died. I was just glad to be done with all of the pretense of dealing with his new family who couldn't stand my guts.

I haven't been to his gravesite since he was buried, and that has been almost eight years ago. I didn't grieve him that much either.

Your mother appears to display mental illness, and you are fine to vent out in this toxic environment. Perhaps seek professional counsel to help you cope.

What are you doing to make yourself fine? Meditation? Daily exercise program? Family therapy? Considering a move to a new locale? Joining any groups or organizations?

https://deathwithdignity.org

This is a BIG topic at our house as we come to terms with our own mortality.

I think its normal to fantasize about what life would be like for Yourself, once a toxic (difficult, demanding, unhappy, fill in the blanks as you wish) person dies out of your life. My mother was a terrible, toxic, narcissist who really ramped up (even for her!) the bad behavior toward the end of her life.( If a narcissist acts entitled, wait until they are told they really are dying; the Entitlement Stuff blows up unbelievably.) I felt nothing but relief when she died, and am grateful for every day without her presence in it. I don't feel guilty; I don't feel any loss; I just feel... happy, normal, able to love and be kind without looking over my shoulder all the time. Don't worry about what other people think of your thoughts. Your thoughts are healthy thoughts (meaning you are thinking of your own welfare); try to let go of the guilt (you were probably trained to feel it), distance yourself as best you can from your mother's presence and behaviors, so that you can get whatever peace you can until her time comes.

I think what we want is this way of life to die. We want freedom again. We want our life back. Retirement back. I am so tired of being her everything and she is in an assisted living memory facility. I can not even fathom how you all do this at home 24/7. Fifteen hours a week of this screws up my life and energy level. I am a healthy 70 yr old and 3 years into this mess and I am worn out. It takes me a day to recover from the nonstop complaining or the crazy chatter about every man wanting her sexually or the wild delusional stories. I visit my moms body with someone I do not know living in it. Good Luck…If my mom lives to 100…I will be 83!!

Admins: Could we move this old post to the "Discussions" section, I wonder?? It is a fascinating subject with more than 700 answers, still having people interested in the discussion. Seems misplaced in questions.
Reporting myself to make this query and appreciate your consideration.

Depends upon whether their life is actually killing yours and if they’re willfully doing so. Also depends upon whether you’d simply like to see them and possibly yourself at peace.

Yes

I hate caregiving. It has done a lot of damage to my life. I'm almost 30 and I've had to help my mom in some capacity since I was 17 and caregiving is the only thing I've done since graduating college. I'm at the point where my disdain for helping my mom 24/7 outweighs my love for her. I cringe at times when she needs me to do something.

However, having said all of that, I DO NOT want the caregiving to end with her dying. I don't want it to end with me dying either. I want it to end with her being mobile and able to live on her own again and I can leave the nest and start my life. I don't want it to end with one or both of us dying or go through something major, tragic, or controversial.

My Mom always has ailments too. Always looking for attention and sooo critical. I left at 19. I don’t think I would be glad if my Mom died, but I might feel relief from anxiety and peace. Your feelings are normal considering your Mom’s personality. This is hard.💕

Yes. I am looking forward to the day I have my freedom back and don't have to endure daily mental and sometimes physical abuse from my awful mother. Today she punched me in the mouth after she was upset with the way I held something while we were working on a simple home DIY. She calls me fat, ugly, a dumb b****, and even racial epithets. She's not that far gone yet and I dread that I may have to deal with her for another decade or longer.

Don't feel bad that you want to be rid of the one person preventing you from being happy. A lot of us would have infinitely better lives if we weren't taking care of an abusive parent.

I would have no problems caring for an aging parent who appreciated what I was doing but few of us were prepared to deal with an abusive and petulant parent worse than taking care of a child for much of our adult life.

O my God! So many similar stories about our difficult moms. Just wanting it all to end has got to be normal.

No, I don’t think it’s wrong. Medical science has just created a generation of people propped up to age toward being more and more dependent, and despondent, and demanding on what’s coming to be people in their 70s having to be The Place For Mom (or Dad) until they can’t, foregoing their inheritance so that the miserable elder can at least be pottied in some snf or trying to take on Hoyer lifts and all that at age 75.

You're a very honest caregiver. Unlike others who always try to be "politically correct" and prefer to live in a world of fantasy.

It is more likely that she is praying for the same thing, because she is not living life, she only exist. You don't need to pray or wish death for her, she can't leave until the higher one is ready for her.

In the mind of many, wishing that somebody dies is a punishable crime. They probably think that one can kill another person by just wishing that he/she dies. Another reason is religious, they think it's a "sin" to harbor those thoughts. The the truth is that for the above reasons, there is a bunch of "politically correct" hypocrites who wish that somebody dies, but pretend the opposite.

I woke up and read this today. Maybe I was supposed to see this TODAY. I’ve been weary lately, wanting a little more freedom and time with special friends and immediate family.
My dad gets up every day, dressed, ready for the day and happy. If I inquire how he slept he usually responds positively even if he was awake for a period of time. He’s 87 years old with stage four lung cancer that’s he’s chosen not to treat. We don’t know how long we have with him but he’s outlived the Doctor’s initial estimate and continues to amaze us. The problem? Caretaking is mentally exhausting and requires a lot of stamina. Do I wish things had gone as they were predicted? Sometimes. We all thought we had this limited time with him and I’ve been sprinting through the past nine months rather than treating it as a marathon and pacing myself and others. I don’t know if others have had this experience but it makes me feel TERRIBLE. My dad is living his best life right now. He’s savoring everyday and gifting us the experience of accepting that life ends for everyone. How can I wonder “how much longer?” I am fortunate to have him with us, especially after he was in a terrible marriage that kept him from us for too long. He’s surrounded by family, young and old now that he’s with us.

I write all this to say: Even the best of circumstances can wear a caregiver down sometimes. We need to give ourselves more GRACE and respite. Our parents don’t want to decline, become more dependent and live with us or in AL etc. I know this plays a role in their mood and outlook some days.

I will continue my day knowing I have a good situation and that it could be worse. I will also pray for all the caregivers out there that struggle daily, sometimes or less, knowing we all need support at times. It’s hard. It’s fulfilling. It’s filled with emotions, no matter how easy or difficult our loved one is. I am thankful that I found this forum months ago. We all need this kind of support.

Good luck with your mother. I hope you both come to a place of peace when it’s time, whenever that is.

Dear Belle.
You asked a question. I, for one, do not think it is wrong to want a person to die.
My husband is in a NH with COPD advanced. I love him dearly. He was my rock and my strength and everything about this man is lovely. But. He is slowing 'losing himself' due to lack of oxygen to the brain and as I sit and watch and listen, I ask the Dear Lord to PLEASE take his servant soon. Mike would never want this, not in a million years. My heart can't break anymore than it has so yes, I want it to end.
Just my two cents worth.
Temper

My mother died aged 78 from cancer, with her brain functioning fine and her personality as good as it ever was. While her cancer returned after 10 years of many health issues, the end took just 3 months. I didn’t realise at the time how lucky we both were. I’d like 3 score years and 10 (perhaps plus 15 extras), but that’s really enough from both points of view.