Yelled at irresponsible dog walking neighbor. Should I feel bad?

I mean, should the dog have been leashed? Absolutely. Was it irresponsible for a number of reasons not to have the dog on a leash- definitely. Anything could happen and there are reasons for leash laws and even where leash laws don't exist it's just a good practice to have a dog on a leash in places where they could encounter unfamiliar people or get away from their owner.

That being said, was the yelling and confrontational nature strictly necessary right away? Probably not. Was there something going on that day that made you react so quickly and strongly? There may have been some reason that the neighbor didn't react as quickly as you were expecting. In hindsight you are probably realizing that it was a stronger reaction than necessary. But give yourself some grace and let it pass.

Here is my concern - and this is important for YOU to remember. You say "No one in their 80's should fall. Ever!"

We all WANT this. This is the hope. This is the plan but this is NOT the reality. You do everything that you can to make this happen. You remove rugs and obstacles, including dogs and cats. You give them the tools they need to move about safely. You make sure they have (and wear) the right footwear. You do all that you can to ensure that they are safe. BUT THEY WILL STILL FALL. And in some cases they will do it A LOT. And in fact often the more you try to prevent it the more it happens. So do everything you can to prevent it and remove obstacles. But remember it is still going to happen so plan for that too.

We have done everything that we can to ensure that FIL's home is as obstacle free as possible but he still has FALLS. There is literally nothing you can do to ensure that it will never happen. So you have to prepare yourself mentally for it. And you have to prepare yourself for what you are going to do physically. I know that sounds strange. But for the vast majority of people in that age group you can't just grab them and pick them up. At least the ones I know. They can't all help in the getting up. So in a lot of cases you have to call an ambulance or for other help and you have to know how to safely get them up if they have physical issues. In our case we have to call different help depending on if he is hurt. If he is, it's two ambulances (due to his weight/size). If he's not hurt it the fire department with a bariatric lift request (two teams).

So, while it is admirable that you want to protect him and I'm in no way making light of that goal, I think it is also prudent that you go to the other extreme and ensure you have a full plan for the falls that are sure to come.

I don't think you have to worry about your dad getting knocked over or attacked by a dog since he is unable to walk and cant even open the fridge door.

And maybe the guy with the dog was confused because you told him to lease his dog. And he was like WTF are you talking about?

Speaking from my own experience, this is a case where a neighbor of a parent is being a complete jerk, and you didn't handle it as well as you'd like to have. You didn't say anything about your father's situation, but if you're on this forum you're likely under some amount of stress to begin with. For your father's sake, if you encounter that neighbor again, and they're not being aggressive toward you AND if you feel the need to say anything at all (you might not), you could say something like 'if I had that to do over again, I'd have handled it differently' and then resist explaining further, unless the situation really calls for it. It's not exactly an apology, or an admission that you were wrong, it's just an acknowledgement that you'd like to have handled it differently, which I think you would. So next time dealing with neighbors, for your father's sake, try to be more smooth. But worrying beyond that won't help (I know, easier said, than done). The situation was created in the first place, because the neighbor was being a jerk. I like dogs, but don't have one because I don't want all the responsibility that comes with having one. People who do have one, but don't accept all the responsibility, are jerks. (and that's pretty much true of anything, people who want the rights, but not the responsibility/courtesy owed that comes with anything they own)

Many dog owners are irresponsible jerks. This sounds like one.

Maybe they were in shock. Years ago my new dog got loose and I was calling him, and running after him completely panicked. I went to get the mail, and he bolted past my legs. New dogs try to escape. It's not their home yet. It is common.
A woman walking across the street started yelling at me about leash laws and get my dog. She could clearly see me running after him and calling him. I was so panicked he would get hit by a car right in front of me, or take off to look for his last owners and be gone for weeks. Or the aspca finding out he got loose and get mad at me or fine me. These thoughts were flashing before my eyes. And then I had this woman yelling at me about leash laws like I let him loose on purpose. He never went near her.
Maybe the dog escaped. If a dog wants to get past you, they can. The person probably went to the door and had it opened and reached down to leash them not thinking. The dog saw you and bolted to you. They probably did it that way Fifty times before and the dog stood there to be leashed. Now they know the person knows they cant do that any more. Maybe they felt their was no point arguing with someone who was mad. Nor in this climate. You never know.

Maybe they were in shock. Years ago my new dog get loose and I was calling him, and running after him completely panicked.
A woman walking across the street started yelling at me about leash laws and get my dog. She could clearly see me running after him and calling him. I was so panicked he would get hit by a car right in front of me, or take off to look for his last owners and be gone for weeks. Or the aspca finding out he got loose and get mad at me or fine me. These thoughts were flashing before my eyes. And then I had this woman wanting to lecture me on leash laws like I let him loose on purpose.
Maybe the dog escaped. Maybe they felt their was no point arguing with someone who was mad. Nor in this climate. You never know.

I was walking with my 90 year old MIL on a beach which allowed ‘dogs under control’. MIL was just shorter than 5 feet, which was shorter than the dog when it jumped up on her. I held my arms around her and yelled at the two girls walking the dog. Response - ‘He’s only a puppy’..”He’s only trying to be friendly’. MIL and I were really shaken. My work gave me an extensive swear word vocabulary, most of which I used. Grrrrr!

🙄

I don't think you should feel bad. I think how you handled this was silly and counterproductive.

#1 Yelling at a dog rarely makes it less aggressive, if it's being aggressive. Evidently this dog wasn't being aggressive, it was being sociable, and as it was a retriever you can be sure that if it had been really coming after you it would have got you. That's its job.

#2 Yelling at people rarely makes them think you were right and they were wrong. Saying "shouldn't your dog be on a leash on the sidewalk?" would have reminded him of any applicable bylaws and allowed you to express appropriate disapproval, but instead you just insulted him. Twice. All he'll take away from that is that you're a rude and unpleasant person who's mean to friendly dogs. He won't have thought "my bad, I should have kept the dog on a leash."

Does this man live very close to your Dad's house? Are you likely to bump into him often?

I totally relate, Lisa. I hate it when dog owners don’t seem to care that their dog has scared you.

That said, if you feel it might make you feel better with this neighbor, you could leave a friendly card or note apologizing for yelling and explaining that you were startled and would greatly appreciate it if they would leash their dog in the neighborhood.

The neighbor may not comply but it couldn’t hurt! 😊

This is one time I’m gonna agree with you, Lisa.

Any responsible owner keeps their pet on leash while around the public. Not one of them can use the excuse that their dog is nice. Maybe toward them, maybe toward everyone but me. I don’t really care, there’s a leash law for a reason.

That said, what does this topic have to do with agingcare? Did that dog threaten your dad?