Adjusting to your LO's decrease in ability.
It's just over a month since R's cancer surgery and he in the pre-op process for his knee surgery. I think it is too soon but he is in the health system and they are pushing him through. He doesn't want to lose his place as he has been waiting a long time for this and it is painful for him to walk - has been for years. He told me today he failed the stress test due to breathing problems he has been having - possibly due exposure to the wildfire smoke. I don't know if the problems are permanent or how that affect the plans for the knee surgery. He never has had breathing problems before and passed all his medicals well.
A few months ago he would have sailed through a stress test. Truthfully I am shocked.
I have taken over managing the condo flooring and cleaning from him. Thankfully I found someone to finish the flooring as the guy that was doing it is being a bit of a prima donna. I'll do this but you do that!" sort of thing. I believe it is only about a day or at the most 2 days’ work left. I will make all the other arrangements that are needed and have told him to concentrate on his health and getting well as he is by no means recovered from the earlier surgery though the surgeon had cleared him for the next surgery.
This is a big adjustment for both of us. I am thankful he has finally accepted that he can't do the moving and whatever else. Before his surgery he thought he could and I felt he had to find out for himself - and he did.
I am grateful that I can take over despite my age and my health issues. This whole moving experience has been riddled with problems - some in our control, more not in our control.
I really need your prayers and support to get me through this and moved to the condo. It needs to happen and soon!
Thanks, friends.
Today it is more forms, only on the computer. I don't know why they expect a senior who isn't that computer literate and has just had a head injury to go through double authentications and fill out forms that don't fit his information when we used to just fill out the form by hand and give it to them and attach a note if needed. He is still very much "married" to the old ways of doing things.
I got him into the needed site. Now I'll go through it with him when he gets back from another task he's on.
He needs to get a copy of his car registration for the RCMP, but registries won't give it to him without a bill of sale which, during the accident, went out the SUV window with the registration and many other papers. It's very frustrating. I found a government site online which says it will get him a copy with the info he has. Let's hope it works.
I guess we are getting through this. I know it is worse for him than for me.
And funny things happen.
R went "frustration" food shopping after the registries fiasco. He doesn't "frustration" eat but he "frustration" shops. He proudly presented me with 2 big leeks saying -"Here you are. You said you can eat leeks!"
????????🤔🤔🤔
What I said was that I could eat eggs. It may be time for hearing aids for him.
Actually I can't eat leeks - they are high fodmaps. He sliced them up and sauteed them and enjoyed some for lunch. We froze the rest so all ended well.
A house cleaning services sounds like heaven right now
I hope things improve .
Certainly go ahead about cleaning service . You could even have them come in once as a Fall cleaning . Some of the chain cleaning companies will do one off jobs .
Then you could see how it goes from there . But it would give you a bit of immediate relief that you may need , until R gets stronger .
A house keeper isn't a bad idea, if it was me I'd get a once a month person to do the deep cleaning at first. So it's easier for you to do the every day task, and go from there.
Deepening on your cleaning needs of course. Everyone has a curtain mind set on what they think is clean. I look around and say , it's my clean, may not be so and so's clean, but it's definitely cleaner than what's her name. 😆
Also he needs advice about investing, having had some real disasters. Currently it's small stuff apart from his main investments, but that adds up and why throw your money away? It doesn't affect me personally in terms of finances - my money is separate and safe - but I hate to see him keep doing it to himself and it affects me as he gets very frustrated. I think we had a fruitful discussion about it this morning. Time to list where all his money is and send it to his kids and be more conservative,
Maybe it's time for me to get in help with the housework. I said I would when I reached 80 and I didn't. Maybe by the time I am 90 I should get someone to do it. Or get R to do more of it. He's quite capable.
Just using this to vent I guess. He is recovering well. Stairs are still a bit of a problem and he tires more easily but we are so thankful it wasn't worse.
Need - Cats do claim their places! Rocky eats the spider plant regularly, She needs her greens.
Eva - my oldest son just sold his condo in Calgary for more than he asked. It was a very fast sale and quite an average condo so it's a sellers market there. They were able to purchase a very nice condo (definite upgrade from what they had) in Edmonton for a good price. I am very happy for them. He and their cat will stay over night here while their furniture is being moved. Dd says the market in Fort Mc is improving. I hope so. I never want to have to sell a place again but I suppose I will have to. These condos are appreciating.
I am so glad all is well with R and you.
Catching up on some reading as I was not on forum for over 2 months, but it looks like most of your problems are resolved.
If only I could sell my place soon, looks like market is changing.
Lots of work to do!
We live with a cat, instead of them living with us. I was tired when I typed that last night. Obviously, my brain wasn’t functioning properly! LOL 😆
No cane…that’s progress!
I’m glad Rocky is adapting. My cat was weird whenever she moved into a new place. She would hide under the sofa until she felt comfortable with her new environment. Then, she would take over! We live with a cat, instead of us living with them.
Quite a story about your dd's dog but a happy ending. Glad she got him a seat harness.
I hope that the worst is behind you and R. It’s very hard to see those we love going through so much.
How is your kitty doing? Adjusting okay living in new surroundings? I think Rocky will be fine as long as you are nearby.
My daughter’s dog is like that. She has moved around a bit and he is happy as long as he is with her.
She got her dog during Covid. He was surrendered because he has a strong prey drive and ate a bunny. The wild bunnies are everywhere in Colorado. He got sick but after eating the bunny. After the vet gave him meds, he was fine.
For whatever reason, his owners didn’t go back to the vet to pick him up. You can tell that his owners loved him though. He isn’t fearful of anyone. He’s very sweet.
Everything was different during Covid. People were getting sick, losing jobs, etc. So, who knows what happened and why they didn’t pick him up?
My daughter couldn’t go into the shelter to meet him due to Covid. So they had a Zoom meeting! LOL 😆
My daughter fell in love with this dog and rescued him.
He jumped in her vehicle and they started driving on the interstate in Colorado.
The dog jumped in her lap and started licking her face! This is a Siberian husky and she couldn’t see the road!
She said to herself, ‘Ahhh…okay, so this is it! This is how my life is going to end. I found a dog that I fell in love with and now both of us are going to die together because I can’t see the road. He is licking my face and blocking my view on the interstate! Cars are honking at me and I can’t see!’
She finally got him to go back to the back seat. She immediately drove to a pet store and bought a car seat belt made for dogs and made it back to her apartment safely!
When she told me that story I was in shock to think about my daughter and her new 11 month old dog dying together! Now the dog is four years old and my daughter will turn 28 this month!
We all have adventurous stories about our pets!
Life altogether is easier here. It's good!
Interesting about his surgery and the loss of his bow. Hopefully he will be warming up soon. Maybe the kitty will help keep him warm. 🤗
You are both so wise to move to where the weather is easier to manage.
Apparently as well as the knee replacement his tibia was sawn in two, a rod put in and a couple of metal wedges to straighten his lower leg out. No wonder he was in pain for a while - all that surgery on one leg. The surgeon did a great job and his leg looks normal. All the time I have known him his lower leg has been bowed and getting worse each year.
Whew, what a year for him with cancer surgeries (prostate and skin) and the knee replacement and straightening. He's good at doing his exercises, he has cycled in the condo exercise room and does the others here. He's ready to drive but the SUV is out at the farm and frozen up so we'll wait till better weather.
And on top of all that we got the Ft Mc house ready for sale and moved me down here, and he fixed up and sold the house in E'ton. That still has to be finally emptied out. The possession date has been moved on a little to give him more time.
My realtor said the Ft Mc market is the pits compared to the rest of the province - used to be highest income, highest real estate now it is the highest income and lowest real estate and no one quite knows why. My oldest son just sold his condo in Calgary after first showing and at a higher than the listed price. Honestly it is nice but nothing special. So it's all about the real estate market at the time.
Meanwhile I am making plans to empty out the Ft Mc house so it will be easier once it is sold. I think I can do it all at a distance. I have no particular desire to return there. My dd wants some, some will go to a second hand furniture place and some to the dump. A little will come here.
Re the original topic R is showing some effects from his down time - he got a sore throat after mucking about in the snow trying to get the SUV started. He is cold at room temps I am warm at which is a switch, but other than that he looks good. Once he's more active again, his internal furnace will get going and heat him up. It's the first winter he hasn't been worked outside. It had to come sooner or later.
It's great having him back. I have to cook a little more but that's OK. 😊 So glad these surgeries are in the past. We hope the c-ones stay there.
Update - R is doing very well after a rough week or two after surgery which I guess is to be expected. He had his follow up visit with the surgeon about a week ago and all was pronounced well and he started up-graded physio last Monday. His MCL needs lots of work and he is doing it and apparently walking better and better each day and sounds pleased with his progress. Next week he will come to town to supervise the last emptying out of the house he sold so I will be getting more furniture!!! Some of what we have will have to go.
I had a low ball offer on the house with Feb 1 possession date which I didn't take seriously. Sent the message that when I had a decent offer we could discuss possession date. I really don't want to have to do the final clear out in the winter months and before R is somewhat mobile. Things should pick up, real estate wise, in the spring.
We are sorted enough here to live comfortably and I have no inclination to do anymore right now, The next big job will be organizing our underground garage storage area. R doesn't trust me to do it alone (I get rid of more than he does) so we will have to wait till he is able.
I know R will test his physical limits once he can, but he has already accepted that he can't ride unbroken horses any more. He might get thrown and hurt his knee. But there's lots he can do with them from the ground and he can still ride. Considering he had two surgeries last year he is doing well. we have much to be thankful for.
God Bless both of you exceeding abundantly!
Came home, had lunch and slept for over 2 hours. I haven't driven that much for a while. Feeling some relief that he is doing so well.
Need - R is a good handyman and a good carpenter. He never got the papers but he has the skills and he loves working with wood. He reminds me of my grandfather who was an engineer but did wood working as a hobby. Like your youngest daughter he doesn't estimate time well. I think he is ADHD and that is part of it. Rocky is doing very well. She likes to go out on the balcony a bit and has her favourite napping and hiding spots here and there. As long as she gets her daily cuddles she is happy. When I got back from the hospital she had to have a cuddle. 😻
Feels like another hurdle has been overcome with the surgery over, though it will take time for the leg to heal.
With the move accomplished and the surgery done it feels like we have achieved some major goals. There is still the final clear out of his house for him, and the house sale and the final clear out there for me but we are well on the way to seeing the end of those jobs. Hopefully I will have a sale by spring and that chapter will have closed. 😊
You and R have been busy! So glad that things are working out well.
R is a great handyman, isn’t he? The table sounds lovely.
R sounds like my youngest daughter with underestimating his time.
My daughter was scrambling to pack her suitcase just a short while before heading to the airport. She always overpacks! She is spending the holidays with her boyfriend in Colorado and meeting his mom for the first time.
Glad to hear that the surgery went well.
Sounds like you are just about settled into your new home. How wonderful!
All my love and holiday wishes to you and R. How is your kitty doing in your new place?
Have a very happy New Year 🎆!
Unexpectedly R stayed in town over Christmas (usually goes to see his kids and grandkids as they are all together at Christmas) as he still needed to pack up stuff in the house he has sold, but he took time off and we spent a good part of the day together here which was really nice for our first Christmas in our new home. He is not good at estimating how long a task is - always underestimates so there is always a last minute rush.
Yesterday he and a friend moved furniture into here - into what we have designated as his room to do what he likes with, as well as bringing in a different dining table with high legs which suits us both better, and two more dressers for me. More will be coming near the end of January for the living room - an oak desk and an oak cabinet which he has refinished. Christmas day he arrived with a unique and lovely walnut coffee table that he had made. I love it! He plans on supervising the rest of the house clearing near the end of January. Seems ambitious to me but whatever!!!
Today was surgery day and it is over and he is OK. His uncle drove him there and dropped him off and will pick him up tomorrow when he is discharged to take him back to his place. R forgot his knee cooler so I will take it to the hospital tomorrow morning as long as I feel ok. It's a one hour drive early in the morning. Otherwise I will send it by courier to his uncle's. I gather there is length discrepancy in his operated leg. I hope it's not going to be a big problem.
I am so relieved it is over and he is Ok. The recovery will take a while. He said he is more concerned about the limitations he will have after - e.g.can't ride colts anymore as you can be bucked off and that could hurt his leg. But he can still ride which I think is the most important thing.
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and all the best for the new year.
So good to hear from you.
Hope you enjoy brunch and dinner.
Merry Xmas!
It’s fun going to a restaurant and not having to cook or clean.
Have you tried many of the restaurants in your new area? There are so many wonderful creative chefs nowadays.
I like all kinds of food. One year we went out for Korean food on Christmas Eve.
I’m all about celebrating on whatever day you want. It’s not necessary to have get togethers only on Christmas Day.
eva - almost done MY moving in. Now R is emptying the house he sold and some of that furniture will come here, which means some of what's here will go to the thrift shop. Eventually this shuffle will end.
cw - definitely!!! Thank you.
way - no brownies, no cinnamon rolls, no baking... lol I may even get around to joining a coffee hour and learn more about others.
The next challenge is that R has a date for his knee surgery - Dec 28th. so the pressure is on to get the house he has sold emptied. He thought he had till the end of January. As I just found out, his uncle had signed on back in '22 to be the responsible person so he will take R to surgery and back to his place (roomier than here and already has some equipment) which is 1.5 hrs drive away. At that point ('22) we had no idea when I would be down here nor when his surgery date would be. The location for the surgery is sort of in between. I am not unhappy about this arrangement. I need a break after the move. He will bring his art supplies to his uncle's and have a chance to paint as he recovers from surgery. At least that is the plan.
I'm not sure he realizes he can't drive for 6 weeks but, that will all unfold. He was suggesting he might be back here after 2 weeks...We will see. I just have to go with the flow.
Dd and family will have Christmas dinner in Edmonton, in a suite hotel with sil cooking, to which I am invited, but I have sort of set a rule not to drive that kind of distance (45 min drive on the highway and in the city) at night. Sensible at my age, I think. So I invited them all to a brunch put on by a good restaurant here on the 24th and they accepted. If I feel up to it I will join them for supper Christmas Day by taking a cab back and forth. If not I am OK alone.
Wishing everyone the joys of the season, a Merry Christmas, a great meal, good times with loved ones and a blessed rest when you need it. 🎄🎅❄🎁⛪🌟🍗🎉
Glad you seem to be happy with the move.
Good thing you are almost done!
Interesting people, I know MJ could be bothersome, I really dislike that smell.
My decluttering stopped as we decided to wait with sale as condo won’t be ready till late spring. We need to sell/ give away almost everything, as condo is about 1300 sq ft. And almost all furniture would be too big. Condo is in the same area by river and provincial park.
My husband is doing well, with PD they are days when meds seem to be less effective, it passes. He is determined to stay well. Exercise and physio helps.
Wow! Sounds like an interesting and eclectic bunch in your new home. I like being around a variety of people. Keeps life interesting.
Don’t be a stranger! Drop in from time to time. 🥰
eva - how is the decluttering going? It's a big job!!! Hope hubby is doing well.
itrr - thx for the hug and for the prayers. I think I will be decluttering more often here. It feels good to have less stuff. Funny about your shepherd. The cat garden is a great idea, Roky has a couple of plants she rubs on. I have put one on the floor in a tray and will seed some grass in it for her. She does go out on the balcony now so that gives her some fresh air and outdoors smells. She seems very happy. I have lots of plants around.
need - it has been very tiring and arthritis in my hand has slowed me down as well as a few other ailments - relocation stress related I think. These things are passing, the place is getting in order and I am recovering.
I am just about unpacked. I need to buy a rolling kitchen cart with drawers for my rolling pin, potato masher etc. There are only 2 drawers in this kitchen and I had 6 before. But when R empties the house he is has sold there will be a new influx. I need to severely limit that!
The people here...My goodness there is a mix. The complex is 35+ so we get younger renters and older owners. Apparently there is a bit of separation between the two - so I was told. Makes no difference to me as long as they behave well which, from what I can see, they do.
The first character I met was the self-appointed Garage and Parking Nazi. He patrols the underground and above ground parking and isn't friendly. If you park in the visitor parking for a short while, even though there are lots of empty spaces, you get a nasty note on your door - unsigned.
Then there is the MJ Couple on our floor. A few days a week you get an overwhelming smell of mj in your unit. I wondered why I saw towels or other devices at the base of a few peoples' doors. I put a towel inside our front door and moved the air purifier to that area and it cleared up well. I will buy a stronger purifier, He is not well and uses medically prescribed mj. The condo rules forbid smoking of any kind, but provincial legislation allows it as long as measures are taken so it doesn't harm others. Difficult to assess that I think - both the measures and the harm which could come years later. My neighbour on one side tried to get it stopped through the condo board, unsuccessfully. Mrs. MJ baked some cinnamon rolls for R as he had helped them when Mr. MJ was ill and she offered to bake me some. I declined due to my allergies. 🙄
And we have Mr. Happy (my name for him) - such a nice smiling, older gentleman. His wife walks around the complex a lot and is friendly too. They live down the hall from us on the other direction. I met them in the elevator yesterday when I was taking some cardboard to the trash. He asked if that was what I was doing and I nodded saying, "No more trips to the curb with the garbage bins at 30 below". He smiled even more and said, "And you don't have to put your boots on!" I call her the Walker. She takes her 10,000 steps a day very seriously.
The social committee member for this building is a lovely round cheerful lady down the hall and so friendly but not overly so. I could knock on her door and ask her about anything. She and the others know R, so I have benefit by association.
There is another couple near Mr. Happy and the Walker. but, I fear she has early dementia. Such a nice lady and friendly but keeps asking if R has had his knee surgery though she can see he is still wearing his brace. Then she confused him with the previous occupiers of our unit. Her hub who is a few years older than R but still works a full day, has been very helpful with moving and told R if he needs more help just to ask. I call her Mrs. D and him the Mover.
I had a great lunch with an ex colleague who lives in the neighbouring town and who I hadn't seen in 20 years but it felt like yesterday. We will meet again.