golden23 Posted May 2023
Adjusting to your LO's decrease in ability.
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It's just over a month since R's cancer surgery and he in the pre-op process for his knee surgery. I think it is too soon but he is in the health system and they are pushing him through. He doesn't want to lose his place as he has been waiting a long time for this and it is painful for him to walk - has been for years. He told me today he failed the stress test due to breathing problems he has been having - possibly due exposure to the wildfire smoke. I don't know if the problems are permanent or how that affect the plans for the knee surgery. He never has had breathing problems before and passed all his medicals well.
A few months ago he would have sailed through a stress test. Truthfully I am shocked.
I have taken over managing the condo flooring and cleaning from him. Thankfully I found someone to finish the flooring as the guy that was doing it is being a bit of a prima donna. I'll do this but you do that!" sort of thing. I believe it is only about a day or at the most 2 days’ work left. I will make all the other arrangements that are needed and have told him to concentrate on his health and getting well as he is by no means recovered from the earlier surgery though the surgeon had cleared him for the next surgery.
This is a big adjustment for both of us. I am thankful he has finally accepted that he can't do the moving and whatever else. Before his surgery he thought he could and I felt he had to find out for himself - and he did.
I am grateful that I can take over despite my age and my health issues. This whole moving experience has been riddled with problems - some in our control, more not in our control.
I really need your prayers and support to get me through this and moved to the condo. It needs to happen and soon!
Thanks, friends.
$&@9&$5@f.
The driveway people did not show up to rip up and replace . Now the newish 3 years old hot water heater is sending scalding water . And still waiting for the plumber to replace shower and sink faucet fixtures . And don’t forget all the paint chips, because I can’t decide . DH told me to just make a mosaic on the wall out of all of them . Lol.
I won’t even talk about the basement . I’m inviting the kids over July 4th for a clean out session .
Way, renovating and downsizing is a b*tch. I had the house just about totally redone 12 years ago and that is long enough ago for things to start to need redoing again. I wanted to get out of here before that happened.
I have had the same neutral wall colour for a long time all through the house except for one basement bedroom that a son wanted in a nice chocolate brown. its a little den! Makes life easier. Neutrals are good for selling.
I have a great plumber, when he answer my texts and turns up!!! I know your frustrations.
Dd has helped me purge the basement several times. It's finally (pretty well) down to just what belongs there.
Much of the first half of my 80s has been spent getting this house sorted for sale. I have done most of it on my own, I surely want the second half of my 80s to be more peaceful and settled. I hope R's and my health cooperate. I don't plan on spending it in hospitals!!! Once his knee is done he should be good for a while (I hope).
You may already know this:
Here's a quick list of tips that can be helpful while the air is polluted by smoke. It is likely you have some or all of these in your home pharmacy or pantry...
DIET:
Whenever the body is under stress it requires extra vitamins and minerals. This is an important time to choose high quality whole foods. Nutrient-dense foods such as brightly colored fruits and vegetables will provide a mixture of natural antioxidants. Foods containing flavonoids have antioxidant and anti-inflammatory features that may provide additional lung protection. These foods include: strawberries, green tea, black tea, brussels sprouts, beans, onions and apples.
SUPPLEMENTS:
Vitamin C: Smoke causes inflammation via oxidative damage so antioxidants will be very helpful during this time. One of our best antioxidants is Vitamin C. You can increase your dose up to bowel tolerance (too much will cause loose stools). Recommended: 3000 to 6000mg/day in divided doses.
Vitamin D3: Supporting the immune system with vitamin D is especially important when dealing with smoke inhalation, especially those who have been diagnosed with a deficiency. Recommended: 5,000 to 10,000 iu/day with meals.
Source 360 M.D.
Wait, they forgot chocolate!
Feel better soon!
I know actually ingesting the Vit. D3 makes me feel better.
I am one who holds their breath walking past car exhaust.
That amount of Vit D3 seems very high to me. Generally speaking around 2000 iu/day is quoted as being safe and effective for most purposes. I have been taking it for years. I have seen high doses suggested for short term for some conditions but would never take that much regularly. Glad you feel better since taking D3.
Chocolate - always chocolate. Very therapeutic!!! Feel good stuff. Eva, where are you?
Feeling better today but not related to air quality. The air quality can change so quickly. The thing is to get out and do chores while is it reasonable and I have the energy.
The spoon theory of energy works for me. Also resting up (building up more spoons, I guess) before hand when you know you will need more energy for something, and of course, resting during and resting after. This is notes to myself for the moving process. I still tend to over do it at times.
Rest, rest, rest!!! Best friend for those with CFS/FM.
But I get tired of resting, if that makes any sense. 🤨🙄🥴
I have the door code but I haven't a key to the condo unit so I have asked R to send one to me by mail. If anything happened to him I would be in a bind without a key. I believe he gave one to the lady next door which is something the condo management requires but she doesn't know me from Adam, or I guess that is Eve and I don't know if she would let me in if something happened to R.
Better safe than sorry, I should have thought of it earlier.
There was another but much smaller flood in that one basement bedroom after the torrential rain so I am calling in an eaves-troughing company to look at repositioning the down spout to see if that works. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. It looks like this time I will have to get the laminate replaced to a degree. I have some extra, thankfully. The reno lads should be able to do that. I hope that will be the end of it.
I think I will get the rhubarb, which is growing mightily in another bed, transplanted to that corner. I used to have rhubarb there and never had drainage problems. It soaks up water well. Can't hurt and it gives a bit of greenery on that corner of the house. It will gets a lot of sunshine there too.
Anyone have any idea about how soon physio starts after a knee replacement? And how long it goes on? From what I have read online it starts pretty soon and goes on for weeks! R doesn't seem to know. I'm not sure that his surgeon's office is very well organized. He got a call in the evening to be in GP for his preop the next morning. It's a 4 hour drive! He should have info about doing exercises before and after. He needs to know where physio is and does he have a choice about that. GP is too far away for frequent appointments. Oh well!
You’re thinking ahead. I would want to be prepared too. I’m glad that the neighbor has a key but like you say, if she doesn’t know you, there could be a problem.
I am not sure how long it takes for PT after knee replacement. My mom wasn’t a candidate for knee surgery. I know that it’s painful.
When I did PT for my arm, there were several people in there who were going after having knee replacements. They had a tough time at first due to pain.
Anyway I have decided I am making a trip down there to see that the last things get done and have a bit of a holiday. That will be after the renos here are finished. I have missed those trips down and our times in the hotel. It will be relaxing for both of us and I can also bring some stuff down with me in the car. I haven't done the drive for a couple of years but see no reason why I can't.
R seems to be in a bit of a fog and I guess that's not surprising with the surgery past and the surgery upcoming. A little vacation would do him good. We'll have some meals out, probably see an IMAX show and maybe more. Time to relax a bit.
Still moving forward, just a little slower and with a few side trips. At this rate it will happen this summer/fall and that's good enough for me.
That huge amount of Vit. D does sound like, to me, too much.
People need to be careful and do high doses under a doctor's or practitioner's care.
I thought it was something like you mention, What I read on one site is that they start in hospital and continue with 2 PT appointments/week for 12 weeks.
Work has begun on the condo flooring and R says it will be finished by the end of the week. That's good news.
Houses are selling fairly quickly here - average in 51 days on the last real estate report. That's good news too.
Get some little small size water bottles before the surgery (4oz) and freeze 4 at a time, so you can put 4 in the ice man while 4 are re freezing. Keep them rotated. That is the best advice I have.
There will be plenty of tears. We were all crying during rehab. Even the 80 year old men. I don’t regret at all having the surgery. It’s just a LOT. It’s hard on the patient and the caregiver. I fell.
He is going to need a walker and a toilet seat to make the seat higher so he doesn’t have to squat. And a bedside commode for before he is ready to get into the bathroom. They did not give me all of that. I ordered mine from Ebay. They did give me the two ice men.
I have been urging him to slow the process down as he is not yet fully recovered from his prostate cancer surgery in that he still tires more than usual and nerves are not yet healed. Oh, and throw in some ongoing skin cancer issues too.
He still needs several tests and also some dental work and then pass another pre op before he can have the knee surgery. Thank goodness!!!
I told him about the post op PT and I think he was a bit shocked. He was planning some activities for that time. And we are in the middle of a move - me up here getting the house ready for and then selling it and him down there dealing with the condo. It has been a very bumpy ride with many unexpected [problems coming up and his cancer surgery unexpectedly in the middle of it.
I did know about the raised toilet seat. I have info about a cooling apparatus (ice machine with knee pad) that you can get on Amazon which apparently really helps. Considering that he may have shoulder surgery later and it can be adapted for that, I think is worth it. Not only will his knee be replaced but his lower leg has to be realigned - rods or something - so it will be worse than a regular replacement. He had to hunt for quite a while to find a surgeon who would do it. Many wouldn't touch it. He wanted it done years ago but b/c he is able to be very active regardless (tolerates the pain and wears a brace) they wouldn't do it.
Not sure what we will be given. We are in Canada so the health systems are different. I am surprised they haven't educated him better about all of what is involved. I found info on the internet where our province has a good website for such things. When my dd went through cancer treatment recently they gave her great information. But then she researched it too.
Anyway - I do appreciate your sharing. Thank you. The pain must have been exhausting. Can't imagine having both knees done at the same time. You are brave!!! I am very glad it worked out well for you.
Meanwhile R has decided to finish the flooring himself (the guy I contacted cost too much in his view) and has only baseboards, transition pieces and trim to do. I can't go down there until the reno guys come so here I sits like birds in the wilderness, birds in the wilderness... Anyone remember that old camp song?
Actually I have started packing up some kitchen stuff to take down with me, so the time is not wasted. Great to have a use for all those grocery store tote bags that I have accumulated. I just sling them in the car as I fill them. 😀
So you are still in process of moving!
So sorry to hear about your reno.
Happens today a lot, GF had some reno done or actually not done, her guy left in the middle of it, just got better offer.
As you know, our city suffered horribly after hurricane Katrina. Rebuilding of homes was a huge challenge due to the scammers out there who were only interested in making a quick buck.
Many people were victims of various rip offs, including the installation of Chinese drywall, an inferior product, which can’t be repaired.
Homeowners had to totally gut their homes to the bare bones and rebuild. So sad!
I certainly understand why some people had enough of the stress and chose to move away.
They were so devastated by their experiences that they decided they never wanted to go through another hurricane ever again.
Natural disasters bring out the best and worst in people. So many people helped New Orleans rebuild, mainly college students and churches. Others took advantage of people who were desperate.
Renovations are stressful! I hope your issues are settled soon!
need - Renos are stressful There were scammers here too after the fire and there are always some around I think, The guys that said they would come are not scammers. They are a legitimate company - but still no signs of them. Dd knows the family of the guy who came and who had recommended him to me and is shocked.
I talked with R and he said wait till Monday and then we will talk again. I suspect he is thinking of coming up again to finish the jobs. He is feeling and sounding a lot better so perhaps he is up to it now. Full circle!
I have moved many times and have NEVER been through problems like I have this time. Dd and sil are already in the very early stages of planning their move to E'ton and dd says they are doing "NO" renos and they are moving into a rental so that will eliminate most of the problems I am going through. - unless their sewer pipe breaks before they move lol. jk.
Youngest grandson is moving out and to E'ton to share with his sis and her bf for August 1st. They all get along well so it should work. His sis, my dgd, is doing extremely well at her new supervisor's job. We all are delighted and somewhat amazed.
So our family is doing a mass exodus from this burg within the year, I would say. I don't see dd wanting to stay much longer after her ds and I have left. On the other hand her dh has job security in the middle of cutbacks so they may want to stay and take advantage of that.
I just pray there isn't another deluge that causes more flooding in that basement bedroom before we get the downspout fixed.
Thanks for the support.
Any way we were also talking about dgd and how well she was doing at work at age 19 supervising women much older than her and also who had been there much longer than her. Apparently dgd's boss is very impressed with her. I say also that she has an excellent boss. 😁 Anyway dd shared this comment that dgd made during their last phone call. "Mum, I sometimes forget how smart I am." We had to laugh at that. They have only met the sweet, calm, mild, open dgd that she first presents. They haven't yet met the walls of steel and bars of iron that we know are in her.
After the theft of money from his account that I mentioned on the whine thread, they are not trusting email, or phone, but want him there in person to sort the last of it out. I understand that. They claim that it is a bank employee somewhere doing this. Seems likely. Hope they have secured his account now.
Meanwhile I have jerry-rigged some heavy plastic under the down spout to help redirect any rain away from that corner of the house. Some rain yesterday and all is well in the basement. Chance of more rain the next couple of days so we will see.
I think I have stopped making goal dates for moving. We'll just do what we have to one step at a time and eventually it will happen. When he does make it up here we will drive down with a car load and stay at the hotel for a little break. I'm looking forward to that - hot tub. pool, and eating someone else's cooking! 😊
The furniture was moved a couple of weeks ago. Before that R came up for a week and put in 14 hrs. a day doing touch ups and repairs. Apparently he has recovered from his cancer surgery and is back up to speed. I was impressed. The house is ready for sale. Rocky and I are living in it with the leftovers.
Pressure washing for the garage floor and decks needs to be done yet. I am waiting for the guy to get back to me with a price. The house will be cleaned Friday and Saturday,
I have seen 3 realtors and am going to sign with one this afternoon. She gave me the best pricing suggestions. The market here for my type of home has dropped drastically. Duplexes are selling well and haven't dropped as much. Regardless I am moving on. The condo value has already done up. What you lose on the swings you gain on the merry-go-round. I bought years ago so I am making some money.
Fatigue is a problem as always but not as bad as a few years ago. I have added a few more supplements. I can see already R and I will have to get rid of some stuff in the condo. I really don't want clutter any more. However there will be plenty of time for that once I have moved down there. R is hunting (a well deserved break) and will come up and pick me and the cat up early in October for my final move.
Funny story about my driver's license Here, every 2 years after 80, you have to get a medical to get your license renewed. I got my medical, thought all was well and went to the registry office to get my new license. The agent read the form and says, "There is a problem" and went to the back to her supervisor. She returned to me and said "There is a mistake. The box for recommending a driver's test is checked. Go back to your doctor and get him to change it. (I will note here that I don't look 86 - prob. more like 70). So I went back to the doctor and he said I checked it because of your age, your eye sight, hearing etc. Ok No problem. Makes sense to me though I think I am a pretty reasonable driver, but I was ready to take the driver's test, so I headed back to the registry office. All the way driving back what came to me was "It's only a recommendation, not mandatory". I stood in line again, got a different agent, gave her the form, she processed it with no problem and I got my driver's license! For all I know the same thing happened 2 years ago. Anyway If I still want to drive in 2 years I will be prepared to take a road test.
R has another pre-op assessment middle of October so we may be facing his knee surgery pretty soon. How that is going to work out with what needs to be done when the house is sold remains to be seen. I'll deal with that when the time comes. I know after surgery he won't be driving for 6 weeks or so.
Dd is still on some chemo and still has a lot of cancer related fatigue and is looking at some of my supplements as she has seen the positive change in me. Prayers for her recovery and thanks to the Lord for how much better I am.
Wishing you all well. I read the sad stories and want to encourage you all that it does end. Meanwhile look after yourselves and build in some good times so you have some relaxation, lower your stress, and have some good memories to look back on for this time of your life. It can be done. It's OK to focus on you and put you first sometimes. (((((hugs)))).
Dd's treatment will be ongoing for a few years. She is clear -NED. It's preventative but the infusions hit her hard.
Good thing everything is progressing, obstacles will always be there, sorry about your finger, it hurts I know.
I am in similar situation, although we purchased condo but won’t be ready till spring so for now our place is unofficially on the market for potential buyer, my husband thinks market will stay strong, I don’t. It is crazy busy here and prices keep going up. Spent two weeks decluttering, unbelievable how much we don’t need and we don’t accumulate things.
Hope all is well with R and your daughter!
You have been in my thoughts. It’s good to see your updates.
So sorry about your daughter. I will say prayers for her. R is a ‘get it done’ kind of guy! Both of you are accomplishing your goals. It will be worth it in the end.
Sorry about your finger. Ouch! I’m always terrified of doing the same thing whenever I slice veggies on the mandolin. That thing is super sharp!
I despise clutter too. I’m constantly donating things that I find I no longer want or use.
I am amazed how little I am happy living with. We already know that we have to get rid of stuff in the condo.
The finger looks healed but still feels funny and will for a while I guess. I will never use a mandolin again.
Congrats on the condo purchase, Eva. I think the Calgary market will stay strong . Usually it moves from Calgary to Edmonton and then to up here, but that will be too late for me. Hope your hub is doing well. R is back on track and as energetic as ever. My dd slowly improves - very slowly but she is due another infusion soon and that will likely knock her back again. Korean ginseng seems to help with the cancer fatigue.
Looking at getting out of here in the next week, God willing. Cleaning is done. A few little repairs need to be done yet. I am slowly packing the car with stuff. R has another pre-op mid October. He hasn't been doing his leg exercises so I wonder how it will go. Not my problem!
I am very much looking forward to settling into a smaller place though I know it will be an adjustment - for me and the kitty! I will miss having trees as close as they are here. She will miss the outdoors.
How exciting to see the finish line!! Living with less stuff sounds amazing !
I’m jealous . My painting and decluttering got derailed when I came down with Asthma . It’s taken the past month for maintenance meds to kick in.
Sorry your dd is going through this .
Will your Kitty allow you to take her for walks outside on a leash , or perhaps a kitty stroller ?
Yes, going down the home stretch now. Just have to get R up here. He tends to leave things to the last possible moment and I am sure would happily leave this last trip for another month or more if I complied. On the other hand I need to speak up more about my needs and plans. I know that. One of the fallouts of growing up in my dysfun fam as there was no point in considering or mentioning my needs or wants. it was all about mother. I guess you and others here know that one. It's still hard changing those old learned patterns sometimes.
I have tried putting a leash on Rocky and she let me but then acted very weird (walking backwards) once it was on. I let it go for now but am considering trying again in the condo. Just checked out pet strollers and Amazon. What a hoot! Might be worth a try.
Yesterday R had to go deal with animal issues so we drove out to his friend's farm where I met two very nice German shepherds and left R there to do his thing. I took a drive to look around a bit then went home and had a nap. Later I did some shopping and started unpacking and also sorting the kitchen. R has lived here as a packrat bachelor for some time so I have my work cut out for me. It's going to take a while but I'll get there.
But it's all good. I call it happy work.😊
I am amazed how well I am holding up considering my age and the CFS/FM. Long may it last. I started some new supplements recently and I think they are helping. My sinus/allergies are acting up and I am a bit sore here and there, but, hey, we made it!!!!
Rocky is adjusting. I gave her some de-stress drops before we left. She's eating, drinking water, using her litter box and has dragged out some toys. We've had some good cuddles and she purrs so I think she is doing well. I lose her once in a while among all the boxes but I think she likes that.
So my new adventure has begun!!! It feels great. 😁😁😁