I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
'On and on and on Anon'
"Why didn't you plead guilty at the beginning and save the court's time?"
The judge demanded.
"Well," Paddy responded, "until I heard all the evidence I thought I was innocent."
So I signed her up for radiation treatments.
when it went off and hit him.
She frantically called 911 and said
"OMG I've accidentally shot my husband, I think I've killed him!"
The dispatcher replied "ma'am calm down, first I want you to go and
make sure he's actually dead"
"Okay" she replied...
- BANG -
"I've done that, now what?"
"for my blonde friends... an apology".
One of them responded.
"You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
eat salad and
go for a run
Other days I
eat cupcakes and
wear my baggiest sweat pants.
It's called balance.
Mr. & Mrs. Wong had a baby boy. The nurse bought out a white baby. The father looked confused. He said 2 Wongs don't make a white and they named him, Sum Ting Wong.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
The 85-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for 20 minutes, and it just dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The 90-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and I still have problems."
Then the 95-year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning, at 6 a.m. sharp, I have a good long pee. And at 6:30 a.m. sharp, I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7 a.m!"
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs.
As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
Now: Longing for hair
Then: Disco
Now: Costco
Then: Crop Top
Now: Muffin Top
Then: Praying for a BMW
Now: Praying for a BM
Then: Hairstyles with wings
Now: Upper arms with wings
Then: Going to a new, hip joint
Now: Getting a new hip joint
Then: All nighter= out with friends
Now: All nighter= insomnia
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Excited about passing driver's test
Now: Excited about passing vision test
Then: Keg
Now: EKG
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: kidney stones
Then: Hot guys
Now: hot flash
On the way home from taking my FIL to the doctor, my kids starting talking about things they collect...
8 year old: I collect Pokemon cards.
5 year old: I collect Legos.
8 year old: Granddaddy, what do you collect?
Granddaddy (with no hesitation): Dust
That story still makes my kids laugh almost ten years later.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”
One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”