I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"The right to be indecisive! "
"When do we want it? "
"Er. ......."
"Hearing aids"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
A cure for alzhimers!
When do we want it?
When do we want what?
I don't know and I don't care.
Do you know jokes with a delay? The ones that demand you to think a bit. My favorite is:
The man worked at a Pickling Company and was getting more and more anxious.
“You know” he said once to his wife “I often feel like inserting my penis in the Cucumber Slicer.”
“Heavens, honey. That’s stress, you’re working 20 years at the same place. How about seeing a psychologist?”
“Maybe, maybe.”
Another week, and she asked:
“So, are you still thinking about that nonsense?”
“More and more.”
“I told you, you’re too stressed. I know. Take two weeks off, we can go to the mountains, you used to like hiking when we were dating, remember?”
“Hm, I will talk to the boss.”
Another week and he arrived home at the middle of the afternoon.
“What happened?” asked the wife.
“I got fired.”
“What do you mean?! How?”
“Just that. They fired… both me and the Cucumber Slicer.”
I got really excited, but not as much as the other people in the lift.
You will be mist.
The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”
The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”
After that, he went down hill fast.
"Have you seen an Ophthalmologist?"
"No, just a bunch of white spots."
passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's
house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died
her grandmother replied "He had a heart attack while
we were making love on Sunday morning".
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people
nearly 100 years old having sex had surely been asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing
our advancing age, we figured out the best time to do it
was when the church bell started to ring. It was just the right rhythm,
nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous". She paused and wiped a tear.
"He'd still be alive if that ice cream truck hadn't come along".
Me - "It would be a good idea if you removed the toothpaste cap."
One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”
The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”
“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.
Chihuahuas are amazing.
Despite the huge ears, bulging eyes and terrible breath, he’s very fond of her.
Is that you coffin over there?
(Coughin')
:)
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!
and only a Stairway to Heaven
says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers