I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"May I speak to Mr. Steinberg, please?" she asks.
"I'm sorry," the old man says, "Mr Steinberg is in court today."
"Then let me speak to Mr Steinberg," she says.
"Mr Steinberg is playing golf and won't be back until two."
"Then let me speak to Mr Steinberg," she says.
"Mr Steinberg retired a year ago and is no longer with the firm."
"Then let me speak to Mr Steinberg," she says.
The old man says, "Speaking."
One asks "Where's the soap?
And the other replied, "It does, doesn't it."
Don't worry my sister told me this one when I was about seven and it took me years to get it! The next one took a long time too!!!!
Two nuns riding a tandem took a short cut down a steep cobbled road.
The one at the front said, "I have never come this way before."
And the one behind her said "Neither have I."
By the skid marks,,,, :-(
While they were riding in the Queen's golden carriage, one of the horses was suffering from flatulence and the Trump tried to hold his breath because the smell was terrible. This happened several times and the POTUS was visibly having trouble breathing.
The Queen noticed his discomfort and said " I am most awfully sorry about the unpleasant odor."
To which he replied "No problem your Highness, I thought it was the horses."
A man is out jogging when he stops to pay respects to a funeral procession.
At the front was a man walking a large dog, followed by the hearse and then a lot of people walking in single file.
Intrigued he asked the man with the dog to explain the strange entourage.
Well, said the guy, this is my dog and he killed my mother in law who is in the hearse.
Wow, said the jogger, could you lend me your dog?
Of course, the man replied, but you will have to join the line of people walking behind the hearse and wait for your turn.
We have 245 tiles.
The old man lived on for another six years until he died for the second time.
After the funeral as his sons where once again carrying the coffin out of the chapel three voices rang out in unison, "Mind the steps, Charlie!"
The attendant patiently asks what type of dildo she wants because they come in many different sizes and colors.
I want that red one exclaims the old lady, rather breathlessly.
!What" exclaimed the surprised shop assistant "that is a fire extinguisher"
and the old lady replied "Yes, exactly!"
Unfortunately, in my case, it's brake fluid ;)
**********************
An elderly woman, well into her eighties, slowly entered the front door of a 'Sex Shop'. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbled the few feet across to the counter.
Finally grabbing the counter for support, and s-tut-ter- ing, she asked the sales clerk, "Dooo youuuu have dilllldooos?"
The clerk, (trying hard not to laugh), politely replied, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. . ."
The old woman then asked: "Doooo youuuu carry aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk ... aaand rrunns on bbaatteries?"
Trying not to laugh, and with a little smile creeping around his mouth, the clerk responded, "Yes, yes we do."
She stammered, "Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff?"
Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."
www.stumpedtowndementia.com/blog-1/terms-of-indifference
“She’s a liar and a cheat! She said she was the whole night at her sister’s!”
“So? Maybe she was.”
“Yeah, no way. I was the whole night at her sister’s!”
They get a better grip on their brooms!
my bad :)
I saw it through my telescope last night.
"If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"
He replied, "Russia."
If I am from Poland, people will call me a pole. Does that mean if I'm from Holland they will call me a hole?😁
He keeps standing by the window, staring.
If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.
“Have you seen me rob this bank?”
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”
"Aye Matey."
Thought it was time for a silly one. :)
A: A 1980’s hairdresser!
This is my time to shine.
Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
The doctor looks in the old man's ear. "It looks like a suppository," he says.
"Well," says the old man, "now I know what happened to my hearing aid."
Have another sweet little old lady holler: BINGO!