I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
It would clap nicely if you ran down the stairs.
Ok, now stop imagining it. lol
It rook me a while to realise it was just a Fanta Sea.
My husband and I joke like that, so it tickled me to see others find that humor humorous.
We have new friends wonder if we are going to start scrapping when we joke, old ones play along and get involved.
Laughter dooth good like medicine.
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying,
"I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me." She then hid under the bed to watch his reaction.
After a short while the husband came home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he came into the bedroom.She watched him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before he picked up the phone and called someone. "She's finally gone ... Yeah, I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to pick you up. Put on the sexy french stuff. I love you."
He hung up, grabbed his car keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage. With tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he'd written:
"I can see your feet. Stop being retarded. We're outta bread, throw the kettle on. Back in 5 minutes."
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
"Dad was glued to the television today. This is the first time he’s seen a hurricane play by play on the television. It was very surreal to him, and I don’t think he completely understood. Having lived in California for so long, he couldn’t quite grasp the concept of hours and days of winds and pouring rain. As a result of the bad weather, we get the warnings across the television screen about tornadoes and wind gusts. Dad had to put his own spin on this because today was shower day...
Dad calls me out of the office and says, “There’s a severe alert.” I say, “What’s that?" He says, "There’s a warning about showers." I said “Yes, there are severe showers.” He says "No, there’s a risk of danger for people to take showers at this time." I looked at him and said “What?” Dad said, “Yes, there’s a risk of death for anyone to take a shower during a hurricane.” He said “If we can put this off for a day or so, you might be saving a life” I almost doubled over I was laughing so hard. He received a pardon until tomorrow for the best delivery of ‘funny’ of the day."
A man went to the doctor for a check up. At the end of it the doctor presented the man with a large bill for his services. The man paid it, saying to himself, "That is OK, he must live."
The man went to see the pharmacist to fill the prescription the doctor had given him. The prescription was quite expensive. But the man paid it, thinking, "That is OK, he must live."
The man then went home, went upstairs and threw the prescription out the window, thinking to himself "_I_ must live!"
In the title , "Enter at your own risk" covers it ALL!
You are doing a fine job lifting our spirits!
We all know that the mathematician was writing down how many prunes he would need to work his problem out. They always use #2 pencils on all their problems.
So you are ok! No judgment here. Lol.
A gummy bear
I will stop posting for a while and let someone else have a go. :)
Why do we consider chickens as friendly animals?
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Because they lay their eggs instead of throwing them.
He worked his problem out with a number two pencil.
The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"
Man to wife: "What did she say?"
Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."
"Two beers please, and one for the road."
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Milk is the fastest liquid on earth.
Its pasteurised before you know it.
You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.
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A dad is washing the car with his son.
After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"
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The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees" so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
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Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.
It was toad!
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A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...