I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
halls in a nursing home. As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her
nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I’ll take the soup.”
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can
guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
What did the lawyer wear to the masquerade party??
A "lawsuit."
He’s happy to take some.
He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself.
“Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.”
“Why did you buy them at all then?” wonders the driver.
“You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!”
Who’s there?
An extraterrestrial.
Extraterrestrial who?
What – how many extra-terrestrials do you know?
He lies on the couch, drinks beer, watches TV, burps and farts.
***
85% of married life consists of yelling "what?" from the other side of the house.
She finds out that their child is actually not related to her or her husband at all.
Wife: "Darling, there’s something really important that we need to talk about. I did a DNA test and Roger isn't our biological child."
Husband: "Of course he isn’t, don’t you remember? We were just leaving the hospital and the baby pooped hugely so you told me, ‘Go and change the baby, I’ll wait here.’”
GROUNDS for divorce. (coffee grounds. )
:)
For today only, I have a husband who makes me feel "as if" he is doing me a favor by accepting my offers.
"Do you want some coffee?"
"okay", he says.
Wondering if the coffee issue is grounds for divorce?
Must say though, most of the time, he is making the coffee, and doing it very well.
He excels in some things, and if he has trouble, doesn't make coffee, I use that clue to make an assessment of stressors that need an intervention. You say: "Coffee is a caregiver's intervention?"
Yes, it is. No joke.
Yes thanks? No thanks?
Had a husband, note.
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”
Finding it harder to differentiate between hubs answers:
"Uh-huh"
"Huh uh"
Was that a mumbled yes or a no?
-
A trip to Thailand?
-
Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?
-
Then I pick you up again.
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”
***
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
***
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
***
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
********
Hearing voices in your head is normal.
Listening to them is quite common.
Arguing with them – acceptable.
It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.
(Tell me about it. lol )
Go to You tube and put in.
Bank robbery. She gets it sketch. Funny
At my funeral, check my pockets. I probably have your lighter.
So it is time I moved on. Thank you all for you help and advice.
Just going to look for a new site. One I understand, this is now too complicated for me.
Good luck all
Love Buzzy