I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
A gyno was to perform his first unsupervised exam on a lady. He was nervous as could be. So to hide his nervousness he began to whistle a tune. The patient began laughing almost uncontrolled. When the Dr. ask what was so funny, she responded that the tune he was whistling was the Oscar Meyer hot dog tune.
But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
He said to me
"Well done. That will make you a big, strong, girl"
One out of 3 isn't bad. Hahahaha
Well I am 72/3(so not a girl), Have arthritis (so not strong) overweight hahaha
If you cannot laugh at yourself, should you really laugh at others?
With YES but AT????
Why did the Israelites wander in the desert for forty years?
Moses refused to stop and ask for directions.
Then I wait at a green light to make me feel good about myself.
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping that they will think the rabbit died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that our rabbit died?”
The guy stumbles around and says, “Um.. no.. um.. what happened?”
The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave the dead rabbit a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!”
Would it kill them to write few sentences?
Me: Yes
Wife: And also covered in ... oil?
Me: Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?
Wife: Listen! You never listen!
Me: Ohh
One day a woman found a berry that was so beautiful and perfect that people came from miles around to admire and praise it. One day a thief knocked on the door. The woman's husband answered and, not knowing the man was a thief, asked him, "Have you come to admire and praise my wife's berry?" The thief replied, "I have come to seize her berry, not to praise it."
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
I told her she can scream all she wants, she's not getting my umbrella
Sign language
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
“This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-75.
He pushed the pedal to the metal when he spotted a highway patrol trooper in his rear view mirror–blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
“I can get away from him with no problem,” thought the man and he flew down the road at over 120 mph! Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing.”
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch. “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”
The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.”
The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.”
“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbour's cows! He’s like a machine!”
“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.
“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
The nuns get the job started and immediately sister Mary Margaret gets a paint smudge on her habit. One of the younger nuns has a good idea....Why don’t we pull the shades, lock the door and take off our clothes? They all agreed, disrobed and got back to work.
A few minutes later there’s a knock at the door. WHO IS IT? A voice says...ITS THE BLIND GUY! A young nun, thinking no harm could come of this, opens the door. Guy says...WHOA! NICE T...s GIRLS! WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE BLINDS?