I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast).
You came to the right person.
Stomach: Let’s just eat until we figure it out.
Alexa, what is the second-best revenge?
because I'm not the same person I was 4 minutes ago.
A fancy way of saying I'll put up with you forever.
😡 It’s only 11 o’clock. I could be at a party.
(me at 26 at a party)
😡 It’s already 11 o’clock. I could be at home, in bed.
1.free food
2.free rent
3.sleep as long as you want to
4.look great with no effort
X: Yesterday's pizza! 🥰
(X opens the box.)
X: Dang! It's empty...
He was only supposed to eat half. He betrayed me.
Y: Who betrayed you?
X: My past self.
Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works.
—
Are you on stupid pills?
—
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
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I smell smoke. Were you thinking too hard again?
Too many people are watching.
insults without swearing:
My mother allways told me to be nice or be quiet. I presume you've not heard from yours in years?
—
Your parents aren’t even disappointed in you. They know this is the best you can do.
—
I once asked a girl, “Where have you been all my life?”
Her response was, “I don’t know, but I wish I was still there.”
—
I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
—
🥰 I'm genuinely excited to never interact with you again.
—
Somewhere somehow you are robbing a village of an idiot.
—
Bless your heart.
—
🥰 You are one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
One reason that cats are happier than people is that they have no newspapers.
A: A cat. A cat loves fish.
it's all about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads 2 books
a week and yet complains about how much he hates prison.
has clearly never had 2 candy bars
fall down at once from a vending machine.
It's a small, cute terrier, and tends to bark a lot.
If you're interested let me know
and I'll jump over my neighbour's fence and get it for you.
best served eventually.
Woman: Nonsense!...I'd love you no matter who left you a fortune!
In between my moments of guilt for leaving them...are hours and hours of utter happiness.