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I am here to tell you I am cutting off ties with Mark's family. His sister has been very cruel to me since Mark's death saying things like I failed as a wife because I didn't hold his hand, he is better off dead than with me. Plus, I don't want to hear the bull about my new relationship. That's one reason I haven't made it public. They do not know the whole story of how bad his health was and the emotional abuse I suffered. None of them offered to help, even those living 20 minutes away. I deleted them off Facebook and will have nothing further to do with them. I am not a "heartless b" who "abandonded an old man." I just started my job and am rebuilding my life. I am not going to hear abuse. Mark's nephew is whispering things in her ear fueling the fire and trying to wheedle money from me. I'm done.

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Mark’s nephew is a user. He needs to go find another victim. You are not a victim.

Sometimes people act as if Happiness is knowing who to blame.
I don’t understand how some don’t realize they dishonor their deceased loved ones by denigrating the choices they made in their life.

Wishing you well Doggie Mom.
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It is probably best that you cut off all ties as it sounds quite toxic to remain in contact.
Now that being said, what concerns me more is the fact that you are already in a new relationship. Rebound relationships rarely if ever work out, and honestly you need to spend more time on healing from your recent divorce and death of your ex, before jumping right back into the frying pan, as you will get burned again.
It is much more healthy to be on your own and work through your stuff/baggage than it is to continue to carry it into any future relationships.
Please be careful, and know that it's ok to be without a man in your life. At least until you've worked through the trauma of your past relationship(s), as you certainly don't want to keep repeating past mistakes.
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Do what will Protect your sanity and protect your peace of Mind. Going No contact can be the best thing for your Life. .
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Hi Doggiemom - you said that, "They do not know the whole story of how bad his health was and the emotional abuse you suffered - and that None of them offered to help, even those living 20 minutes away."

For full closure and for your own peace of mind, I personally think that you should write them a letter - whatever you held back from disclosing to them about Mark's health, emotional abuse, that no one provided any type of support, etc. I think you can make the letter factual without being accusatory, judgmental or defensive - just a heartfelt letter. Maybe it can be a means of closure and cleansing for you - and to move on from them in a healthy way - wishing them well.

And removing them from any contact and social media is best so you can move on. Wishing you all the best ~
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Ignore them and don't send them any letters explaining a da%n thing to any of them. There is an old saying about not wasting time with people who don't want to understand you. This man was abusive and he learned this from his family. Just be thankful that you came out of this h#llish situation with your mind and health intact.

I haven't heard anything from my outlaws either since my husband passed in 2016. It hurt in the beginning, but now I don't give a s#it.
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I am going very slow for this reason and it is long distance. Another reason I have not disclosed anything. I understand your concern and will take it slow. I am also healing up as well. I never make the mistake of making anyone my therapist except my actual therapist.
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Hey DoggieMom86,

I'm sorry for your loss and that being said, screw your late husband's family and anything they say. You don't owe them one word, not even one syllable of explanation for anything you do or how you live your life.

Tell your SIL and her son to go pound sand and they're not getting a damn cent from you.

When I got divorced (both times) I was on good terms with all my in-laws. More so with my first husband's family because they were more like my parents than my in-laws. My second ones (who are once again my current ones) were decent because there's a kid. Some felt compelled throw their two cents in about my life and relationships. Especially the wife of one of my husband's cousins. One day there was a family gathering and I showed up to get my son and to confront her.

I wasn't about to ruin the party with a big fight and upset my kid and everyone else. What I did was toss her her a roll of toilet paper in front of everyone and told her it was to clean up all the sh*t she talks about me.

I remarried my second husband a couple months ago and his cousin's now ex-wife was not at the wedding. Good riddance.

Also, good for you finding yourself a new relationship. Nothing wrong with that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

As for writing a letter to the family explaining what your life was with your former husband. Don't do that. The details of your marriage are private and none of their business. He was their family and they loved him. It's not for you to demean and villify him in death to his family. You've moved on with your life and you're doing well. Let the dead rest in peace.
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No one going through loss deserves a lashing. Protect yourself in any way you see necessary, feel no need to respond or defend your actions, and heal from it all. I wish you peace
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Good for you for moving on with your life! Please be cautious about putting anything in writing. We live in a litigious society where any fool can sue anyone else. The suits may not go anywhere but can cause a heap of trouble and cost a lot of money. I know someone who recently spent $60,000 in legal fees to defend against her former best friend in a lawsuit that the judge threw out of court. The friend was bitter, envious, and has a history of suing people just to cause trouble if she thought they’d caused trouble for her. Plus she has a diagnosed mental issue. She has enough money that she can sue for fun, and lawyer friends who are all too happy to help.

The best thing you can do is walk away from these cruel people and never look back.
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I think you are wise. Sadly a divorce from a person almost always divorces you from their family. It is kind of the way of things. As to what Sister says about you, she is in mourning and like so many in mourning has hit the stage of "anger" where she wants to make someone responsible for his loss. It is his illness that's responsible, but families often will choose instead to blame another person, sometimes even themSELVES.

Just wish them well. Tell them that in loss we all have complex personal feelings. Tell them you wish them well and that you wish them healed from grief. Move on.
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Got this reason I refuse to engage in any mudslinging. I just told her I know you are angry but there were many things you didn't know. I am sorry for your loss. That is all I will say. I refuse to get into fights.
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There couldn't be a more perfect response than the one you gave. Short, kind and truthful. Says it all, Doggiemom. And the thing is, when I grew up we had an expression "Get down with the pigs and you'll come up dirty". Slinging mud just makes all involved muddy.
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Good job 👏 👍
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I too think your response is a good one. You husband was so young really not an old man. I figure your about 37? Still young. My daughter (47 in 8 days) has been single for about 5 years and she is loving it. Son is 11 and custody is 50/50. On the week she does not have him, she is having a great time.

This is your time to do your own thing. Good Luck on the job. Enjoy the new relationship but do take it slow. Enjoy being on your own. Doing things when you want to. The peace and quite being with just with yourself.

Block all those people. Your not related anymore. You owe nephew nothing.
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I am 38 and my Mark was 62, to answer a previous question. I was in the process of divorce (all except the final legal decree) was finished when he died. Mark has money in his account, separate from mine, his nephew has blown through all of it (only 2,000) on booze mainly. He was POA medically for Mark. I don't really want to fight over the money, but still the idea of blowing it all on booze is nuts.

Mark's sister has tended to get hostile towards me. When I begged for help during cancer she told me to woman up and be a wife and grow up. So, yeah I am thankful at the end, his brother helped, but glad to rid of the mess. I'm a couple years I feel my life can get sorted out, I am just terribly impatient, but finding myself again after such a long time.
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DoggieMom, I wish you energy, strength & continued healing after this long road you have been on.
May good things now come into view as you peddle away from those with toxic attitudes. Leave them in your dust!
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👍👍👍. Way to go.

Be very careful with the new relationship. It's usually considered wise to take a couple of years to recover from a divorce and a bad relationship before engaging in another relationship. We tend to repeat our mistakes, BTDT.
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Why do you care what any one of Mark's family thinks of you? You know who you are and that is all that matters. Move on. They are no longer part of your life. Block their numbers on your phone, block their emails. Don't answer the door. You don't owe them a thing. They are not your family.

Not sure why you want to start a new relationship so soon after what you've been through. Concentrate on yourself.
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