Hello,I don't know any mental health forums so I picked this one,well I'm 24 living with my parents with my finace til were done with school...my dad stoped taking his meds for his mental illness about 2 and a half years ago..but still takes antidepressants..hes 62 and a member of the VA but they only see him 2 times a years so they don't see his bad side..they don't give him monthly therapy anymore cause of all the new disabled vets.So during the 2 years + he has become very religious/fanatic about religion,negative,pushy,a how do you say? I'm better then everyone attitude,he argues with everyone..his arguments make no sense..I try and argue back but I know it won't get anywhere so I stoped trying,he spends money very unwisely like as in wasted $40,000,only sleeps 2 hours a night,he needs all doors open in the house ,I don't know why but he makes a big deal about it and leaves lights on all night,he has alot of energy cause of the mania..and trys to do things that he can't..he has a muscular problem with his legs so they don't function well and gets hurt all the time,all he wants to eat is sugary foods..my mother can't control him or anything in the house its his way or the way with everyone.How do I get his VA doctor to make sure he takes his medicine and gets therapy sessions without them admitting him to a hospital cause we don't want that to happen..we just want him to be stable and for our family to not have this stress anymore..he is a very controling, hard headed man..its not easy to talk to him when hes in this state any Idea's?
Oh I forgot to mention my oldest brother has baker-acted him 8 months ago and they prescribed him some meds but he never took them..and he just got worse..and now brings that up everyday
This was a fine place to post your questions and perhaps someone else here will have personal experience to share with you. I urge you to also find a good internet support group for the specific disease your father has. Here there may be few who have this experience, but on a site devoted to it you will have a much larger group of people to interact with.
I have very peripheral exposure to mental illness of this intensity. A bipolar relative has many of the behaviors you describe. He has been hopitalized many times. Last year a hospitalization finally "took" and since has tried to get his act together in terms of following his therapists advice, taking his meds correctly, actually listening (sometimes) to the people who love him and are trying to help him. I can't say it has been an unqualified success, but it is a huge improvement. So I'm not sure why you are so against having Dad hospitalized. Just because it hasn't helped in the past doesn't mean it can never help.
You will probably find support groups for family members of mentally ill persons that you can attend locally. That might be helpful for you, your fiance, your mother, and perhaps your sibs. You deserve all the support you can get!
The VA doctor will not be able to give you any information (unless Dad has permitted that, which seems highly unlikely). But you can provide information. You can write a letter to the doctor, explaining that Dad is not taking his meds and what behaviors you observe. I don't know how the doctor can make sure he takes his meds, except in a hospital setting. It is worth trying to write such a letter.
I think this is going to sound heartless, so let me say first that I have been caregiving my husband with dementia for more than nine years. I believe in the "for worse" and "in sickness" part of the wedding vows. But ... if I were in your mother's situation, it would be my way or the highway. And my way would be I must be in charge of the meds and you, dear husband, must comply with the medication plan. Otherwise I would continue to love him but not to live with him. I would not allow him access to tens of thousands of dollars, knowing that it is part of the illness to be totally irresponsible financially. Part of loving him (for me) would be protecting him from his worst symptoms. But, your mother did not ask my advice!
I wonder if it is in your best interests (or his) to continue to live in that household while you are in school.
I am sure you know that your father is not behaving this way deliberately to create stress for your family. He cannot help that he has his disease. At the very least I hope you are not taking any of his behavior personally.
Best of luck to you in this very challenging situation.
I'm sorry to say that your dad probably does need to be hospitalized. He needs docs to focus on his mental problems and try to get him well. That's not going to happen with a 2 visit a year deal.
If you and your mom take no stand, your mom may soon find herself broke and living with a man who can't reason. You are very young, but you may have to take a hard look at things and talk it over with your mom. If she does not want to rock the boat, then there is little hope for a good outcome.
Sending you encouragement and strength. Cattails
It sounds like his family got him into a hospital using the provisions of the Baker Act, and the doctors did come up with a treatment plan to address his mental disorder. And Dad simply ignored the plan. This is sooooo painful for all concerned.
It is really sad if there is more demand for VA mental health care than they have the resources for. Maybe switching to a different health care provider would mean he could have therapy once a month ... if he would go. But there appears to be a shortage of mental health care providers in the private sector, too. Try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist for any cause, and be prepared for a several-month wait. Been there, done that. Therapists are more readily available. He would need both.
I hear you about "if you are in a system that doesn't work, then get out of it" but I really don't know what system works consistently and predictably with these kinds of mental disorders. As I mentioned, my relative was in and out of hospitals several times before something clicked and he experienced some improvement.
What Dad needs more than anything is to take his meds. What will get him there ... another hospitalization, a new start with new doctors, his wife issuing an ultimatum ... I sure don't know.
But I join you in wishing strength for his family!
I'm sorry to hear what you and your family is going through with your dad. I'm sure that your parents would never want you to be unhappy. This is my advice.
1. I would call Adult Protective services as soon as your dad is in one of his mood swings. Let them keep a history of the issues and have them be the bad guy.
2. I would have your mom or you create a journal documenting all of his odd behaviors with the appropriate dates. If possible, I'd video tape it with a NannyCam for evidence.
3. Based on your description, your dad needs a combination of medication and behavioral therapy. When he is out of control, I wouldn't talk to him or raise my voice or try to win an argument. When he's behaving well, then, I'd give him attention and love. This is very hard to do and takes a lot of practice.
4. After you have a document trail of several months, I'd hire an elder attorney and start legal conservatorship or guardianship process immediately. This may scare him into behaving right away.
5. Once your dad is in the legal system, you can ask them to keep him in observation for a couple of weeks.
6. You mentioned that he eats a lot of "sugary things". There was an interesting article on Forbes that mentioned linkage to depression and dementia with a high sugary diet. There have been other studies showing a high sugary diet leading to Type 2 diabetes.
7. I would write down a list of positive things that your dad did for you and read the list when you are flustered. This should help you cope.
One thing that I've learned is that you need to learn how to navigate the system in order to get your parents or elder help. I wish I would've done some of these things sooner with my grandpa.
Be nice to your sister!