DH finally has to step up. Any advice?
Anyone who has read any of my posts about my very difficult MIL will know my backstory. A MIL who hates me profoundly. My SIL has carried this challenging burden for years and finally crashed and burned in the last month.
DH has happily sat back and let SIL do whatever, stepping in only long enough to give a day or two of respite, or to fix something in MIL's home. Other than that, he's been as distant as he can be, often going 3-4 months without seeing his mom.
He retired, 90% finished with some projects, so he's been enjoying sleeping in and golfing and just not having any 'responsibilities'.
Oops, spoke too soon. SIL broke her right foot and is supposed to be in a 'boot', resting it until they decide the course of action to repair it. Minimally, she is not to put weight on the foot, worse case, she is looking at surgery.
Again, right foot, so driving is a NO. Nevertheless, MIL doesn't see past her own needs and was still demanding SIL's presence on a daily basis.
2 weeks ago, MIL finally wore SIL out. SIL called DH late at night, crying that she just couldn't do it all anymore. In fairness, SIL really never asked for help.
Long story short, OB, DH and SIL got together with MIL's Dr and got a Hospice/In home care company to take over the daily grunt work. They had an all hands mtg with the company and the CNA who would care for MIL. MIL has very poor reasoning skills, to put it mildly, and assumed that b/c she saw all 3 of her kids at once! and the company's title says "Hospice Care" that she is actively dying. (I admit that the title to the co. is VERY off putting, but it is what it is). She's NOT actively dying.
MIL immediately stopped eating, stopped taking her meds and within 2 days was sick and falling down. It took ANOTHER meeting to explain to her that the co is simply taking over her daily care. Checking her vitals, supplying oxygen, making sure she is eating, etc. IDK how often they come in, but it's at least 4 times a week. Our OD is doing her grocery shopping and delivering groceries. Anything that happens while MIL is alone, she is to call the CARE COMPANY first, not one of her kids.
This is the best of a bad situation. She is mad, DH said she yelled at him all day long the other day and he came home dispirited and sad. His eyes are finally open, and he doesn't like what he's seeing.
3 days this week he spent with her-about 5 hrs per day and yesterday he didn't even get out of bed. He was so exhausted and already burned out. I'm seeing the light come on in his eyes that he has let his sweet sister handle this for FAR too long. He is now in this for the long haul.
My heart aches for him, but this is what has to happen, at least until she gets bad enough to be 'forced' to go into care (she's at home).
The other night, he was SO depressed and said "I don't know if I can stand this, my mom is SO AWFUL." Yep, I know.
I told him b/c she will not allow me in her home, nor accept ANYTHING that I might be able to do for her, all I can do is not put any pressure on him to do anything here at home. I will support him by taking care of our lives. He's very grateful, I know, but he has no idea how bad this is going to get.
There's no question here, just a vent, I guess. It's so sad when people cannot or won't see other's needs and put themselves and their wants ahead of everything else. DH is struggling and is going to have to figure out a way to navigate this new normal. It's definitely what I DID NOT want to have happen when he retired, but it is what it is.
My grandma used to always say "if you don't serve as a good example, then you're probably going to serve as a horrible warning".
I am SO GRATEFUL that my mom passed when she did. We didn't get to this point with her, thank goodness.
Today is 'moving day'.
Dh went 1/2hr late to the ALF and it was already packed into the moving van. So he came home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said "aren't you going to the house? They do need you!" Nope, he's not. He said he has to work on the estate, paying some bills. I pointed out that it won't matter if he does this NOW or TONIGHT, but honestly, he just doesn't want to be a part of the move.
Turns out MIL had a lot more assets than he thought. His YS will be thrilled.
He hasn't decided if he's going to give his inheritance to YS or not. As this is not my money, I have no voice. Guess we'll see, won't we?
I hope that you stick to the plan for telling your DH at the appropriate time that he will benefit from therapy.
It’s really not OB’s place to say anything. He has his own fish to fry.
OB has his own health issues and a wife who has dementia. Those things should be his top priority.
Your grandchildren sound delightful. If I were you, I would cherish every moment that I spent with them.
Of course, you have done plenty of things right. Life isn’t always about ‘right or wrong’ or how many times we fall. It’s more important to focus on getting up after we fall.
Grieving is different for everyone. I wish you peace as you grieve what your family didn’t have in your relationship with your MIL.
I am giving DH time to grieve before I bring up the therapist. I have 2 names of people that MY psych doc has recommended. I am not going to go 'there' until he has a better handle on the disbursement of the estate.
Yeah--family. They're great until they are not.
Dh slept most of yesterday. The entire day the day before. He's still asleep now (it's after noon). I do not wake him up or bother him. I KNOW he's depressed and I KNOW he needs help, but I am walking on thin ice here. Actually, his OB was going to broach the therapy subject with him, but obviously hasn't. And probably won't.
IDK what he's supposed to be doing at this point. I have not questioned his lack of motion. Tomorrow they are supposed to finish clearing out the house. The movers are coming Friday and it all needs to be ready to go. I guess if he doesn't get out of bed, then his sibs can do it.
The reason I drive the 'older' car is that it's a Toyota and they last forever--and it only has 80K miles on it. It's perfect for me! I never like the Nissan and didn't like driving it. It was DH's car to do with whatever he wanted, and giving it to his sister was the right thing to do.
I'm 'grieving' in my own way.
Grieving the loss of what could have been a good relationship.
Grieving for my kids and the lack of any good memories of a woman who, again, could have chosen to be a positive part of their lives.
Grieving all the little slights and barbs of anger that she spewed at me for so many years--and grieving that it took 44 years to stand up to her.
Grieving that she created a grown man who still feels like a 'bratty' 5 yo--who has so little sense of self worth.
BUT--I am learning that with my own family--I want there to be NO drama, no anger, no bad feelings. I tell my kids and my married in kids that I love them whenever I see them. My boys (inlaws) get hugged and told they're loved every single time I see them. One of my YD's said "I think if Joe and I got divorced, you'd keep him and ignore me". Just laughed at that, b/c actually---a bit of truth.
LOVE is free and easy to give. And you can find something to love (or at least tolerate) in everyone. Maybe even if it's through gritted teeth :)
Watching my grands hang out together, cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV or play video games together--or just BE together--it's beautiful. Every grand has a cousin or two that's in their age bracket--but I find my 19 yo GD playing dominoes with her 5 yo cousin with as much joy and love as if he were her baby brother. All my grands want to do is hang out with their cuzzies.
I look at the 14 of them--and know I must have done something right.
Time will heal us. I am being gentle with Dh these days, but he's only going to get a couple of weeks of that, and then if he is still choosing to be 'comatose'--then he has to get help.
Things usually have a way of working out.
Thoughts will linger in the back of our minds but try not to let them get the best of you.
You already know that you can’t control what others do, so why bother stressing over it?
If I could go back in time and take back any of the needless worrying that I did, I would do it in a heartbeat.
My worrying didn’t serve any good purpose. All it did was give me gray hair and upset my stomach to the point of not being able to eat. If I tried to eat, I became nauseous.
We drive ourselves crazy and everyone around us crazy too if we can’t redirect our energy towards something else.
I had to learn coping skills to look at challenging situations in a realistic way.
You can learn to focus on other things and take care of your own needs. The last thing that you need is to develop more heart problems.
It takes practice to learn coping skills. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s entirely possible to change your outlook in order to achieve peace in your life.
As much as you have said it is not about money, to some extent it is/was with YS earning that much a hour for caring for her mum and with YS and BIL not managing their money well. Good for you pointing those things out to DH - the car you gifted them, the money YS earned caregiving, the inheritance they have coming, all the maintenance etc. work DH did for his mother for nothing, and that you guys are not responsible for YS and BIL's bad money management. Misplaced guilt makes for bad decisions.
Keep looking after you, focussing on the good stuff in your life, venting here if it helps, and praying for healing from the lifetime family dysfunction. Once the dust has settled and the estate is looked after I do hope you and DH go on a cruise. That's a great idea!!!
Oh Cxmoody LOL 🤣🤣🤣 I just LOVED your whole post but especially "They will start to smell the results of their dumb decisions, eventually".
What's that awful smell...?
I can't tell you just how apt that is in my life!!
I don’t blame you for being “ SO sick of this dynamic “. Obviously your husband will not improve overnight . However , if he continues to sleep so much and things do not improve , will you tell him he has to go to therapy ? You had posted many times that when your MIL died you were going to tell your husband he has to go to therapy and you were going to tell him he had no choice . For both your sakes , I do hope your husband comes around and is willing to get help .
I also agree with you that it is NOT your problem that YS and her spouse are bad with money . You didn’t have to give them a car. But I am curious , since you did give her a car , why did you give her a newer car than you are driving ? Why didn’t you keep the newer car and give her the car you drive ?
Yes, I am quite aware of that. Mid didn’t have to do it. She found out just how hard it is, even for a brief period of time. It’s a shame that she didn’t put the ball back in their court where it belonged!
As Mid told the forum, her SIL has taken care of her mom for years and years.
It’s super hard to be a caregiver. I had my mom living with us for 14 years! So, I know how hard it is.
I have a few more thoughts on this situation.
As cxmoody says, your in-laws chose to do this on their own. They didn’t want your help. They probably still don’t. So, chalk it up as a loss. We all have wins and losses in life.
You have lots of wonderful things in your life. You have your children and your precious grandchildren. Spend time with them.
Don’t overlook how powerful humor can be. When I was going through one of the toughest times in my life, struggling with my infertility and then finally conceiving a child, only to hear that I was at high risk for having a child with Down’s Syndrome.
My OBGYN made me laugh when he pointed out on the ultrasound that the baby had my nose! As I was giggling, I realized that I hadn’t laughed in so long and it felt great to laugh again!
Instead of worrying continuously, I decided to undergo an amniocentesis test and go to therapy for how to properly prepare for raising a child with Downs Syndrome. Fortunately, my baby was born without Downs, but I am glad that I went to my therapist instead of being on high alert stress during my pregnancy.
No one can make us giggle more than kids. You have lots of grandchildren that can bring so much joy into your life. Please spend quality time with them and build those memories.
Everything else is eventually going to come out in the wash. Don’t continue to overthink this situation. Continue to work on your emotions with your therapist but enjoy your life.
My therapist frequently gave me homework, which included NOT to avoid doing fun things for myself. It really helps to take time off from your problems and especially to take time away from other people’s problems!
It’s pretty easy to figure out why your husband is sleeping so much. Sleeping too much is a common symptom of depression. The reason why a person does this is to escape feeling crappy. I have heard depressed people say that they love to sleep because it is the only time they aren’t miserable.
Your husband is severely depressed and why wouldn’t he be? He had an absolutely horrific childhood with his mother. He certainly isn’t grieving for his beloved mom. He’s grieving for what he didn’t have with his mother.
He would greatly benefit from therapy in order to heal. He should probably be on meds as well. Meds aren’t a crutch. They are a tool to utilize when emotions get out of whack. Your husband will use sleep like an addict uses drugs to numb feelings. Others are workaholics and escape through work.
The same applies to golfing. No matter what he chooses though, it will only be a temporary fix until he crashes again.
If you really want to help him, just let him know that you care and try to get him to participate in therapy. Go with him if he wants your support. Otherwise, he can go alone to learn to deal with his emotions in a healthy way.
There’s no shame in needing help from a qualified licensed professional. We go to the doctor if we break our arm. When our mental health is in need of help, we should make the decision to do the responsible thing and get help.
People here care about you but none of us can be a substitute for therapy. You need the real thing for serious situations, not a placebo. I can hear stress and tension in so many of your posts. I can’t imagine the stress your husband has been under dealing with his past.
I truly hope that one day your DH will find the courage to speak to a therapist for a substantial amount of time and begin to heal. I know that you want that for him as well. You have never been vindictive about his behavior. He owes this to both of you.
Tell DH Your thoughts, then allow him time to process everything. Don’t start jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that might not be true. If he doesn’t respond after a reasonable amount of time, then approach him. If he feels smothered, he will probably just go back to bed.
I truly don’t believe anyone is being demeaning or disrespectful to you at all. You are too close to this situation to be objective. Others are offering help because they are viewing it outside of the circle and see it for what it is.
I hope that you stick with your plan not to go back to your MIL’s home. It wasn’t necessary to go in the first place. When someone doesn’t want your help, OB and YS, kindly stay away. If they need your help they will ask for it. Don’t bother them and don’t torture yourself.
Hopefully, in time you and your husband can get back on track and live together harmoniously. We would all love to see that for you, Mid.
Aren’t you glad that your SIL was being compensated for the time that she put in with your MIL? Would you have volunteered to help for free? I doubt it. How many times do we tell posters on this forum that they should be paid for caregiving?
Mid, let go of the negative feelings that you are holding onto concerning your BIL and SIL. They have their reasons for feeling like they do. Focus on your own needs. Let them figure out their own issues.
Take care.
Sheesh. Families. 🤦🏻♀️
I use this site to 'channel' my emotions, rather than dump them on loving (yet tired) friends! My drama with MIL is OVER and I do not want my remaining years to be negative and nasty with all the bad memories.
I'm not going back to MIL's home. I am not wanted, needed nor appreciated. I can't really lift anything anymore and I have sorely neglected my several charity/service projects, so I'm cleaning out my craft room and going back to my things that make me happy. I just asked DH to please not bring a single thing here from his mother's. For some reason he feels that nobody wanting her old furniture is personal. It's not! It's just old-lady style and nobody seems enticed by it.
I've always explained my relationship with DH's family like this: I was invited to the 'party' but was only 'allowed' to get as far as the back door, when I had to stand on a rug and 'watch' the activities inside. SIL has not been rude to me, but treats me like an idiot. OB just treats me like an idiot, and often, so does DH. Probably b/c I was quite young when I married (20, which was pretty normal in the 70's). But I did have to drop out of college to make sure DH got his education. That doesn't make me stupid, but wow, to OB, you'd think I'd just fallen off the turnip wagon. Also, as I said before, I am quite religious and he seems personally offended by that. IDK why. His atheism doesn't bug ME!
Everything needs to be out of the ALF apt on Friday or they pay another month's rent. IDK what the plan is--if everything just goes back to MIL's home and they make the house into a kind of shrine...IDK and IDC!
DH is handling his grief exactly the way I knew he would. He sleeps. He slept all day yesterday and looks like today is going to be a repeat of that. I'm not waking him up to do ANYTHING. SO sick of this dynamic. I have never understood how he can sleep for up to 3 days in a stretch. It's beyond my ability to fathom.
Once he can begin to golf (this weekend?) he will be better. Too much sleep just begets more of the same.
Seeing my therapist ASAP. I'm private pay with her, so it's a pricey 50 minutes, but well worth it.
No trips planned, but DH has indicated he wants to take a river cruise, We'll see. He has A LOT to do as executor and has done almost nothing so far. BIL will start harassing him for checks as some accts need to be closed out. Maybe that will energize him? Time will tell.
I'm stunned that YS was getting paid $25-30 per hour for the last 3 years. That's really at the high end of what is allowable, and who knows how many hours she put in for a week. All this time I thought MIL was controlling the boys with her anger and their history of abuse, and that YS was more motivated by guilt and "trying to do the right thing". Guess not. It never ceases to amaze me what goes on in families when there is money to inherit.
In the meantime, I'm hanging on the best I can. I'm guessing my story will end similarly, with mom finally being placed and then dying shortly thereafter, despite all of our efforts. I guess it's almost inevitable with our lack of real care or a real system in place for the sick and elderly.
My heart is with you.
You can be loving and teach others that you will stay out of their 💩. They will start to smell the results of their dumb decisions, eventually.
And, you will have stood strong and not have slipped all around in their messes. Good riddance. 😘
Be at peace. I am going to share with you one of my favorite quotes from Abraham Lincoln.
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
I find these words to be just as true today as they were so many years ago when Abraham Lincoln said them.
I will add something that I had to learn. Don’t make other people’s problems your problems. My entire outlook on life changed when I realized this.
I'm simply not going to try and solve all of the world’s issues or even all of the problems that crop up in our family. Let them figure it out by themselves.
I taught my children to do as much as they possibly could for themselves so they would know that they could do it. I didn’t want to be a crutch for them.
Everyone at some point in their lives has to learn to become independent. I am extremely proud of my children for being independent.
My girls thank me all the time for teaching them to think for themselves and not to place unnecessary burdens upon themselves by being overly involved with other people’s situations. They have compassion but they know when to step away from things that are beyond their control.
Look after your own needs and the rest will fall into place.
Please, for you-don't wait another moment to start living your best life.
So sorry that anyone thinks they have the power to hurt you.
No involvement and not knowing, not thinking about them at all will help you to avoid the bitterness that can grow.
I agree with what Isthisrealyreal has said.
Hugs! You deserve all the hugs possible, cyber-sent to you just now.
You a storing your treasures in Heaven.
May The Lord continue to keep you and keep you away from these toxic people.
BIL does NOT get to step in his moms shoes and put you on the brown rug. You disconnected from that behavior once and I pray that you can do it once again. For good this time. These people have show you who they are and I am rejoicing with you that you have finally seen it.
God bless you and give you an awesome year.
I truly think DH was just 'thinking out loud'. When I calmly pointed out to him that YS has been getting PAID for her CG of MIL (I'm not supposed to know) and so she has essentially been making $25-30 an hour for the last few years, that we GAVE her a 6 yo Nissan Altima worth about $12K when I am driving a 13 yo Toyota Yaris...it's NOT our problem that they are lousy with money. (And no, I am not buying a new car, which everyone seems to think I should do!)
DH has done ALL the house repairs, for YEARS, all the banking problems that arose, the time MIL got her VISA acct hacked, all the problems with her computer, hearing aids, the antiquated sprinkler system, the list goes on and on...he was a reluctant 'hero' but he did do a LOT. The old 'guilt' of being told he was a shi77y son all his life is still the voice he hears in his head. I'm sure when he runs this idea past his OB, OB will set him straight. I had not even thought that the taxes on a gift of such a size would be insane--DH has been talking to our son (who is an attorney) about some specifics and I KNOW my son would want to see 'us' inherit exactly as MIL wanted. What's the point of a will if you don't execute it as specified???
I agree that BIL has NO VOICE in this, like me, but it has never worked that way.
As far as the house--it is NOT a giant place, it's a small post-war home built in 1954. I grew up for the first 8 years of my life in a house with the EXACT same floor plan. It's snug, even though MIL and her ex did an addition to it many years ago. It's in an enviable neighborhood--overpriced, for sure, but it's no mansion, nor anything close to it! It has a stairlift in it, which is what both he and his wife NEED--they built a 3 story condo to 'retire in' and it's not working out at all--3 flights of stairs! Buying & renovating this house is really a great idea.
OB will pay the appraised price. I think BIL will be mad b/c he is really looking forward to the commission fee. And within a family 'sale' there isn't going to be one. (My SIL is a real estate broker and realtor and he would do any work associated with the transfer of quit claims for nothing.) OB is many things, but a grasping relative, he is not. Honest and honorable. Can't really say the same for BIL. Kind of guy who goes to dinner with you and throws a $20 on the table for 'their part' while everybody else picks up the slack.
I am not going to be involved in anything this week as they close out the ALF apt and the house. OB was so short with me the other day, I was reminded immediately of my 'place'. (On the brown rug? Which is no longer...)
I think once this all clears the air, things will be OK. All 3 sibs are managing in their own ways. SIL left the burial and went straight to her son's home to tend her gkids for a week, so her son and his wife could go skiing in Europe. OB has been sick as a dog for the last 3 weeks and he's still trying to shake off this lasting cold. DH just sleeps and sleeps.
DH did a great job with his father's estate. He will do a great job with his mom's. I just have to keep remembering that I am not a part of this family and it makes it easier.
I'm OK. Things are going exactly as I thought they were--and it's all just beginning. I'm fussing MYSELF for the next year and DH can pound sand for all I care. I don't have to be supportive of what he now has to do. It has nothing to do with me.
First of all BIL has no say so in whether or not DH takes a fee as the executor of the will. Legally he has every right to do so and BIL can go pound sand if he says boo about it.
Second of all if DH gives YS his inheritance of $250,000 then it needs to be set up correctly with an accountant because otherwise DH will be required to pay gift tax on that money he gives to YS (anything over I think $10,00 per spouse, per year is subject to gift tax).
Thirdly it would piss me off if I gave someone an inheritance and ALL they did was squander it away on vacations and crap. I agree that money would be far better spent on your grand kids college educations then these old bast-rds living it up.
Fourthly it is technically DH's money and he can do what he wants with it. I imagine since the theme with your husband ALL along has been to shaft you and do whatever he wants that he will in fact give YS his share of the inheritance.
It's too bad DH can't see all the stress you were under too with watching him decline from taking care of MIL and offer to take you on a great vacation with a portion of that money.
I feel like everything he does to you is like death by a thousand cuts for your heart. This is just one more slight and one more cut into your sensitive and caring heart and for that I am very sorry.
I will be very happy for you when the house is sold and his job as executor is done. Please do not help him with the executor duties. Don't even offer. Let it ALL fall on him to handle.
As for OB buying moms house I think he is a fool. He has a wife whose mental health is declining now rapidly. He is old himself and should be looking at a smaller more manageable house that he can handle instead of some over sized monstrosity that will be difficult to upkeep and maintain as he tries to balance taking care of his wife. I think the only reason he finally pulled the trigger on putting MIL in an AL was because of his wife's declining mental health. Shame MIL made him lose 9 months with his wife because of YS's and MIL's selfishness.
And what about you? You made a lot of sacrifices for DH. Doesn’t that count for anything?
I’m so sorry he is not thinking clearly.
There could be a compromise here to satisfy your DH’s desire to compensate YS for the caregiving . DH could take the executor fee and give it to YS. The remaining gets divided as stipulated in the will . This way YS gets alittle more and it does not go against anything that is spelled out in the will . BIL has no say , nor is he privy to any information during estate settlement process . The executor does his job as spelled out , follows the will . BiL finds out at the end from his own wife how much the check is for .
And her husband won’t even “allow” DH to take his executors fee? I’m having a hard time grasping this.
What I was saying was that through all this I have been quietly having 'tele-health' visits with my therapist. Not a ton, and honestly, it was me whining at her for 50 minutes, BUT--it was a safe place to talk and she and I go way back.
Honestly, all she could say was to find things to keep ME sane and let as much of DH's family drama pass. I'd done EMDR with her to deal with past PTSD from severe childhood abuse. It really, really helped, but the person I became b/c of the abuse is one I'm still working on to heal. I watched a movie with DH last night and there was a too-graphic rape scene and I had to leave the room. Some things are triggers no matter how much therapy I got.
I'm learning (the slow way) the just let Dh make decisions and plans and if they are poorly executed, well, not my monkey. As time passes I will care less and less about things.
Last night DH told me he was gifting his YS with his inheritance. (My best guess is that it will be north of $250K). Asked my opinion. I was honest: YS and her DH have ALWAYS lived above their means and have ALWAYS had money problems. DH disbursed his dad's estate in thirds, as was mandated by the will. It was a medium size estate--and unbeknownst to us, we'd NEED that money as DH had a liver transplant (out of network, so poorly paid for by insurance) the very next year and we used almost all our inheritance to keep from filing bankruptcy! Yes, I was working 2 jobs, but the end total of out of pocket for his transplant & care afterwards was close to $200K. Yet we still saved and saved and invested for retirement!!
He feels like his YS has taken the lion's share of MIL's care. And she has. BY CHOICE. And she's still working--BIL is one of those laid back 'it'll be fine' kind of guys and we've given them money on several occasions. Not b/c of any huge thing--just--they are bad with money.
I personally feel DH should take his 1/3rd and if he wants to gift a lot of it away--he should put it in our gkids college funds. All YS and her DH would do is take trips and play. I did point out that BIL's mother is almost 100 years old, is in Hospice Care and when she passes, he will inherit over a million dollars. DH didn't KNOW that. He just wants his YS to be made 'whole'. (I have to add that we have already given her our car, worth about $12K, as they needed a second car---) and that he, DH had done a LOT over the years to sustain his mother. It wasn't always just YS doing everything. His level of guilt is a wide and deep river.
Yep--now that the initial grieving is done and checks will be written--I do hope he comes to his senses and takes SOME of his inheritance.
I'm going to be honest and say that, for me, inheriting something that will cushion our lives a little would be nice. But since I gifted my inheritance to my YB, I don't have a leg to stand on. (It was only $10K)
Dh won't even take the executor's 'fee' for all the work he's going to be doing. Actually, BIL won't 'allow it' and it's not worth bad blood to charge the estate.
This week should end with the house and ALF apt being emptied and a decision made about OB buying the house from the sibs. Should be interesting.
Dorker did check in sometime ago to update etc, and non regular posters complained it wasn’t a caregiving topic.
That golfing episode of Raymond was one of the best. My husband used to golf and he thought I should learn to golf…I didn’t even like miniature golf..
I believe having some separate activities as couples is completely healthy.
The House. I think I would want zero to do with it. Not care at all what happened to the outside, the inside, the contents, photos, anything.
I watched an old episode of Mother & Son (did you ever get that series?). There is one where the OB decides to buy the Mother's house. For $1. Therefore cheating the other brother from any future proceeds from the estate.
OB wants to buy the house? Surely there are other houses...? But as long as he pays a far price, sure. My care factor would return to zero.
I am with you the golf topic. I tried it once with my friend and her husband and my husband and I. Oh my gosh, it was a disaster!
LOL 😆 I can’t golf and don’t especially like the sport. My husband rarely goes golfing anymore. He was never an avid golfer.
I love walking, hiking and I did enjoy cycling until I had a horrific bicycle accident. My orthopedic surgeon told me to only cycle now on my stationary bike.
I agree that we all need things that we enjoy individually and things that we enjoy doing together as a couple.
I think traveling will be a good way for the two of you to enjoy your new found freedom.
You have your children and your grandchildren that you can visit. Plus, planning other trips could be healing for both of you after dealing with your DH’s family issues.
sp,
Yeah, I remember that episode on Raymond. It was hysterical.
Geeeeeez, I could NEVER be married to a guy like Raymond or have a MIL like Marie.
I broke up with a guy who had a horrible mother! Hahaha! 😆 He was a sweetheart but I remember thinking, “Oh no, I don’t want to go down that road with his mom!
My MIL was an angel. She told me that I was the daughter that she never had. Honestly, she was like a second mom to me.
I was truly fortunate to have my MIL in my life. Sadly, she died far too young, age 68 (non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.) I dearly loved her. I still miss her, but am glad that she is at peace and out of her misery.