He is not fond of my mother and views my mother and me as one person so in addition to intentionally peeing on the powder room floor leaving a poodle in front of the toilet floor (which has to be copped as many as 5 times a day) he will take a bowel moverment and won't flush the toilet; he purposely drops things on the floor and refuses to pick up and walks over it as if he doesn't see it (for instane his underwear from laundry or is wash rag for wiping his head from sweat); spills liquids on the kitchen floor like orange juice which leaves the floor sticky so that it has to be mopped althoug no as often as the bathroom. I am currently recovering from abdominal myomectomy surgery and was mopping the floor three days after returning from the hospital which I was not supposed to lift a finger let alone mop a bathroom and kitchen floor! The problems go on and on, but these are the worst of them because I also have a comprimiese immune system and need to keep germs under control.
Here I am now taking care of him and he still pisses all over the can and floor except now he doesnt even bother to aim just a little - so long as he is in the general vicinity of the loo.
My mother has already had one stroke and she throws toilet paper on the guest floor bathroom where he pees. They still have company so they know it is filthy nasty to do - when company comes there is no piss on the floor. Its only slovenly enough for his family.
He also leaves the guest hall bathroom door open when he pisses. So I have sadly HEARD and seen my own father pissing on the floor as that bathroom is next to the kitchen. He has his own master bathroom but insists on shitting up both any and all bathrooms like a dog marking its territory.
One morning I walked upstairs and all he had on walking back to his bedroom (where there is a master bathroom) with nothing but t shirt on - and says HI to me like it wasnt anything.
He also comes downstairs where I stay in the basement without knocking before walking in. One day I was naked and dressing and he walks in saying I just have to print something off - I screamed DAD I AM NAKED - to which he said its okay I wont look. And proceeded to sit there at the computer desk printing out soduko puzzles for the next 20 minutes. No apology. No leaving the room. He has done this 3 times in one month.
The entire upstairs kitchen is filthy and I clean up after him over and over. He pulls food out - after NOT WASHING HIS HANDS AFTER PISSING ON THE FLOOR - butter, oil, fat, salad dressing all over the sink, handles, fridge door - crusty stuck on god knows what all over the damned place without any thanks or consideration for my cleaning up after his filth. He has always done this so its no special occasion. SURE I will move out soon - I cant and will not put up with this narcissistic pissing on family entitlement.
My mom takes the flat ware out of the dishwasher if I have not jumped on it straight away to empty it - and spills the flatware all over the drawer instead of into its easy to find sections. NOTHING NEW. She first did this when I was a teen and living home - she was pissed off and drunk as usual and decided to rebel. After countless attempts to straighten out the drawer - she continues to go back and turn the flatware bin upside down as if to piss on my efforts.
I am sick after 3 yrs of no illness after moving into my parents house to help out. I have a raging cold and two bouts of liquid trots. It is disgusting and there is no excuse for being disrespectful which is what this is.
My mom was using "briefs" instead of regular underwear since before she even went into care, but always preferred to be taken to the toilet rather than use them. I'm always loathe to recommend them, espeically if its just a convenience to avoid having to help with toilet transfers - but there is a time and place when you just have to use appropriate incontinence products to give someone a little dignity (though they may not see it that way) and cleanliness.
I heard a lot of people say things like "she is still sharp" and "she knows what's going on" but an MMSE was certainly down a few points; not everyone realizes that in many kinds of dementia the person knows who they are and recognizes familiar people; the first problem is loss of judgement or reason, even before the loss of short-term memory becomes severe. Even at 90, a person with really normal cognition would have enough problem solving ability to try to get to the toilet and realize that you can't just pee on the floor CLOSE to the toilet because it seems convenient at the moment or even a reasonable way to express anger or discontent about his situation. You have gotten good advice and ideas, I'm just putting out one more idea - that he's not that sharp any more. The loss of reasoning ability does, sadly, mean that people may become unreasonable!
Sometimes they amuse themselves at our expense. It's cold and hateful but not to be tolerated.
I've been there too, but in different ways. They think they are clever, so don't be surprised if he finds antoher way to poke at you and your mom once you cure him of this.
If he's not suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's, I'd make him an offer he can't refuse: either straighten up his act or be placed where that kind of piggish, brattish-yet-calculated behavior definitely won't be tolerated. The reason he keeps pushing your buttons is because he installed them, plus he doesn't believe there's anything you can do about it except pray to a Higher Power and put up with it. In other words, negative behaviors without consequences are apt to be repeated.
If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, set up a psych appointment to make sure all his marbles are still there. If there's nothing wrong, flip the script on him. Now, if it's his (and your mother's) house, let her deal with him and start contemplating a place of your own so you don't burn out and do something stupid that will land you in jail.
Good luck my friend, and don't forget that it's okay to honk your own horn every once in a while. ... Unless you want to be treated like a doormat for the rest of your life. So respect yourself!
-- ED
With regards to his bathroom habits, it seems there may not be enough contrast between the WHITE toilet, WHITE walls, and perhaps even white (or close to it LOL) floors!
Why not try putting a target for him to aim at? I recall my sister putting a decal in the toilet bowel when she was potty training her boys. I know your father is not a child, but his 'AIM" is off, so this may help.
A family meeting is DEFINITELY needed. His daughters need to be aware of what is going on, and what it takes to care for him and his wife. I honestly don't think that you should expect much from them, but it is always a good idea to ASK! (the sooner the better).
I will say that if you don't think that dementia is playing a part in this equation, PLEASE have him evaluated by a geriatric doctor. So many times our elders are able to appear 'with it' when in fact their mental capacities are diminishing.
So often I heard from my brother: "Mom is just being a crabby old person, or is NOT co-operating with me" when in fact she was unable to understand just what to do on her own!! She also set a fire in his kitchen when the stove would not 'start'. She must have thought it was her 'old coal stove' and used some paper and (yes) matches to start a new fire!!! Thank GOD someone was just outside and ran in to put out the fire!!
After that my brother(s) began to read the information I gave them on Alzheimer's and dementia and how it affects their abilities.
http://www.alzheimer.guelph.org/downloads/12%20pt%20Understanding%20the%20Dementia%20Experience.pdf
The link above will give you a crash course in Alzhemer's and also the resources on this website, and other good books on the subject will help you and your grandmother in dealing with the daily challenges of caring for our elders!
Be creative, be calm and be proactive!
What's worse is that he has two grown daughter's who do not come by to check on him, say hello or take him out to spend time with him because he is their father. I actually moved from another state to "keep an eye on him" since he lived alone and I was traveling at the time.
I cannot do this alone anymore and think I will set up a family meeting for the daughter's to get involved because they do not know first hand what it's like day to day with him. For a 90 year old man, he is still very sharp, but has the same issues as our other elderly parents. He forgets and leaves the water running, leaves the tea kettle on and I cannot tell you how many times I have cleaned exploded eggs off of the ceiling from his boiled he forgot to turn off. Just the other day he set a fire on the stove that he did not smell and he was in the kitchen!
I do thank you for your suggestion and will give it a try. What may be an insane that to say is that I can forgive hIs other problems, that comes with the territory, but I cannot deal with the childish and deviant behavior.
How rude can a man be?
Is he using it to control you? How awful!
I found a product when my late dog had a weeping tumour & wasn't always able to make it out side.
Absorbez - or some silly name. Said to contain 4 cups of liquid in a single sheet, a pet product cheap at Costco.
Layer those on your powder room floor & see how he feels pissing off his mark.
Then have him gather his pissy "missed aimed" mess up & dispose of them since you shouldn't.
Not good ... another nightmare of eldercare!