I am so done. I wake up exhausted. I have half done things everywhere. My family is fighting all the time. The Family in Law is constantly applying pressure but is never doing anything but causing trouble and not inviting us to family milestones. Every time I plan something for MIL to do... FIL (family in law) comes to visit and destroys her house, dropping my plans to the wayside. I want to cry but I have no time. I am falling behind on meal preparation to type this rant. Please don't tell me to walk away...no one else will take care of her. I tried cause FIL said they would take care of her...they didn't. Please don't tell me to document everything... I don't have time to finish my bathroom paperwork. Don't ask me to hire a lawyer cause he will probably find away to make everything my fault and cost me double. I have already had 2 lawyer consults and they start at $10000.00 min. and I can't get MIL to see the lawyer even if I hired him. I am so done! Husband didn't even have the decency to check on her when I took my daughter on a girl scouts weekend. (lots of more work and time to find out how much I have neglected my daughter...no fun) I feel so sorry for the women. The sad part is it's going to be me in 20 years :(
But if you actually want a handle to get a grip on anything, lawyers don't start at 10K, though I'm not sure one would come help you do dishes and run the vacuum which is what you really need. I was about to crack a joke about fixing onions for dinner so you could have a good cry (multitasking!) with no one the wiser, but better still, go to Subway and get some halfway healthy fast food instead of "falling behind on meal preparation." People you are cooking for can just eat peanut and butter sandwiches if you - or they - can't pony up for Subway, until they decide they are going to pitch in instead of pitch fits. If there is anything to document, snap a cell phone pix of it.
If MIL really needs - not just wants- so much from you that you can't even begin to get it all done, she doesn't need to be trying to pretend she can maintain a house while making it impossible for you to maintain yours. Lowering standards may work, to be sure, but only to a point; you have to have some. I would lower standards for MIL home a little more than for your own home, as long as you are keeping it above Dept-of-Health-stepping-in level. (Unless maybe you decide you WANT them to step in...now DON'T go looking up their anonymous reporting number, you may be too tempted to use it!) And you'd be suprised how many wrinkles you can get out with a spray bottle, for example...or maybe your iron has cobwebs already, which is fine; lots of working women just wear knits.
Its not your fault and you don't need to work yourself to down to a bare frazzled last nerve left to make it be not your fault. No one should be alowed to make you feel bad for doing what can reasonably be done. Don't just keep trying to do what can't be done, however heroic it may seem...there is just no way to come out ahead on all fronts, and you will have to pick the things that REALLY matter most, not the things that will get Family In Law off your case, because for people like that, there will always be SOMETHING they can find fault with.
Get help for yourself and tell the husband (and his siblings if available) his parents are his responsibility. Give 2 weeks notice that other plans have to be in place and stick to it!
I am sorry but you have got to get out of the slave mode. Some counseling may be in order for the whole family. Best of luck!