I've been taking care of my mother with vascular dementia (VaD) for over six years now. We live in her home. Life has always been a challenge with her. She is messy and obsessive, getting stuck on certain problems that go through her mind again and again. She may forget what day it is, but she remembers the things that are bothering her. Unfortunately, all the things are delusional.
She has had an obsession since 2012 about the floors of the house. They are on stilts and let air blow through the cracks. They sink under her when she walks (common with VaD). Last year a new obsession with her hands came in. She touched something in the back room that made her fingers turn red and get numb on the end. Her palms are red and her fingers work fine, so I don't know. The latest obsession is that the neighbors are sending their water into our yard and flooding it -- not happening. Each day I go in the room and she starts. She is so mad at the neighbors for doing what they're doing. She wants me to get someone out to fix it. And she has a good mind to go tell the neighbors what she thinks. (Pause to look at hands) She goes on to tell me that she got hold of something in the back room and what it did to her hands, and that she need to go to the doctor. (Pause again) And when am I going to call my "friends" to do something about the floor. She tells me how she feels. (Stops to reflect) But what she is most mad about is the neighbors for doing what they're doing... and it loops about. Her mind is stuck in the loop.
What I do is to tell her to think positive thoughts and not fill her mind with so many bad things. Doesn't work. She listens then goes back to being really mad at what the neighbors are doing. Sigh. It is like watching rumination done out loud. She can work herself into a real snit.
I know most people here won't have an answer. I just needed to tell someone. I did tell her doctor that she had a lot of anger now. I let my mother tell her the story about the neighbors, then pointed to my head. I think the doctor understood, but didn't know what to do. Antidepressants and anxiolytics haven't worked. It's just something we have to go through.
This must be so hard. Last night, my mom told my sist6in law that she, mom, has something "like leprosy" and that she's exposed my pregnant niece to it! Gotta hate vascular dementia!
I remember a long list of things you tried about the floor. There is probably not much you can do about any of her delusions.
Hugs.
My mother have always been able to worry the whiskers off a cat. Maybe some people have a ruminating brain structure that gets caught in loops. I can do things to try to "fix" something, but there's always one more thing that needs to be done, because what I did didn't work. The problem is that there was no problem to start with except in her mind. Wish I could fix her mind.
I know my mother's time on earth is growing shorter. She lost 13 lbs these last few months. She sleeps a lot. I think her body is wearing out. I wish that her mind could be at peace, but I think she'll fight until the end. She won't go quietly into that dark night.
On Friday he was in a tizzy over the telephones being out of order at the facility where he lives, he rarely calls anyone, but he has 24-hour news on and knows about the Verizon strike. Now he is wondering how people are going to get to work, won't they be confused, etc. I just couldn't follow his logic.
This is going to be an interesting journey.
I have to say, I don't know how you continue to do it day after day. My mom doesn't live with me and just visiting her a few times a week requires all my patience AND mood medication! If you haven't resorted to "mood medication" for yourself by now it doesn't seem likely that you'll start now - but it does help me. As for the sleeping and weight loss - that's mainly what's going on with my mom - she's lost over 40lbs in the past seven months and she was only slightly over weight to start - at about 5' 2". I look at the sleeping as a blessing - my favorite visits are the ones she sleeps through, lol! Also, at least with the exception of bad dreams - which my mom doesn't have - she is at peace during her sleep. Maybe as your mom starts to sleep more and more the two of you can both get a break from the constant obsessing during this time.
Have they tried any anti-anxiety meds for your mom, JessieBelle? Perhaps, if she wasn't so anxious, she wouldn't be so obsessive and negative.
So the " thing like leprosy"? My sil wanted me the call the dermatologist see if she'd ever given mom a reason to think she had leprosy. No, I'm not doing that, lol. But i called mom tonight and said " mom, you don't have MRSA, you don't have TB and you don't have shistosomiasis. She seemed pleased to know that and thanked me for telling her.
Jessie, i don't know how you do it!