My mother moved into an assisted living facility about two months ago. She has decided she and her dining partner are in love and they want to be married. They have been inseparable since meeting and have decided they want to be together. Now, she is still calling him by the name of a former love, and he doesn't seem to mind...what should we do?
Sounds adorable-but may not be in their best interest financially. I like the idea of going along with it and holding a ceremony(that is not legalally binding) and letting them do their thing! Happiness to them!
I cannot say for sure because different states, let alone different countries (I am from Australia) may have different laws, but I would imagine that once she was diagnosed with dementia, she would not be legally enabled to commit to any contract, including marriage. If so, then this would at least remove that outcome. It would be wise to investigate that.
One approach is to be generally supportive but not necessarily encouraging - e.g. yes Mum, he is nice, Dad would probably like him. If she plans on 'marriage' then keeping it 'in the future' or 'perhaps one day' might manage the situation. I'd resist outright pressure because she may well kick her heels in. Reinforce the relationship that she had with your father, keep that memory as alive as you can.
At the end of the day, though, her happiness is important and if she can find that happiness then it might be a trade-off with the sorrow it could cause you. That can be hard of course but remember that much of it is probably related to the dementia.
Of course, depending upon the nature of their dementia, they may be content to just happily plan a wedding indefinitely. Whatever makes them happy. What a blessing to have the joy of companionship at that stage of life!