Mom with Dementia.
Mom is in her late 90's, physically healthy, mobile but with increasing dementia and driving us nuts. She lives in an independent living facility but desperately needs to be in assisted living. She is just lucid enough to refuse to move saying she will kill herself. She doesn't listen, doesn't do anything to help herself and gives us a hard time, lies and complains. Her decision making and behavior is often that of a 4 year old. We write notes to remind her of things - and she erases them or doesn't look at them. She can't remember five minutes ago, can't work the appliances, doesn't bathe at all now (and won't let us help her), she lies about everything, has paranoia and sometimes imagines things and keeps bringing up the same complaints and topics like a big loop, year after year after year. Other times, she acts normal, which is what complicates things and fools others. She won't let anyone in the apt to help her except me and my sister. Now she has become incontinent, wets and poos her pants on occasion. I have bought her pads and disposable adult pants but she still wears regular ones half the time - then throws them away. She simply doesn't listen any more. We have bought at least 20 pairs this year. Her toilet is disgusting and usually unflushed. We know there is nothing we can do except wait for something to happen so we can move her, but with her good physical health, it could be years. (if we live that long) I guess I'm not asking for advice, just for your prayers as she is unhappy, has no interests in anything except complaining, and we are unhappy and tired and frustrated. We will get through it, but this has prompted me to write up instructions for my children because I don't want to do to them what mother is doing to us.
If your mother got proper care she might live a few more years. But since she isn't getting proper care (through no fault of yours!) it seems unlikely to me that you have years left to deal with this.
on a more serious note i read yesterday that a demented elder can lose about 1/2 of their actual brain mass so in that light all the crazy makes a little bit of sense. underware arent that expensive, i say your mother deserves to live her life as she sees fit . screw staff and bystanders, it aint their life that is fading.