My mom was recently diagnosed (2/10) with Alzheimer's, Dementia, Schizophrenia and Bipolar. I am her caregiver, although she still lives by herself (behind me). Her radical behavioral/mood changes are unpredictable and frightening. I do not have a poa, but I do pay her bills for her, take her dinner, and take her out 2 days a week. More and more she will get mad at me, accuse me of stealing things out of her home (then replacing them), wanting to take her home from her, etc. This would not bother me, with the exception of the fact that she is now calling people and telling these wild tales to them. She recently got upset with me (for no reason that I could understand), and went and opened up a separate bank safety deposit box with a woman she hasn't spoken to in 6 years (whom she couldn't stand). Three days later, she was asking me why I was mad at her? She wanted to take the lady off of the box and put me on it with her (like her original box). I promised my mom a long time ago that I would never put her in a home (her biggest fear), and I want to keep that promise. But home care is not an option, and I need advice.
Call some homes that have memory sections. They are trained for this stuff. Take her to dinner there (the homes love for you both to come) and let her see the activities. Visit more than once. She needs to be there for her safety. Must pay for this stuff out of her money, not yours. Go to the bank as she wishes and get your name on the account. Then get the checks away from her. I did this, my sister's name is on it also, I pay all bills here for medical and supplies she needs. I do not yet have Power of Attorney, but that does not stop me from doing what needs to be done for her. Mom really likes the assisted living homes now. People, activites, care, nice food.
Cannot stop and ruin you life for a person who's mind is not working well any more. That is not your fault, nor is it their's. Just the way this happens. Getting her in a safe environment is most important. Getting you a sane and reasonable life it most important!!!
Make sure she understands you don't play her game. Not anymore. I have heard it over and over on these sites and it is best to be fair, but stand up for yourself. Not getting mad, but not taking it either. My mom does the same to me, telling others how I tell her what to do. The physical therapist tells her to walk a certian way and it is ok. I do it and I am being bossy. But t6hen this does get me to look at myself and I do see in ways she is right. In trying to be so helpful, I say to much. How much can a person be told they need to be doing something better? I'd get fed up with that myself.
When I attempted to obtain her medical records, I was informed that ONLY the doctors and nurses were able to obtain them WHILE she was IN the hospital! I explained that the Medical Proxy paperwork said that I had the right to obtain them...they refused! They kept her in the psych ward until the 20th (doped up or restrained). The discharge nurse called me the day prior to her discharge and told me she MUST have "24 hour" care, OR "they couldn't discharge her". I explained that since I myself was unable to care for her (due to a really bad case of shingles (from the stress of doing it by myself for the last 3 years), she said she would talk to her caseworker. On the 20th, the ambulance company called me to tell me approx when she would be arriving home. I again reiterated that there would be NO ONE there to take care of her. They delivered her home, and sat in her yard for 30 minutes, as they could not LEAVE her there ALONE. Mom called my number, I answered and she told me to come over....when I walked up, the ambulance driver handed me an envelope, and left me standing there with mom!
They left her there with NO FOOD, NO MEDS (but in the envelope was her prescriptions-All NEW meds), and Me.
I was given NO instruction as to her diet, her meds, etc., and had to spend the night. Can't continue...sorry (mom, nurse, police, ambulance)=chaos outside my door!