Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
2 3 4 5 6
Vancouver is not an iceberg. It's relatively warm there (my mum lived on Vancouver Island in Victoria, so I know -- I spent several Xmases with here there. Their garden was bright green!!). A limo would certainly do. Saskatchewan however ...

"Slip-slidin' away, slipslidin' awa-aa--aay/Oh the nearer your destination, the more you're slip-slidin' away" (How do I know this? I have the Paul Simon cd in my car. Listen to it endlessly! Think he's a poet.
(3)
Report

My cousin shared this with me today... Passing it on to you...

Today's riddle...Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop-off.

On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to
overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation ?


Think logically before you track down for the answer...



Quietly get off the merry-go-round and go home!
(Hope our enjoyed this one)
(6)
Report

I'm reading a free online comics. It's Rarely a humorous comics. Unless it is and the humor just flies right over my head. Except today's. I laughed. Anyway, in the comics today:
Male and Female characters discovered the hidden underground laboratory which had the skeletal remains of a man sitting at the table. The male character was reading aloud the dead man's journal of trying to create something similar to the Fountain of Youth - to delay his aging.

Male was reading aloud the deceased man's journal about trying to capture one of the Muses, " .... I have altered the workings of my devices..If I can but capture her, mayhap I shall wrest from her at last the trick of Endless Life..."

Both Male and Female paused and looked at the skeleton man.

Female looked up at Male and said, "I've seen Better Plans...." {to find a way of living forever}

Male replied, "Yeah..."
(3)
Report

This was emailed to me......

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.


Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
(9)
Report

(Read on FaceBook)
Seen at the DMV

Notice to customers...
This camera is specially made not to take ugly pictures.
If you have a complaint about your photo, we suggest that next time, you bring a better face for your picture.....Thank you
(4)
Report

One psychic says to another psychic... "I'm doing fine. How are you?"
(2)
Report

From Facebook....
A man goes to the Doctor, worried about his wife’s temper.

The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?

The man says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”

The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”

Two weeks later the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The man says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”

The Doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick”.
(3)
Report

From Facebook...

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again, she seems alright – but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma', how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It’s pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won’t let you fart."
(6)
Report

I have a client who only travels in business class. She's actually my boss' client. I happened to help her a few months ago when he was away on business. Now, she's come back to me for the same trip I did circus gymnastic, trapeze-like exercises to present her options - and she didn't go. She's baaaaack - with the same destination. This will be her 3rd time to have us jump hoops. I learned from my last dealing with her - to present Every possible options - and let her rule it out.

I quoted her airfares on Korean Air $3771.28 and China Airlines $2773.76.

She responded back in email: "Based on my simple math abilities, it's $100.00 difference between the airlines. I prefer Korean Air.

I stared at her reply. Scrolled down to reread my email. Did I do a typo and instead of $3771.28, I had typed $2873.76? No. No typo. $3771.28 - $2773.76 is NOT $100.00.

I emailed back: "Korean Air is $1,000 more than China Airlines."

She replied: Confirmed. Not a math genius.
(0)
Report

HAHAHA bookluvr - that would be me doing the "One cheek sneak"
(0)
Report

Micadoormat, I've never heard or read "One cheek sneak". I just googled it. Yep, that's what the elderly lady was trying to do - the One cheek sneak....
(2)
Report

Here's one for all of you who have to listen to stories about "when I was a boy (or girl)".
When I was a boy
My mamma would sent me down to the corner store with a dollar
and I'd come back with 5 potatoes, two loaves of bread,
3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs.
You can't do that now...
Too many security cameras ;)
(11)
Report

Living to 150 years old!!!!! I'm fine with whatever God gives me but I'm going to pray it isn't to 150 !!!!!!!!!
(1)
Report

An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterwards. "How do you do it?"

"Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."

Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said.

"I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she says. "And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been peeing in the fridge."
(3)
Report

From the Bangor Police blog regarding the political signs .. Humor:

Dogs With No Place To Pee (a not for profit, non-political organization) urge campaign volunteers, homeowners, and public works departments to remove political signs as soon as "humanely" possible (a little k9 humor, see what I did there).
(1)
Report

From Reader's Digest.
During a visit with my grandmother, my husband noticed a birthday card from a local funeral parlor.
"That was nice of them," he said.
She was unimpressed. "They only want me for my body," she grumbled.
(by Carmen Schmeiser)
(5)
Report

2 3 4 5 6
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter