Over the last 15 years I've been a care giver for my elderly father who had dementia until he passed away a few years ago and I'm the sole care giver for my elderly mother who has dementia. Father God has been most kind to me blessing me mentally and physically for all of these years.
During this experience in care giving for my parents I must say that if I ever could not care for myself, that I would never want to be a burden upon my child or anyone else. I would rather die with dignity than being a demented shell of my former self ripping off diapers or throwing body waste at the walls. I say this because my elderly mother does just that. I spend so many early morning hours greeted with the smells of urine or solid waste as I try cleaning it off her and off the bed or wall where she sometimes throws it.
I just would never want to be such a burden on others. Am I the only one here at Aging care.com that feels this way?
My sister in law was down for a visit a couple of weeks ago and we talked about this exact subject. We are both in our early 50's..........
.....Our conclusions, not in any order:.........................
-A proper will, and making my wishes known NOW to my children.
-A proper living will (mine according to my Church's teachings) and, again, making my wishes known NOW to my children and my family and my doctors.
-A DNR in place now, and making sure everyone knows this.
-Having all of our legal affairs in order all the time, including car titles/tags, life insurance, property titles, keep my bills paid in full each month, including credit card balances, taxes paid.......
-Work to get my funeral paid for now, including the casket, the plot, the Church, the flowers, the music, etc.. My sister in law prefers cremation and no church services.
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I hadn't thought about stopping drugs when I am diagnosed with a terminal illness-very good idea........
..Treat me for pain, even if that medication shortens my life...........
.No tubes down my throat........
-Avoid poking me with needles, even if I die sooner.....
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Old people used to die from natural causes. When my grandmother died many years ago she just passed away in her sleep - she was 65. Mom chose chemotherapy and radiation, at age 82! Everyone dies, and while I am in no hurry to go, let me die so you can remember me/us as active, healthy and happy......Don't keep me alive so I can lie in a nursing home and have my diapers changed...........
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When God calls me home, let me go............
Our kids know where all documents are, know our wishes, etc. My daughter and I talk often about this. I pointed to her toddler boys and said they are the reason you are never to be my caregiver. I had my chance, now it is your time to live, enjoy your family. We all have to die and to prolong life to end up a burden is one of the worst things a parent can do to a child. Modern medicine is grand...up to a point