News from Italy

Hi Anche, thank you so much for making your own post. I’m very glad that you have stuck with the forum. I’ve had a very sound thrashing on Paul’s thread for suggesting it, so I’m glad it hasn’t put you off the site.

You asked about transferring your old posts, so I am copying them here for you. I cut out ‘the thoughts’ because I hope you aren’t feeling so bad now, and the words do get everyone running.

Here we go, from the beginning on March 6:
“Mum fell and broke a pelvis bone last Friday. She must stay in bed for 1 month. For this week I did everything on my own, my cousin who works in a hospital came to help me washing her in bed. I have also been working at home... I had a break down yesterday. Think my life has no sense. I have been taking care for my elderly mom for 11 years now. But she could go to the toilet and eat... I don't think I can go on like that. I am looking for help.

“Thank God I have a wonderful husband and a great son. I could get some sleep this afternoon and feeling a little bit better. There might be a new hard lockdown in Italy: I hope I will still be able to find someone to help me.

“According to my therapist I probably have too high a standard for myself. Or maybe as a friar once told when you love someone you think you could do more, when you don't you think you are doing too much. But now, I know I love her but that is too much for me to bear on my shoulders. I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday... Hope it will be possible for me to go there... I sometimes feel so tired, but I have my husband and my son who give me a reason to live.

“I have been feeling better today. A friend came to visit and we went out for a short walk. My husband was at home so my mom was not alone. Mom doesn't complain, I know she is sorry I have to look after her. It is just hard to do everything and it is even worse from an emotional point of view: I am afraid I could hurt her, it is hard to see her shrinking and so dependent on me, it is a heavy burden to feel responsible for her health for such a long time. A friend of mine, a nurse, told me my mom would have died a long time ago if not for my good care. Now I am just scared not being able to go on like that with this heavy mental burden."
*****
Final words from me are that I hope you are coping OK, and that your mother is as well as she can be. It sounds as though you are doing well at finding your way around the Italian healthcare system, which is great. Remember that you are not totally responsible for her life, it's always out of our hands.

Please keep us posted. Yours with love, Margaret

PS I think it was you who sent us drone footage last year of the early lockdown in Rome, totally empty. My daughter Jenny is an Italophile (if there is such a word), and spent a couple of years working as an accountant in Milan after learning Italian in school. I was impressed that a school subject had such good results. I sent her the footage you gave us, and she was just dumb struck! You made her very happy and we remember it well. Thank you again xxx

So glad things are moving forward, Anche.

Everyone needs a break from caregiving. It’s exhausting.

Please let us know how things are going.

We care!

I am taking a pause right now, am working in my kitchen... It is almost 9.53 am in Italy at the moment.
I'll write a short post to answer everyone.
Starting from the drone : no, it was not me to sent it.
Really, let's forget about my mistake in posting in Paul's thread. being so tired (sleeping 2 hours max. per night in a week) I confused it with my whine moment I guess.
I am feeling better today, could sleep and the fact that I am finding a solution is helping. I see a light... I was feeling so desperate the other day !
Margaret, I am actually Italian, was born in Geneva where I lived my first 11 years, but we moved here in 1982.
Have to go back to my job now.
I once againt thank you all !

Anche,

I am married to an Italian. I love him with all my heart.

So glad that you are feeling better. There isn’t any need for any apologies.

Italians are the best! 😊

Anche, wishing you well and I hope you keep coming back!! We all care!!

I hope things are much better in N Italy than I saw on the news a year ago.

They are calling it the Paniversary here... can you believe it is one year that our lives changed so much?

"This too will pass" is a comment I have heard this last year a lot - especially from caregivers doing it tough.

Hope things continue to improve for you. Life is returning to a new normal here. Even the Swiss-Italian festival is back on this year!

Some news while I am in the waiting room at my therapist's.
I have met today the lady found by the agency to help me.
She seems nice and has years of experience.
I feel really relieved.
Having problems with my job though... I talked previously about a collaborator I am working with... I think she wants to create problems... I asked everyone not to call but to email me. Everyone is fine with that but her... Accusing me it has been impossible to call me the last weeks. She is not even a colleague, she is a supplier... My director is fine with me working when I can and not answering the phone... But she is complaining. And I can't answer her back because she will try to play the poor victim.

Anche,

That’s wonderful that you found help with your mom. It will take some of the pressure off of you.

Let us know how it goes.

I would send that woman an email reminding her that she is to use your email address for any correspondence.

Your work ‘colleague’ may be a very nasty person, but perhaps she doesn’t understand the position and thinks that you are getting away with something. Perhaps you could invite her around for a coffee (and of course to go through something about work). Perhaps if she sees the situation she may be more helpful. Doing this is a nuisance, but coping with a colleague who is complaining to the boss can be even more of a nuisance. If it’s possible, it could be worth the effort?

Margaret this person lives in Rome far away from Padua (near Venice). She is not even a colleague but the employee of one of our suppliers. She even did something very close to something illegal which could get the company I work with into troubles. My boss is glad I discovered it and I could prevent problems so he called her boss to let him know. But her boss asked mine why I checked... She is so charming and I am nasty.. . He put the blame on me for discovering it.
I won't tell all the naughty things she is doing... It would take too long. One of my bosses told me to do my job and not to bother but she is making it impossible for me to work normally. I spend half my time adjusting her mistakes

My suggestion clearly won't work. Like it used to say on old games, 'Nice try but no cigar'.

In an office where I worked, one of the receptionists was a real pain, but the boss just couldn’t see it. Then the boss went on maternity leave, I did the job, and found the answer – difficult worker was a real grease artist! It happens.

A new lockdown for us starting on Monday... :-(

Anche, I’m so sorry to hear about another lockdown. Here in NY they are starting to lift restrictions.

The home assistant the agency came yesterday from 7.30 till 14.30 and I went to my office.
Mum was delighted with her ! She not only looked after my mum but cleaned her flat too. Moreover, she likes animals so she doesnt mind our bunny being around.
I feel so much better ! I know I can go to work much more relaxed.

Bravo 👏👏👏
That is a win win - for you both! Also to have this new help & adapt to this change.

Anche,

That’s fantastic! Things are looking up. So happy for you and your mom.

I am happy with our home aid and my mum too. But... I am now facing another problem at work caused but that silly consultant. I am really sor so tired... I had a kind of panic attack so I called my doctor and ask to see her tomorrow. I explained what is happening, not only do I feel anxious but I am suffering from vertigo again. I have problems with my ears but I think it is different now. I hope she will give me a certificate saying I have to rest for a couple of days... Otherwise I will take some days off... I really need to rest. I cannot avoid what is happening to my mum but I think I can stop working for a couple of days.
This time she called one of the journalists we work with (I work for a magazine) introducing herself as director of the magazine and asking the journalist to change the subject of her article. In the past she fired one of the journalists which she cannot do and so she was asked by the magazine director not to contact any of them... But she still does it. And she doesn't realises that the journalists will inform me as they do not know who she is and I have been working there for 19 years.

Anche,

I am so glad that you are pleased with your mom’s aide.

I’ve never experienced vertigo. I have heard that it’s miserable.

Please get some rest as soon as you can.

I hope things improve at your work soon and there will be harmony in your workplace.

Take care.

The ambulance will come tomorrow morning to take my mom to the hospital to have x-rays. I hope the bone is ok now and that she will be able to walk again after some rehab.
I will let you know.
I took a day off today... Didn't do anything but it was good not to work!

Anche,

Will pray for your mom that there will be a positive outcome.

Good news! Mum can try to stand up and walk again! I will now organize some rehab with the help of our family doctor.
I hope she will be able to at least walk in her house and a few steps in her garden! Especially I hope she will be able to go to the toilet... She was getting depressed having to wear diapers

That's great news!

Hi everyone!
I have tried to take mum out of bed, but she doesn't stand on her feet. She has lost all her muscular tone. A Physiatrist will come on Thursday 8TH to organize rehab.
As far as I concerned: I started yoga on Wednesday and liked it! But I am going to ups and downs... More of a down today. I am tired and scared. I feel like I have forgotten my own name. On top, I had bad news from a friend I are worrying a lot...
I wish you all Buona Pasqua! Happy Easter!

Anche,

I am so sorry that your mom is going this difficult time. I know that it is very hard for you to see her struggling.

Please let us know how she is doing. I hope that her doctor will have positive suggestions to pass along to you and your mom.

Happy Easter to you and your family.

Not a good day today... Nothing serious just bad timing... But I nearly had another freezing episode and started crying. I do not know how to help myself. I am seeing a therapist, started yoga, trying to dedicate myself to my hobbies... But mental load and the thought I will never have myufe back just don't go away.
Sorry... Just venting...

Hope you start to feel better, Anche. Hugs!

Happy Easter to you and your family.

The physiatric and physiotherapist came yesterday. They have established a rehab plan to make mom walk again. We will start on Tuesday.
I had very big problems at work with my notorious supplier... This time it was her boss who introduced himself as director when writing to some journalists...
But I am facing it without any panic, I am feeling much better. Hope it will last.

Good evening everyone! Just a few words to apologise for not having read and answered much. I have had a busy week... Actually 2 weeks.
But I am keen to let you know that I am doing much better! No more self pity parties! I got organized and doing fine even on Sundays.
Thank to all of you! You do not know how much this forum is helping me.

So glad that you are feeling better, Anche. It’s not easy to be a caregiver. It’s important to make time for yourself. I’m glad that you are enjoying your Sundays.

I am here again! First week without our home aid is over and I am fine!
I went yesterday to see my therapist and she proposed to mee t again on 3 weeks instead of 2 as we usually do since she sees I am doing much better!
No freezing and no self pity party in 4 weeks now! I think I deserve a present... Going to buy something nice😁