News from Italy

Anche, thanks for sharing the uplifting and very good news, and congratulations to you for moving forward on your caregiving journey!

Anche,

Enjoy your shopping trip!

I am outside the ER right now. Mum fainted... I am waiting for news as I can't stay with her because of this f covid.

Oh, Anche!! I hope it turns out to be nothing serious. Please keep in touch.

Anche, I'm hoping the faint was just perhaps from the heat, as I'm assuming that Italy is also getting hit by the heat waves.   Still, it's a frightening thing when someone passes out.   Has this happened before?    What was she doing before she fainted?   Did she get up quickly from a seated position?  

And not being able to stay with her b/c of the pandemic complicates the issue.    I'm assuming the doctors or NPs or PAs will come out periodically and keep you informed of their DX and any other relevant factors?  

This has certainly been a rough year for you, hasn't it?  

I do hope this situation can be diagnosed quickly, and that both of you can return to the comfort of your home.

(((Hugs))), Anche. I hope it's nothing serious.

Sending prayers for you and your mom, Anche.

Mum is still at the ER, they told me to go home. I could see her and speak with the doctor. They are waiting for a cardiology visit.
She already fainted several times and even had an atrioventricular block. She has a pacemaker since 31/1/2019..
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers

I could take mom home yesterday evening. The cardiologist said to stop taking the pill for high blood pressure since it is now low. And she has to drink more... But that's not easy to make her drink. When I give her something to drink she says she has already drunk a lot!
We have around 35 Celsius degrees here, 26 inside her house and she is cold!

Anche, thanks for sharing the good news!   

As to drinking, what about melted ice cream?  It's not a drink, but it sure is tasty!   Does she like fruit juices?   Milk shakes?   We also used to get Dairy Queens (I don't now if they're in Italy, but perhaps gelato?)

They would tend to make her chillier, though.   Applesauce isn't liquid, but it's more liquid than solid, so that might be a change of pace for her.

I'm soooo glad she was able to get quick treatment and a diagnosis!

Anche,

The same thing happened to my mom several years back. She had been taking a blood pressure medication. The ER doc took her off of it, because her pressure was too low. She also mentioned to us that patients with Parkinson’s disease tend to run lower blood pressure.

Mom felt awful when her pressure was low. Too high or too low is bad.

If she doesn’t drink a lot, try fruit, jello, yogurt, lots of ice in juice. If she sips slowly, the ice is melting and she’s consuming more water. Personally, I eat soup year round. Some people only like it in the winter. My mom went to the bathroom so much that she didn’t want to drink a lot but they get dehydrated. I made smoothies for her with fruit, yogurt and ice. I did look at sugar grams on the yogurt because I only buy the ones with low sugar.

So glad that your mom was able to go back home and is doing better.

Thank you to all of you my friends!
I am trying with blueberry juice and apple juice which she used to like. Now she just doesn't feel thirsty and she doesn't drink just to enjoy something she likes...
I should give her soup which she likes.
It is so hard seeing her shrinking...
She is a strong, stubborn little lady... She had to be strong, she had a hard life but she never complains, says somebody is suffering more than she does, especially young people or children.
She is extremely intelligent even if she couldn't go to school...
We sometimes argues... But I love her so much and I admire her!

Here I am after a long time. I have been very busy at home and at work... But I was doing really well Until yesterday.
Since Friday I have a terrible toothache, I am taking antibiotics... On Monday morning, mum called me at 6.30am to go to the toilet... I hadn't slept because of the pain.
Yesterday afternoon she was calling every 30 minutes. It was my son's 18th birthday, we invited my mil for dinner... That was not a great party.
I will really try to move mum in a facility. It is too much for me now. I am not taking care of myself. I forgot to check my thiroid, I forgot to go to the optometrist... Etc.
And if I am feeling but I still have to take care of mum.
So I have been crying the whole afternoon yesterday.
I am glad I am going to the psychologist tomorrow.

Édit: I added that I was fine until yesterday. I also forgot to say I am on holidays... Well I am not working but am not going away. I hope I will be able to go to the mountains for a couple of days. The home aid will sleep here

So good to hear from you, Anche.

I am so sorry that you have been struggling. Caregiving is very stressful! Happy 18th birthday to your son! They grow up so fast!

I wish you much success in finding a suitable place for your mother. I am happy to see that you realize that you can’t do everything! I wish that I would have discovered that sooner in my caregiving journey. It would have been better for my mother and myself. Caregiving is such an emotional experience.

It’s so very hard. While I am glad that mom is at peace now, and I know that she is with my father in heaven. I find myself missing her terribly. My mom had a beautiful smile. Even during the final month of her life, her smile lit up the room.

I am convinced that her faith is what kept her spirit up. She loved Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all of the angels and saints. Her favorite saint was St. Jude.

I have been away from the forum for a while.
I met yesterday our social worker, my mum will be put in a waiting list for 3 facilities but she must be evaluated first.
It is a difficult decision but I can't go on like this for too long... I am putting my own health in danger... I am so afraid of having an accident falling asleep while driving and I don't want my son to be an orphan...
I will have to tell her... That will be difficult. I do not know when she will actually be taken in a facility.

Anche, welcome back!

I'm not sure that I would mention the future plans for a facility for mom before it's just about to become a reality. She may start to obsess, become anxious and carry on.

Wait until it's about to become a reality and then have the conversation with her.

Give it some consideration

Barb, I have to tell her something... A nurse and the social worker will come here to visit her. The social worker told me that she must say why she comes... We agreed that I will tell my mum it is for respite care. The social worker told me that of course even if my mom says she wants to stay at home she must consider that this is taking a toll on myself and my family. But still she has to ask my mom... I hope my mom will understand that it is to help me and that I will go to visit her everyday day if possible.

Some news; the social work will come tomorrow and the nurse on Wednesday. It was supposed to be on Tuesday but I forgot I had myself an appointment with the optometrist (which I have been postponing for more than a year).
I spent the whole morning on the phone to sort this out. Including 2 more home visits for my mum. When I was on the phone with the hospital she wanted to go to the toilet. Sigh... I am all alone this week.
Then in the afternoon my uncle called. He too needed help with fixing appointments.... And I am the clever niece.
Well, I wish I was dumb... Or at least able to pretend I am, or like a colleague just being unpleasant to be left alone!

My mum has been evaluated for a facility, I now have to wait for their report to know where we are in the waiting list.
My mum gave some funny answer : when she was asked her date of birth and adress she got them right. When she was asked how old she is, she said very, very old. The nurse insisted for the precise answer and she said 39 instead of 89! The nurse, a very kind young man, just said : well, actually, a little bit older than that...
Then she was asked which day, month and year we were, she got the month but said we are in 2029 !
She was asked some other questions, some maths like 20-3, then 17-3 etc. She only got the 20-3 and then asked me to answer in her behalf...

Things are moving Quickly here. My mom is the first one in the waiting list for the facility I have chosen as first choice. I have some documents to prepare but she probably will be accepted at the beginning pf November.
I know this is the best choice for both of us
but it is so hard . I wish I was stringer and able to take care of her at home

Anche, that's great news!

I don't think that this is a matter of being "stronger". If your mom has been evaluated as being in need of nursing home care, it means SHE'S not strong enough to look after herself. you have to work to support your family.

Mom needs 24/7 care and you don't have 24/7 available. It math, not strength.

((((Hugs)))))).

Dear Barb,
thank you so much for your words. I didn’t expect it would be this quick… I wonder why I feel like I am abandoning her since I know I am no longer able to provide the cares she needs. She is a great mum, stubborn and sometimes hard but I love her dearly and have spent nearly all my life with her

Anche, unfortunately, I think the sensation of "abandonment" can apply to many of us as we make hard decisions for out of home placement.

It's not abandonment though; it's a different form and level of caring, intended to provide the best support available for our loved ones.

I felt the same way when we first had to use rehabs for my mother, then my sister and then my father.   But when I saw how compassionate some therapists and nurses can be, and how effectively the therapists plan a route to physical strength and restoration, I knew that there was no way I could do this on  my own.   In fact, I would feel guilty that I was cheating my family out of the best solution.

It takes some time to reach that rationalization though.

In fact, when my back was injured earlier this year and I was crawling around on the floor, I began to wonder if I could get an ortho physician to recommend rehab for me - I wouldn't have to cook or clean and could get a lot of rest!

Dear Garden, I know she will receive better care in the facility but still I wonder if I can’t really find a way to go on taking care of her at home. I know I can’t as I not a doctor nor a nurse. I daydream she will be able to move more and I will be able to take her our for lunch or here for Christmas.
it is one of those situations where your heart just won’t be reasonable.

Some more news: they will test mom for COVID on the 2nd November and is she is ok she will be admitted at the facility on the 4th.
we agreed to sign a contract for 3 months and we will then see how things go.
I said to my mom it is hard for me but we have to try and see how it works. She will have rehab and activities and won’t lay in bed the whole day. She may get better and home we well know she won’t from both the medical and social points of view.
I will go and visit her as often as allowed.
I myself told the therapist only death is irreversible. I this doesn’t work for both of us we will look for another solution. But we have to try first

My mum entered the facility last Thursday (4th November). I could visit her on Friday and she was happy, she told me everybody is kind… and that she is already getting better.
yesterday I could visit her again. She was in a very bad mood and very confused. Saying they didn’t give her her medicine or dress her and that she had to do everything on her own. Which is absolutely impossible.
Today we spoke on the phone. She really was angry since they are letting her alone sitting on a chair and won’t let her walk around. She is almost completely bedridden. At home she could walk to the table or the toilet with a Walker and never on her own. She could not even get out of bed on her own.
I talked with a nurse and I asked to get in touch with the doctor.
It is so hard! I am wondering if I did the right thing. But having her with me was really putting my own life in danger.

Just remember it is early days. Mum is likely to be overwhelmed - new room, new food, new faces.

I find I need a rest on day after arrival at any holiday. All the fuss, packing & buzz subsides & my little brain must process all the new. Even just new smells!

Not remembering the help she got dressing etc could be true or not true... Maybe staff started, wandered off & left her to 'have a go' before coming back?

I have seen a nurse naming & handing each pill individually to a patient & the patient asking "Do you want me to take this? Aren't you going to help me? Do I have to do it myself??" LOL

It's human nature to forget all the help we DID get & remember the part we were alone & overwhelmed.

Give her time. Keep visiting & adding reassurance. Help her to find her voice there, so she can ask for what she needs.

Give yourself time too 🤗

Thank you for your kind reply Beatty. I know that she is probably so confused because she is in a new place and probably she wants to come home. I know she can’t take her medicine on her own neither get dressed as she is no longer able to do that. And I know she is in a double room and not in a 4 beds room. She probably confuses nurses with the other guests… moreover she is almost blind which makes things even more difficul.
But it is hard to know what on the other hand could be true… Are they really rude with her?

Anche ((((hugs))))).

Shortly after my mom went to rehab post stroke, I was sitting in her room with her.

She said "you know, I have to pay for everything here". I asked her what she meant. She repeated that everything cost her money. I mentioned that her stay was being paid for by Medicare and she rilled her eyes.

Her nurse came in and gave my mom her pills, one at a time, explaining what each one was. My mother finished taking them and then turned to me and said "you see, I have to do EVERYTHING for myself here!". I asked what she meant and she pointed to her water pitcher and gave a "significant" look.

When the nurae left, I excused myself and followed her. I asked "what the...". Nurse Nancy looked at me sadly and said that the DON had asked the facility psychiatrist to see mom. She was diagnosed with Vascular dementia. After that, we checked up on all of mom's claims, but learned to verify what she was saying. She did a lot of misinterpreting, because her brain was broken and she didn't always ubderstand what was being asked of her.

Anche, first if all, get mom checked for a UTI. If her change of mental status is sudden, it could well be that.

Thank you Barb! I asked to talk with the doctor as the first day they said they would have make a complete check up.
I will visit her on Thursday and Sunday. They also have a psychologist for both the guests and their families. I will ask if I can meet her.