Mom is doing well in assisted living, but like many others is always making plans to go home. Now she has decided that she will find someone to stay with her at night, and she'll go home. So everyone who visits her "volunteers" to stay with her when she goes home (this is only in Mom's mind). She calls and says her prayers have been answered and proceeds to tell me who has volunteered to stay with her. It is difficult because she really gets her hopes up that she is going home. I have learned to say "we'll look into to that" or 'let's see what happens". Mom really believes that there is nothing wrong with her. I took her out shopping and to lunch today and she called me tonight to ask what day it was. Because she doesn't have any real physical issues, she thinks she's fine. She will not accept that she has dementia, even though I have talked to her about it. I know many others experience these same problems. How do you deal with it?
The fact that your mother is doing so well is due in part to the supports she has in AL. She doesn't realize that if she were to be on her own, even just in the daytime, she would not do so well. And she probably can't be convinced of that. But you know. Unfortunately I can't think of a way to make her plan to leave go away. I think you are going to have to continue to deal with this day after day. You are doing a great job. I'm sorry it is so hard.
So, the next visit, I arrived with some new costume jewelry. Then I took her hands and held them, looked into her eyes, and told her that she could not come home because of me. I am facing back surgery and could not lift her or take care of her daily needs physically. In addition, I told her that I could not take care of her mentally, because I am already on Lexapro. I told her it was not her fault, it was all my fault. She was mad and hurt, but she did not bring up the subject again. Victory!!!!
Then last night, she had to argue with me about why did I give away her fur coat. I told her that we talked about it at length and made the decision. She looked at me and told me she did not. I just let the matter drop.
This morning I called the house director and asked if mother was having problems. She said yes. She was not allowed to tell me, it had to come from me. So, all the puzzle pieces now fit. Now I have to educate myself on this ailment. Thank goodness for this website. It helped me already.