Mom is very good at "Showtiming" when she has a doctors appointment. I took her to see her cardiologist after her recent hospitalization for A-fib and a small heart attack. The doctor ask her if she is having any problems with her new meds and she said no. I informed the doctor the reason she was not having any problems was because she was not taking the meds. Mom denied this even though the bottles were full and had no pills missing. The doctor believed mom even when presented with the evidence. The doctor told me that if I was a better daughter mom would be better taken care of. I AM SO ANGRY!!!! I do everything I can to help her but it is never enough. Yesterday I took her to see her G.P and brought all her paperwork from her hospitalization. He proceeded to tell her that the results were rubbish and I was making things up. He couldn't see any evidence that indicated anything wrong with her heart. I was again accused of making things up. I drove her home, helped her up the steps (she fell) got her into the house and then I left. I cannot get her help if the doctors don't believe there is anything wrong. She makes doctors appointments and then when she gets there acts like nothing is wrong and makes jokes. I know it's the dementia that is causing this but I am having a hard time dealing with this. Sorry for the vent. Very discouraged.
Seriously? No wonder you are angry, I'm p!ssed and it's not even directed at me! How dare any doctor/nurse/social worker try to lay that crap on a family member! You say she was hospitalized with a-fib and a heart attack, so how can they now say nothing is wrong? There is something seriously out of wack there.
If she's not taking her meds properly perhaps you should arrange to have them put into blister packs at the pharmacy, that way it should be immediately apparent if there is a problem. Has she signed the paperwork necessary for you to talk to her doctor? Perhaps a little one on one without her present would help you get your point across. Even if he/she won't speak to you directly there is nothing preventing you from detailing any problems you see in a letter. I would keep it short and to the point, and resist the urge to call him an a**hole. LOL
What kind of results from the hospital was the GP looking at? An EKG or something similar? That was a strange one indeed. Who knows? Maybe your mother isn't taking the pills because she knows she was creating symptoms? It's hard to figure this one out.
The showtiming can drive us nuts. At the office, they say, "I'm great. No pain. No problems." Then at home it changes, "I'm dying. My back is hurting. Can you get me my pillow?" Ack.
I also recommend you start a journal when you visit mom. Every day you visit, log in the day, date and time. Write a note on what you did, discussed with etc... What you fed her, meds she took and did Not take. Note what pills were still in the pill box when you arrived, and what pills she refused to take when you were there. Bring this notebook with you daily. Do not leave it with mom.
When you go to the clinic with mom, bring a separate small notebook. Note what the visit is for, what was discussed (esp. the doctor's comment to you and Your Response.) You do Not want to bring the daily journal with you. The small 6" notebook will do - and it's not as intimidating to the doctor as a regular journal/diary. You don't want the doctor to get defensive and exercise the HIPAA policy.
This notebook is for YOUR protection. It sounds like if anything happens to mom, the doctors will accuse you of elderly neglect.
Maybe, he knows she's not able to administer her own meds. Has he diagnosed her with dementia? Has she had a mini evaluation? How do you think she would do? If she would pass, then it's unlikely you will be able to do much to exercise control over her. She may have to progress further with the dementia, before her healthcare providers will get on board with you in order to help her.
I know from experience that getting dementia patients to take mediation can be a challenge and really, you can't force someone to take meds. Even a nursing home can't do that.