notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I called the priest at my dad's home church that we attended when we visited up there when I was a child. It was almost time for afternoon Mass which he said he would say a special prayer for my dad today and tomorrow.
Later today, my step-sister sent me a text that he had died peacefully. She told me that she really wished that I had called last night and talked with him. When I told her that I was lost for words she said several things that I could have said and then said that was ok. It is just not in her to say something like that's ok. I have heard of people being loss of words towards the end.
She's thinking of having a private memorial where he lives in the chapel at the cemetery on Friday, October 19th at 11 am, but she will have to check with the people at the chapel about that. She already has the same preacher lined up who did her mother's memorial service also.
Thus, the Memorial Mass will likely take place on the Saturday or Sunday of the following weekend. That gives everyone time to put it on their schedule and for my sons to prepare airplane tickets and care for pets while they come down.
It is 8pm. My wife and I are finally eating supper.
Thanks for everyone's support.
Good luck, gershun. I will be alone which is fine With family sometimes I nearly have to bite my tongue off. I have devotionals and do bible studies sometimes too. So true about the 3 fingers back at yourself.
More and more snow today, but I got out to do some errands. It all looks very pretty.
Glad, snow for you too! We are having cooler than normal temps. Rain, wind and lows in the high 30- low 40’s. We did have frost on Friday.
Im busier at work ordering supplies for the department, checking invoices against orders received. We order 3 x’s a week so it is on going and in addition to everything else needed to be done.
My brother was moved out of icu today! He still can’t use his arms and legs because of being in icu for 2 months. Intensive physical therapy should strengthen his legs and arms to normal.
I hope everyone who celebrated Thanksgiving, had a peaceful enjoyable day.
Sharyn, very happy for your bro's progress.
Golden, happy Thanksgiving! Snow is really pretty. I know we need some here to kill all these dang mosquitoes, but I do dread the cold. My kids though will be elated once the first snow comes.
Glad, how is everything at the house coming? I thought I read that the maple floors were done already. I bet they look pretty!
Sweet dreams, all. Still not much news here yet. Don't know if mom has seen the doc yet. I talked to the nurse, but she hasn't mentioned any med changes being made yet. Maybe doc still hasn't made rounds with it being the weekend. Mom still seemed anxious and tearful when I talked to her earlier. Part of it is she has mentioned several times wanting to come back and live with me once she gets out of the geri psych unit, which is just not possible, for both of our sanity. She's had a hard time lately with adjusting to being in a facility. I guess maybe it will take more time. I know it's hard for anyone, but especially hard when you have a broken brain. I just hope they can get her meds straightened out this time.
Inside granite in next week or two. Appliances on back order until October 29. I have a hunch contractor did not order them when I told him my choices. Have been waiting for a light fixture list for a couple of weeks. Carpet for bedrooms is two weeks out.
Contractor told me last week that the landscaper can start anytime. Then Friday contractor said natural gas connection is two weeks out. And they will have to bury across yard. Seems he should have thought of that sooner. Then he made a comment that they have to work too. Aaarrrggghhh. May scale back landscaping that was going to be done, part now then some in spring.
It has been deeply empowering to know I could do this (leave it to a higher power my a$$ AA! Everyone would have been shot!)
But I did what I set out to do and the caregiving needs to stop.
Started on organizing move. Master bedroom nearly complete. I am so relieved I did not unpack everything! Have done three laundry loads of bedding,some of which just been sitting in a cabinet for a year and a half. Fresh mattress pad and clean flannel sheets on bed. It seems so early for flannel, but now I can pack summer cotton sheets.
Need to start on my book room and reorganize boxes I cut open to find whatever I was looking for.😲 Retape other boxes but all in all should not be too bad. Hopefully Ming will not have too much fun with boxes in bedroom while I try to sleep tonight. Maybe tomorrow move all boxes to the book room if I can get it sorted yet today or tomorrow.
May your heart be peaceful
now, trusting......
Happy to hear that your brother is continuing to improve!
💕
Sharyn I am so glad about your brother.
This post is diametrically opposed.. But I mean both lines!
Love you both
My cousin who is my dad's God child and I will speak at the Ohio Memorial Mass.
My cousins who are old enough to remember dad that are on my mom's side all liked my dad. When her brother learned he was spending the night in a hotel before visiting me the next day, he insisted that dad stay with him and his family. He liked my dad and did not like the strick visitation rules.
My mom was enmeshed with her dad which made it impossible to really bond with my dad. Enough on that subject.
SharynM, glad to hear that your brother continues to to improve!
Golden, Snow Wow! We've had such a great Summer here, and now the rains have come. Hope you are feeling better soon! I have a tinge of some Respiratory symptoms myself, the first in Many years. Hoping it doesn't take hold, as it is the most inopportune time to get sick right now, Waaa!
We are stepping up on our house organizations, in preparation of putting it on the market! There have been quite a few very nice Condo options available lately, so I sure Wish we had pushed ourselves earlier and been "there" already, but such is life. If the perfect Condo isn't out there when we are ready to pull the trigger, then we have the option of moving in with my Daughter and SIL for a time, which would be 2 moves, but I will not purchase something that I am not completely in Love with, but a pain, imo! We will just have to see when we get there.
I Hope Everybody is doing Alright! Everything on my end is going well! Take Care All!
sharyn -great news. Let us know what you find out.
bobbing - sounds pretty crazy - if it is time to let go then go for it!
glad -wow starting to pack for moving. Must seem surreal to be getting into your own place soon. Hope Ming behaves! Cats love boxes!!!
fraz - such a hard time and you are right -absolutely no to moving back in with you. You are doing what anyone could to get help for your mother. I hope meds will work soon. Yes the snow is pretty, but it is also cold.
stacey - so good to hear from you.. I know about the wishing the clearing out had been done sooner, and making back up plans. I am glad you have options. Hope your resp troubles clear up. I am getting there slowly.
Mother is showing slight improvement on the Risperdal. She is back on the smallest dose as she was when she went in there. She is eating a little better -all her desserts and all her fluids. She still cries sometimes, but not as much. They will continue on this dose for a while to see if there is further improvement.
Further news of my niece and sis. Sis is proceeding with legal measures to evict her dd and sil from the house she used to share with them and promised them. Niece is understandably very upset and said to me she will not leave that house alive, I asked if she was suicidal and said my sis was not worth it. Her answer was that my sis would not even notice. I am concerned about suicide should she lose the case. She is an alcoholic and I think abuses other drugs at times. Meanwhile sis has removed her son as joint executor because he could not join her and her hub for dinner (or so the story goes). It very much sounds like mother in the early throes of dementia who changed her will several times for n obvious reasons . Sis may well be in the beginning of vasc. dementia. Her dd says there is a definite difference since the TIA.
My excitement and a good reason to be thankful today centers on my downstairs furnace. I woke up to a cold downstairs with the temp at 15C (59F). The air was blowing, but no heat and it was/is below freezing outside. I have an upstairs furnace too which I rarely use, so I turned it up. and lit a log in the fireplace. Then I turned the downstairs furnace off for a few minutes and back on again and it worked!!! Yay. I have contacted the gas co for a check up of my gas appliances. Hope it keeps working till then. So glad I have a back up. We take these things for granted as long as they work well.
It is supposed to go above freezing in the daytime for the next few weeks. I hope so. Then the snow will melt. Meanwhile I put the car in the garage so as to not have to brush off inches of the white stuff.
Take care all - find something to be thankful for. It's good for your health!
I have yet to unpack fully from the Florida trip.
The things in the garage need to go back onto the deck so that I can drive the repaired lawn mower to the back yard and mow it before this next storm comes.
Donna has a four hour heart test in the morning.
I am expecting my step-sister to confirm the date and time of the first memorial service at the chapel in MD tomorrow.
I hope to hear back from the priest at the church in Ohio soon about the second memorial service.
After tomorrow's test, we will wait to hear when the surgeon can operate.
Friday, I am keeping my massage appointment for my 5th out of 6 treatments for this left shoulder.
I am still resting from leaving here because of the hurricane, being the only driver on the Florida trip, the lost night's sleep due to dad dying, etc.
Our worker is going to come buy either the end of this week or the first of next week to repair a section of the fence he damaged while working on the deck and some other things that I need for him to do.
So, while tomorrow is known, everything else is still up in the air. I'm more concerned about the test and getting the surgery scheduled and getting the memorial services organized plus cutting the back yard than I am about decorating. She's going to be laid up for 6 to 8 weeks after surgery. I would not mind missing a few seasons of decorating. It is not like we have people over here often.
good news on the return to risperdal
and desserts
Also glad the furnace started working. That is a big relief, especially with it being so cold!
Sorry to hear about the family drama between your sis and niece. It does sound like maybe some dementia going on with your sis. I hope your niece doesn't get suicidal. People do some things when they are under the influence that they wouldn't do normally. If niece and sil do get evicted, could they still get a place together so that your niece isn't by herself? It's so hard to hear when family is going through things like this, yet sometimes listening with love yet detaching is the best we can do. I have some family members who are still out there on drugs, cousins my age, but not a darn thing I can do, but pray that one day they get some help.
You're so right about being thankful each day. Sometimes it's easy for me to see the problems, but I can count some blessings too. Had some good cheesecake earlier and a nice dinner with hubs. Just good to get out for a bit :)