The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Hi All, just a quick (ha!) check in from Me! Lol!

Well we have Sold our home again (the 1st one fell through in December), and we will close contract on Feb 7th! So packing, packing and more packing. Boy am I glad we did a fair amount of sorting, clearing out of un-needed stuff, and organized in the months before we put it on the market (Oct 31st), but still there has been many runs to the charity donation center and to the dump.

Interestingly, we have even put a fair amount of thing set out for Free onto the curb, which have been snapped up in minutes, Yay! We even struck up a conversation with a young couple who also are "collectors" of simular interests to hubby and myself, and they have been back several times to pick over and even buy a few things, my husvand does like to gab and the Art of the Deal, lol, oh he's mainly giving it away to them, but he has really enjoyed their eager wide eyed appreciation of his junk, as our own kids 'The Minamalists" have shown little interest in his years of collectibles, old radio's, camera's stereo equiptment, etc.... lol! It is all So Freeing!

Hubby has been a Mad-Man (in a good way), and already has the house over 1/2 emptied out, all of the things we are keeping being put into a rental storage unit, so mainly the kitchen, our bedroom furniture and dressers full of clothes, my walk-in-closet (which still needs to be pared down again, and the main furniture and 2 TV's is all that is left really, even our own very large backyard shed is empty, so as each day comes to a close, we are one step closer to freedom and I am feeling Great about things!

Unfortunately i'm still struggling to sleep, and that old "stress related" gut pain is still haunting me, which I now am almost certain is Gallbladder related, even though the million dollar tests I had done back when my FIL was dying and afterwards, did rule out GB issues, I do feel they were wrong in their diagnosis, or lack thereof. I will f/u again after this move is all over once again, Uggg!

At first our plan was to stay with our Daughter and her husband until the right Condo comes on the market to purchase, but now we have decided to live in the MIL apartment off of my fav sister's house. We will also probably fit in a nice drive vacation too, just to relax and to celebrate! We will finally be Free Birds for the first time ever, 34 years of marriage and No kids or Parents to worry about! WOW!

I never expected Sis to make the offer of her MIL Apt. to us, as over the years (30 or so) she has always had it being "rented" out to other family member, or being utilized by one of her 2 daughters, always by folks in a state of flux such as ourselves, except for the 8 years when my parents lived there. After her last daughter moved out 2+ years ago (and left a whole mess of old furniture and junk), she had vowed Never to lend it out again, intending on fixing it up and using it for themselves for the first time ever, so when she offered it up, I was totally shocked as it was so unexpected, and I completely understood where she was coming from, as in almost every circumstance (and I can count at least 13 separate tenants over the years), the apartment was left in a worsening state of disrepair, most definately the last 2 times with each of her daughters, Kids! Lol!

It is a very gererous offer, and hopefully she will feel that the "rent" we will pay her will make it worth her while. Unfortunately Our Daughter is a little miffed that we are not moving in with her for the time being, but we were trying our best not to infringe on Anyones toes, and in all honesty, living with her could/Would have been an exercise in Mucho Patience just to get along, should weeks turn into a couple of months, so I hope in time she will see it that way too, but for now she is still a little pizzed off at me, silly really!

I hope All is going Well with each and Everyone, I have been reading along, but haven't had much to share. Love to you all! Stacey B

Sharyn, thanks amundo, Im on it. I have it lined up to watch next.

Staceyb, glad you have such positive excitement and changes going on, all the best.

Heaven to Murgatroy!! I have good news!!!! I learned from lawyer that the health care proxy is powerless outside of hospital in so many words. Well now here I go again. Now I have to delve into the world of home care issues. Oh boy! More stress. I am going to take it slow. Just this visit had me messed up thinking anxious from the first canceled appointment.

So I spoke with MOW case manager last week. She will be out for 3 weeks for surgery. I already had idea of things needed, the financial information and bills its not all together but I have a lot. Lawyer says if my sister tries to interfere then I would have to appeal to APS for article 381 or something like that.
Its going to be a big process, I am nervous, not just getting the care in home but now the actual caregiver, setting up schedules, finding out how much time I will get

Today as I tried to rest, I heart nephew maybe both at different times. The lock was off the door when I went to get mail. My mother was in her busy mode up and down stairs. In door way upstairs a lot and I am so glad she did not get to the door that was unlocked. Naturally it would have been my fault. Its happened quite a few time. In frustation I never mention it because of the blame game it would be invalidated it. Tonight I right a note for door to please make sure it is locked and that it found unlocked. So tired of the petty, it feels petty but what else is there to do.

Also the shower head was manipulated again. It almost makes me feel good when my twisted does that, because I know I did something good. Now the other times I had not retaliated on anything but this time and once before I decided that anytime she puts the microwave on floor I will do the same with hers. 1st time nothing. Its petty. Sometimes I cant take but so much. I know how pompous her thinking is being the spoiled protege of my mother.

Anyway I am happy. I have to start investigating memory programs and other things my mother may be eligible for. Its going to be long and drawn out for me becuase I procastinate naturally but also because I am not going to stress my self just take it slow and easy. And keep my mouth shut until it happens lol.

This beam of light feels great. Still got the other turmoil chruning in the background but its going to have to wait too. I need a breather, and have these apointments to make about the thyroid, ent and gastro (liver cyst), the female issue I might need to send another message to Murgatroy.!!

Rays of love light and peace to all and thank you.

Sharyn, Thank You! Love it. At first I thought I had checked her out but it was Tony Robbin, Im not your guru.

This is great. Very real and helpful!!

Stacey, always good to hear from you. I think it wise to take sis up on her offer. It would be very hard to live with my kids. Their lives are so busy and noisy children I enjoy my quiet time too much. Great you will be moving soon.

Duck the blue glass is still a bit too blue, but getting used to it. And lights in my bathroom I will need to replace if I can ever find one long enough for over the vanity without spending a fortune. Need one about 60" long for over a 72" vanity.

Sharyn, where was Mel Robbins when I needed him? Those days OMG I just could not turn my brain off. Thinking back, just so odd to think about.

Duck, just press the brain switch off. And try to relax and realize how all of this one day will not be an issue any longer. So much of it just sounds like pettiness. Twisted probably keeps herself awake at night trying to think of ways to get to you.

Had blizzard warning yesterday into this morning. Lots of wind, not much snow. Story on news about a woman's tiny home blew over in the wind with her in it. Tiny homes not all that great an idea, if you ask me. And this woman had two cats in the home with her. House didn't just tip over it tumbled down the road a few hundred yards. She and cats are ok. Tumbling tiny homes.😧

Oh Glad, yes! I think of all the ruminating I did and being stuck in thoughts that created more anxiety.

My dad got a sore that turned into a bad wound. He finally went to doctor and they sent a wound nurse she convinced my dad who hates hospitals to go get care. My dad picked the hospital he does like and went. I went to see him Sunday. The wound is to the bone right above his butt. It's the most horrible thing I have ever seen. They are treating him. I'm so grateful. They are giving him antibiotics. So now he is trying to figure out how to get home. The one agency can train me to do the IV bag replacement but they want my guarantee I will be there 24/7 or close 30 mins away. (I live in laramie 100miles away) I explained I can take some time off but not 4-6 weeks. They cannot train his one caregiver bc of the rules. They made it very clear someone needs to be there at night when it goes off from an error or if it get ripped out he could bleed out. They won't take him on for wound home care, unless I am there to do the IV. I'm in contact with case manager at hospital, case manager with his disability, my dad refuses to go to a rehab/nursing facility knows he can do this at home. I've told him I can't be there for that amount of time, what if you go to rehab for part if it. No he doesn't like that. I said when I tell them I will be there I'm not lying and getting in trouble if something happens, plus I don't want anything to happen. Oh he thinks we are making too big a deal, he will find more help and an RN to do IV. Im like you haven't found help for years and now you can? He needs to go home to handle things. I said I can help with those things. He doesn't like that he can't leave the rehab place, doesn't like he can't smoke. I told him if this infection gets worse you could die. He knows and promises me he is not going to let it get bad. Ha I tell him you have a wound on your back the size of a fist but now You know better. He will check himself into the rehab if this doesn't work. So he wants me to lie to this agency so he can work the loop hole to go home. I'm just tired. I love him, want to get well. It's been so nice to know he is getting care. I'm busy at work. Putting my head in hands. Why does it have to be so hard with some family. Me I'd go get the care. Him no wants to do it his way.

Hugs, Smilebeth.

Your father can make this terrible crazy decision if he wants to, but he can't make you help him. Don't plead with him any more, don't try to change his mind, just tell him you won't change yours and you've nothing more to say.

Beth, Dad needs rehab care for that wound. Dad needs more care than you can possibly provide. Wouldn't it be better for dad to hope rehab is the end of this instead of getting on that merry-go-round of in hospital, home, back to hospital if he does not get the care he needs now?

You may want to post a new question or discussion for more response.

Hugs, Beth, I'm sorry you and your dad are going through this. I would still continue to stand your ground and definitely don't lie to the nurse or caseworker on your dad's behalf. Just reiterate that your answer is no, you are unable to be there 24 hours a day for the length of time that is needed. They will probably not discharge him to home care and he will need to go ahead and go to the rehab, which is safer and better for him than risking going home and the wound getting more infected. Your dad will probably be a little upset about it at first, but he will be in a good place to be able to get the care that he needs.

Thanks everyone. I know what I need to do and am trying to stay strong. I told him this morning and he is you just want me to give up and go to nursing home. I said no, I want you to go to rehab so you can home. He is so scared he won't go home. I get it but told him you can do it. He still is in denial and wants to do it his way. Thank you for all the support. Helps to talk. My husband supports me and in my heart know it's right just have to stand my ground.

She’s being taken off the opiates and she’s already getting crankier and was saying how my friends 13 year old son (who is an exemplary and sweet and bright young man who has started his own nonprofit organization to benefit the homeless—a wonderful young man with a very bright future) is “stupid” for not “thinking about himself”. That you have to think about yourself and not others and that he needs to live in the “Real world”. I reminded her of her supposed Christian Faith being opposed to such thinking (that’s when she snapped about living in the real world).

I’m less suicidal today and just plain angry.

Hi all - been immersed in some interesting reading...

duck - sounds like you are making progress re the lawyer.. You have to accept the past and the present. No one can go home as they say, meaning you can't recapture the past, or what was missing in it. You have to build on your todays. Flashbacks can be hard to deal with, but recognizing what they are helps. I think you will be better off when you have your own place, and are not faced with the dysfunction daily.

fraz - what a difficult path finding the right treatment for your mum. I think it is worth trying anything to see if it helps. I to looked to others for mother-figures too. It helped. At least I have only one more year of mothers taxes to do now. Then I can get caught up on mine, I used the end of the good bubble bath I have (that I ordered anew) and I think I am going to be OK with it. Each step now in wrapping up mother business is a bigger percent of what is left. I expect when it is all over I may have a big cry from the relief.

sharyn - mel robbins looks like good stuff. (((((hugs))))to you.

staceeeee - so glad to see your update. Sounds like your life is moving along very well. I agree that staying with your sis is better than with your dd though I understand that she may be a bit put off for a while. Much better to be more independent. Hope you start to sleep better. I know that problem. My gut issues flared up too since mother died. I know it is just a stress thing, We have to stop letting things get to us!!!! Spend some time chilling and relaxing. You have been through so much.

glad - you are having wind and cold too. Can't go on for too many more weeks now. A house blew away. Oh, my goodness!!!! I am happy the woman and her kitties are OK.

smilebeth - it gets hard when you have to stand up to a parent, but you are doing the right things. I went through that too, and it is very stressful. It is good that you see it is his fear behind it.

nomore - ((((((hugs))))) your mother obviously has twisted thinking. Are you getting treatment for your suicidal ideation? Many year ago I had suicidal ideation when under great stress from mother. I wasn't the least bit interested in doing it, but these ideas kept coming into my head. You are in a situation that is very toxic to you. So glad you are feeling the anger -let it fuel you to help you look after yourself and get out of there. Anger is very appropriate sometimes!

Went to a new doctor today in the local shopping center right next to my drugstore and across from the grocery store. Doesn't get handier than that. She was nice and I think it will work. That's a real blessing for me.

Waiting for the lawyer's office to send documents for review before going down to sign. Starting to look at plans for the funeral next fall. Washed all of mother's clothes I brought up and they are all going to the thrift shop. It must have been part of my processing the end of this era. I wasn't quite ready to let go of them in December. Had some time missing my father this past few days. So much energy had been spent on mother that past few years, My guts are settling down. Things are good other than I have to take off some winter weight before the winter is over. The clothes still fit but the scale told me a story that I didn't want to hear!!! Oh well. It is doable. Back to low carb tomorrow.

Have a good night everyone. Be good to you.

I look around this new house of mine and start thinking, I need this and this and this.... Wanting to downsize, but some things are really necessary. Just ordered four bar stools for kitchen counter from Amazon, then took up on offer for new credit card, and a gift card, final cost of those stools? $23.00! :)

You can also look on Nextdoor.com for some great deals Glad.

Hello, Heart! *waves* How are things with you? I hope you're well. Hugs.

Nice deal, Glad. I love it when that happens like that once in awhile -- clearance item and discount for opening credit card or something. Feels good to get something worthwhile, like furniture, so cheaply.

Golden, I should diet some to slow down my weight gain but I don't want to right now. I'm thankful that you post about this reality of life because... I'm realizing that it will be easier to deal with the few extra pounds now, rather than to try to deal with it later if I keep gaining. Hm. I hope you're feeling decent and staying warm.

The weather here is bad this coming week, snow and VERY cold temps. I may take days off. I appreciate the income but there's not much point in going in when it's VERY cold out, because then not many customers are coming in, either. My job is very direct supply and demand in some ways right now.

Nice to read posts from others: Sharyn, Stacey, Duck, Fraz, Gershun... sorry if I'm forgetting anyone else by name... And welcome new posters on this thread.

Heart, Good to see you! Next door, I wonder if they even have it out here. I hate signing up on all these websites and getting bombarded with junk email. I swear, I could spend all day going through email!

Glad, your advice -turn off my brain- was right on point. I will expand later. Is your picture of an eclipse. I have never acutally seen one but looking its awesome and I see why they say to wear protective lenses. The universe is so awesome. Great deal on the stools. good luck with light for vanity it can be found !.....:) Oh and when I was driving I would pick up some nice pieces of furniture if i could use. A friend lives in NJ and practically furnished her back yard from furnishings she found while riding around. Nice expensive stuff too. Some folk have it like that. I got some nice kittchen chair, conservative, wood, thick cushions and sturdy for 20bucks about two months ago.My mother spenta lot on her dinning set but after 30 years it fell a part. But the table we had 50 years ago just went out. I tend to ramble on and on about one thing. Even when I was young every now and then and honest friend would say "just get to the point"

Ali, I read about weight gain. Girl!! check it. Its hard to get off and more wear and tear on the body. I am at about 174 now. 5'6.5 inches. Awhile back before I moved in my mother's years ago I was almost 200 pounds. It built up slowly, I love to eat for one things, suddenly got into cake and sweets, daughter in law does a bad a^^s carrot cake any kind of cake for that matter. Anyways, I could barely walk up stairs being short of breath, aches and pains in knees and legs was tripled. I just thought about that this week in doctors office. I still get short some days and some days its like mountain climbing walking up subway steps. I am notiicng the stomach getting a little bigger and pants a lil tighter so my radar is up!

Beth stick to your guns. Must have been very painful at some point as that sore progressed. It takes time but it comes back. I have seen craters where a buttock was. Slowly and with good care. He is scared. lucky to have you.

So well. I had another blow out with sister before I left for work and as I rode on the train and calmed down the same words Glad, said in post few days back are exactly what I came to.

Only this time I could not restrain my self from blowing up. My mother was not downstairs when I fixed her food before I left. So I took it up to her, usually in back room on top floor. My sister is usually in her room in front with the door lociked./ Well I called out and my mother was there so i went to door to give her the food my sister closes door tells me dont come in my room. dont come on my floor take it down she will get it. I freaking almost lost it. Why couldnt she just take the dang plate and give it to my mother. So as we screamed at each other she send my mother out and downstairs with the food. Then with the outburst I learned of all her delusions about me and that what is most disturbing because some of her words echo stuff my mother would say. the crazy. Also that living room was a mess. Like I have said my mom goes bolistic sometimes so there were crackersand papers and twisted sshiysta going on down there. I have been on strike in the living room. It just does something to me sometimes and I have to step back. THe clinger is that my sister is to lazy and trifling to do anything and really doesnt even care. But uses some delusion she makes up in her mind to make me the cause therefore an excuse not to do shisyta. So that took me to higher frustration to hear her actually say I am buying my mothers pastries and cakes and she is not cleaning it up. Then she brings up the meals saying I would leave them on the door. (for four years lying) and everybody knows it. so im like well did you feed her or just leave them there. The truth is I would get them just like now when I wake up to go to work. But the twisted wrongness and sickness tares at my heart especially having experience same type of blame and reasaoning from my mother as I clean her bathroom and halls and house. Telling me she tird of cleaning up behind me/.

Golden, you are right about the flashbacks. Its a reality slap in the face and sometimes I get stuck and its a bad place to be.

Frazz, Stacy , Sharyn, ((HUGS))

Sharyn, thanks again for the tip on robins. You know I listen to these things over and over and the concepts begin to make since and I acutally internalize some things which help me. So true about the 5,4,3,2,1. Wish I could have done it earlier today. Also the procastination thing and how our brain really want the comfort or regular routine. Just as I get older I am so stressed out with the smallest change or new event. Even gettiong my sordid room together. There are times I go full speed ahead and knock stuff out in an hour but most days I am like I will do it next week and so on. So its truth and it helps. Then I tag on to others that pop up or are similar. But she got to core of a lot of things. Thanks again.

Golden, glad you are feeling better, got things done and found a doctor right down the street! in a mall! you can sign in and if its busy widow shop the wait away!

Rays of love and light to everyone!! Be strong and smile. Oh the smile thing really works. Whenever I am down, I smile and get it back and it make it better.

Well I'm here. Was just brushing and flossing and think it's time for the dentist. I noticed what looks like a couple of small holes on two of my front incisors. Yikes! I am terrified of going to the dentist and put it off and put it off until something like this happens and I have no choice.

I was having a really sad afternoon and started talking to God. You know how you read that you should not only pray but listen for God's answer? Well I'm sure he said to me today "I love you exactly where you are right now and not just where you think you need to be" That really resonated with me cause so often I think I'm not good enough and have no right to expect certain blessings to come my way.

I truly am in a bad place right now with lack of motivation and just plain old lethargy. But it's good to know my heavenly Father loves me anyways.

And, so do we, Gershun

dad came home from his trip to mexico, called me from the airport trying to get me to go clear his car from the snow at the bus depot. of course i said i was out for the day. the weather melted his snow but i didnt tell him that. just love the gall of him having meo t drop what i am doing to tend to his needs. he needs help with everything but lo and behold he can go to mexico on 2 days notice he can clear his own car, i was at the bus station a couple days ago to drop off my daughter and check his car anyway but didnt let on.
of course he got sunburn and had blisters due to not applying sunscreen. no sympathy from me.
dinners are silent really uncomfortable. now i have to try to come up with topics to talk about. not sure what the problem with me is. Too many people to care about now with one daughter out of work and having to help with finance. there goes my vacation fund. Everyone gets to go on vacation but not me.
i have to stay put and be sure my house is in one piece. Getting frustrated.
planned a big vacation for our anniversary but now looks like it will not happen..... the perils of caring for a parent and children....

TG you need to have dinners like we used to have at my house - everyone filled their plates and disappeared, no need for conversation and no awkward silences🤣

It’s not my mother it’s my fiancé’s mother. I’m the one who has put off marriage because of her.

so we’re supposed to have snow, ice, nearly no visibility and yet she still insists that I have to walk to work, 2 miles in the snow and ice and nearly no visibility. She needs her shower. She was worrying about how to wash her face because she had a biopsy done 4 months ago that has healed up well. Afraid to get water and soap near it. And pouted when I reminded her that we WILL have children one day. I don’t have any insurance and make too much for Medicaid, so if I get hurt walking around the hills two miles I’m going to give her a dose of her own medicine—I’m gonna cry and wail and make her feel as bad as she makes me feel. She’s only 53, and she’s more helpless than a toddler! She refuses to watch the news and insists that the weather forecaster is wrong, she said she would be angry if I call anytime before 11 am when she gets up. Well I guess she’s going to get a call tomorrow and I will cry bloody murder about my right hip which hurts as it is but I don’t matter.

Nomore, why is someone telling you that you have to walk to work?

I'm not getting why your finance's mother is allowed to/enabled to/privileged to tell you how to run your life.

Please take care of yourself. Tell your SO to deal with his parent.

So she gets angry? So what?

So, I’m the state paid caregiver/sucker who doesn’t have family that can help me. She’s driven off almost everyone else who isn’t a cluster B sociopath. I don’t yell at her or hurt her like the sociopathic woman she’s not even friends with but doesn’t have a spine to stand up for herself and I am the one who has to make sacrifices.

like I said before I hope I slip on black ice and break my femur and die in the damned snow.
I guess because she was abused as a child she has the right to hold me down?

Hugs, NoMore, I'm sorry you are going through this. There is hope though. Please don't give up. In my city here, there are a couple of women's shelters that help with putting a roof over your head and helping you with basic necessities and getting back on your feet, even finding a job, etc. Do a search and give a few of them a call. Tell them you are needing out of a situation that is taking a toll on your health and mental health. Also I'd call your local social services office and inquire about how to go about getting another caregiver or guardian appointed for your fiance's mom, and then give fiance and his mom your notice that you are quitting. Doesn't mean you and fiancé have to break up necessarily, just that you no longer have to deal with this.

Know when others will love and appreciate you for you? When YOU love and appreciate your worth too. I'm not being sarcastic, it's true though. I had to learn to like myself enough to realize that I needed to break free of some of my toxic family members for my own health and sanity.

MsMadge,
You are exactly right! We do love Gershun!
And, we love you too!

glad - the temptation is awful isn't it, but you got a great bargain!!!

heart - so glad you posted. Can you come back and tell us how things are with you? Your mum is getting on i years.

ali -I am back low low carb. I really need to live on it. I sure understand not wanting to diet. Feeling the end of January stuff. More on that later. I am staying warm (mostly) thank you.

duck -turning off the brain isn't easy but distraction, soothing music, exercise, reaching out to friends about something different, a good book, hot bubble baths etc all help. maybe counting to 10 before blowing would be useful. You need to heal from the family dysfunction and it is very hard to do that when you are in the middle of it. My new drs mall is a tiny strip mall, no window shopping there!!! We only have 2 indoor malls in this city - both downtown.

gershun - ((((((hugs))))) Hope your dentist visit goes well. It reminds me that I am due for a cleaning. So glad God assured you that He loves you. I have had Him say the same thing to me when I was doubting myself. Could you feeling the end of January blues? Lack of light can really do a number on us.

tg - glad you didn't clean off your dad's car. About helping your daughter who is out of work - my position was I would never see them wanting for a meal or a roof over their heads, but their debts were their debts. They need to take responsibility for themselves. Are you assuming that for your dd? You need your vacation!!! You can choose your perils! "A person exhibiting a martyr complex will exhibit the following psychological traits:low self-esteem, an exaggerated sense of responsibility to others, fear of being abandoned, and difficulties adjusting to change." (from the web)

cwillie -sounds good to me. No need for formal dinners.


no more - what barb and fraz wrote. How can she insist you walk to work? I don't understand. Don't take on her worries. Let her own them. Let her get angry! Do what is good for you. Because she was abused as a child does not give her the right to abuse you. You don't HAVE to make sacrifices, and you do NEED to take steps to help yourself.

fraz - so well said. We have to like and love ourselves. Sometimes that means detaching from family or friends.

Well, "end-of-January blues" here . I am not blue so much as blah!!! Don't feel like doing anything and been a bit that way for a few days. Today is bitterly cold outside, so I have jacked up the thermostat and am dressed warmly - even in the house. Overall it hasn't been a bad winter, but the next few weeks are probably going to be fairly cold. I am looking forward to the end of it.

My sis is showing her colours. First it was an request that I arrange the funeral for certain dates ASAP as she needs to get a good deal on plane tickets to the large city 1 hour away. from where the funeral will be. They have just returned from the Canary Islands so they aren't exactly hurting financially. Though I hadn't planned on doing this for a couple of months, I contacted the cemetery guy and got one of the dates approved. Then she suggested her new hub (retired pastor) could do a graveside service rather than us having a funeral. That one works as it is means less arranging for me, so I agreed to it. Of course, he will get an honorarium out of it. Then she wrote that they would be counting on us for transportation in our old home town when they were there. I haven't answered that one. There are taxis, but we don't mind doing a little locally. I actually checked it out and there is a bus - one a day - or a train plus half hour taxi ride to and from our home town and where they will be staying. They will have to figure that out, She followed that up with asking if we were flying into the same city as they were. I haven't answered that either as I know she wants us to chauffeur them around. Actually, we have decided to fly west of old home town to Ottawa, rent a car and stay a few days for the interment, then rent a cottage near the Gatineau Hills to enjoy the fall scenery and I don't want to be saddled with driving sis and her hub around. It is not beyond her to change her plans to fit ours and expect us to take them with us for free. The less info I give her the better. "No" is a complete sentence!!!

Sent my quick passport application off 2 weeks before the late date and it didn't arrive in eastern Canada in time, so I will have to redo it using the long form. Aaaargh! Getting tired of forms. I need a cert from the Ontario govt to be able to inter the ashes there. Hoping that is about the last form I have to do for a while.

That nice bubble bath gel arrived today. Here's hoping I am not allergic to it.

Treat yourself, everyone You deserve it! Everyone needs a boost once in a while.

Send and Madge and all of you. I love you too! You truly are my friends. As I said to someone on here once, even though we haven't met we have had a meeting of the minds and hearts and that's most important.

Golden, I am having the blues period, not just the January blues. As I told Hubs the other day I feel like my heart is so guarded since Mom passed. My mind is like a steel trap now and if I see the trap open up even a bit with sad thoughts trying to get in I shut it immediately. The only problem with that is I'm not just keeping sad thoughts out. I'm keeping everyone and everything at arm's length. I'm definitely not as warm and open with people I meet on a day to day basis. It's sad cause I used to love to open up to others and now it's like I'm scared to. Yes, I open up to you guys but you are safe I guess cause I can't see you, you can't see me. It's kind of anonymous I guess.

I went for an evening snack with my sister a couple of weeks ago and normally I would enjoy sipping on some wine, chatting and soaking up the ambiance of a place. But instead I felt rattled and nervous and just not myself. I just wanted to get home where it's safe.

My husband is still away and now might be gone even longer than I had thought. So I'm alone all the time and I know that's not good. But when I go out by myself to do errands etc. I feel even more morose. I think that's why I felt God talking to me the other evening. He knows what's going on with me better than I do and I felt that. It was comforting

Anyways, thx for letting me spill my guts once again. :)