The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Golden23-It becomes another one of those HIPPA things. I don't have HIPPA permission. So, Whatever I would tell them. They can't act on. Since my mother hasn't been deemed mentally incompetent by the courts. My mother isn't even close to that. So the only recourse I would have. Is confiscating her car keys.

Chris, I think HIPPA only keeps you from discussing her health, but not telling the doctor your concerns about her health. That is a fine line, but it is a thick fine line.

cmagnum-Even if I mentioned something in regards to my mother. They cannot act on it. Because, Their responding to what I told them. Without their having a HIPPA release form signed by my mother, so they could talk to me. Acting on what I told them. Could potentially be a violation of HIPPA. Because, Even if I knew who my mother's GP/PCP was. Their office cannot confirm, or deny. The status of my mother being a patient.

So, That is back to confiscating my mother's keys.

When my (ex)fiance had to have emergency brain surgery. She had never signed a HIPPA release for me to be able to talk to them. So I had to give the doctor's a rundown about her health. Telling them, it would be harmful for them to not talk to me. When, I have had the same health issue in question, all my life. I even showed them my surgery scars to prove it.

But with my mother, it isn't anywhere near that easy.

Of course they can act on it.

You give them information in writing about your concerns.

They can't tell you if they are doing anything. Biut you've provided them your observations.

chris - as far as I have every understood it and read here that people do it, concerned family can remit information to the dr of their loved one. It is one way commutation as due to HIPAA, the dr cannot communicate back to the concerned person. However, that does not prevent the dr from acting on the information. You obviously feel that your mother should not be driving. Some have contacted their state's DMV anonymously and informed them that they thought an individual was not safe to drive any more. This may force a testing of the individual. by DMV.

duck -the messes sound awful!!!! I guess you have to pick your battles and your messes.

Finally we got temps above freezing this afternoon and the sun shine is glorious.

The chills I have turned out to be flu I think -aches, cough etc. Probably got it when I was travelling. It's hard to tell b/c the CFS/FM feels like I have flu a lot of the time, but this is a bit different, a bit worse. I was going to tackle the pile of mail with a vengeance this week, So much for plans, I do have it looking better but...

Take care all. Do something good for you.

Chris, A doctor is not violating if he accepts information on his patient from a third party. Violation can only occur if he speaks about a patient with a third party or if he/she gives out information about the patient. Write a l{tier to the doctor and leave with the receptionist. You do not have to sign your name. You can give this information to the local police, the state highway patrol or the local driver’s license bureau.

Golden, I hope you are better. I am just getting over something and now my client has either a bad cold or the flu so here I go again, hopefully not.

I hope everyone is in good health and spirits.

This week was a rough one for me. Met with oncologist, had biopsy, waiting for results. Surgery is definitely in future regardless of results. Fibroids off the wazzzu! I saw the pictures and of the mass they found. Dang it was a lot to look at.

Meanwhile the next day I had the recert intake for my mother's meals. Also presented what I had of my mothers finances. I didnt have all. Meanwhile I am asking her what will happen if nephew and sis refuse to pay out of my mothers funds. That I could not afford to pay it all. $22.20 an hour. Well anyway I show her the bills, I hadnt even opened them just picked them up from mail the day before. Again, the bill is behind at least a few months. I showed her the shed which she says is a part of the house, a room off kitchen. I showed her the bathroom floor by toilet which is buckling and caving in after a flood. She is reporting situation to APS. Requesting an outside guardian to monitor my mothers care and tx. Yay!!. I just hope they dont find a need to condem house or put my mother in nursing home or put us out. I dont know how it works but I feel it is a good thing and that finally I will see some real justice. I mean dang a lifetime of sabatoge without seeing anykind of correction was making me feel bitter and angry and wanting vengeance. The best vengeance is correction of wrong. I am hoping to see it. All I want is what is best for my mother. And of course my own security and safety. Please keep us in your prayers this is going to be a big situation. As its going to be very hard for my sister and nephew. Now she can really sabbatoge my character and intents but hopefully these people are professional and trained and see through my sisters beautiful lies and manipulation with the support of my policeofficer nephew. I am truly hoping and feeling its going to have a good end for me and my mother.

Frazzeled I hope you are okay and taking care of yourself. Ik

Sharyn, I hope your brother is still making good progress.

Vic and Girl, I hope you are both hanging in, and getting resources that can help.

Golden, take care of you, the flu is awful and is slow leaving. Hope you feel better soon.

Duck, hope all goes well with the biopsy. You have APS now looking at home condition? Maybe twisted and nephew will realize that there are things that have to be done and NOT on your dime. Maybe it will be time for you to get out. You know that is what would be best for you and long past due.

glad, u r right from day 1.

i held a key down too long and typing means holding every key down for 2 seconndds

Duck, Hoping that biopsy results are negative. My mom had fibroids, ended up having them removed along with hysterectomy. She felt so much better after it was all done. Hope it all works out well for you.

duck - I am glad you are looking after your health. Prayers for good results.

thx glad -feeling better but still very tired, and a few chills, but the coughing has almost stopped. Has anything happened re ts2 and the estate?

I have been napping in the daytime which is a good way to deal with the flu. I don't have much energy, but I was craving home made chicken soup so I put some chicken bones in the electric pressure cooker this afternoon. They are cooked enough so I should have good bone broth to make soup tomorrow.

Bedtime here.

Take care all.

Nighty, nite, Golden.

I contacted an attorney friend of mom's to review the objection and motion. Emailed the objection to her on Friday she said she would get back to me on Saturday. She was on a plane from Florida to New York to see her doc's. Cannot remember what all she said, but an enlarged heart. So, have not heard back from her. Maybe she is hospitalized? I don't know about enlarged hearts. Anyone?

Well a very nice pleasant day here today, mid 50's but now blizzard warning for Wednesday and Thursday. Those farmers must be working hard to get the animals taken care of.

Duck, is your surgery scheduled? Hoping you feel so much better afterwards!

Mom has been ok off and on, having a few rants at me every now and again. Honestly, for the regular rant, I'm almost becoming used to it as a norm, like yeah it's Monday, so I'm due to be yelled at again. Wed or Thurs and Sat are usually "good" days for her because she gets out of her house. Wed/Thurs is grocery and pick up a bite to eat. Sat is church. The rest of the week is a crapshoot as to her mood.
So I called her last Friday. She'd been fine during the entire week to that point. She starts in oh I made a sandwich (hot) and it's cold before I can sit down to eat it. Ok, well I know her. She gets so distracted that when I cook for her, I keep stuff on the stove or in the oven until the last minute, until she's at the table, because it takes her forever to get to the table. I'll give her at least a 5 to 10 minute head's up - go do what you need to do, but she'll just sit. Several times, I had the meal out and she said oh it's not very hot now. Well, it was when I put it out and I gave you a timeframe when it would be there. Usually I hear how busy she is and how she has things to do. No, I see you just sitting watching tv. So anyhow, I hit the mute button on the phone. She wanted a fight. Then she said, did you rearrange the things in front of the furnace in the garage so you could get your car in the garage? No. I didn't touch her stuff (it's a mess - no way did I touch it). Well, I think you DID. Really nasty attitude. I lost it and said yes, I did it. Well, goodbye. Hung up. I did call her on Saturday (even though I had an issue with a water leak - think a poor roofing job - which I've had the same issue/weather conditions twice now in roughly 8 years (time to get a roofer out to check it out later this spring I guess), plus I was sick. I called Sunday, and again no answer. So she was pouting. She called me late on Sunday, and said nice of you to call. Say what? I called twice. Well you didn't leave a message. No, but I called. I explained what was going on with me and she said 'what a house' because according to her I had no right whatsoever to buy a home without her okaying it FIRST. I'm 10 years old in her mind, not nearly of retirement age. Then I said I'd been sick. You need to get to a real doctor. She doesn't go to a doctor herself, because he doesn't know anything (typical Narc response - she knows more). Secondly, she doesn't know my doctor one bit. I said I told you a few people at work had some sort of stomach flu last week. Oh. Spoke to her last evening, she was ok. She called me today, while I was still working. No answer, but left a voice mail. I listened to it. Full rant. She went into her bathroom and there was another ant. I've seen them. They are tiny. I picked up one in my hand because she said that's not an ant (around Christmas). Yeah take a look, your basic ant. Got ant traps and voila. Apparently she's seen 2 to 3 (now 4 total) in her shower. I don't want them in my bedroom and closet! She poured hot water on it and it was gone. But her knee was ready to 'give out', and she wants to get her hair cut and doesn't know if she can climb up the curb (I think there's a handicapped ramp - it's in a strip mall). She said then you need to feel some shame what you've done to me. Her mantra is that I needed to buy a ranch style home and have her move in with me. That was HER dream. Yes, but my nightmare! I told her it wouldn't work. 'Says you!' Right there is your answer. We're not compatible. You don't even want to try! Been there done that with your prior visits. So anxious before and during, and the relief when she left was overwhelming. She also added she's not going into no damned nursing home! Her memory is better than mine. She knows more! She doesn't realize this validates my decision even more. I'm afraid at some point, I'll have to have her live with me. Maybe I can win the lottery/get a huge house first? LOL.

Sissu, I feel for you. Hold your ground.

Girlsaylor, thanks. The surgery is not scheduled. I have to have another test done which is sheduled in two weeks. Then I see the surgeon. I will get biopsy report hopefully this week. Surgery will be scheduled after the abdominal study is done for the mass they see in the scans and after consult from the Gastro Doctor, Surgeon and Oncologist. They want to take the mass out with the hysterectomy.

I spoke with the casemanager for the meals on wheels and asked what my sister and nephew said when she contacted them. She said she spoke with her supervisor and since she has been on the case for three years and no movement has been made in my mohters behalf she is authorized based on her finding to contact APS without contacting them. So I am looking to hear from them by the end of this week. I am a nervous wreck. And got a lot done, I want to say had a windfall, with my room before I left work. Long story short there is a clearance and I threw out a lot of stuff. A few more wind falls and things will be looking good. Sometimes I cant see the forest for the trees and dont feel like messing with the trees, Today I saw the forest and I tried to cut it down! I made a nice clearance lol. Its so crazy that the things I need to do I find so hard to do. I felt so good about myself and happy when I left out for work this afternoon. Yay Yay Yay!!!.

I will see thearapist in lthe morning and then psychiatist for recertification for the therapy.

I hope everyone is in a good and happy place,

Rays of love and light to all.

Beautiful day today, 58 degrees and under a blizzard warning, supposed to be a storm of epic proportion. Called a bomb cyclone. Usually on the east coast as a noreaster. And such a pleasant day today.

Now the winds and rain are starting. Office has announced a noon closing tomorrow, about the time the snow is to start. But, it is looking like the start time may be off. Schools have announced closure for tomorrow and Thursday already.

Happy to be in a warm house and hopefully will not lose power. We do not usually have use for generators around here.

Funny story today. It’d be upsetting if it were not glaringly obviously untrue. So my fiancé and I both got pretty sick over the weekend/early week with upper respiratory infections. Ya know...fever between 100 and 102, chills, sore throat, coughing, aches, etc. I demanded to stay home and I am grateful to say that I did both Monday and Tuesday.

Here is the funny part.

When my fiancé told his father (abusive racist jerk, violent cluster B recovering alcoholic) that we were sick, his father refused to believe it and insisted that we were both suffering from MARIJUANA WITHDRAWAL SYNDROME. We don’t smoke, in fact we both lean towards being straight edge (we might have three glasses of wine between both of us a week at most if that).

Now the old racist has an an upper respiratory infection and he is refusing to take medicine or drink water or do anything to take care of himself, and acting like a toddler even more than usual. I can’t even. It’s more funny than upsetting! Karma really sucks doesn’t it? XD

I feel better for having stayed home for two days...

NoMore, I hope you are sternly advising your FIL to lay off the maryjane.

Hi all, just getting caught up on here a little...

Glad, stay safe! I've heard of a nor'easter, and I'm not from the coast, but here in the midwest it's crazy too. Snow last week, 60 degree weather this week, but lots of wind and rain...so bizarre, like Mother Nature is drunk, ha!

Golden, glad you are feeling a little better. Take it easy and give yourself plenty of time to rest and recover. Easier said than done, I know.

DDDuck, I'm hoping for a good report for you on the biopsy and that surgery goes well also. You're in my prayers. I'm glad the case manager is reaching out to APS to get your mom the needed help. I know it's very hard, but it sounds like it's what needed to be done, for her safety and well-being. If a state guardian can be appointed somewhere along the line, that might be better for all involved. I know it will help to ease your mind, as I know it's been very stressful on you. Take care of yourself in the meantime in the midst of all of this and get plenty of rest.

Sissisu, I know it's hard dealing with a narcissistic loved one. You may have to limit the number of calls per week for your own sanity. Tell mom you'll talk to her on X day at X time, and just let any calls in between go to voicemail. It can be very draining, I know. You would NOT want her to live with you, even if you hit the jackpot, I promise you. BTDT.

Have been trying to take care of things here. We were scheduled to go out of town with the kids for spring break on a road trip, still are, but hubs is having an umbilical hernia repaired tomorrow. Was gonna cancel the trip, but he insists he will be fine to go, just will rest a lot (you know how men are). We are to leave this weekend. I sure hope he's right. The doctor said in a few days it will be feeling a lot better, but for the first few days it's going to be sore. I said that I will do the driving and enlist our 17 year old son to help too. We're looking at just wanting to take in the scenery and some R&R really, anyway, so the best thing is probably just to go and relax. If he's in too much pain, we won't go.

Still working on estate stuff too. I'll be so glad down the road when it's all closed out. I feel like it's symbolic for me of letting go of the long journey behind and moving forward, and I know it's still a process to go to get there. I've just been hoping we get through the rest without a lot of family drama.

I talked to another law firm yesterday regarding mom's estate, the whole situation about the house, etc, and explained that my sister hasn't been wanting to cooperate and that I wish to avoid a long, drawn out legal battle if possible. I've told my sister a couple of times that I don't want to fight, let's work together, etc, and she will give lip service but stalls and stonewalls and doesn't answer my calls when I talk about how we can resolve it. Meanwhile, the estate is still footing the bill for all of the maintenance, upkeep and insurance expenses.

I did decide to go ahead and serve as the administrator after all. I just wanted to make sure mom's final bills and everything got closed out and handled properly. Lord knows if my sister or any of the Narc bunch had their hands on it, anything left (which isn't much, just enough basically to pay the attorney and bills) would be pocketed and still mom's estate would be owing. I guess for me it's trying to honor mom's dignity even in death.

The attorney I talked to yesterday was very compassionate and has dealt with situations like these before. She says there is a chance the judge when we close out the guardianship and submit the final accounting will be able to order the house transferred back into mom's estate based on the documentation that we already have, and recommended we try that route first. If successful, it will avoid a civil suit, save legal costs, and get it resolved much more quickly. So I've decided to go with her instead...we'll see how it goes but I feel hopeful.

Country Mouse—he doesn’t use it either. He was however forced to quit drinking alcohol by his doctor though! He also refuses to listen to anyone younger than him, and he refuses to listen to anyone who is a woman. So I’m going to be honest, we have washed our hands of him. Everything is a power struggle for him and I don’t want any part of it. His behavior is textbook psychological projection 24/7, when it’s not straight up racism, aggression and threats to blow someone’s head off.

Bomb cyclone is here, no power. Must sign off, save battery. Will read an old fashioned book for diversion instead of reading here. Hope power is back on soon, no heat. Wide spread outages.

Snow has for the most part stopped, but is still WINDY, probably 40-50 mph, maybe more. At least my builder did a great job on Windows and doors. I am afraid to open garage door in the morning to see the drift that is most likely there, as not much snow in the yard it has gone somewhere.

And two hour delay for work tomorrow, trouble clearing roads due to numerous abandoned and stuck vehicles. Why do people even try in a storm like this?!

I am in and warm, power came back on after about four hours, so I am hunkered down with my snow flake chasing Ming and my electric blanket.😊 Stay in and warm all the storm is heading into Kansas and other points north and east. Hang on, it is a nasty one!

Ps internet took longer, maybe six hours as it is satellite, snow had to slow down so my satellite could see the tower.

Thanks for posting Glad! My son the actor is on the road, currently in Denver. Had a nice chat with him tonight: they cancelled the show due to the snow. Stay safe!

News just said winds closer to 60mph.

And moose closing libraries! 😀
https://denver.cbslocal.com/2019/03/13/silverthorne-library-moose/

And of course some just plain idiocy!😡
https://koaa.com/news/covering-colorado/2019/03/13/csfd-rescuing-person-stuck-on-manitou-incline/

The moose had heard the library had copies of the new NY Times bestseller thriller for lend. He was waiting to check it out but got a little sleepy during his wait.

That's some storm you got, Glad.

I am ready for spring so I can get out of the house. I am now the caregiver of my husband whose memory is really going downhill fast. He is living in the past most of the time. Old 40s and 50s songs, sayings, tv westerns and lies constantly. He hates me with a passion. He wanted to help our son today and I was glad to see him go for the day. (Our sons roof had severe wind damage and his sons house had part of the roof ripped off during the storms). He came home smelling like a wet, dirty ashtray. I am allergic to the smoke and he says he doesn't smoke. His mustache and beard have turned yellow from the tobacco and I can smell it. I had a nice day without smelling his cigarette smoke or the vape smoke. No coughing, sneezing, stuffed head or headache. Until he came home. I asked him why he got cigarettes. He denied it. Finally said he got some cigars. $5 for 2. Later he told me our grandson gave him a cigar. I asked why he told me he bought them and he denied it. A bit later, he said he had plenty of cigarettes put up. (Won't be if I see them. They will go in the trash). Then he accused me of an affair with his friend. No, I didn't and his friend has been dead about 15 years. So, he chose another friend. No No NO! I was so tired of his arguing and accusations I went to the kitchen to cook. Then he said he wasn't eating anything I fixed because I was trying to find a way to get rid of him. He will say one thing then change it to something else a couple of hours later. He says I'm crazy not him. No one tells him he is crazy. Says I need to be tested. I have been. Said our son told him he thought I wanted his dad to have dementia. My grand daughter said no he didn't. If it was spring, I could go out in the yard. It would be so nice.

Winds still terrible, many road closures, office closed today. 🌼🌾🌲🌲🌲🍜🍜🍜💨💨🌺🌺

Hoping you all are safe as these storms move through! Stay safe. Let the other guy do the stupid stuff!

Ali, that bomb cyclone is over you now. Is it windier than the Windy City usually is?
Getting any snow with it? Heck of a day to go back to work!

I noticed there was Tornado watch here today, Glad. Not a warning, just a watch. We drop 20º from high of 60 today to 40 tomorrow. Not going to get into freezing temps, though, thankfully. It's nothing compared to what you guys got!

Work was very slow, at least. I did ok for a few hours and then I was ready to crawl out of there and go home to bed. This particular eatery location relies on foot traffic and when the weather is off, it's usually slow.