The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

My husband lost a son to an ATV rollover accident. So tragic. I also lost someone that way, a preteen I babysat throughout my junior high and high school years. Just happens way too often.

Today is very rough, I have severe diverticula disease, pocketing all throughout the entire GI tract. A lot of pain today. No fever, just the usual. I’m on meds for the IBS-D and for my liver bile acid malabsorption, but since the last two aren’t causing me the D, (meds are working decently), I’m pretty sure it’s the diverticulosis that’s causing the pain.

Someday, hopefully, medical science will get the gut diseases figured out better. Too many of us suffer, told it is a mind-gut thing. Well, my liver malabsorption disease has been confirmed. The doctors who brushed me off for nearly six decades need to be remanded back to medical school, IMO.

Other than the pain, laying with heating pad on my stomach, it was sunny and warm today. Enough so, I dried a load of laundry outside.

I feel a little better today. Still so tired that I couldn't get up on time but eventually I went in to work for a bit.

A couple of things: I need to take my daily vitamins. I've been slacking on them ever since the move last year, not sure why, just got out of the routine of taking them. I feel better when I take them because it includes B complex and gingko and some other things to support mental alertness. Gershun, I should be adding in my iron supplement once in awhile, agree. I always tested borderline low iron when I was younger, and I had very low blood pressure readings for years though it's in the low-normal range now. I fainted a few times when I was younger. Green tea helps me a lot, I've noticed. I can have a couple of cups a day to help out.

Getting good sleep is important to me feeling rested and also for my mental health issues like anxiety. I haven't quite figured out the "magic pill" for good sleep yet but I go back and forth with melatonin and some other things.

I'm working on it. ☺️ I appreciate coming here to sound off because you guys get it. Sometimes I think being tired just is part of the deal of being a woman over 40, but I'd like to work on it and improve things if I can.

I saw a huge container of turmeric at the store today for $7 and I bought it. I don't know if this is science, exactly, but... The steroids made me feel really UP and it was pushing my inflammatory response down... I'm always taking ibuprofen and other NSAIDs because I have chronic aches and stiffness... Why not add turmeric to every dish and see if its anti-inflammatory properties help, too? Easy enough to do.

I dunno. I'm trying. I need to be consistent with this stuff because I think it would help some, and "helping some" is exactly what I need.

Hi All! Good News, Thank God!!. My biopsy was negative. I got the news last week Thursday after I reluctantly called and had doctor paged for the results. I will have further test this week of intestines and then with results surgery will be done.

So I have been very tired and exhuasted. I had week free except for a brunch date at the home of my friends, my prayer partner and his wife. I wasnt even up to cooking this week so now I have to buy out for my lunch and snacks.

I have not heard from APS and I guess its typical exnarcissistic post traumatic syndrome to start second guessing my decissions and wheter or not I am right in my stands to stop cleaning certain area except for the kitchen and bathroom. The halls are getting worse and I am very twisted that it only bothers me. The stress of waiting to hear from them and wondering what will happen is draining.

My mother has taken to taking off her socks. Her feet look terrible. I stopped a while back seeing the nails were to thick and it was out of my league to do and mentioned she needed referral to nephew who states that the doctor checks her feet each time and they are okay. (because I was doing them) So now I feel guilty that her feet are getting worse. I called and left message hoping next visit they can be evalualted. I cant get my mother to listen to me much less get her dress or cleand properly without help. My sister and nephew work as a team for the clueless work they do towards my mother's care. I dont have that or any say. So I am hoping a praying that the investigation shows the truth of situations and the needs.

Still got this pain in groan area right side like a torn or strained ligament. It halts me in motions sometimes and I see my vulnerability health wise and security wise becuase if I can't walk I cant work and I need to work;. So knowing how messed up I am mentally through programming and my life long attempts to deal with it I just see myself as always being alone and for that being normal to me. Coming to terms with this life time of blindness has strong consequences. Somedays I feel strong in my truth other days I second guess who I know I am which is sad. I need help in so many ways.

I am thankful for O and P the couple I had brunch with. I am always uplifted one way or another when we meet up. Always mostly with one or two other people with the same spirit and goodness. I was blessed meeting O. First person I ever prayed with about any issues and my goodness it work every time, something good happens for the better. He and his wife minister to the elderly. One whom I met at their house is a diabetic woman about 88. She has a sore on her foot and O went to take her a platter of food and I went along. He cleaned her foot and changed the bandage. Takes her food everyday. Thats the kind of things they have been doing for elderly since I have know them. They go to hospitals to visit. Anyways I am going to go on and on.

I have not caught up.

Ali, I hope you get that energy, I think the turmeric was a good move.

Girlsylor I am glad you finally got a diagnosis and hopefully treatement. Divierticulosis is not pleasant food get caught in the pockets and can sit and brew up stuff.

I am hoping they get to the bottom of my stuff. I am still taking laxatives and I feel like there is an intermittent blockage somewhere because I get constipated and lot and I have been taking stuff for more than four weeks .

Glad, you be safe in that bad weather, thanks for your concern . ((HUGS))

I hope everyone else is in good spirits and health. This week I see therapist, get recertified for the service by the psychiatrist for the program and I go for the test. I havent made jmuch progress in my rooom. Its frustrating. I just give into that not wanting to do it feeling very easily. Years ago I washed the windows changed the curtain, cleaned the blinds at the start fo spring. Now I dont care.

Rays of love to all.

Awh, Golden, It must be so hard going though all those memories. Your mothers things. Seeing her thoughts on papers. I do so admire you strenght and resislience and goodness not to mention the wisdom. (that't to the three G's and a few more who I look up too and truly admire) Thanks for sharing and caring.

I am always learning something, one way or another on this forum.

I want to believe life is about love. That love keeps us going.

I have to catch up. In the meanwhile I wish all of you the best in everyway possible.

In my funk, I find when I smile, something good comes back to me. The return smile is warming and uplifting.

So Smile, and be good to yourselves.

Smiling here DDDuck! So glad the biopsy news was good!
We gotta get us all patched up!

Tired and frustrated. My mom
is able bodied now after a one year battle with breast cancer. I am a7 year survivor that also has Diybke lupus and the blessing of a loving husband otherwise none of what I will say here would have been possible. I was able to mentor my mother through her battle with cancer yes. My frustration comes having a sister that lives with her and uses her as a constant financial safety net because she allows it. Through the breast cancer it was as if I and my husband were the only ones who had any common sense! Despite having been through it and knowing some dangers signs during Chemo and after surgery you cannot know then all. But when something seems off call the doctor!! Why do you call me and then wait for me to tell you to do it??? If she’s not eating or not hydrating enough that’s serious!! Why let it go for days??? I’m trying my best to get there every day and call the days I can’t get there because I’m exhausted and trying to keep myself out of the hospital! I love very close but you live in the house with her for God’s sake! Why should I have to come EVERY DAY! You have church functions? Let them wait! I’m sure God will understand and appreciate it. If the committeees and whomever else don’t.... well you know where they can go! We have a responsibility to our mom first! I cannot do it all either!
Now I have a father in law that I love dearly. My dad has been gone since 01. He has my husband whom he adopted and 4 biological kids. We seem to do more living more than an hour away than they do! I can’t understand it. I don’t mind because he and my deceased mother in law raised my husband to be the man he is. Kind, loving, resourceful and very tenacious when it comes to family. But what I do mind is the siblings looking down their noses at us when we don’t do what they feel we should do when they beckon! Such as provide financial support for things when we are doing that for dad because one of you took advantage of him and never paid him back! Made sure he got his VA benefits because one of you who lives nearby couldn’t be bothered. I don’t need a thank you or anything else. The time with him is valuable to me/us because we love him! My dad is gone and one day you’ll wish you had taken the time to do things when he asks. When he’s gone he’s gone! My mother does not have to ask me twice for anything!
My last point, I manage a senior building and yes it may get frustrating to have to meet the needs of so many but I see so many just dumped and left. No one checks on them and when it’s their last hour they only have people like us to hold onto. My building is part AL and part IL and I serve both. So I’m a caretaker three times over! My husband is in the medical field so he is three times over as well. Plus he’s married to me so really four times over for him!
When these siblings of ours start their crap my husband and I leave them to themselves. We do what we can with what we have and if it isn’t good enough tough! No one has had the guts to say anything directly because I think they know what’s they have coming—both barrels loaded! We know more that they think we do but never say word. But if you keep smacking a hornets nest with a bat you know what will eventually happen. For now we are waiting and watching quietly...

Linda -how is your mum doing? and what happening with the brace?

glad - hope that lady is continuing to improve. Has your weather settled down? I suppose your dd2 is in her new home now. More roll overs??? Not good.

cw - the injuries with ATVs are so avoidable on the whole, IMO.

ali - I know the tiredness. If you have CFS then that is a big part of your life and you have to adjust your life around it. My life is hugely limited by it. ACV didn't help me - no easy fixes it seems. Would be nice. Caregiving may have been part of what brought you down - the constant stress. Getting enough sleep and rest is of paramount importance. ((((hugs)))) Hope you feel better soon. Eating properly is very important too - and supplements if you tend to be anemic. Robaxin at night helps my FM aches and pains and I sleep better too. I prefer it to the NSAIDS. A very little melatonin seems to help as well. Too much and I am drowsy in the daytime. I don't think tiredness is inevitable at your age. I had a full time job, 4 kids from 3 to 17 and a husband on shift work when I was your age. Tumeric is a good idea. The kind that is combined with pepper is best for absorption. Consistency is good!

girl - yes we all need hugs. ((((((hugs)))) to you. That's quite a variety of herbs. Nice to have helpful neighbours. Hope your gut is better. The mind gut connection is very real - stress for example affects the guts severely.. Also gut disease can affect our moods and depression via neurotransmitters, and by affecting our immune systems. Heating pads are great. Love mine.

gershun yes, great feeling for everything that leaves the house! Sorry you are low energy/borderline anemic. My dd suffers from that and the dizzies from standing up too quickly. When she was weightlifting it disappeared. Lethargy is the pits.

duck - so glad you biopsy was negative Yay!!! Moving through this. Any news from APS? The stress of waiting is hard. Your friends sound great. We all need them. The memories are mixed - some good many bad. I have to remember the bad ones to keep boundaries with my sis. Yes . love is what it is all about and sometimes we forget it includes loving ourselves.

WEA welcome sounds like many sibling stories we see here. Sibs want you to do all the work and make all the decisions so if anything goes wrong they can blame you, as well as not wanting to lift a finger because they don't care enough. Please first and foremost look after yourself. Lupus is a very serious disease. Set going there to whatever number of days a week you can manage, and still keep your health and sanity, and stick to that. You don't have to go every day - don't do it. Also with your fil - set some limits as to how many times you go there. The more you do the less others will do. It's human nature, I think. You have to have a tough skin when siblings criticize. I know it hurts when you are doing all the work and they are picking at you. Your job is very demanding. You need to keep yourself as well as possible. Please distinguish between your seniors' needs and wants. The wants can wait, the needs have to be looked after. Your sister has it good taking advantage. Who has POA and could put an end to the financial drain? It may be time to shoot those barrels anyway. Family needs to sit up and do their part. They won't if you keep doing it and don't say anything.. Have a good day and come back and vent any time.

Golden, thx for asking - the brace people were on the same page and added foam to take up the slack. They were really good to work with - expedited the repair so she wouldn't be without the brace very long. It fits snugly. They had to take it overnight but they were able to transfer her sans brace without injury. It was a trying session for me, as my mom was in a rare mood. I told the brace lady that any follow up with repair on her shoes or the braces needs to be with staff. I'm available by phone or email only. She's still not eating much. I've mentioned to a few staff people to bring her soup and crackers for her main meals - she likes soup and should eat that. My GERD's flaring again, so I'm going no contact till Easter, save for emergencies. My energy is going to DH's bp, which has been spiking later in the day - I nearly called 911 last night. We got it down and will change his med schedule today. It's like that with the "phases" - we have a day or two that's hairy until we create the new normal schedule. Will call his cardio tomorrow to discuss. PD can cause all kinds of different effects, like erratic bp.

Time to feel the feelings... I had a bit of panic this week which wasn't fun. The weather is nice and sunny, though still crisp and a little below freezing, but getting there.

The good news is that using Robaxin at night and a little melatonin once in a while seem to have gotten me more sleep, which has helped my aches and pains and energy levels. I am testing them carefully as I don't want a flare up, Usually my mornings are worse, and I am not much better than useless till the afternoon, but I dared to make a hair appointment for 9:15 am, Friday, made it there, and wasn't wiped for the rest of the day. Awesome! So, something has changed for the better. The melatonin made me quite drowsy one day, so I slept a lot, but I may need that for restoration, I am going to buy the very small dose 0.3 mg tablets Melatonin and play around with them. There are cautions about using it with the luvox I use for the fm, and I will discuss that with the pharmacist. Small doses occasionally should be OK.

The bad news and panic - grrr - is that some planks in my hardwood floor in the kitchen are warping, and as near as I can tell it is likely a small leak from the dishwasher. I pulled the fridge beside the dishwasher out and there was nothing wet, but the warping starts in line with the front of the dishwasher and seemed to get worse last time I used it. The d/w is at least 15 years old so it doesn't owe me anything. Likely the door seal is leaking. That means a new d/w which is ok. As I said, it doesn't owe me anything and in terms of house sale a new appliance is good. The worst part of it is that the kitchen flooring will have to be replaced. For the work and trouble to repair the amount of hardwood affected, a replacement is better. I was always nervous about hardwood in the kitchen anyway, so will go with tile this time, which will freshen it up. I have marble on the counters so have to be sure to pick a tile that isn't too busy, but don't want it too plain either to show every spot.

Sigh. Does it ever stop? I think I have some PTSD since the renos after the evac, re having workmen in the house for so long. It was awful. I totally panicked when I saw the floor. The ceiling in the room in the basement below is not showing any signs of a leak, but I won't use the d/w until I get a new one installed. R can tile the floors and he will replace the dishwasher and the U drain pipe (also leaking) in one of the upstairs bathrooms when he next comes. The floors can wait till we are sure there are no more leaks from the dishwasher or where ever.

Also, I think I have convinced him that the pantry drawer fronts and doors need redoing too. They are 10 years old and haven't worn well due to being not good material, so I want something better. Again it will help with house sale, I believe, I know kitchens are important for sales.

Here I am trying to get ahead in getting the house ready for sale and - more problems, more work. Ugh!

Well that's my whine for today. I hope that is the last of the major type repairs needed here. They all have involved water leaks which then caused other damage, needing dry wall and floor repairs. Hate it!

But I am going to have a good day anyway and get used to doing the dishes by hand AND wearing rubber gloves, so my skin doesn't get in a mess.

Be good to you, everyone. You deserve it.

Linda - I am glad that the brace repair went well. Also glad that future work on brace or shoes will be with staff. I know that stuff from mum gets to be too much. Good for you going no contact for a while. You can only do so much about the lack of interest in food. Sorry your dh is experiencing BP/PD issues. That must be scary. Hope he settles into a new routine soon. I am so thankful to not have/have had that particular disease or Alz to cope with. Have some fun somewhere some time. We all need it,

Golden, warped floors? UFFDA! Hope I don't have to deal with that for a very long time. Now, it is mostly weed starting to populate. Need to call landscaper about getting started and when. Can't be too soon but the weather needs to settle a bit. We will have a few nice days, then cold and snow again. Some of our heaviest snows are in April.

Neighbor, I haven't had a update in almost a week. Talked with their contractor last Monday. Doc's had drilled one hole through the skull to drain excess fluid, then had to drill a second one. She has opened her eyes, but nothing there. I think of that family often and the difficult time they are all going through. The children, a almost 2 year old girl and 4 year old boy. It is absolutely heart breaking.

More nesting here, emptied six boxes yesterday, so much paper work! Now a box to take for shredding. Got mom's spice jars out to wash, rack ready to sand and paint, just needs to stay warm enough for a few days so the paint will cure properly. Mississippi pot roast in the crock pot for dinner tonight.😁

Hi all, really not much to catch up on since my last post. Where is everybody!

Girl, Golden, thanks for the support.

WEA I am happy you have the support and understanding with your husband and are a team of understand holding ground with the sibblings.

I am really tired and sad about the situation with my twisted and how she has manipulated whats left of what I thought was a family, apart.

But I am in a good place when I can see the big picture. When I can see its no use crying over or longing for love especially from the likes of my sister and now what I see of my nephew. At the very least I wont get half of what they give my mother which is not much of anything. I am seeing that my sister has started taking the time to feed my mother a little. Even though she doesnt have time to take off her coat to do it. I got up early and saw this but saw no more of her before I turned in around 6pm.

The approval for my MRI was canceled so I went there for nothing. Travel is 11/2 hour so I wasnt too happy. Because it turned into a wasted day where I could have slept late or did my usaual and have the next day free to relax. Anyways I called and they have made a new request and meanwhile I canceled appointnet I had with surgeon this week until after the test so we both know what is going on. The Gyn MD email him and says he may want to see me anyway.

Thank goodness the pain in my foot/hill is resolving and the groin pain in right side was getting really bad then Saturday I noticed it was gone. That pain was really bad at times causeing me to lose balance and cringe with pain. Made me think of possiblility of being diabled which is scary. But it went away then I noticed today as I got up just as bus was stopping for my stop that it came back as I braced and balanced myself as the bus stopped. So from now on I will remain seated until bus or train comes to a full stop.

Golden, sorry to hear about the house issues. I took robaxin a long while ago for a back injury. That and another pain med. Glad you watching side effects and interactions for you meds.

APS has not reached out as of yet. My anxiety remains. I am slowly getting my space together in case they want or need to see it. Lot of clutter but it doesnt represent the me who is somewhat happy and together. It represents the clutter saddness and frustration. I feel much better with each step i make in decluttering. Then I see other areas I have neglected. I would love to clean the windows and wash down the walls but right now that is the least of my worries.

Frazzeled I hope all is well/.

Sharyn how is your brother.

Sometimes when I am not caught up I kind of hold back on reaching out, but I do think of you all when I am not posting.

Rays of Love and Light to you all. Smile, Smile, its contagious. ((((HUGS)))) to all.

Havent been here in a while, trying to come to grips with dealing with Dad. Its been going on 5 years now since he moved in. In the mean time Daughter moved in with now X son in law for 2 years and she has moved out and in with a now future son in law (we like this one). Its a merry go round in our house. Other daughter is out of work and looking for a job and I am sending her money to keep her apartment and health insurance (my vacation fund).
The big issue is no privacy. Dad is here 24/7 and I work at home. We dont go anywhere as we have to be sure the house is still standing when we come home and no one will watch my dog ( I watched everyone else's for a long time).
My wife finaly admited yesterday our marriage is suffering. Not is a bad way just we dont act like we did before all of this change. We have taken to writing notes and whispering so Dad doesnt hear and tell everyone else in the family every tidbit and gets it wrong.
Dad has taken to not disclosing the whole truth lately. After the Mexico trip saga where he got an almost free trip from his church friend (turned out he had to pay in the end). He goes out and doesnt say what he is up to when asked or makes other excuses. Really I dont care what he does as long as it doesn't affect me. He gets out and socializes which is wonderful. He leaves the house right after I do so he doesn't think I know (thank you video surveillance and phone notifications and I am linked to his bank account). Yesterday at dinner, "so what did you do today?", "oh just went to the shore and a store"...... "That was it?" I ask... "pretty much, saw a light house". It turns out he was with his church friend for the day. I know her very well and she tells her daughter everything who is also friends with my daughter. Apparently they had a good time together. They go out to lunch once or twice a month which is fine with me he socializes but he has taken to not telling the whole truth lately.
Having him here is taxing on me and my wife. Siblings are no where to be found. In the beginning it was I'll take dad 6 months you take dad 6 months. She cant take him 6 days. If I reach out to a sibling with an olive branch I will get it back with a sharp end and stuck in my eye......
Dad is somewhat mobile, he goes to lodge 2 times a week, church on Sundays and a few meetings a month for a couple hours. We get about 2 hours on Sunday morning to ourselves. We long for a weekend cabin away but my wife is afraid to leave to house alone with him. I planned a 2 week long awaited vacation but that has fallen through so did our week at the lake this summer. I plan to try to get my sister to take dad for a month this summer. Not sure it will work as my BIL and he dont really get along after 2 or 3 days. He is not ill enough to go to a facility, I cant push him off on other relatives they have their own lives.
He loves to be taken care of when he visits, everyone lavishes over him for a couple days so his head gets really big.
I have friends in similar situations with parents or children and are experiencing the same issues.
No he cant live on his own, no money and wont take care of himself. I have given up on managing his health care as he wont listen to me. I make fairly healthy dinners 6 nights a week so he is not deprived in anyway shape or form.
Anyone else experience similar issues or am I just b*tching too much?
Frustrated and exhausted.....

I have felt better than I've felt my whole life since distancing from my mom with early AD and my rigid dad. Mom has narc tendencies and dad is her enabler. Older sister is their golden child. The three of them align negatively against me my entire life. No contact with my sister in over one year. Reduced contact with parents several months ago. It is easier for me to just not talk to them, but I decided to try boundaries with parents. They call several times a week never needing anything but my attention. Each message dad tells me mom is depressed and I am the cause of it. He tells me she needs to see me more. He tells me I should call her more, should visit her more, should bring my husband over. They tell me I should "make up" to my sister. (Make up to my sister for not speaking to her after she repeatedly treated me badly.) They make me responsible for their struggles. Any contact with them just makes me feel bad about who I am as a person. It is a familiar lifelong feeling. I am trying to find a happy balance of contact, but have not found it yet. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't like feeling so bad around them.

TG. I hope you're not closing your ears to anything your wife might be trying to tell you about changes she has observed in your father.

What if it isn't just a matter of cleaning up after him, pain in the neck though it might be, but that she is becoming genuinely concerned about his safety when he's alone. You sure you're really listening to what she says? Have there been any recent objective assessments?

Hugs Ginger May. I'm just very sad to read your post.

So. What improvements does your father think he and your sister should contribute to the family dynamic? Where does he think they could do better, be more supportive, try harder to understand your point of view?

H'm. Is that a stampede of tumbleweeds I'm hearing?

Give your parents what you're okay with giving, because you want to give it. Not ever because it's being demanded of you.

I am having an angry day for some reason. I had little patience with the kids at school, not their fault, they were just being their tween-age "middle school" selves. I did NOT call Mom today, I simply could not listen to her complaints. I snapped at my husband twice about silly stuff. I just want to throw something and I don't know why. I am going to veg in front of TV and go to bed. Tomorrow will be better...I hope. Thanks for listening,

Trying, I've felt like that lately, too. I've been more irritable than usual and couldn't shake it, even though I'm aware of it and trying to get myself to move on, trying to stop being such a grouch. I wonder if this time of year has something to do with it. It's the end of a long winter for a lot of us.

glad -yes warped floors. I hope the sub floor is OK. Good luck with the weeds and landscaping. We have snow today again It doesn't sound great for your neighbour, sadly. Mississippi pot roast sounds good.

duck - sorry your MRI was cancelled. Groin pain can be sciatica. Oldest son had it. Hope APS shows up soon. Try to relax.

tg - been wondering how you and yours are. I also agree you need to heed your wife. Your generosity with family is backfiring. As I recall your wife had some health issues from the stress. Do you think dad hiding things could be a sign of decline? Why are you afraid to leave dad alone in the house? Is he not safe with the stove? He doesn't have to be ill to go to a facility, There is subsidized seniors housing, and IL or AL where he could have partial care like meals. Having a parent living in your home is very difficult for many. Do you plan on keeping him for the rest of his life?

hi ginger - distancing from the dysfun fam is great. My sis (older) is the golden child too. I have had life long negativity too, but thankfully my dad was not part of it. I have had the "make up with sister" talk too. No, thank you and for the same reasons. Honestly I am not sure that narcs get hurt by no contact or just miss the game playing. You are entitled to a decent life without the fam dram

cm - good point about the objective assessments

trying - hate those kind of days. For me, usually I am dealing with some anger or loss from an unrelated source. Makes total sense to not call your mum when you are feeling that way. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

ali - you have had a lot of illness recently. I find I am irritable post flu for example, and, yeah, waiting for spring to REALLY come.

Had a nasty day with fm pain and the chills. I am over it now, but totally wiped. When I am up to it I need to go downtown and buy a new dishwasher and look at flooring. It is completely white outside again and still snowing. I'll wait till it stops and melts.

Had some bad (hopefully not too bad) news from dd. Her hub (sil) has been tired and tests showed some heart concerns. He will see his dr. and I am waiting for am update. He is a hard working man with no bad habits so I doubt it is lifestyle, except perhaps the hours of overtime which is hard on the body. Prayers appreciated.

Have a good night, everyone. A wool blanket and hot drinks for me.

I am the yougest of 5 children, been chosen withou my consent as the poa for mom and dad and only found out after my dad's death. But i can understand why since ive always been the only one that cared for them and when out of my way and sacrificed to help them. Sometime i feel like giving up, no one helps, sisters and brother only pretend they care but never around unless they want something...its like they dont see my moms condition deteriorating.....instead they cause troubles to make things harder for my mother and i. I know this sounds crazy but it is what it is.

Hi Everyone! Got a boat load of dysfunction over here, but I am trying to be grateful my situation could be much more stressful. Just turned 30 and I am the sole caretaker for my 87 yr grandma who is only diagnosed as having 'histronics' - not a medical term anymore. All I know is that she is extremely controlling with guilt trips, prone to anxiety, acts like a child, and my grandfather and mother took care of her every whim and she expects me to be like that too. We have no other family members to help. Anything I do she will blame me for all her unhappiness. I want to start spending 1 night away from the house and she is already coming up with all these reasons I shouldn't. I really need to reclaim my life and have space, but she tells me I hate her and she's all alone. I don't think anyone would want to live with her. I don't know what to do, but next Wednesday I want to stay away from home. Usually I deal with these situations childishly, but I'm trying to grow up BUT she won't have grown up conversations with me about the situation. What if I just hire someone to stay with her? She'll hate it and it is too expensive. She said she would stay with her brother, but I know he doesn't want that and she's just saying it to keep me here. Too many words sorry, HELP

jamma - you are too young to be spending your life taking care of an elder. At your age, you should be out working, building your career, making a life for yourself, not at home babysitting a childish 87 y.o. granny.

Your goal should be to move out on your own, and reclaim your life. Who will take care of granny? Her children if there are any left. If not, she should move to an assisted living facility or go live with her brother, not hijack your life so she can live. The longer you stay, the more life she'll suck out of you.

You are not responsible for her happiness. So what if she blames you for her unhappiness. So what if she blames you for a bad hair day or global warming. It's not your responsibility to make her happy. It's hers.

She says it's too expensive to hire someone, so that means you're working for free. Why do you have to talk to her about you reclaiming your life? Why? You need her permission to live your life? NO. YOU DON"T. Just do it as Nike says. Just TELL her, not ASK her.

Are you working right now? If not, you need to. You need a job to support yourself, and MOVE OUT.

Jamma, just talk us through the background - how did your grandmother come to move into your house, and when?

Thanks guys! Today was better, the morning was tough but I felt better by evening. Ali- I agree it probably has something to do with the change of seasons.

Golden - so sorry to hear you were not feeling well. do something extra special for yourself

Golden, sorry you have been feeling low.

Ali, sorry you've been grumpy. I get it. I posted on another site that my blood pressure has been really low. Too low I'm thinking. Hypotension I guess they call it? I think. I feel faint almost. I was sitting down for dinner yesterday evening with dh and felt like the room was spinning for a moment. Didn't tell him cause he gets angry when I'm not feeling well. Don't ask me why. He either overreacts or says, ah, you're fine.

Yes, I know the obvious thing would be go to the doctor but when he tests my pressure on his machine it reads normal. White coat syndrome I guess. But my readings on home machine are pretty low. Last night 94 over 84.

Neighbor is making progress, held chap stick, put it on, took hair out of braid and tried to brush her hair. Wrote a bit on an envelope. Phew, a relief and good to hear, it has been three weeks now since the accident.

I had a very grumpy day a couple of weeks ago, have no idea what that was about. It think it is just normal, whatever that is. We cannot all feel wonderful, cheerful and ready to take on the world all the time.

Hi Levianthan welcome. I don't understand how you were chosen to be POA without your consent. You have to sign documents and need not do that if you do not want the job. Saw on your profile that your mum is quite ill. Dysfun siblings are common here. I am sorry yours don't help. We know all about sibs making trouble -all too common. Can you get some help from someone else? You have to look after yourself. Care giving is very stressful.

jamma - what polarbear said. You are too young to be saddled with this. I agree you do not need discuss to with her. Just make your own plans and move out giving her adequate notice.

polarbear - well said

cm - details are good

trying -are you getting enough rest? Glad you are feeling better. Thx for the encouragement. Today was much better.

gershun - thx. The flu seems to have really triggered flareups. Woah -a bp of 94/84 sounds off to me. Pulse pressure (systolic minus diastolic) should be in the range of 30-50 according to the web. Yours was only 10 last night and that is too low,IMO. I had a friend whose normal BP was 90/50 but she did not have your symptoms and had a normal pulse pressure. What I do when I want to convey something about my BP to the dr is keep a spreadsheet over a few weeks of my BP taken morning and evening. Take it 3x each am and pm and then average the three figures. for that am or pm. That gives a pretty reliable picture of your bp. Mine is almost always high at the drs but they believe me that it is white coat syndrome when I show them the spread sheet. I took my machine in once to a doctors office to compare it with his machine. That convinced him. Your hub gets angry b/c he worries about you. No fun for you.

glad - so happy to hear about your neighbours progress. I hope, being young, she will recover totally. How is ts2? Last you reported she had some health issues and your request to her re the estate was not moving ahead. I agree we aren't cheerful all the time.

Melatonin and robaxin seem to be helping thankfully. Today was reasonable.

Darn snow - partially melted and I hope it will be gone next week. It is still below freezing at night and more snow expected on Sunday, Ugh!!!

Take care all. Do something good for you.

Thx Golden for the info. I'll take everything you said and my machine to the doctor after I've done the analysis. I do take my readings about once a week and usually in the evening but I'll start doing what you said.