The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

I'm a mess right now. I’m so sad, I’m so sad, I’m so sad. I’m not sleeping and when I do manage to fall asleep, I hate waking up. I feel so helpless.

My sister has taken mom to the doctor 3 additional times for an injury that I told her was just a deeply rooted bruise from her back-to-back falls. I had already taken her twice for this injury. So Friday when I left mom was doing good considering. I was to go back Sat or Sun to check on her again.

Instead I get a call from dad Sat. morning saying that sister says mom is really bad off and look like a bone is coming through her skin where the bruise is among other things. So after he was stating how bad of a condition she was in, I asked him to please tell her for them not to try and move her and that I called for an ambulance.

I make it to the hospital, over an hour away, to hear the ER doctor talk about that same old bruise and to take mom home and apply ice. I was relieved and floored. From there I had nothing to say to sister and not much to say to dad.

However, he called himself upset that I was not talking to sister and would not let it go. It got really bad and we had face to face words.

And this silly sister of mine tore up the tub grab bar that my mom uses to help get off the toilet and replaced it with her walker. I keep warning them this is not safe.

This is how I'm feeling days later.

answry, so sorry you are sad. It's annoying isn't it when you do everything and then someone who thinks they know better comes in and ruins it all with their ignorance. I tried to delegate when my mom was still alive. Give siblings tasks that they couldn't screw up no matter how hard they tried. Then they felt like they were doing something instead of jumping in and wrecking everything. That usually tided them over for a while and then I could deal with the important things.

Wow, you have all been busy trying to fit in some self care between the caretaking urgencies. I applaud you all!
Nothing big going on here, a good thing. I recently had a third dog run-in here. All different dogs, different owners, no license, tags, roaming intact male Pitbulls. All jumped my backyard fence,trying to claw through my screen porch when I was out sitting, kitties enjoying beautiful weather. Owners found all three times. One of my cats has developed poor litter box habits, and I’m physically not able to keep up with carpet cleaning. Screen porch is their home, with lots of spots to perch, climb, tile floor, very pleasant. So, now I’m faced with fifteen feet of ripped screen, have to bring in screen man again, hundred bucks at a pop. Second time, less than a year, two different irresponsible dog owners. I’m exhausted trying to get these dogs back to their owners, only to have them letting these roaming, destructive dogs out into their own yards with broken fences. Am in contact with Animal Control about it, but fully expecting a mauling or killing episode, me, a kitty, my little dog...horrific situation. Taking steps for protection, a bit at a time. Fire extinguishers, dog repellant spray, tactical knife, looking at security cameras, looking at buying a gun. They aren’t going to stop. Hope you guys don’t read about me in the news.
Hubs doing okay. I did some yard cleanup today, cutting up fallen branches, trimmed back some shrubs. More to do. Tomorrow I get to have my hair roots touched up, lol. That’s the best treat!

sharyn - going to a gym together would be good

Nicki - doing nothing is better than interfering and causing trouble, I think.

siss - staying away for a while and curtailing phone calls sounds good to me. Has your mum been assessed for dementia and/or mental illness?

duck - sounds like things are moving, if slowly

Thx ali - I am definitely in a strange state. I have been leaving it. I guess I need to leave it a bit longer.

answry -welcome - what a frustrating situation to have your sis working at odds with what you are doing. Do either of you have POA? At least your mum is fairly OK - nothing has gotten worse. I am going to guess that you have had similar interaction with you sis in the past. Can you detach some?

girlsaylor - Hope animal control can help. Those animals sound dangerous. Glad your hubs is OK. Don't overdo it.

So enjoying the sunny cool days!

Duck, wonderful that APS seems to be making some changes happen for the betterment of your mom, and to you too.

Sharyn, again, just great about your bro. That was a very long haul. Does he even remember the early parts of it?

Answry, sibs that just confuse the situation. They don't know what to do so they do what you have done already. And you really never know maybe something does worsen. Not having daily contact with with all caregivers, which would be virtually impossible, makes everything more difficult for everyone.

Welp, I see a doc tomorrow just a yearly deal, got my previous doc records and have not seen a doc since 2011, coincidentally or not, the year I started caring for mom. Did not have health insurance. Never got dinged by IRS for not having it, caregivers are exempt from insurance requirement. Seems backward to me there should be a government plan to keep these caregivers healthy because of the work they are doing. Free or very cheap care for the sick.

My previous doc was watching thyroid, skin, lungs, colon, osteopenia, what else? Was to follow up with everything, just could not do it. But, I suppose everything is ok since I have not been experiencing any difficulties at all. Healthy genes I guess. Mom the hypochondriac, tried to teach me other things.

Not looking at all forward to it, but I am at an age, I need to have a doc. Must get a lawyer on my to do list to take care of all of those documents that we all need in place.

Hey did you all see on the news about a german shepherd lost for two years, found and returned to family in Florida, 2,000 miles away. Unbelievable! Just one of those happy tidbits.

Hi all, I will be off for a few. Remember how I was in a good place. This morning I am back to that saddness but like before I am going to fight it with prayer. This whole situation really is sad and stressful, frustrating. I dont know where the road is going to lead. I just know my mother deserves better. and I do too. I came home and my mother is bangin on window in the shed then in the livingroom talking to an illusion. Demanding I open the door. I have to be really carefully and mindful now about checking the door. She is ready to get out!!!

At least she ate well today. I didnt have to spoon feed her so I left for work a little early and it felt good to not have to rush. I am always a hyped fast walker but today I cruised and it felt good.

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week and weekend.

Smile, Smile think of an endearing sweet moment in your life that tickeled you and showed you how you love or how you welcomed love. Then SMILE!!

Be good to yourselves. Rays of love and healing to all.

Glad, good you are seeing a doctor. Sounds like you will have a good report when its all said and done if you went so long without having to address anything. This insurance thing is crazy. Wish I had known about the care giver exemption. My job has me pissed on a lot of levels. I ended up owe again after they stopped taxing the salary for about a month and then started giving us an extra $2 and hour but not taxing it so we got two form. The boss acts like he cant understand my request to take taxes out or why is it not taxed. wants me to come in another 2hour ride. Told another nurse same thing but she has a problem that she didnt make that much money. Anyways I do tend to go off on a tangent. But it another thing that bothers me as I am already in debt to my neck with taxes. I hope I can get someone good and pay to have them done next year.

Well so much for that. Have a lovely week everyone.

Duck, everyone got underwithheld this year. The IRS changed its withholding tables at the time the new tax law went into effect.

Go to IRS.gov and download and print out a w-4 form. Fill it out and send it to your boss. That's how you change your withholding. There are instructions on how to figure out how much you should have taken out.

Do you use Turbo Tax or Tax Act? They are pretty simple and might be free if you qualify.

https://www.bankrate.com/finance/taxes/adjust-withholding.aspx

Dads up to his tricks again. So a while ago he told me he was going to Mexico with his lady friend. OK, he has no money but OK, he said it was all paid for and it wasn't and he had to pay his half when he got back. Lesson learned or so I thought.
Before Easter he kept asking what time dinner was. We told him in the afternoon with our daughter and fiance. We all go to church and he tells me he is delivering flowers in the afternoon. Our daughter is friends with the daughter of his lady friend and in church she tells me he is going to her house for dinner. OK, I kind of knew something was up when he put a bottle of wine in his cooler in his car in the AM. At the end of church I ask when he is doing "I'm going to deliver flowers"... later my daughter gets a call and we tell him just to stay and have dinner with them. It wasnt the dinner with the lady friend I was torked about it was the out right lying to me.... and in church!
So put that aside and this AM he tells me he was asked by his lady friend to go with her to a funeral in Michigan...... about a 20 hour drive each way (they are in their 80s) and going through Canada...... So I ask "you have money?"... "Oh she will cover the costs".... "OK you are a big boy". Then he says they are going to stop at my sisters on the way.... that is when I kind of almost lost it. "No I said, my personal opinion, absolutely not".... He went on and on then I let him have it about lying to me in front of my daughter and in church of all places.
So while this all seems trivial let me give the background on this lady he does not know. I know her from before dad moved in. She was married ot an older gentlemen in town who was widowed. Long story short, she moved in and they got married. They traveld all over to Europe and the US. She kept telling everyone oshe was financialy OK her late husband was a preacher. Fast forward the gentleman dies and our organization managed the funeral with the family. She tells his kids she can stay in the house the rest of her life but the gentleman never put it in writing so the kids kicked her out. Apparenlty she was using his money, albeit he was happy his last years. We all felt bad, she moved in with her daughter. Then I get a phone call from my financial planner and he asks me all these questions about this lady as he knows I know her. Turns out she latched on to his elderly father and was trying to get him to marry her and put her on his deed! I cant make this up. Needless to say he would not do it so she left.
Aparently she has latched on to others trying to secure a place to live. this is a very church going nice lady. So I have made sure my daughter tells her daughter my dad has no money.
I wont tell my dad about her track record as I am glad he has a friend to hang out with. My big issue is she weaves her way into families and places. She is already trying to secure a spot in our daughters wedding (same church). My daughter is very protective of her grandfather and I have told her what is going on. So I will have to call my sister and tell her what is going on. My big issues is he is going to parade this lady in front of the family. Am I wrong to be this way? I have to tell him not to sign anything with this lady. I think my sister will understand as she had a similar situation with her in laws. Dad is in la la land because someong is spending time with him but I know this black widow...... too strong? He has no funds and this is my house so she will not be stepping over my threshold ever.

Girlsailor, we have a similar situation going on at our river house. Our neighbor had chickens in a little set up in his yard. The neighbor next to him is a renter with 2 big dogs, chained outside all day,barking and getting loose. They jumped his chicken enclosure several times, killed a bird or two. Owner of rental is also a neighbor, dislikes chicken owner.. He then fences a big part of his yard for the birds (4 poor chickens), and the dang dogs took out the fence and killed them all. He is not wanting to call animal control because he lets his little 10 lb dog run around outside. WTH !! That puppers never bothers anyone.. two rotty/pit bull mixes are a whole nother story. Now DD and I are worried about taking our tiny puppers to the vacay home. We always have them on leashes, but dogs like that will attack a dog on a leash. I told hubs if I get threatened and or my dogs get hurt AC will be called so fast it wont be funny, and I will sue for damages. ( and I will, my neighbor shot my cat in my yard because he thought it "was a groundhog", and he paid 900 for vet bills) And what the heck are two people in a tiny house in west by god virginia doing that they need two guard dogs? Inquiring minds want to know? They never interact with them or play with them.

Pam-
This situation sounds horrible!
Due to GA being a one free bite state, there are no protections from the dangerous dogs if they have not yet killed, and proved to be the killers of somebody’s pet, livestock, or a person.
I have been researching what I can do in this situation, where Pit owners also love their freedoms, but we’ve already been charged by their dangerous, intact male dogs. I am not allowed to shoot a menacing dog not in the act of biting, if you can imagine that. However, I’m beefing up my arsenal for the day one of these Pits revisits us, which they will. They know the cats and small dog are here.
I will be wearing a cross body bag when outdoors. It will include gun, tactical knife (under 12 inches blade permissible in my state, on my property, no permit needed), bear and pepper sprays, cell phone for camera use, break stick. I can probably wear that much weight while having my oxygen backpack on. My cane is being swapped out for a Zap Cane, when in my yard. Also perfectly legal in my state, with exception of a few places where not allowed, like government offices, schools. It is basically a stun gun in a cane. And, I’ve learned the best non-lethal way to stop an attacking dog is shoot a fire extinguisher right in its face. Will not cause damage, will buy you 3-5 minutes to get away, won’t get you arrested for animal cruelty. I can lift the small 5-pound fire extinguishers, have one in my kitchen. It’s not a bad idea to have more than one anyhow, especially if smaller size. I’m going to put one in my carport laundry room, one in my screened porch, and one in the garage. All for fire safety, but also for easy access to repel these nasty beasts.
Lest anybody think it’s cruel, we’ve decided it’s cruel for these people to own and inflict their aggressive animals on us, refusing to keep them confined, despite leash laws here. Under owner’s control is no longer the law here. They must be on leash if off your property. Law doesn’t care whether the dog jumped fence, gate not latched, fence broken, dog went over or under. We own pets ourselves, but enough is enough.
Suggest get small backpack for your walks, maybe type to carry oxygen cylinder, put small fire extinguisher in it, so you can continue walking your dogs. If allowed to carry knife, visibly, let the dog owner see you in your canine swat gear. Lol. Ask them what company they have their liability insurance with, so when you get bitten, your lawyer can quickly file the lawsuit. Sorry, but we’re taking off the gloves here.

I always use a riding crop if I walk out of my property, even if it's just me. I understand wasp spray does a good job too, and 25 foot reach!

I made a request to my company and to APS for help with hostility in the home among other things. APS made a visit. After speaking with mom and sister, the APS person shook their head and said I really don’t want to make a report. I didn’t ask why. Then the rest of us were interviewed. So don’t know if, in the end, any of it will be helpful.

Carried mom extra supplies. Once there I checked meds and saw dads were all wrong. I am 100% percent sure that he had attempted himself. He asked was I going to do his med setup. I did not volunteer and asked if he wanted help. He said yes and so it was. Then as the day went on he came and hugged me saying he was sorry to have blown up on me. I didn’t check mom meds because I didn’t want to say anything to sister after she spilled guts to APS. Tomorrow will have to check because Saturday is last day.

Got a jump on tomorrow. Got my beginner smoothies made (ha, ha).

By the time everything was finished, my doctor called and said my thyroid biopsy and the biopsy on the cluster of nodules behind ear were also benign. I had no idea these nodules were bothering my hearing. I always thought it was wax buildup. Now I see it was not.

Have a blessed night everyone!

Terrible, fiery crash west of Denver tonight. Twelve cars, three semis, multiple fatalities. Semi evidently had some sort of malfunction. Just frightening to see the images. I-70 to be closed for awhile while damage to road and bridge evaluated and necessary repairs made. Hoping the best for all.

A guy was filming for his youtube channel, "burgerplanet" caught the start of it. Semi on shoulder going 70-80 mph in bumper to bumper traffic. Awful.

Did everyone get to their appointments today?
I went, got weighed, and I am a loser!!!
0.4 lb. (that is 1/2 a pound.)

i didnt mention the other day my son and dil are separating. He is not sharing what their issues are and that is ok. He can’t move out until June as they have a lease. He has been depressed and feels he will be better once he moves out. They would celebrate their 10 year anniversary in November.

Sharyn, my oldest has just recently divorced. Their home was a stressful place to visit they were angry with each other much of the time. At stupid stuff that really didn't matter in the whole scheme of things. It has been stressful for them both, double payments, rent and mortgage, utilities. They finally got a contract on their home to close the third week in May. What a relief. Then the stress of her trying to find a rental, the market is tight and expensive, but cheaper than two payments.

So sad. Hard for all.

Just got off the phone a few minutes ago with Mom. She was in a good mood on Saturday. I was under the weather a little on Sunday, so I called her a little later - just went to her answering machine. So, yes I was in the doghouse for not calling her earlier. Every Sunday though she is in a FOUL mood. It's so boring, I never thought I'd be all alone. Well, maybe if you weren't always complaining or telling people what to do, they'd come and visit you?
So I figured she'd be in a bad mood today. Yep. She was going on about how her fingers are useless, her arm hurts (she won't go to the doctor). Not sure what she wants me to do. She'll say "you're always on that computer, and you know so much, surely you can't find something to fix it?" No, I'm not a doctor. I've gotten her pain creams, heating pads, etc., none of which 'work'. I'm really done with buying her anything else. I got to hear her 'greatest hits' again - how she helped "people" (aka me), and if she knew then what she knows now she wouldn't do it. She never thought of herself though. She wanted to move far away when my dad died. Nope. Never the case. She never says where she would've liked to move either. It's a fantasy. If only we horrible "kids" would've allowed her to move, her life would be so wonderful now. She has to have a scapegoat, and I'm goat #1. She also didn't quite make it to the bathroom multiple times yesterday. I'm not sure if it's a ploy to say, I really need to move in with you or what. And if she even visited, we'd review on when she would intake liquids, have regular bathroom breaks, and wear heavy duty Depends. I do not plan on operating a 24 hour laundromat, not when it can be avoided.
She even mentioned that her friend is debating on what new flooring to have installed in her home, carpeting or wood flooring. Hmmmm. I am debating the same, but very much leaning towards the tile that looks like wood. Mom is very pro wall to wall carpeting. I don't think her friend is looking to install squat. I think it's a passive aggressive way of telling me to get carpeting. I'm actually planning on getting new everything - it's time. I had her ear in my head when I got the last living room furniture, and it's not me. It's her. I'm getting what I want. She even told me she called her friends to tell them it was windy and they needed to get their garbage cans in NOW. Her one friend didn't do it right away, and Mom was a little ticked off by it. That friend will take her good time to do something; she doesn't let anyone boss her around. Mom really has little self awareness; she unconsciously pushes people away with her actions.
I'm now debating if I go there for Mother's Day. She got a call back from her landscaper, but did not return his call. I know she wants me to do the work. She expects me to work hard for her - and hard work is manual labor. I do not work hard at my day job - it's just sitting at a computer, after all. I told a friend I should go to a medical supply store and get a neck brace, saying oh I have a displaced vertebrae, so I can't do any manual labor. Or maybe walk in with crutches - nah, I'd still have to sit on the ground and trim/pull weeds.
She was really wanting a fight tonight, baiting me. I kept the phone on mute, writing in my journal. As a narcissist, I know she has to get the attention, be it positive or negative. I'm half waiting for a late night call where she yells at me; she's not done that in a while. But, I have to remember to not take the bait.
Someone asked if she'd been tested for dementia or other mental disorder; she won't go to the doctor. She's partially intimidated by him, plus he's not a chatty sort, so he doesn't flatter her or compliment her. She also doesn't like anyone else to tell her what to do, she knows best. She's even said, these doctors now days, they don't know a thing! So unless she's really sick, no way to get her there.
Thanks for letting me vent

Been awhile since I updated here...these past few months have been like a whirlwind. I don't think I mentioned on here that I was pregnant again. Hubs and I waited until 2nd trimester to announce it to anyone...partially a little superstitious because we lost a baby early on before we had our two and a half year old, and partly because I didn't want my family to ramp up their drama. Mom didn't even know for that same reason.

So, we had our newest little girl April 16, born 8 weeks early at 32 weeks. She's doing well for her size, but will be in the NICU awhile until she gets a little bigger and can take all feedings by mouth. Right now, half of her feedings are by mouth and half are still through the nasogastric tube.

Still working on mom's estate stuff, although it's just kind of a gradual process, and has kind of taken the back burner these past few weeks. Nothing more from twisted sis so far. The new attorney that I hired is working on doing something called a constructive trust to place the house into the estate so that it can eventually be sold to help pay bills and attorney fees. Not to mention upkeep, insurance, etc still being paid from what little estate account funds are left. Hoping it all gets resolved soon. At least this way that the attorney is trying will avoid a long, drawn-out lawsuit if approved by the judge.

Between going back and forth to the hospital, and taking care of the other kids and trying to keep my head above water, I've been pretty wiped out. Hubs has been by my side and supportive, and I know he's tired too between work and everything else.

Oldest son, who just turned 18, also announced today that he was getting his things and moving out to his friend's house. And he did. He's not working and sick of me 'telling him what to do'. I figure he will either sink or swim. At least we haven't dealt with cops and all of the drama with him that we did a few years back with our oldest daughter, now 21 (yes, our kids, the oldest and youngest, are spaced far apart). He's just wanting the independence without any responsibilities like chores, curfew, etc.

I'm so ready for a breather, like as in a day off or something lol. But I had some butter pecan cake earlier that was pretty good too...off to bed here in a few. Just had to get in a little downtime, 'me' time, while everyone else is asleep. Hugs to everyone here. I'll respond to some posts and get caught up some more soon.

Sissisu, I wasn't familiar with your situation so I just read the posts on your profile.

This is a complete gem, her response when you said no you were not moving back to your hometown: "Well, why did you bother to be born here?"

You could argue that perhaps most people have *some* narcissistic traits, and it's a very broad spectrum from the occasional wobble to distinct tendencies to marked disorder.

24 carat out and out can't miss them Narcissists, though, are quite rare. I think you should be proud of how well you handle yours. It's incredibly difficult to maintain such strong boundaries and still provide high quality support - hats off to you.

Any ideas of what you might need to do to cope with her in the future?

Dads back from his trip to Michigan with his friend. I called my sibling before he left and she was like no problem. Anything with her is no problem because he doesn't live with her! He came back with his ever present timing 5 minutes before my wife got home. Anyhow, he and his friend come into the lower level where my office is, I am no the phone with a client and they are at the top of thier lungs with hellos... dog is barking. Great way to run a professional business. I didn't even turn around to acknowledge them. SO I am yet again the bad guy..
Am I making a big deal of all this being standoffish?
It is hard to run my business from home wihout people coming and going through my office.
I have to have it in the basement where the entry door is (we do have a side door and a front door but no one uses them). it is where his keys and coat are at the garage entry and is right in my office which used to be the beautiful formal living room I had when I moved in but gave to dad so he could have his own living room. That is right, he has a beautiful sunny living room, his own bath room and huge sunny bedroom, Pretty friggin nice accommodations. I digress...
So now I have to put doors in my office to drown out everyone else's noise.... in my own house.... locked in the basement............... but no assistance from my sibling when I told her I need a break after 5 years....
I need a break..... Now I have to start looking for a car for him.... his wont make it much longer..... yup, more money out of my pocket......
When does it end?

You're not making a big deal of the stress but ohmygod you do make rods for your own back.

You have TWO doors which are nowhere near your office. You say "but no-one uses them." Well, hey, they do now! Or else!

Get a nice little hall stand and put it by the door you want him to use and put his coat and his keys there. He will soon get used to it, after a false start or two. Double lock the door to the garage that you don't want him to use, or put a bolt on the inside. Do not respond to knocking except with GO ROUND.

Do this now. This battle is worth picking. If you don't pick it, you might turn into the kind of bitter resentful curmudgeon who scowls and turns his back on a cheerful greeting. Hem-hem.

What did you want your sister to do, exactly? Can't tell if that was a battle worth picking or not.

Man can go to Michigan with a lady friend by himself but not independent enough to live alone.

I'm not giving you anymore advice, TG. You're making your own bed by not looking at ANY of the reasonable alternatives.

Frazz, congratulations on the birth of your daughter! Ivan imagine you and your hubby are exhausted with all that’s going on. I hope you two can get a day or two to just relax soon. It’s sound like the attorney has a good plan to avoid a lawsuit later. Sibs can make trouble but never offer to help.

Oh, I missed that post Frazzled - a new daughter, how wonderful 🤗

Congratulations Frazz! A new daughter, so special!

Tgengine, It ends when you set boundaries and quit propping him up financially.

Frazzeled!! Congratualations!!! I am so happy for you.!!! Seems like lawyer's plan has your sister in check, that is great. I guess its stressful with the older children and having this brand new blessing. I think you are so blessed.

I hope everyone is in good health and good spirits.

Sissu, be strong. Twisted sister Yikes!!!! Amundo!!!!!

Barbs, thanks for the advice.

Golden I hope you are cheered up and taking care.

Country, Barbs, I admire your spirits.

Well, I am still waiting for further from APS. I am sure it takes time. I just hope the case isnt dropped or overlooked.

Had another flood in the basement, 2nd within two weeks, we had heavy rain fall all day on friday,. Flood in the basement, I hear the water fall, not as strong as a few weeks ago (that sounded like niagra falls in the house) This last one was not so bad but any leak is bad. I turned of water. Monday I was going to reach out for advice, as I have decided to go "no contact" with my nephew and stay no contact with my twisted. Just like last time, I knew she would call nephew. Only it stayed off for three days. I turned it on Sat and sun to shower and clean dishes, wondering when twisted or nephew would address issue. I knew if I texted him it would be on me. I have almost exhuasted my funds trying to keep things up. Then get blamed for every single thing, while no one else does anything. My nephew has authority to pay bills from account and uses it to take care of any issue upstairs. But not to fix buckling floor around toilet and other repairs. Its not my house. I have already said we can all chip in and do repairs and that is just out of the question because my sister pays nothing, never did. So I am counting on APS Guardianship to take over manageing my mothers's care and disrepair of her living area.
She is eating well and I have had some funny moments with her I wanted to share but have forgotten. Almost forgot this one this afternoon as I am feeding her, she takes the fork and feed me! lol so I ate it. yes you can feed me too! I think she is getting used to the idea of being fed, like accepting it.

I will be glad to get a home attendant so I can get her bathed regularly and take her out and do things like plant or anything out side. Things two sisters would normally do toghether for their aging mother. I see similar scenarios in the street and I tear up.

So now surgeon's office called about apt I canceled when the bowel study was canceled. Its approved now so I will be back to making those appointments to prepare for surgery.

Here I go again. All these events are stressfull. I mean I worried so much around this APS case and it went so easy, was very emotional, as something like this really tells on the family. Things you want to hide like the dysfunction. Just as I told the casemanager for the meals, a lot of questions she asked, I lied about my mother to make her look good like I always have. This time I told the truth.com. and even as I felt wrong almost like a traitor exposes the family secret, I felt good because hopeful this will improve the quality of what left of my mother's life.

Anyways, I am so grateful to be a part of this forum. I know I am long winded and stray and babble and I appreciate any and all of you who care enough to comment, be honest and truthfull and give guidance there were and still are something I couldnt see or understand which I eventually did see and come to terms with and that was because I could considered the options that were directed at me. And my goodness I do so appreciated you all!

I think all of us have dysfunctional families when it comes to parental caregiving.

Whenever there is a perception of an imbalance of that which might be worth fighting over -
attention
love
money
power
favoritism
responsibility
stuff and/or
limited time

The environment is well-suited for war.

Too bad. I loved my family and felt (long ago) like they were mentally healthy.

Duck, You’re taking good care of your mother and trying to get her the services she needs. I hope it all goes well and your surgery as well. Give yourself a big pat on the back.