The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Tgengine, I hope you take many posts and feeback you have been getting to heart. Its hard to break away from the patterns we get stuck in. I think once you make one small stand it will get easier and easier. Its going to be a struggle because it seems you are too kind hearted and afraid to hurt or insult others.

I am having a good spell with my mother, she can be very funny. I gave her ensure and sometimes I "soup" things up to get her to eat or drink something. So today after I finally got her to taste the ensure. She she was like UMph!! UMph! umph! this is good. Then she says "guurrrllll" I cracked up my mother is too much. The day before I had on jeans and some shiny rain ankle bootsfor the rain. She was like that's a pretty dress, turn around so I can see it. So I did the model thing ( we alsways did fashion shows when I was a girlscout my mother a leader) So she ssay ahh!!! shucks!!! I left for work full of laughter and smiles two days in a row. So I am feeling very grateful and melding into this care giver up and down business. Meanwhile I am still waiting for the APS intervention or to hear something from them. Then to top it off. My twisted put parental controls on my mothers cable so I can't watch my shows that I catch up with while I am cooking. So I got caught up in some crime solving cases. I had just bought a new remote as the other one went missing. I had been having my mail sent to the store around the corner but the brother whose name I use went a way and I have to ask new one. This was so that I would get my orders without sabatoge and keep them out of my business. So I guess she saw the remote and took the next step. I think that is one bill my nephew pays for my mother., Its all good, I have my showb^^&x and I will utube and see if I can unblock the parental control on optimum without pass word when I get a chance.

Waiting on authorization for the interography study of intestines. Then to make an apt to see surgeon and then eventually surgery.. Other wise all is well and I hope the same for you all.

Rays of love and light. When I smile, I get a smile back. Like with my mother I guffawed over her antics and I got a little more and a smile back. Cant remember the last time my heart felt warm from my mother. So Smile! Im going to hold on to this "up"!!! Cause I know, just know something waiting right around this corner called life. :) :)_

Cmagnum, I like the analogy..... car, boat, helicopter..... I get it. I know I can just toss him out but I can't. So I keep trying and setting boundaries. I try to keep the positive spin. as for his money, he gets SSI and it covers his meds, insurance and gas a what over he spends during the month which is $100. over what he gets form SSI.
Daughter had a meltdown at church when his new lady friend sat in their pew next to dad. This was hard for her since she and my mom were so close. It is hard to see someone move on and I get it. I just gave her a hug and let her go. The issues are she knows the person and some of her motivation is not the best. She has a history of cozening up to widowers and one married her after her first husband died, she spent quiet a bit of his money then the kids threw her out as she tried to occupy the house after he died. The house was left to the kids. Then the second one she tried to get to marry her and she wanted him to sign all his property over to her so she could live there (learned after her second husband). The son is friends with me and knew of her situation and talked his dad out of it... twice! I am very fa miler with this person before she got close to my dad. As I have made her aware, dad has no money. It get it, he needs companionship and I am good with it as long as she is not in my house.
So it is either I give him my daughters car and then when she needs one I help her out, in the long run it will save me money.
Trying to ignore his comments or lack of compliments. Trying to focus on business and realize I am in this alone but for my wife. Oh and BTW, wife and I are very good, we talk a lot about this, maybe too much.
If I could set him up in his own place I would but I can't, there is absolutely no money left after his regular expenses. That is why he lives with me. I cover all the rest of the living expenses. After talking with some of my cousins who are in the same situation I have it pretty good. We all come from the same cloth of taking care of family, must be the gene-pool.

TG, you DO realize that there is income-based housing for the elderly near where you live, right?

TG every intervention ever offered you is met with a - yeah but. None of your excuses are insurmountable, but it's easier on you in the short term to just keep swimming in the pool because climbing out will take effort. If that's working for you why do you keep posting here?

To get it off his chest, I expect. That's okay too.

Definitely better than sharpening up an axe, anyway!

Dear Heart-
i am so sorry that happened to your mother. I believe you! It is a travesty that these doctors can retain their licenses and hospital privileges!
i hope others will read what I am typing next, as it could affect any of us.

Here’s the biggie, folks. Please pay attention.
I have a decade working in an HMO, wrote legal appeals. I thought I knew my stuff. Apparently I’ve not anticipated everything that can go wrong. I did internet search, checked the usual websites where people can check doctor reviews. This current doc didn’t have much info, nothing bad, several websites. Board certified. I neglected to check the group practice, another error on my part, shame on me. The worst error was this: today I went to our state medical board to check her credentials. She graduated medical school seven years ago. And in those seven years, this internist has settled malpractice claims three times! Reminding you guys, this is not a specialty surgeon who has high risk patients and has had three unfortunate surgical outcomes. This is an internist who has been sued and lost three times, or settled out of court! Someone sho doesn’t perform any procedures. Three times she had poor enough outcomes to have legal action brought against her. And this info never showed up on all the searched reviews sites! So, her staff fills out the demographic information, and does not know about, or does not enter the actionable legal strikes against her!

Yesterday I picked up what I thought was two waiting prescriptions. But my pain medicine for failing hip, and severe arthritis was not filled. Never called in despite me telling the nurse I needed it during taking vitals. Told the same thing, two scripts needed refills. She has apparently decided no more pain meds out of ignorance of CDC guidelines on prescribing. Never discussed with me, per CDC guidelines, just referring me for pain management, and who knows how long it will take for the referral and appointment. So, I asked twice personally, the nurse and the doc. And pharmacy agreed to fax my request to refill. I called when no script was called in, left message for clinical staff today. No return call, no pain meds. So I’m being left in medical crisis, as she abruptly cut off meds, didn’t discuss, didn’t wean me off, all CDC prescribing guidelines. I can barely move, for the pain and withdrawal symptoms. I at least have the ER for backup up til I get in to a new doc. Trust me, we don’t have very many docs taking new patients here, doing the best I can to find a good doc.

Despite the pain, I need to get on the state medical board website and check out my new doc and hubs’ doc next.

To answer the $64,000 question? To get it off my chest because no one else listens nore cares..... I guess what is the point as in here..... No point, thanks for the enlightenment....

tgengine - don't leave. We all need to vent in order to go on. Don't let a little back and forth with a few well meaning but frustrated posters cause you to leave the forum. That would be a shame.

TG... Sending you lots of love, especially on Mother’s Day 🌹💓

Well, the day after I hung up on Mom, she called me endlessly the next day. I didn't know because I'd blocked her on my phone. She didn't leave a message, so didn't know until I unblocked her. It was all sunshine and roses for a day or so, which yeah, because she wanted something from me. I was actually planning on going there this weekend. Got stuff done last night errand wise so I'd be ready to go early this morning.
Called her last night. Oh I'm sooooo busy! I can't talk much. Ok, fine. She'd been working on arranging her fake flowers for outside planters (looks crappy but means I don't have to maintain them, so go fake flowers!). She couldn't redo one, so trashed it. Ok, whatever. Then had to (HAD to) watch the neighbors because it was garbage day (I get a full accounting of who put out trash, how full the bins were, who put their cans in timely (and not). Well some neighbors put out recycling, and it was not recycling day. The horror. She actually called one neighbor, and said oh you're confusing me, is it recycling this week (alternates weekly). That was a big fat lie, as she knew it wasn't a recycling week; she just wanted to call them out (basically neener neener, I'm better than you). Then went into what is going on with her neighbors. They're sloppy - that's a given - trash all inside garage, upkeep on place is just about none. There's a lot of people in and out of the house, but they have teenagers. She sat and watched the comings and goings of some yesterday, which she said the teen girl came out and talked with one guy a while. Ok, probably her friends. No, now she thinks they are running a boardinghouse. The guy was there maybe 20 minutes, so I think she's confusing with another type of house? Maybe not.
I heard how she's behind with her work. She doesn't take breaks, doesn't stop to eat, does not PLAY GAMES. That was a dig re: my being online a lot. Also a dig that I'm lazy, I don't really work (all I do is 'punch' in things on a keyboard, that's not work). Yes, I am online a lot, but that is my own business. I think had she not spent most of her morning being a busybody, she would've gotten her 'work' done. She then ranted away at me for a while. I then heard about her friend who had new flooring put in her house. One part was done in hardwood. Mom told her oh no you don't want that! It's hard to clean, plus it's slippery. Her friend said no, the installer said this type was not slick. "Oh, I don't know about that. You'll end up falling!" Way to crap on her new flooring, but her friend 'dared' to do what she wanted. It was also another passive aggressive dig to me, as I have said I'm replacing my carpeting (at least 2 water leaks, so no carpeting for me), most likely with tile (the kind that looks like wood). She had to tell me the story again how in her first house, they had hardwood floors. Dad loved them. She had to get on her hands and knees to clean between where area rug ended and floors began to the walls. Dad said oh I don't want you doing that so they got wall to wall carpeting. I think she didn't need to clean that way, but it was her way of having a hissy fit until he acquiesced and said let's do what you want (wall to wall carpet). Another example of her way or the highway.
So after being yelled at, my enthusiasm for the trip evaporated. I actually got sick to my stomach, and I called off going early this morning. Of course I got yelled at, and I was told I needed to get over any sickness quickly, as I had to do my share, do my duty, and take care of her. Not her fault, it was my decision to live apart, so too bad - I need to just take care of her - period.
I still feel relieved, even after being yelled at.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Sissi, at least your mom keeps her brain active?😊 Not in the way you would like, our elderly often keep their brains and mouths going by keeping track of those they can see. Often, the unknowing neighbors. Think you need a break? It sounds like it.

A story, sometimes this does serve a purpose. Sitting down for a meal one day while caring for mom. The table sits in front of a picture window with great view of a few neighbors houses. One home had someone ring the bell, mom watching very closely, it was the most exciting thing to happen in quite awhile. The neighbor wasn't home so the visitor went away. Mom kept talking about this person what they were wearing, etc, and on and on.

Later in the day the police were ringing our bell to ask if we saw anything strange at the house across the street, it had been burglarized. Of course mom had forgotten all about what she had paid such close attention to, but because she did, I was able to tell police something. Probably more than I did had I paid more attention to mom.

Sissi, try to turn off your hearing when you are sick of listening to mom. Or, banter back, try to make it a fun interaction for yourself, instead of increasing your frustration and blood pressure.

Happy Mother's Day weekend, all, if that is appropriate on this thread. If nothing else, do something special for you,

I think that venting is one of the purposes of this forum. Offering ideas and alternatives for the problems voiced is too. Sometimes we need to go over and over what is bothering us until we finally hear ourselves and open our minds to other solutions, or we don't, if we are not ready. No one can force another person to change.

Setting boundaries with a narc parent or other family member is difficult, but not impossible. I wish I had set more sooner, but then hindsight is always 20/20. Some of the opinions offered by friends were helpful, and some weren't.

sissi and tg - you have a place here to vent. Some of us will offer solutions sometime - take what helps and leave the rest.

sharon - I am not altogether surprised about your son. I hope things work out for the best for him. Glad bro is doing well. Hope you and the rest of your family are,

gershun - how's your brother?

margeaux - sorry about your girlfriend. It's a horrible diagnosis. I have lost a couple of girlfriends to cancer. It's so sad.

duck - nice to have some good moments with your mum. Keep looking after yourself.

girlsaylor - hope you get the dr thing worked out

heart - nice to see you posting How are you doing?

tg - I am concerned about the effects of the stress of caregiving on you and your wife. She already had a cardiovascular event.

sissi - give yourself all the breaks you need. The drama from these type of people is exhausting. Build up your life apart from her as much as possible. I know it is difficult as they want to be the centre of your universe. It's a challenge.

glad - nice story lol. Hope work and settling into your new home are going well. Has the landscaping started?

Finally we are having some warmer weather. So great to be able to walk in the sunshine without wind, snow, and a chill in the air.

Yesterday was 5 months since mother passed, and coincidentally, my father's birth date. This strange grieving process had me missing my father a lot. It was a difficult day. I went to the hairdresser for my regular cut and colour and when I looked in the mirror I saw my mother looking back at me. OK, not really, but there was a little likeness around the eyes. I never resembled my mother, more, her mother , (my maternal grandmother), and she (mother) looked more like her father. But it was there and rather eerie at that. I looked strained from the past winter's stresses and that was part of the likeness. Mother rarely looked relaxed.

Relaxing is something I have to work on, and being able to get out to walk will be a big part of it. Reading my detective series is another. I am transported to Botswana daily and enjoy it immensely.

Finally, I think I have the dose and regime for melatonin which will work for the fm pain without giving me too bad side effects. I get a very strange head in the mornings if I don't manage it right.

I had a bonus this week. The parts for the stove came and the repair man did the work yesterday. He hung out with my middle son many, many years ago and has always done a good job with my appliances. We chatted about losing parents and grandparents. I knew his dad, from a job dad (who was a excellent carpenter) had done for me years ago. . He asked me if I was retired! Hah! Many years ago. He had trouble believing I was the age I was, but then said seniors get discounts don't they? How much ? 15%? I didn't disagree. ( I could have bought a new stove for the price of the repairs but it would have been hard and costly to arrange a different type of ventilation,) He seemed quite pleased to offer that to me. As well as repairing the stove, he took the oven door off and cleaned the glass for me, That was a real bonus too, so I did well.

Dgd (deargranddaughter) came over and we cooked a meal together. The next day she came and did a little work for me getting books into boxes for donation to the library. Moving on that slowly, but moving.

Thinking on it, I don't want to be present when the house is showed for sale. It's too much for me with my unpredictable energy and pain levels, so my present plan is to scale down the furniture in it, (leave enough for showing), move what I need to south, store it there, and rent a place to stay in the south until my house here is sold. Then with the proceeds, I will be able to buy without getting a mortgage. Much less pressure all around.

DD and I will do lunch together next week to celebrate Mother's Day. I think I will buy myself flowers as all the mothers I used to send flowers to have passed.

🌺🌹🌷🌼🌸 for everyone here! Havea good day.

Ah TG, I'm sorry I snapped at you, I just want you to take better care of yourself. I won't bother you any more.

Hi Golden and all. No, argh, the landscape has not yet begun, but the weeds are growing well, a bit of green, anyway.

Update on neighbor that had the ATV accident in mid-March. She is doing well, walking, has been in an excellent rehab hospital for the last six weeks or so. She is walking and feeding self, slated for discharge early June. The short term memory is sketchy, but sounds like a complete recovery for her.

Then I get so irritated with some around here. Many kids driving ATV's no helmets, feels like telling folks. Just saw one neighbor kid driving one with another neighbor kid being pulled with a rope on his skateboard. I am sure that all parents must have had discussions with their kids about the dangers with these vehicles after that accident! Or you would think so, anyway. Lots of ATV accidents in this country.

Heard about a chocolate tea this morning while out for coffee. A friend bought a box of it and gave me a bag to bring home to try tomorrow. No caffeine in it, herbal. It is chocolate rooibos, made by Numi. Anyone ever tried it? Numi has another chocolate tea too. Two of them. What the heck is a rooibos? Must Google.

Have great mom's day weekend all. Will see my kids next week.

The other chocolate tea is made with Pureh, what the heck is that?
From healthline:
Human and animal studies show that puerh tea extract may help enhance weight loss while also lowering both blood sugar and blood triglyceride levels.

Good grief which shall I try?

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/weight-loss-tea#section5

Found out the Pain Management doc got the referral on May 2nd, faxed back to the internist, declined taking me. He doesn’t see people with chronic joint disease/arthritis pain. She knew, and didn’t return my calls to offer me jack chit, Plan B. Abandoned by my doc.
Called new internist, but no cancellations to get me in before my end of June appointment.
Monday, I’m going to call the rheumy I used to see 15 years ago when we used to live here, to see if he would take me without a referral.

Hi everyone... It's been a while that I came here and thank you Golden for asking how I am... You are so right about Narc's... and the older they are its like talking to a wall that sucks the life out of you. This whole mom cargiving 'experience' (15 years!!!) has depleted me to say the least... 'certain' mother's can suck your energy and your life away... And, here it is Mother's Day tomorrow... Well as usual, nothing is good enough.., I literally have kept my mother's life going (after her fall/hip surgery) and got her better (after not sleeping for at least a year... and, she is cantankerous as ever... What can I say...? Then she waits for the brothers/family members who don't visit to call and she glorifies them... same old stuff... only this time... I'm older... Hmmm...
God Bless all of you Always and have a Blessed Mothers Day 💐

Golden, thx for asking. Last I spoke on the public threads he was still critical. Since then he has stabilized. He still is unable to breathe on his own and has a tracheal breathing device in. They transferred him to the neurology ward but he isn't really progressing. The nurses don't say much and since I'm not the contact person most info comes from my other brother who doesn't communicate much. I deliberately chose to not be the contact person cause knowing how my family operates I would be doing it all just like with my mom. I don't have it in me to do that again.

My own observations when visiting my brother have to suffice and what I observe is a very sick, depressed man who doesn't seem to have any fight left in him and a hospital staff that treat him like a second class citizen because he is an addict.

I don't really know how to proceed or how to help him which is very frustrating. I brought him a book and some reading glasses last time I visited cause all he does is lay there otherwise. Whether he reads it or not, at least he has an option. It's sad.

I speak to him and tell him I love him and to keep on fighting. I don't know what else to do apart from that. Just pray for him.

My mom is angry at me and hasn’t called me since Easter when I went to visit her and take her out to dinner. Well let’s just say she was angry when I got there and started crazing making about how I don’t want to do anything for her and she should have just called SIL to take her to the store. So I turned on my heel and left and she hasn’t called me since. So here it is Mother’s Day and I’m feeling guilty like I need to go visit her (I did send a card) but the way she treats me I feel like she doesn’t even want me around. Is it because I set boundaries since her month at my home recovering from a fall? I’ve been working since March and it’s taking all my energy. On my feet for hours on concrete floors and I was struggling with pain so severe I could hardly walk. So I went to Orthopaedic who did xrays and ordered 6 weeks of physical therapy and put me on meds for MS. So it’s starting to make sense why I have so much pain in my back and leg. As a lot of you know I’ve been giving my all to care for my mom. The dysfunctional family dynamics makes it so challenging I just want to withdraw. There has been little joy in my life since my son died 6 years ago. If my mom could appreciate and love me and see me for what I am - a 60yo widow, struggling to survive and with my own health problems then we might have a decent relationship. Having been the scapegoated child (I have two brothers) hasn’t helped our relationship. And her continuing to treat me as her servant is not working for me. I just couldn’t bring myself to go all out for mother’s day for her when 1) she is not even speaking to me 2) I am in a lot of MS pain 3) I am sad that my husband and my son are dead. They would be taking me fishing for mother’s day. I miss them like crazy.
Happy Mother’s Day to all my friends on this site. 💐🌸🌷

Twillie - I am sorry to hear about your standoff with mother. It's unfortunate but it's better you NOT contact her today. Chances are she will make it WORSE.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband and son. Please do something nice for yourself today.

My son called. I just had the best chat with him that I have had in years! Melts my heart, tears in my eyes. And they are going to come visit in a few weeks.😊

So, I’m cooking my Mothers Day dinner here, no surprise. Hubs is oblivious to the niceties of life, now the vows were said. But, basically a restful day. I’ve had to increase medication, doubled stomach meds, added Imodium 4X a day, since my internist hanged me out to dry with abruptly forcing me to stop my opioid pain medicine cold turkey. No assistance with Detox, no tapering, no other pain management offered, not at all within CDC recommendations. Aside from the lack of chronic pain relief, the physical withdrawal from the medicine I had taken responsibly and benefitted from, for over a decade, she neglected to even consider the interrelated effects on my IBSD and bile acid malabsorption. Battling dehydration still, but tweaking the meds to treat the gut diseases. I think I’m making progress on the diarrhea. Shame on that internist for doing such harm. I tell myself, another week under my belt until I can get into a new internist. Staying very quiet in the interim, lest I need a different prescription refill until I get established with a new internist. And no guarantee she will be any better fit, but has good reviews. Planning to call the rheumy I used to see when I lived here years ago, see if he will see me without a referral.
My requests for medical assistance for chronic arthritis and deteriorating joint from birth defect now totals five attempts. Don’t be surprised when this poison pen woman files a complaint at the state level and posts factual reviews about this horrific physician clinic. So over it!

I hope all the mothers out there had a wonderful Mothers Day. Wife and I spent the weekend opening the pool, made her breakfast (as usual as I do every day anyway), bought a couple new longe chairs for the pool area to replace the old ones. The chairs she uses and wanted. Went to a nice lunch (my wife recieved a nice rose from the restaurant we went to) and smoked some ribs for later when our daughter stopped by. She had a nice video chat with our other daughter. She really enjoyed her day.
Not to worry, I have pretty thick skin.
Just trying to "smile and wave" with dad. Conversations are all about him so I just "smile and wave"..... less stress that way......

Funy, he can tell stories about everyone else but you'd think he would say Happy Mothers Day to my wife.... nope! Because it would not be about him then....
Happy (belated) Mothers Day to all!

Hoping yesterday was not stressful. We didn’t do much. Hubs just got back from Georgia for a 10 day visit. Dd and family just returned from North Dakota visiting her in laws.

I talked with my son Saturday and he seemed happy. He moves out the 15th of next month, will be living with 2-3 men he works with and they have some common interests. He will be closer to work which is a good thing.

My my brother has pt 3 times a week at his home plus exercises he can do on his own. He is adjusting.

My sister will be going to Kentucky to spend the 1st anniversary of her daughters death with her other daughter. It will be good for them to spend it together.

I did a bit of gardening, planting some annuals for more color. At least 2 of the irises will bloom this year.

glad, that is exciting about your son! Enjoy the visit.

I hope everyone had a good Mother's Day.

I was very moved to tears when my aunt told me how she got all of Sham's children and husband, well all the family over there together and got a friend to write a poem ( a mothers letter to her children) and pink balloons and had everyone write a message and they later went out side a let them off. She said she could not finish reading the letter. I feel that Sham is in a good place, she is with her mother (my mother's sister) and my grandmother. Shams mother and I were very close. She was like my big sister. Taught me "a lot" of things some I never used thank goodness. I can go on and on. I miss them both and my mother dearly. I miss giving my mother even if she took it for granted and never really showed appreciation or acknowledgment.

Well I have to share that I was sad I didnt get a call or text from my son. I did from my DIL, and all my family. Part of this thing I go through is how I took for granted my the safety (in all aspects) of leaving my son with my mother taking it for granted that she was not piggy backing off my efforts and dedication to the famiuly same with my sister. Not leaving him physically but feeling safe leaing him with my mother while I went to school, work, OES functions and dances and parties.. I used to feel a certain way when he would send me my mother and my sister gift cards for a dinner at a resturant with no extra signinificance or honor on my part. So I know I am fragile and realize this low self esteem but I did take a loop, its not the first and probably not the last. I called, we spoke normally says a package was in the mail, did wish me a happy mothers day on answereing the phone. I know he is forgetful I used to remind him of his anniversary sometimes. Well it is, what it is. I love him and I know he loves me. I am a very lonely sad person so maybe more sensitive. But I never missed calling my mother for mothers day and buying her flowers for the house and yard no matter how I was feeling about her at the time. Missing that routine was sad also. I would buy her flowers to set up front garden a ritual. I didnt buy not one flower. All the old aunts and old sweet neighbors are gone. I will play around with planting up something in the front yard maybe an project for me and my mother I have to see.

Meanwhile, I have to do my physical with the WTC and its like an ongoing ritual of followups afterwards which will include this long overdue thyroid gland scan, and this gastroenterography study. Then surgical consult and finally surgery., I have this lung congestion which I havent had for a while. It scares me be so far its not so bad and now I know how to nip it in the bud before it gets ugly.(I hope)

My therapist told be to keep saying "I love you and I adore you" to myself.,

Golden I am glad you have a great outlet and got the melatonin dose in check.

Girl good luck with the cold turkey. I miss the cooking but not the stress. Whew!

Glad, I am happy for you.

Gersh, that stigma for drug addiction is a mean form of predjudice, I use to see it in with the addicts and the homeless, sad but true. Some people just need a hiarchy to feel good about themselves. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Sharyn, I hope you and baby and family are good.

Frazzeled you too!

Happy belated mothers day again to all.

Rays of love and wisdom to everyone.

TG, there are a lot of pearls of wisdom to be found on this site.

It took me a long time get a proper perspective of my life, see some of the things I didnt know I didnt know. I think time and trials and people like the wonderful folk in this forum help us move and open our mind to different perspectives and growth.

I miss the past, for some of the most loving people I was bless to have in my life, part of me still mourns that part of my life. I am hopeful for new blessings of love, new chances to give it.

Mom called me yesterday morning. Brother took her out to her favorite brunch restaurant. Oh, you really missed it! Well, ok, but I honestly still didn't feel so great, glad you enjoyed it. I rested most of the day and did a few things to try and get myself organized. Called mom back in the evening, and she was again getting out of sorts. Not much of a Mother's Day, since brother dropped her off late morning. Keep in mind her friends had none of their kids show up; one's family was out of state, another one, her kids don't always come over on special days, maybe coming over at another day. They don't complain either. But she didn't get someone there for the entire day, so she wasn't happy. She started in a bit on the I'm so lonely, I never thought I'd be alone. Sorry to say, she laid the foundation for not many people wanting to be with her long term many years ago.
Called her tonight, and she's back in a sour mood. I started in saying how chilly it was and how I'd turned on the car heater on the way home from work. We ALWAYS have the heater on in MY car, what's so special about that? It's May? Then she saw someone on tv selling microfiber cloths. Why do you use those throwaway cloths, they don't clean (swiffers)! You just throw it away, too. You need microfiber! She'd opened a cabinet that supposedly she'd asked me to reorganize (nope, said she needed to do it, she'd handle it), and of course, stuff fell out, and it was all my fault. Then, the great sin, she didn't recall that I'd wished her a Happy Mother's Day. (I had phone on mute, yelling back and writing in my journal). She went into a tirade of how she'd not called the landscaper, she just didn't care (and I know she wants me to do it - not happening). She has so much going on, always something. She had to write a check for new plates or stickers for her car plates. So stressed. Not sue why she doesn't sell her car, but I'm staying out of it. She then started complaining about how she wished she'd never moved into her current condo (which is why I'm not saying a word about selling her car). She then had to tell me how my brother was going to optometrist today; he had already been to doctor, and dentist earlier in the month. See, he takes care of himself, he's organized. Plus HE takes care of me! Yeah, I get it. He's Mr. Wonderful, and nothing I do will ever be good enough. She was even complaining about lousy tv programs, lousy weather, doesn't like the pastor at her normal church - all of which I'm sure is my fault. Then she chided me for not talking. Excuse me? You bit my head off at the first mention I had about being chilly. Why would I want to engage with you? And it's never a conversation. She interrupts me or talks over me all the time. One time, I kept on talking. She said I was rude, and had interrupted her. No, I'd not finished, and then she said well what you were talking about was not important anyhow.
I'd heard that the company I work for is introducing an early retirement package. I was interested, but no thanks. I would be trading one full time job for another, as I'd be harassed to take care of Mom 24/7, moving back to her city, etc. Not happening. I actually have a couple of years before I could apply for Medicare anyhow, and I doubt the company is offering medical coverage. It's expensive as is right now with a full 40+ hour paycheck.
The kicker to Mother's Day is that my brother asked for suggestions, which I gave him, and then only signed his name on the card. I'm sure he's po'd that I didn't go there this weekend, but he's bailed on major holidays. Of course, when he bailed, it was all my fault. I must've said or done something that made him sick.
Twillie, and Heart2Heart - totally get where you're coming from. I watched someone on YouTube, and said something about how mothers' can calm you , if you're facing a problem, well most can. Sadly, not for me.
Hugs to all.

Duck, Glad for you that Sham’s children had family with them yesterday. I know you fret over that kind of thing. My son called me just before 11:00 last night. Typical for him to spend all day on projects and remembering to call right at bedtime. I got flowers on Saturday. I’m sure my DIL is who sent them. I have to cut him some slack. He is getting his house ready to sell. The photographer is coming on Saturday to take photos. He’s done all of the work himself. He loves projects.

DDduck thank you for your good wishes.

I am truly concerned for my brother. We have been estranged for many years due to his mental illness but now throw drug abuse into the mix and it's an even hairier situation.

I received communication from other brother today that they successfully removed the trachea tube but he failed the swallowing test. My brother really wants to go back to his old living situation when he is eventually discharged but I think that will be at his own demise if that should happen. Put an addict back to where they were using and you know what happens. But since I have no say what do I do. Other brother thinks it will be fine sending him back to his old home. I think it will be a death sentence.

I'm quite concerned and don't know what is going to happen.

Gersh so sorry about this delimma. His choice. I am sure he is aware of all your concerns. Be strong and take care of yourself.

Hi Becky, well at least he called.Glad you had a good day.

I am looking forward to see my package though. This is one of the things I know about my son. He is forgetful and does not think about things sometimes until they are right under his nose. He had friends over a nice couple whom I met while I was there. Maybe the the moment passed and he just forgot. I know I felt and still feel a kinda way about it. But is all done and over with. Sometimes that blame, shame and guilt programing really digs in and I fall in the pit.

Everyone have a lovely day and Smile!!!

Rays of love to all.