The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Been caring for Mom for almost 8 yrs now. Before her, my dad with Parkinson’s and my sister who had a brain tumor. (But they appreciated everything I did for them). I have been diagnosed with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma and an auto-immune disease called hemolytic anemia where my body is attacking my red blood cells. If anyone is in the fence about whether to care for a loved one in their home or even if the loved one is still living in their own home - please do ALL the research you can because this is the hardest job on the planet. The neediness of my mother is never ending and nothing is appreciated. She just thinks I’m her indentured servant.

You have a life too and I am urging you to consider this when making a decision about caring for a loved one. If I could do this again, I would have done something much different! I am almost 10 yrs into caring - all tolled, which will be all of my 60’s that I have been a carer. Consider your immediate family when making these decisions, because you will literally be handing your life over to the one you are caring for and your family will suffer.

Sorry if this is too blunt. I am living it and it is overwhelming. Think twice.

I'm not sure, TG, why you think this has anything to do with "your issues".

Your father has clear cognitive decline and needs supervision. You need to go back to being a loving son, not a maid.

Get him on Medicaid and get him into AL.

Well I am going to try again. I wrote up a post a few days ago and forgot to click the green thing.

sharyn - glad to see you posting and sorry about your bros health issues. You must be busy with your new responsibilities at work.

glad - wont it be a relief when the estate business is finished!!! So glad your landscaping is happening.

duck - it could be sciatica..

trying - so glad your parents are in a facility. What a long trek it has been

sissi - be sure to take care of yourself. Do some things that lift you up!

tg - I am glad you are sending your dad away so you and your wife get a break. His overspending is not your problem nor ish is ingratitude. He is not going to suddenly appreciate what you do for him. Lowering your expectations might help you.

Cindyn - I am sure it is scary. There are nursing homes that take medicaid.

cmag - right on

shell (((((hugs))))

stacey - how's your wrist?

nymima - we totally understand where you are coming from. You have many big challenges. Please put yourself first finally and take care of your health.

barb - so agree about tg's dad

We got the second kitty - Rocky - and he is a different guy altogether - not wanting to be handled. We, and especially dd, are bringing him around to at least interacting with us with a toy. He was the most independent one of the litter. Pumpkin is a cuddly goof and getting more and more interested in the outside. He does wear a harness well so we should be able to walk him on a leash a bit. All my cats have been outdoors cats and these will be eventually.

It is working reasonably well with the three of us here. I retreat to my basement bedroom when I need solitude. The TV rule is that it is off till 1 in the afternoon so I can have a quiet morning. I get up earlier than the others so I appreciate that time. I have had to tune in my grandson a couple of times with dd's support. Mostly he is doing well. Dd needs to talk about her situation a fair amount, so I listen and give some feedback. Thus I haven't much energy for interaction online or with anyone else.

Tomorrow I go to the bank to close out mother's account - one more step towards completion. It feels significant. Soon all that will be left will be a few material things and memories.

Tomorrow is 17 years since my youngest son died. Lots of memories there too.

Take care of you, all. You never know what tomorrow will bring,

Golden, know that we all support you. So difficult to lose a child and few of us will ever know how that must feel. Thinking of you. HUGS.

Hiya Golden, thinking of you as you close up your Mom's estate and all of the difficult memories that brings. I hope you spend the day tomorrow remembering all the wonderful things about your Son, and all the Joy that he brought to your life.

My wrist is feeling better, thank you for asking! I did have the cast removed only 48 hour after it was originally put on, and of course I felt like such an idiot for not being able to "handle it", but I do have a very supportive brace that I am wearing like a champion, and I cannot explain why this is working out so much better for me, but it is. At least I know that I am in control and I can adjust it throughout the day to make it comfortable for me, and I can take it off for a few minutes a day to let my arm breathe and to address the little rash irritation that came on the week before the cast went on, back when I was in the soft cast as I think I was allergic to the Ace Bandage. Ugg, it feels so much better now and no more panic attacks!

Hugs, Golden. Thinking of you especially today.

Golden, thinking of you today. ((((Hugs))))

Katie, I've been a gray rock for years. If you decide to gray rock just check your pulse every now and then to make sure you are still breathing. Just Saying.

Update on my brother in hospital: Received an e-mail from other brother who has taken this on. There are three possible long term care facilities that they have in mind for my brother. He has been told this and seems okay with this according to other brother. He has his finances in order. He no longer qualifies for disability benefits since he turned 65 in June but will be okay with OAP and GIS to cover his stay. I'm crossing my fingers. He is on a pureed diet and is doing fine with that so far.

I've been having vertigo problems for the last two weeks and am seeing my doctor on Tuesday. Hopefully will get something to help with that. I'm also hoping he can suggest something that can help with my anxiety that doesn't cause dependency. Will see.

Golden, Margaeaux , thinking of you both ((((HUGS))).

Golden, its wonderful you can be there for your daughter. My heart is with you through this anniversary, the kittens sound like fun. As well as having a house full and setting rules and seeing it work.

stacey, glad you got an ooption that works better for the cast.

I hope everyone is in good health and spirit.

I dare not to go to far with trying to address everyone via memory even if its on same page.

I am feeling tired lately.

Its so hard for me to put a long story into a short one expecially while I am in the mist of it. I am a detailed person and sometimes i have to examine a lot of trees before I see a forest. Lol.

So I didnt build up to events that are happening. Well my N sent me this text about boric acid all over the floor this week the incident was the week before. At the same time I noticed this powder all over floor, I also noticed that for two weeks my sister had been bathing my mother in tub, obviously leaving her unattended as the floor rugs would be soadked and Id find dried tissue all over tub or... she was leaving a mess for me as she decided to address a concern that was noted by APS.

The text from nephew sent me into a spasm which was basically that he was worrying about the safety of a a powder while he ignored the buckling bathroom floor and the deteirorating beam with the imminent collapse of the bathroom into basement for months and only addressed it when an authrity (APS) got involved.

I know it can be tedious reading if they are read, my long repetitive posts and I apologize for the tedium but it helps me so much sometimes after I do all that typing I see it in a different perspective.

I am so grateful to be in the place I am - in spirit. I am learning to cast my burdens unto God. I am into these NM enterpise utube posts which sometimes go into things not related per say but the teaching is priceless. the perspective and the learning is awesome.

I read a post about all the testing. HIV is serious. When I worked in the ER there were a lot of elderly women coming up postive from the interactions of the old men with young girls..... Then there came viagra which put a lot of older persons back in the sex arena. Its scary out there for sure. All I know for sure is what I am doing and usually it has not been the case with a few past significant others. Such is the case with the one whom I have a 17year hx lot of blame and emotional abuse when he was the one out there. He showed me his meds about a year ok one of them set off an alarm it could be for herpes or to slowdown HIV whatever its for that part had and will continue to be closed down.

I meet someone. Then here I go again. So much headache. I have so many trust issues but Greatful at the same time.

Meanwhile after breaking this no contact with my nephew I had to text him again about his cat. she has been sickly for many years. howling in pain sometimes not heat. She has thrown up all over steps and hallways. The nephews and my sister just walk past. So I had bought that back up because the dirty halls do bother me but it would be worse in my head to keep being the only one to clean them so my sanity wins.

Anyways the cat has taken to sleeping right in front of my door. I asked him to please come and do something with her. She looks like the cat from pet semetary. She had since enough get away off my sisters floor. I told her saddly that she had to move from my door and I got her to move. She went to parlor floor and I just bring her water when I leave and when I come in. she stays in same spot. I pray the nephew gets her before she dies in hall. I told him that he and his mom did my mother like the cat. Dont pay her no mind dont see the sickness.

Twisted dress my mother up to go to doctor apointment. My goodness! she looked lovely. New wig. White sweater back and white top, black pants new black shoes. This I saw on friday, I slept later than ususall found my mother

My mother was 'decked out' , they dropped her back in that living room didst even open the window or turn on the fan. Today she is still in her black and white. The out show of pristine care is sicking to me especially the farce then going up stairs with no further intervention.

So I await APS which will take time. Got apts for my thyroid sonogram and biopsy. also breast sonogram which was so very very painful last time. So I will be very busy soon. I will followup on the surgery make some calls if I dont here from either specialist soon.

Then my aunt says Sham's kid keep calling her saying they are hungry. The phones are off except for the homephone. I was sending him the nmenterpise messages and seemed to like.Last we spoke he was having a hard time. Missing his wife. I guess its overwhelming the five kids. He is buying them sneakers and I think he needs help with managing family all the way around. Sham did all that. Thank goodness there are close friends and sham's father there to pitch in and help all lthe time especially my aunt whom sham had just gotten back to speaking to and got the two of us back on point also. I am glad. She says he called her saying wtf she mean about him smoking weed..so she calmly told him what she meant after telling him how to speak on her phone, lol that is going to be an ongoing thing. I am so amazed to see how her spirit has changed toward him and the children. She was very much like my twisted. Anyway I see so many changes in myself as well and I am so happy grace is allowing me to see my wrongs and make changes and survive the trials and tribulations.

Rest easy, sleep tight.



Our block party is this Saturday. I am really not up to inviting anyone which means cleaning. I may put a few burgers and franks and cook dinner on grill.

Groin pain may very well be sciatica, It got worse when I l decided to rotate my mattress that was self sabotage.

Just cant seem to make it short and sweet.


Rays of love, healing and light to us all.

Duck, I hope that you get some resolution to your health problems.

Gershun, I hope the doctor can get you relief for the vertigo. My mom had it on and off for years. She had trouble finding a medication that didn’t give her unpleasant side effects.

Gershun, I really hope things are working out for your brother and you get some help with your anxiety and vertigo. You have had a rough few months.

Golden I have been thinking of you. Hugs!!

I’m short on time, sorry cannot post to each person here. Sending warm thoughts, and hugs all around.

Got some groceries today, picked up one of our prescriptions, gathering the vitamins, laxative products, in case of pain meds constipation post-op, though I can’t imagine that happening, with my gut and liver problems. Better to have things on hand. Adding to my list as I figure out what may be needed. Will get some products for bladder leaks, stuff like that, to have on hand, just in case, knowing it’s slow going post-op to get to the bathroom using a walker. Borrowing some things from a good friend, ice machine, walker with seat and basket. So many details, lol.

I’m going to try to find someone to hire to scoop litter box daily, as spouse won’t do it for me. I’ll be horribly embarrassed to have somebody coming in to do what my spouse is perfectly able to do, but it is what it is.

Off to finish up our very late dinner. I can’t seem to do it all. Going to get worse.

Hang in there Girlsaylor!

Thanks Becky nice to see you post. I am not up to date and I hope all is well.

Well I will be off for a few days. I hope everyone is in a good place in spirit and health.

This weekend is our block party. Last weedend 1 person was shot and 11 were injured during a shooting at a similar but much larger event. So sad.

My mother was president of the block assoiation for over thirty years until last year so I feel we should represent in some way. I am hoping all turns out well. Its part of why I got flowers for the front yard. I dont plan on wearing myself out I am already tired these days with the heat and all and even though I am in a better place of dealing with the dysfunction its still stress.

I am watching this series on netflix called Bloodline. In many ways it reminds me of my family situation.

Golden I hope son's aniversary was full of fond loving moments.

Gershun, I wish your brother the best. Take care that vertigo can be some kind of bad. I hope you get some relief with meds.

I dare not tread any further, sometimes I feel like I am losing it, cant remember or retain things sometimes. But my thoughts and best wishes are with you all.

Rays of love and light to all, sleep tight.

Celebrate minor victories. Some of you may remember I had a fire at my home nearly five, yes, FIVE years ago. There was still an outstanding check that my insurance company made jointly to me and a contractor. That contractor broke many items. So, was trying to reach agreement with them. You know the sound of crickets? The insurance company has reissued this check six or seven times, now. All but once, mailed the check to me so I could try to negotiate settlement. Crickets. The one time they mailed it to the contractor, they deposited the check, without my signature. Took about six months, but finally the bank reversed it and insurance company issued another check. Got threats of reporting to the credit bureau, yada, yada, but I held firm.

December was when they last sent a check. Still holding it. Thought about doing the same thing as contractor did. Nope, won't do that. Contractor e-mailed me a paid invoice, dated two years previous, in November. Finally, I forwarded that invoice to my insurance company asking them to make the check out to me individually. After a few days, received e-mail from the adjustor, they will do just that. So, finally the fire is done!

And Mom's estate will close within a few weeks. Tried to get ts2 to pay me for a year that I was not paid, and to reimburse me for attorney's fees that it cost me to get the two years of back pay that I did receive. There is plenty of funds to do that. But, she is too selfish and wanting for herself, she would not agree to do that.

Instead, after ts2 spent more than 25K on storage of mom's business assets I will be receiving all of what is remaining. She was ready to just get rid of it all, donate it, who knows. There is LOTS! Not sure what I will do with it, but will figure it out. I imagine her attorney told her that I could object to the closing of the estate in probate and she would have to personally pay the estate those storage costs. Then a can of worms would be opened.

So feeling relieved, but still kinda afraid to breathe. I will just be happy to get this all done, fire done, lots of things done in the next month or so. Holding my breath.

Glad, Good that things are getting settled. Bad that Twister would not pay you for that year.

Duck, I’m fine, but my brother is living with me. He has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s - early stage, but he can no longer drive. Some minor confusion when making appointments so I do that for him and get him there.

Hi all, it's been a little while since I updated on here, but I've been trying to stay caught up with you guys reading when I get a few spare minutes.

Golden, been thinking of you too. Glad you are able to have some quiet time in the mornings. It's amazing how a few peaceful moments of solitude and quiet can help your day. I try to squeeze a few minutes in too while the littles are napping or after everyone has gone to bed.

Glad, I'm so glad you are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Happy too that the insurance issue finally got settled.

Becky, I'm sorry to hear of your brother's diagnosis, but glad you are able to be there for him to get him to his appointments.

Duck, I hope the block party goes well. Hope you are able to have fun and catch a little break from the family stress. You deserve it.

Our littlest one is growing like a weed. She will be 4 months already on the 16th, has been home now for going on 3 months. Lots of sleepless nights still with waking up and having the older little one that likes to get up when sister gets up. I know I'll miss these times though when they get older, it goes by so fast.

Good news here about mom's estate. Went to court about 3 weeks back and judge signed the order for the constructive trust giving my sister 30 days to sign the paperwork so we could move forward with the sale of the house and get the attorneys and creditors paid. I would have bet money that she wasn't going to sign them and we would end up back in court, but the attorney called me Monday stating she had received the signed papers and that the house sale can go forward.

Now the work begins as to cleaning it and getting it ready. We moved a lot of mom's stuff when she moved to the facility, so most of what's there are a few pieces of furniture, dishes, household items and stuff like decor that had been put up and stored over the years, much of which will probably be donated unless my sister wants it. Plus some of the family photos and albums. Nothing right offhand that I'd like to keep except some of the photos. Believe it or not, something I kept after mom passed that reminds me most of her in our last times together is the little lanyard that she always wore around her neck with her room and mailbox keys on it. She was always fumbling with those darn keys when we'd go anywhere. She also had a couple of shirts from a road trip she, my oldest daughter and I took together a few years back that were kind of sentimental. I laugh about it now because we drove each other nuts on that trip. But mom got to see one of the places on her bucket list, and looking back now, I am really glad we went while her health still allowed.

So lots of work ahead, but we're past the hurdles and the drama, I hope! I am at least starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel as to getting it all closed and finished.

Cannot believe it’s August first already!
Today I got hair cut and colored, much needed. Wakened at 4:00 AM with the painful tummy from BAM, generally is end of sleep for me, several bathroom rounds. Since each container of the liver medication has something like 22 days worth of standard dosage of medication, and insurance expects meds to come in nice 30 day supply, I have to short every dosage enough to cover one extra week of medication. Which isn’t enough to adequately treat the condition. So, supplement with Imodium and dicyclomine. Not the most effective, but some days are better than others.
Stopped by the fresh produce stand, and got gas for the car on way home. Nothing disastrous happened today. Plumbing emergency yesterday, big fat plumber bill. I’m exhausted today, mostly from dealing with the chronic stomach troubles. But, can always be worse!

Here is a wonderful article that I just came across.

LIMITS AND COUNTERMOVES

Harriet Lerner wrote the NYT bestseller “The Dance of Anger” in 2014. If you look at the Amazon reviews, a number of people say the book changed their lives. It changed mine.

One thing she wrote about nobody else was addressing was countermoves, when the person you set limits with gets worse once you because they’re testing you to see if you’re really serious.

Some people think this means limits don’t work. Harriet says that’s totally the wrong way to look at it.

Countermoves are to be expected, she says, and we shouldn’t try to stop them or tell the other person they shouldn’t feel that way.

I took some notes from the ”dance of anger” and mixed them with my own thoughts. Some of this is pure gold.

EDITED FROM “THE DANCE OF ANGER” by Harriet Learner

Nobody likes having to solve their own problems and deal with their own feelings. Everybody likes to get their own way. So you can be sure that your HCP (high conflict person) is going to throw a tantrum when you set limits.

Harriet Learner, whose “Dance of Anger” sold more than 3 million copies, calls these COUNTERMOVES. A countermove can be immediate and obvious, or it can be delayed and passive aggressive.

The point of a counter move is simply to say “Change back. Keep to the status quo. I like things the way just the way they are because they are to MY advantage.”

Your HCP wants to reduce their anxiety and reinstate the old familiar patterns of fighting that keeps things the same.

They feel threatened by the new level of assertiveness, separateness, and maturity.

What you are doing is declaring separateness in a relationship that may be enmeshed.

(For more about what enmeshment means, see the bottom of this article.)

WHAT TO DO IN FACE OF A COUNTERMOVE

In the face of a countermove, our job is to 1) keep clear about our own position, 2) not to prevent the countermove from happening, 3) not to invalidate the other person and tell them they shouldn’t be reacting this way.
•••••••••••••

Learner says most of us want the impossible—we want to control not only our own decisions and choices, but also the other person’s reactions to them.

We not only want to make a change, we want the other person to like that change that we made.

We want to move ahead to a higher level of assertiveness and clarity, and then receive praise and reinforcement from those very people who have chosen us for our own familiar ways. 
•••••••••••••••

Prepare yourself not only for intense reactions from others, but also for the inner resistance you will meet.

You can’t be too prepared for the power of countermoves as well as your own resistance to change.

Making decisions for yourself, or having your own opinions—especially if a loved one disagrees with you—can give you a feeling of aloneness and separateness if you are not used to it.

Just when your loved one is pressuring you to change back, you may be at your weakest. So you have to keep in mind what’s at stake: your very own TRUE, AUTHENTIC SELF.

ARE COUNTERMOVES WORTH BEING A SEPARATE SELF?

When you assert yourself, the price you will pay in the relationship, at least for a while, will likely be rough. Underlying issues and conflicts will begin to surface.
You may start asking yourself some serious questions:

Who is responsible for making decisions about my life?

How are power and decision making shared in this relationship?

What will happen in this relationship if I become stronger and more assertive?

If my choice is either to sacrifice myself to keep this relationship, or to grow and risk losing the relationship, which do I want?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Do you want to avoid conflict by defining your own wishes and preferences as being the same as your family member’s wishes?

Do you want to define yourself as they define you?

Do you want to sacrifice your awareness of who you are in your efforts to conform to their wants and needs?

STAYING ENMESHED
(Randi)

Thanks all. Getting through it.

duck - hope the block party goes well. Glad your mum looked lovely. Don't worry about long posts. We all need to share and vent.

girlsaylor - hope you are feeling better. Sounds like your prep is going well.

glad - what a relief to finally have the insurance done with.That has taken way too long. Hope your mum's estate closes as expected. Like you say - lots of things coming to closure.

fraz - so glad your little one is doing well and that you can get on with the house sale. It has been a nightmare for you. I am sure you have precious little time for yourself with all you have to do.

cmag -thanks for the good info. I believe I read Harriet Learner years ago, Good stuff. We sure do get counter moves.

sharyn, margeaux, others -check in when you can.

More thunderstorms here and the rain is welcome.

We have named 2nd kitty Rocky after a past pet but dd and I between us like Albert "the Hisser" Einstein better. He is a very bright kitten and hisses when you try to come to close. Slowly he is liking human company more and more. Meanwhile Pumpkin gets quite jealous when we give the Hisser attention. Dgs and I made a cat condo out of cardboard boxes while we wait for a proper one to be delivered.

R and I were talking about his recent trail ride with a young guy and he wants me to join him sometimes. I haven't been on a horse for many decades but am game to try again. I will start with a dude ranch, a half dead nag and a short trip to see how I manage. Don't tell me I am crazy, just wish me luck!!!

This is a difficult month - just past son's anniversary, then 9 month anniversary of mother's passing followed by 3 month anniversary of my niece, and ongoing estate stuff and planning the interment. Trail riding will be a good diversion as are the kitties and the extra company.

But it makes it harder to post with kitty pouncing people prattling!!!!!!!

Good night all. Be good to you

Duck, enjoy the block party today. I have always had a grill. Not now, really no reason unless I just want to grill for myself. I love bbq. Thought about a smoky Joe, though.

Fraz, now you will start getting somewhere. Best wishes on clearing and selling the house.

Golden, about seven years ago I took a week while mom and L were in respite. Roof was replaced during that time too. Constant hammering on the roof would have driven the three of us nuts.

Back to the subject, I used to ride often. Decided to take a half day ride. It had been probably thirty years since I last rode. I hurt after that ride for a week. Then compound it with a half day fly fishing trip. Everything was hurting. Good idea to do an hour!🐎🐎🐎

Duck, great APS is doing something to move this along.

Why does my kindle suddenly tell me that there has been suspicious activity on my computer? It is asking me to click the box to verify that I am human. This happens each time I try to do a search. A virus? I have never had problems with the kindle.

I have been receiving robo calls that leave voicemail supposedly from Social Security stating that they have noticed suspicious activity on my account and frozen it. Of course this is a scam, and just as I am about to turn 65? The first day I received the call, it was three times in 30 minutes. Never answered as I do not answer calls from numbers I don't recognize. Yesterday, same call and voicemail from a different number. Blocked again.

Maybe this new legislation cell providers will finally try to figure out a way to filter out these scams that come from other countries spoofing numbers.

Have a wonderful day all. Cut lawn, gotta love John Deere, last night. One less chore to do this weekend. Maybe I will mosey down to the fair for a bit today.

Google Longhorn on the loose in Colorado Springs. I would post a link, but then I would be asked by my kindle if I am human again.🐽🐊🐘🐞🐞🐑🐑🐑

Guess I am human after all.😀
https://www.koaa.com/news/covering-colorado/watch-longhorn-cow-charges-lobby-of-building-in-downtown-colorado-springs

Saw something I have never seen before at the grocery store. About the size of a medium size watermelon or even a bit larger.

Jackfruit!
When fully ripe, the unopened jackfruit emits a strong disagreeable odor, resembling that of decayed onions, while the pulp of the opened fruit smells of pineapple and banana.

Why would anyone want to eat this?!

Glad - jackfruit is very sweet and aromatic. It smells good, no onion odor. If you have a chance to travel to Hawaii or Mexico or Asian countries, try some. One of my favorite fruits.

The fruits sold here are shipped from far away and still green. Some of them won't ripen and go bad hence the bad smell as would any bad fruit.

PolarB,
Have you ever eaten the seeds. I love seeing how other cultures cook! Isn't YouTube amazing?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vbAn8n6ioTw

I have AT&T cell service. On their caller ID it reads, telemarketer, possible fraud, and scam headings. Plus I pay a small amount each month for unlimited call blocking. Great service.

Hi Glad,

Congratulations on moving forward with closing out your mother's estate.
I do remember back when you'd had that fire! WOW, five years have passed, unbelievable! That was a lot of unscrambling for you also regarding this check from the insurance company.

So it looks like closing out a loved one's estate takes rather long. I'm wondering about this because my siblings and I will at some point have to go through this.

That fruit you wrote about....so it was jack fruit? Did it by any chance have these prongs all on the outside of the fruit? Of course, I not quite sure about the jack fruit, since I've never tasted it, but thought it was in a star shape. The one with prongs on it I saw when I traveled in southeast asia, which was Durian. Boy does that ever smell bad, actually it smells rotten.

Much Love & Light!
Margeaux

Hi Margeaux!

My mom's estate could have been closed out in a year. It is a ts2 thing. I think this whole thing has been very emotional for her and difficult to deal with.

Star fruit is called just that here. Googling, I found carambola. My avatar is a Jack fruit, took pic at grocery yesterday. It is sort of prickly on the outside.

Just googled durian, Jack fruit is not that. Jack fruit is closer to a watermelon in size, and not the small ones you see in the store.

My oldest daughter still has a way of getting to me. She never supported me when I was going through all the nonsense with twisteds. Twisteds told her untruths, that DD chose to believe. A few weeks ago she asked me to go to a track meet granddaughter was participating in. I did not go, prepping for colonoscopy. Then DD posts a picture of twisteds at the meet. When the heck did she plan on telling me "oh mom, by the way I invited twisteds, too". This reeks of behavior known of ts1.

My auntie dearest asked me to go for a visit this summer,"no reason that I could not join DD and kids when they went". I wasn't told they were going until a few weeks before. Then I find out that DD is there with twisteds! Have not talked to DD in a couple of weeks now.. she knows very well I need to be low contact with twisteds. I guess she just does not understand that part.

I have to stay away from twisteds for my own mental health, I guess DD is angry with me for that, and I am hurt.

My pain management appointment is tomorrow, took me 2 1/2 hours to fill out all the new patient paperwork. Medications list, which pharmacy, who prescribing doctor is. Plus list of all the medications, home remedies, injections, OTC meds I’ve tried to manage the pain. Then the HIPPA stuff, credit card on file requirement should I miss an appointment, or my insurance not pay. On, and on, and on. Could barely move, for the time spent upright at the computer filling out all their paperwork. Consent for drug screen any time they decide to summon me, bring all medications for pill counts every single appointment. This is bloody Hell to put a never-abuser through, the time, the intrusiveness of it all. Laying on a heating pad, trying to just be quiet and calm, but unrelenting pain very hard to manage. I’m going to bet she won’t do anything, with me being on the schedule for total hip replacement next month, and both knees once I recover enough. Expect it will be a wasted effort, despite my hands being so painful I sometimes can’t write with pen and paper.And my spine is involved with the arthritis. I was so discouraged when the rheumatologist asked why I wasn’t receiving medication for the arthritis. Told him the internist refused me pain relief. Sadly, he is just across state line, and I can’t fill prescriptions from him in my own state. The rheumy here in town isn’t very good. Didn’t realize the good one across the border wouldn’t be allowed to prescribe arthritis medications. Fully expect to receive no relief at pain management doc either, with the upcoming surgeries. Bet she will want to wait til the surgeries are done, and all healed, to evaluate. But I took the appointment out of desperation, struggling to walk, to cook and clean. Can’t get up in the truck anymore for the pain. Just so weary of the medical community refusing pain relief. So many obviously deformed joints. They just don’t care.