Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
https://www.thedenverchannel.com/sports/broncos/eldest-bowlen-daughters-file-court-motion-arguing-pat-bowlen-lacked-capacity-to-sign-trust-documents
Sickening!
Tonight was not much better. She has such pain in her shoulders. I knew better than to ask if she'd taken anything for the pain (she yells when I ask). "Nothing can help my pain!" Then she said that you don't know what pain is (she's the only person that has ever had pain like this). She then mentioned how she can't do anything with her hands (I've offered to take her to any doctor, but she will not go).
She's now obsessing over silly things - food in her freezer (she has two fridges). Two small packages of ham I put away after Easter. "Oh, there's that damned ham, I have to take care of it, it's a worry". What? It is fine. I wrapped it very carefully, it's a small amount. Is the ham going to rise up during the night and try to kill you (a devil ham??). Then she has to keep track of who has garbage out and watch for the truck on garbage day. There was a small power outage a week ago (an hour or less) and it was the end of the world. I have several small power blips a year (at least). It's not great, but it happens.
Her favorite restaurants are not good enough after a year or so. They're just not as good as they were (I cannot tell a change). One place has a gimmick of cooking their burgers in butter - she had no rest until I went with her there for lunch. Now, they fry their hamburgers too hard, and they're too greasy (butter, maybe??). Well, they need to stop using butter. She'll tell me I sit with no tv on at all. Ummm, okay?
I'm not sure how to react (except to remain silent or try to stay upbeat). Is this normal behavior? Or is it a sign of some sort of dementia? Again, she refuses to go to a doctor.
Thanks in advance for any advice and wisdom.
But seriously, you sound like you have a great sense of humor judging from your post and that is vital when going through what you describe. Your question is this normal behavior? Well it may be normal for your mom. Has she always been this way? If this is new behavior, then I would say she should probably go to a geriatric doctor and have a whole slew of tests done. She sounds like she loves attention so make it sound like only special people go to these doctors and maybe she'll cooperate and go with you.
You just keep hanging in there and keep posting cause there are loads of smart people who have been where you are and who will if nothing else commiserate with you and sometimes that helps.
My elderly mother n' I are moving from the DC-Metro region, to North Carolina. Near Pittsboro. The arguing continues. The community is no problem for her. Since she (still)drives. But the community is not friendly to avid cyclists', It is right off of a 55mph road that has very few stop lights.
thankful TS Humberto appears to not be a threat to coastal GA. I don’t have time for all the hurricane prep right now.
Yesterday I got a much needed color and haircut. Picked up water bottles to use in the ice machine, post-op. Cleaned master suite. Gas in car, so I can get to hospital. My right hip replacement will be first one Monday morning. Report to hospital at 5:00 AM. Today I’m going to clean kitties’ screened porch, where they happily live. This evening I have a home care person coming by to meet with me. Going to see if I can afford just a little help, maybe first week post-op. Things like scoop cat litter, turning dirty laundry into clean, maybe a bed change and clean sheets last day. She isn’t yet licensed to receive Medicare payments, but being it’s just custodial type care, and she lives in the neighborhood, it’s probably perfect for just a few hours, a few days. She will do light housekeeping, if needed, simple meals, wash up dishes, even do shopping. I’ve previously met her at our monthly neighborhood ladies’ luncheon. Really like her. Once my husband sees what a little assistance is going to cost him, he might step up and do a couple things to help me. But I wouldn’t count on it. This is to just get me through the worst part, while I’m using a walker, and during the worst pain, Post-op. She works minimum of four hours at a time. So I’m thinking if I can manage each morning, to feed pets, simple breakfast and lunch, I can bathe before she gets here, have her help me with the Ted stockings, get dinner around, feed pets the dinner meal, do up the day’s dishes left from snacking spouse, plus dinner, scoop litter. Do the bulk of household stuff. It will hopefully be money well spent. I’ve laid in a supply of paper plates and bowls, groceries.
This is all new territory for me, to hire assist, as when I had my first three hip surgeries years back, total hip then as well, my first husband and teenage sons were able to bring me laundry to fold, took dishes to and from table, whatever small chores were needed to keep house going. They fortunately weren’t doing drive thru joint replacements twenty years ago. And pain medication wasn’t restricted so tightly, real pain treatment, not this cookie cutter crap, everybody now gets seven days’ pain relief, not a second longer. Of course, I was twenty years younger too. Lol. And my recovery wasn’t complicated by several other joints waiting for their turn to be bionic. So while the right hip won’t be hurting, once healed, the other joints continue on.
Anyhow, two more days, then a hopefully routine joint replacement will be in the past. Looking forward to not having right hip pain.
We had been expecting it so it was not a surprise, still it is hard to believe and I am so so sad.
I am so tired. I think I will go to bed early. Lot of emotion going on.
I'm so sorry to learn that your father has passed, but I'm glad that it seems to have been peaceful, and hope that he lived as full a life as possible, and that you and your family will be able to remember him in better days.
Peace to you and your family.
I lost my father over 50 years ago, and it still stings. I would just say do whatever is best for you as you grieve. Don't let anyone tell you how you should behave or shame you into doing something. Everyone deals with it in their own way and in their own time.
Hoping you gals having surgery are well on your way to healing post OP, and are beginning to feel better! Get Well Soon!
Golden, I can't believe how callous your sister has been regarding your care of your Mom, her death and her estate. Surely she knows how much work that it entailed, and you doing it from a distance too. You will feel better once your Mom's burial is behind you and you can cut contact for good. It doesn't do you any good having all that stress, it sure isn't good for your FM, and CFS, that's for sure! Take Care Sweetie!
Cwille, Glad there are no serious issues with your Kitty! Dang, Vet care is expensive, isn't it! Grr!
I am unfortunately dealing with some dental issues myself (that's expensive too!), and I hate the dentist and have been putting off seeing one in way to many years, plus mine retired, the nerve of him! So I did go in last Friday and the decision was made to get dentures in the uppers only, which will entail pulling all my crummy old ones, which is terrifying to me to say the least! I did make a mess of them, chewing ice, cracking and chipping quite a few of my back molars, neglect through avoidance and previous money issues (no dental insurance, Ugg), and just life passing on by, and then I needed to get medical clearance from my PCP, because I have a minor heart murmur.
So, last Monday I saw my PCP for a Physical exam, had routine blood tests done and gave her the form nessasary for the medical clearance, but my White Blood Cell count came back elevated, with no known signs or symptoms of infection that I can see or feel, so repeat labs were done yesterday and I'm now waiting on pins and needles for the results, as my Dr will definitely not clear me for dental surgery until we get this figured out, Sheesh!
Dang it, it always something! I finally got the courage to face this that I have been so afraid of and have been putting off for So long and then this, more friggin stress! The WBC count was pretty high though and needs to be seen to, whatever that may bring. I do know that the obvious infection, stress, inflammation and the dreaded C can all be possibilities, but I don't think it's C, as the numbers would probably be even higher than mine at 19,000, 10,000 being the upper limits of normal, so here I sit, waiting on a phone call to see what is the next step in figuring Me out so I can get this seen to and get going on my dental work before I Chicken Out Again! It's Always Something!
Got pain meds prescriptions at pharmacy on the way home from hospital. Wasn’t as bad as I feared. Pharmacy wasn’t too busy, but busy enough. I waited almost an hour, but had one of the mobility shopping carts to wait sitting down. That way hubs didn’t have to return to pick up when ready. Barely made it home, time to take pain meds dose.
My sweet home health gal came by after work, scooped litter boxes. Will ask her if willing, to sweep up any spilled litter or bites of food one day that’s not full with Bible study. She seems Th be a good gal. Plus, when I have the knees done, I’m going to need assistance again.
So, I’m now using a rollator, with flip-up seat, and a sling type bin underneath. Raised toilet seat messing with my head, lol. But it’s what I have to do for now. Actually, I can already feel the deep joint pain is gone! So once he gets me past the leg pain, and any surgical pain, it will take a brief time to get back on the surgery schedule, for my first knee. He won’t do bilateral knees together. Due to hubby’s cardiovascular problems, I’ve got a sense of urgency, for getting my joints replaced as quickly as he can, so I’m in decent enough shape to care for my spouse. Wickedly fun!
That's all from me, just keep on keeping on!
Girlsaylor, you sound great post OP, so stay positive and get well soon!
Love to the rest of you all! Stace ❤
Trying, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.
Girl, so happy that surgery went well. Glad that some pain is gone.
Glad, finally some closure.
Stacey I wish you well with dental surgery.
Golden I hope all is well.
I am not caught up at all. Now in mist of fight for my correct sick time with job. Otherwise I felt so much relief after surgery.
Godspeed to all in Healing. Rays of love strength and peace to all.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.caregiving.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/mmi-caregiving-costs-working-caregivers.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwil6qCwst7kAhX8FzQIHRKaA-MQFjAAegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw3UG9JR7O97i1HEmC3HUGqk
Hugs!!
Yes, you have answered your own question, but you sound like someone who was emotionally groomed to be a martyr which will leave your broke, broken, destitute and likely homeless.