Follow
Share
Read More
Golden, Dd pulled them out after the first week. E missed getting back into developmental preschool by 3 days due to birth date. Both are in pre school and we are paying for one of them to go because they can’t pay for both. E still gets speech therapy and O T through the state. Dd has to have E re-evaluated for IEP before his current one expires next year. THe extra year should give them more time to mature.
(2)
Report

Sharyn, one of my daughters had two in a YMCA preschool and paid for one because of their income. There was a grant received that paid for the second. Maybe there is some sort of program that will pay for one of the boys, especially since one has the developmental issues. You wouldn't want to put yourself into that five year look back should something happen with you or hubs.
(5)
Report

Dysfunction run amok. And so much easier to fight over money and power if you have the money and power to make issue of it!

https://www.thedenverchannel.com/sports/broncos/eldest-bowlen-daughters-file-court-motion-arguing-pat-bowlen-lacked-capacity-to-sign-trust-documents

Sickening!
(3)
Report

I was thinking things were levelling out with Mom, at least with her not going into such dark moods. Had a fairly nice Labor Day there with her, cleaning and doing a bit of yard work, taking her out to lunch and a little shopping. She was fine for a week after I got back home. Then on this Thursday, we're back to the ranting. She's done everything for everyone else and no one gives her any help! She is such a caring person, never thinking of herself (which no - if you never thought of yourself you wouldn't want "credit" for what you did - as she calls it). She's normally in a good mood when my brother takes her out shopping (it was Thursday this week). She rambled on with every slight (real or imagined) done to her since she was a small child for about an hour. I put the phone on mute and wrote down my exasperated feelings into a journal. She went on about how difficult life is, how she has to do the same things every day (who doesn't), such as clean her teeth, "glue" them in (dentures), how it's difficult to get into bed, how she has to make sure she gets into the bathroom as soon as she feels the urge (slight incontinence issue). I'm not sure what she wants me to do - carry her into the bed or bathroom? Even if she were to come stay with me (for a while only), I can't be around all day. She would be better off in assisted living but she's "not going to no damned nursing home!"
Tonight was not much better. She has such pain in her shoulders. I knew better than to ask if she'd taken anything for the pain (she yells when I ask). "Nothing can help my pain!" Then she said that you don't know what pain is (she's the only person that has ever had pain like this). She then mentioned how she can't do anything with her hands (I've offered to take her to any doctor, but she will not go).
She's now obsessing over silly things - food in her freezer (she has two fridges). Two small packages of ham I put away after Easter. "Oh, there's that damned ham, I have to take care of it, it's a worry". What? It is fine. I wrapped it very carefully, it's a small amount. Is the ham going to rise up during the night and try to kill you (a devil ham??). Then she has to keep track of who has garbage out and watch for the truck on garbage day. There was a small power outage a week ago (an hour or less) and it was the end of the world. I have several small power blips a year (at least). It's not great, but it happens.
Her favorite restaurants are not good enough after a year or so. They're just not as good as they were (I cannot tell a change). One place has a gimmick of cooking their burgers in butter - she had no rest until I went with her there for lunch. Now, they fry their hamburgers too hard, and they're too greasy (butter, maybe??). Well, they need to stop using butter. She'll tell me I sit with no tv on at all. Ummm, okay?
I'm not sure how to react (except to remain silent or try to stay upbeat). Is this normal behavior? Or is it a sign of some sort of dementia? Again, she refuses to go to a doctor.
Thanks in advance for any advice and wisdom.
(7)
Report

Sissisu, sorry but the "devil ham" remark cracked me up. I think I may have some evil salami in my fridge. LOL

But seriously, you sound like you have a great sense of humor judging from your post and that is vital when going through what you describe. Your question is this normal behavior? Well it may be normal for your mom. Has she always been this way? If this is new behavior, then I would say she should probably go to a geriatric doctor and have a whole slew of tests done. She sounds like she loves attention so make it sound like only special people go to these doctors and maybe she'll cooperate and go with you.

You just keep hanging in there and keep posting cause there are loads of smart people who have been where you are and who will if nothing else commiserate with you and sometimes that helps.
(5)
Report

Life is crazy right now.

My elderly mother n' I are moving from the DC-Metro region, to North Carolina. Near Pittsboro. The arguing continues. The community is no problem for her. Since she (still)drives. But the community is not friendly to avid cyclists', It is right off of a 55mph road that has very few stop lights.
(2)
Report

Wow, it’s been such a rough week. Spouse has been out of control. Constant yelling. Like I need a man-child bullying me. Not. Too sick myself, to deal with him.

thankful TS Humberto appears to not be a threat to coastal GA. I don’t have time for all the hurricane prep right now.

Yesterday I got a much needed color and haircut. Picked up water bottles to use in the ice machine, post-op. Cleaned master suite. Gas in car, so I can get to hospital. My right hip replacement will be first one Monday morning. Report to hospital at 5:00 AM. Today I’m going to clean kitties’ screened porch, where they happily live. This evening I have a home care person coming by to meet with me. Going to see if I can afford just a little help, maybe first week post-op. Things like scoop cat litter, turning dirty laundry into clean, maybe a bed change and clean sheets last day. She isn’t yet licensed to receive Medicare payments, but being it’s just custodial type care, and she lives in the neighborhood, it’s probably perfect for just a few hours, a few days. She will do light housekeeping, if needed, simple meals, wash up dishes, even do shopping. I’ve previously met her at our monthly neighborhood ladies’ luncheon. Really like her. Once my husband sees what a little assistance is going to cost him, he might step up and do a couple things to help me. But I wouldn’t count on it. This is to just get me through the worst part, while I’m using a walker, and during the worst pain, Post-op. She works minimum of four hours at a time. So I’m thinking if I can manage each morning, to feed pets, simple breakfast and lunch, I can bathe before she gets here, have her help me with the Ted stockings, get dinner around, feed pets the dinner meal, do up the day’s dishes left from snacking spouse, plus dinner, scoop litter. Do the bulk of household stuff. It will hopefully be money well spent. I’ve laid in a supply of paper plates and bowls, groceries.
This is all new territory for me, to hire assist, as when I had my first three hip surgeries years back, total hip then as well, my first husband and teenage sons were able to bring me laundry to fold, took dishes to and from table, whatever small chores were needed to keep house going. They fortunately weren’t doing drive thru joint replacements twenty years ago. And pain medication wasn’t restricted so tightly, real pain treatment, not this cookie cutter crap, everybody now gets seven days’ pain relief, not a second longer. Of course, I was twenty years younger too. Lol. And my recovery wasn’t complicated by several other joints waiting for their turn to be bionic. So while the right hip won’t be hurting, once healed, the other joints continue on.
Anyhow, two more days, then a hopefully routine joint replacement will be in the past. Looking forward to not having right hip pain.
(5)
Report

My Dad passed this weekend. He went so peacefully. No pain or struggle. That was a blessing.
We had been expecting it so it was not a surprise, still it is hard to believe and I am so so sad.
(7)
Report

((((((((trying))))))) deepest condolences at the passing of your dad. We are never ready no matter how close we know they are, How are your mum, sis and bro taking it? Know you did all you could in a very difficult situation. Please take special care of yourself at this sad time.
(5)
Report

(((Hugs))) Trying, I'm very sorry for your loss.
(2)
Report

I'm so sorry for your loss, Trying.
(3)
Report

Thank you guys. Mom is doing surprisingly well with no behavioral issues, thank goodness. My brother is sad and struggling with his feelings. Sis is still trying to control everything and being her usual bully self but I just don't care. Her antics are so low on the scale of importance to me right now. Death has a way of putting things into perspective.
I am so tired. I think I will go to bed early. Lot of emotion going on.
(7)
Report

Trying, I am so sorry for your loss. Love coming your way now and in the days ahead.
(2)
Report

TryingMyBest, I remember when you first posted here, some years ago, although I don't remember the issues.    But I remember that you were always a compassionate, forward thinking person, who could analyze situations well. 

I'm so sorry to learn that your father has passed, but I'm glad that it seems to have been peaceful, and hope that he lived as full a life as possible, and that you and your family will be able to remember him in better days.

Peace to you and your family.
(5)
Report

Trying, I am so sorry for your loss. Good that you are able to put sis in the background. I need to learn to do that better myself. Been wondering about how you are doing.
(8)
Report

Thank you for all your support. Your words mean so much to me. Thank you.
(5)
Report

Trying, my sincere sympathy over the loss of your father.
I lost my father over 50 years ago, and it still stings. I would just say do whatever is best for you as you grieve. Don't let anyone tell you how you should behave or shame you into doing something. Everyone deals with it in their own way and in their own time.
(4)
Report

Thank you Sissisu.
(0)
Report

Trying, so sorry to hear of your loss of your Dad, I'm thankful he didn't go through any pain or suffering. Remember him in the greatest moments you shared togeher through out his life, that is what helps me when I'm missing my Dad so much that it hurts. Dad's are special! Take Care!
(3)
Report

Well, received the final closure of the trust for signature. Have sat on it for a couple of weeks. Letting go? Tired worn out. But, finally will be done!😐 signed, sealed soon to be delivered
(8)
Report

Yay Glad, it will finally be over and all of that stress behind you, and then any communications with the Twisteds will be on Your terms whatever that might be. I hope your landscaping is now completed and to your satisfaction and that everything is going well in your neck of the world!

Hoping you gals having surgery are well on your way to healing post OP, and are beginning to feel better! Get Well Soon!

Golden, I can't believe how callous your sister has been regarding your care of your Mom, her death and her estate. Surely she knows how much work that it entailed, and you doing it from a distance too. You will feel better once your Mom's burial is behind you and you can cut contact for good. It doesn't do you any good having all that stress, it sure isn't good for your FM, and CFS, that's for sure! Take Care Sweetie!

Cwille, Glad there are no serious issues with your Kitty! Dang, Vet care is expensive, isn't it! Grr!

I am unfortunately dealing with some dental issues myself (that's expensive too!), and I hate the dentist and have been putting off seeing one in way to many years, plus mine retired, the nerve of him! So I did go in last Friday and the decision was made to get dentures in the uppers only, which will entail pulling all my crummy old ones, which is terrifying to me to say the least! I did make a mess of them, chewing ice, cracking and chipping quite a few of my back molars, neglect through avoidance and previous money issues (no dental insurance, Ugg), and just life passing on by, and then I needed to get medical clearance from my PCP, because I have a minor heart murmur.

So, last Monday I saw my PCP for a Physical exam, had routine blood tests done and gave her the form nessasary for the medical clearance, but my White Blood Cell count came back elevated, with no known signs or symptoms of infection that I can see or feel, so repeat labs were done yesterday and I'm now waiting on pins and needles for the results, as my Dr will definitely not clear me for dental surgery until we get this figured out, Sheesh!

Dang it, it always something! I finally got the courage to face this that I have been so afraid of and have been putting off for So long and then this, more friggin stress! The WBC count was pretty high though and needs to be seen to, whatever that may bring. I do know that the obvious infection, stress, inflammation and the dreaded C can all be possibilities, but I don't think it's C, as the numbers would probably be even higher than mine at 19,000, 10,000 being the upper limits of normal, so here I sit, waiting on a phone call to see what is the next step in figuring Me out so I can get this seen to and get going on my dental work before I Chicken Out Again! It's Always Something!
(7)
Report

TryingmyBest, so sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.
(2)
Report

Wow! I’ve got a bionic new right hip now. Surgery Monday, am home now. Really excruciating pain from the hip, down to mid-femur bone. Asked surgeon about it. He said it’s from the manipulating of the femur, to get it up into view, so surgeon can lift the femur right out of the socket, to cut off the ball of the femur.
Got pain meds prescriptions at pharmacy on the way home from hospital. Wasn’t as bad as I feared. Pharmacy wasn’t too busy, but busy enough. I waited almost an hour, but had one of the mobility shopping carts to wait sitting down. That way hubs didn’t have to return to pick up when ready. Barely made it home, time to take pain meds dose.
My sweet home health gal came by after work, scooped litter boxes. Will ask her if willing, to sweep up any spilled litter or bites of food one day that’s not full with Bible study. She seems Th be a good gal. Plus, when I have the knees done, I’m going to need assistance again.
So, I’m now using a rollator, with flip-up seat, and a sling type bin underneath. Raised toilet seat messing with my head, lol. But it’s what I have to do for now. Actually, I can already feel the deep joint pain is gone! So once he gets me past the leg pain, and any surgical pain, it will take a brief time to get back on the surgery schedule, for my first knee. He won’t do bilateral knees together. Due to hubby’s cardiovascular problems, I’ve got a sense of urgency, for getting my joints replaced as quickly as he can, so I’m in decent enough shape to care for my spouse. Wickedly fun!
(9)
Report

HI guys, follow up on my medical issues too, lol! My WBC count came down significantly in one day, wow, I didn't think it could drop that much, but now 11,000 so cleared for the dental surgery. Unfortunately the dental office didn't call me back in time for the last available appointment on Thursday (tomorrow), but I can get in early next week, so reprieve for the weekend, and onwards and upwards! I'm not looking forward to it, but will be happy to get it behind me and on to the healing process.

That's all from me, just keep on keeping on!

Girlsaylor, you sound great post OP, so stay positive and get well soon!

Love to the rest of you all! Stace ❤
(7)
Report

Greetings to all. All went well and I am in 4th day road to healing. Relieved and thankful.

Trying, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

Girl, so happy that surgery went well. Glad that some pain is gone.

Glad, finally some closure.

Stacey I wish you well with dental surgery.

Golden I hope all is well.

I am not caught up at all. Now in mist of fight for my correct sick time with job. Otherwise I felt so much relief after surgery.

Godspeed to all in Healing. Rays of love strength and peace to all.
(7)
Report

Trying, I’m so sorry learn of your father passing. You have handled things so well regarding your sister. It is hard to accept a parent being gone when they have always been there in our lives. Take care of yourself now.
(5)
Report

Well, one last stab before ts2 finalizes everything. Sent her email with metlife report on cost of caregiving to family caregivers. I do not expect it will make any difference. Maybe a bit of guilt on her part would be ok, though. 😈 In case any of you are interested:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.caregiving.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/mmi-caregiving-costs-working-caregivers.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwil6qCwst7kAhX8FzQIHRKaA-MQFjAAegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw3UG9JR7O97i1HEmC3HUGqk
(1)
Report

Trying, Sorry for hear about your father passing.


Hugs!!
(2)
Report

Does anyone here think it's wise to walk away when a family situation is so toxic that you will end up sick, isolated and possibly destitute at the end of it? I have probably answered my own question, but love and duty are stopping me taking my own advice to run while I still can. Here's the reason I am even thinking this way: I have two sisters, each with children. I am single, childless and living with my widowed mother. My sisters and one of my nieces have been unbearably cruel to my mother since my dad died. They took their share of their inheritance even though they knew my mother needed it as she is old, can no longer work and on a reduced pension. I did not take my "share" and I pay my mum for my board and keep. I also do everything for her, bring her to doctor appointments, drive her to shops, to visit her grandchildren... I work for myself but have had to cut back on work because my mother needs me so much (she is reasonably healthy but very needy emotionally since dad died and the situation with my sisters and niece has not helped.. Also the other grandchildren ignore her). I am doing a course to improve my career prospects but am missing lectures because mum needs me so much to drive her around. Anyhow we recently met up with one of my sisters and her kids including the cruel niece who is a young adult but still at school. For the first time in years there were no rows. Now my mum wants to live near them. She wants me to move with her. This would mean daily contact with people who have done everything to make our lives a misery. They even tried to destroy our reputations online and through gossip. I know if I moved to their town with my mum they would try to turn me into a housemaid and scapegoat. This niece is studying to be a nurse so she would boss me around if mum got sick and blame me if anything went wrong. My mother is still afraid of her and afraid of my sister, and that is why she wants me to live with her. So I would be a bodyguard, maid and scapegoat all in one! My mother reminded me she has left everything to me in her will, as if I would stay with her just for money and a house. I stay with her because I love her and want to keep her safe but I can't do that if these psychopaths are living nearby. Short visits are fine and we always meet in a public place which is the advice my mum got from her lawyer. So what do you think? Should I move out now before mum moves house, or wait until she moves house and then make the break, or move with her to the new house?
(1)
Report

Exister,

Yes, you have answered your own question, but you sound like someone who was emotionally groomed to be a martyr which will leave your broke, broken, destitute and likely homeless.
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter