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Nite Golden~Sleep well!
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Oh my goodness I am so glad to hear from you golden. I understand the breaking of the ties. As messed up and confused and heart broken I am with my family situation I have grown in my heart to drop my sister and my nephew from my heart. It has been one of the most difficult and important things I have had to do. Had I done same with my mother instead of this crazy need to protect her in the mist of her sabotage and manipulation I would not be stuck in this mess. My love for her has always been unconditional and a struggle to prove. I knew and accepted her sickness and she thrive on that. I don't think I would have done differently if I know what I have learned now. But my sister is another program. Same with my nephew. Long story and another book. But I am so happy and relieved to see you post. You have no idea of the effect of your wisdom and goodness and truth on my brokenness and growth, as well as few other special Angel's. Everyone who shares and events is special to me on this forum. I can relate. I understand and feel even the struggle in not going to the place of ugliness in response to self righteous wrongs that go uncorrected. I'm not easily impressed or motivated or even moved. My wrong in a philosophy that everyone thinks like me makes me a gullible fool. Which is a manipulation I have grown to understand. Bt true correction and guidance and prospective I respect no matter how its delivered no Matter how harsh or sweet the understanding is there. You and so many here mean so much to me and as messed up as I am I'm sure if you can touch me you have touched others in the same profound way. Love you Girl Barb Gersh Churh Ali Becky Stacy Book dang so many but much love for all and I have expressed my appreciation to all at one or another.
I am still in stress about my mother and her care and my limitations. The holidays are now painful as I realize what I thought I had through love and family was a farce. I don't think you can waste love but the energy in giving takes a toll when it's not balanced out. I don't even feel like getting my u
Butt up and out today. Last year I had a beautiful time so come hell or high water ya bo be there. Supposed to be a nice day.
Aanyways enjoy. Smile and soak in the beauty of love.
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Glad e joy the season. .maybe take pics of the bulbs you planted I bet they will be awesome.
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Love to you too, Duck. Don't get blown over by this wind out there today!
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Thanks for all on this site and this thread. Have a safe holiday season!
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Wanted to wish all of us a Happy Thanksgiving! However, wherever, we all are entitled to carve out some happiness today.

A bit of last minute hiccup. We were just made aware an old friend, severely depressed and drunk on his butt, is on FB, letting the world know all of his displeasure with life. Every other word is F***. He’s whining about no Thanksgiving, and when relatives and friends invite him over, he lashes out at them. In the past, I would have not hesitated, would have insisted he come join us. This year, I just can’t bear the thought of a depressed drunk in the house, at the table, taking over our TV for sporting events. We don’t watch much more than the Super Bowl here. I feel guilty, but after the year we’ve had, surgeries, cancer, financial setbacks, I don’t think I have the physical or mental strength. By the posts I was reading, I don’t think I would be successful in getting him to come over anyhow. I just can’t do it. Self-care right now. Not doing the obligatory thing for the rest of my life.
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Thx Duck for mentioning me in your thank-you's. I hope all you in the States are enjoying your Thanksgiving. I guess most of you are probably sleeping off the tryptophan right about now. :)
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HI All, I hope that you enjoyed your Thanksgiving Day! We had a quiet dinner here in our home, with only #2 Son in attendance. Our eldest Son, DIL and 2 Grandsons came for a few hours before heading off to his Grandmother's house for dinner (she has newly diagnosed Dementia, so sad), our Daughter and SIL went to his Parents, and youngest Son and DIL were celebrating in Kentucky with friends, I always said that I didn't care so much about Thanksgiving, but pencil us in on Christmas, as that is My favorite holiday!

Hubby made the entire dinner, and did a smashing job of it, He's Hired, lol!

Golden so glad to you are feeling better and back posting!

Gershun, I hope that you found peace on the holiday, and didn't get sucked into your families dysfunction!

Speaking of which, we got a phone call from hubby's wife the day before Thanksgiving, saying that my BIL is "dying", AGAIN! That he is "end stage COPD" and could die at any moment. She said if my husband wanted to see his Brother before he died that he better get down there to see him (he's in Arizona, we are in Seattle), but IDK, it definitely seemed like a ploy to me, he wants Something! She wanted my husband to call her back, but so far he has refused.

If you might remember, my husband has flown there to see him 5 times in the past 2 years, only for his Brother to practicality ignore him the entire he is there, so much that hubby has decided to go "no contact", so I'm not sure if he will call her back or not, so far he is just ruminating on it.

He last went to see him just this past summer, was there 4 days and his Brother only carved out a couple of hours to see him, but enough time to listen to him brag about all sorts of weird stuff (this is his usual behavior), including him buying a commercial building (ya right, on his 600 dollar/mo SS disability check), he lives like a horder, And he wore 2 guns on his belt like a gangster (him a convicted felon), hubby was afraid he was gonna shoot him or something, he was truly freaked out by it! It was pretty much the last straw for him.

Then we got a text from them wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving, the first "well wish" we have ever received from them Ever, so Something is Definitely Up! I think that they are after money, which is a Big reason my husband is refusing (so far) to call them back. For one thing, we aren't going to be "lending them" any money, as he has Never Ever paid us back in the past, and secondly, that there just isn't any relationship there, especially after the way he treated him through his Dad living with us for 13 years, he Never put Any effort into supporting my husband or his Dad, especially through his Dad's illness and passing.

Family Boundries, a foreign concept to me, but sometimes necessary for your own sake!

Happy Holidays Everybody! We have 3 families coming from Wales this year for 3 weeks to Celebrate, it's gonna be Crazy Fun!
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Hi all!!

Staceyb its good to see you back posting, The holiday sounds like it was wonderful.

The saga continues on strong but I am too tired to speak on it. I just wanted to check in a say hi.

I have doctors appointment on thursday , will address my blood pressure and the knee and hip pain.

I started wearing my old knee brace (I have for both) for the left knee and it really has helped a lot. It also seemsto have helped the hip pain also. I still have issues turning and laying on one side sometimes its worse than others.

Anyways its cold here now. And yes it was very windy on Thanksgiving day. I hope you all are faring well with the holiday season.

Today I am good, Ive been kinda so, so off and on.

Rays of love to you all. Enjoy the lights and the beauty of the spirit of the season. It is exciting and even though Im not really in it I enjoy watching the joy in others..

Much love to all. Smile, and stop and smell the roses or take in the beauty of the sunrise or sunset. The other day a lady was acting really silly and I joined in so she was like you have to do something when you are down and I was like yes, there are times that the worse I feel inside the more silly I get and sometimes it works for me but the best for me is a smile. It makes me feel so good especially when unexpected which is usually the case in NYC, I mean it really uplifts me sometimes so when Im down I smile. Okay I will not go into a ramble. Much love to all. Be good to yourselves.
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I am relieved not to be caring for mom anymore but since she is gone and now living with my brother and SIL, I have only briefly spoken to her twice on the phone. I do not wish to be near my brother.

I did not call her for Thanksgiving. The holiday season is rough for me this year. As most of you know, it wasn’t a happy farewell. I know Christmas will be kind of blue. I do have my husband and daughters to be with.

I don’t want to burden them with the majority of my feelings. I have a therapist for that. I am hoping for a better year in 2020.
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My sister is in the hospital for chemotherapy (lymphoma), surgery is not possible.
Need prayers from my caregiver friends.
I have already prayed that she does not die until she is saved by God.
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Sendhelp,

I will pray for your sister. It’s so hard watching loved ones suffer.

All anyone can do in these situations is pray.
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I’m sorry to say Mom called me and my husband names including being thieves and threatened to call police as we have her car keys. I told her to go ahead. She said no because I’d tell them a different story. I said I didn’t write the story, but the hospital doctors did. Anyway, after a few more exchanges, I told her I understand she is angry (and adamantly denied) but I insisted saying her life is changing and it can be a scary time for her. She said no, but I insisted - yes - and that she’s taking it out on me. I said to call me if she needs something and left.

Funny how earlier she asked me what I want to do tomorrow for my birthday. I know where I don’t want to be . . .
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Kat,

You handled that situation very well!

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear, Kat.
Happy birthday to you! 🎂🍦🎉🎁🎈🍸
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a drive by - still recovering from the gut bug that is going around. Hopefully that's it for a while. I'm tired of this!!!

The good news is that the bank finally released mother's funds to the lawyer. (Am I repeating myself?) So now to get her next-to-final taxes done. There are a couple of small outstanding issues to be dealt with but the tax accountant wants to wrap it up for now and make the adjustments later which is ok by me.

DD and dgs are back home but dgd troubles are still happening so they are looking into further resources for her. I think it is time for a deep grandmotherly talk with my granddaughter, that is, when I get my wits back together.

Kitties are pretty well back to normal after their surgery and are great company and entertainment. They like to cuddle with me and watch bird videos for cats. They are catching on not to walk all over my laptop and inadvertently turn it off or dim the screen or sound. Even at 4 degrees F they want to go out for a little while. I love the pitter patter of kitty feet when they chase toys or one another around the house. I was touched the other day when I expressed some frustration out loud with a strangled "Aaaargh!" Pumpkin looked up from across the room and came right over to me to make sure I was OK. Very sweet! 😽 Rocky is becoming quite the cuddler. 🐱

I feel like going into hibernation mode but have too much to do. It has been quite a year. The one year anniversary of mother's passing is coming up in a few days -Dec 10. Executrix duties have been on going. Near the end of May it will be one year since my niece passed. My dd and dgs came in the summer and pretty well stayed, with a small break when dgd was here, until a few weeks ago. R has rotator cuff injuries in both shoulders and may need surgery in one and thus some care and so it goes. Years ago I read that the quality that most helps us to age well is flexibility. I think I got it, but I do feel stretched.

I still want to move south but not until dd's home situation is more stable. My grandson really benefited from being here He has lost some weight (badly needed) and is more on track with his school work and other things. Dd is "built up" and caring for herself more and better able to deal with the "stuff". I am happy I could provide them with a safe place.

Well, time to shut down for the night. Take care all. In the words of the incomparable Arnie, "I'll be back!" 😁
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Golden isn't it great when our kitties show concern for us. My one cat is like that. I remember one night I was watching this show where this Hollywood actress had to get her dog put down. It was so sad and I was bawling. I went into the bathroom to get some t p to blow my nose with and I hear this little thump. My cat had jumped off of his perch on the sofa pillow and wandered into the bathroom looking all concerned. Bless his little heart. Sometimes when I'm in the bathroom doing my business he puts his front paws on my knees and reaches up with his head and gives me a big cheek rub. Sigh.............who needs a man when you have cat love.
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Gershun - kitties are the best!
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I have rotator cuff issues. Worse in one arm. Surgeon mentioned possible shoulder replacement however with my jaw issues and my husband's upcoming prostrate surgery I simply can't take that on. I wear lidocaine patches alot. Lifting my 20 month grandson last week when we had him for a week set me back but when he lifted his arms up I couldn't refuse. I would be interested in hearing about that surgery. The recovery is so difficult.
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Riverdale,

My husband had that surgery on both shoulders. He is the type to only go to the doctor if absolutely necessary. He doesn’t go for regular check ups which drives me crazy.

The pain became so bad he had to go to the orthopedic doctor. The surgery is tough. Recovery is brutal. Lots of physical therapy. I feel for you. Go see an orthopedic doctor.

Best wishes to you. Hugs!
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NHWM, I have had an MRI on worst shoulder and it doesn't look good to put it mildly. This same doctor did my husband's knee surgery which is OK but not great. We ran into someone who had the rotator cuff surgery and he said he researched many local doctors and this one had the best reputation. He was recovering well but he is much younger. I think you are aware of my other issues such as ongoing jaw. Also at the end of January my husband is having prostrate surgery so I can't take anything else on. I also don't like the bedside manner of the previous mentioned doctor so with all that I am just going to wait and do my best not to aggravate it but it wakes me up at night such as now after I was asleep. I do have less stress since selling a house so although we have these ongoing ailments I don't have that worry. Thanks for your concern. You have been so active replying to so many.
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Riverdale,

It is not something that gets better in time. The pain keeps getting worse. My husband ended up in so much pain that he agreed to the surgery. His doctor also did surgery on me years before his surgery, after I had my accident and is excellent with wonderful bedside manner.

Can you explore a little more to see if you can find another doctor in a neighboring city? Or would that be too much trouble? You will have follow up appointments but it is mainly lots of physical therapy. My husband even had a special chair that was delivered after physical therapy ended to do more exercises at home. That surgery is a tough one. It really is. You are pretty much out of commission afterwards so you won't be able to hold the grandbaby for awhile.

My husband was one who was always lifting our girls, nieces and nephews too. He always had them up on his shoulders to see at the parades during Mardi Gras or this or that. My girls were daddy's girls and they were not overweight kids but still it's a lot of lifting. I teased him before his surgery saying that he needed shoulder surgery from holding the girls for hours for every parade that we attended!
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Good evening to my friends here. I see so many struggling with health issues, plus the difficulties with relatives, caregiving, legal hoops. I hope all here can carve out some personal time, even with all the demands we have.

Yesterday I got a call to schedule consult for my knees. The hip surgeon, while very skilled, referred me to another surgeon in the same practice. Guess having complications and wrecking his stats made him mad. It’s okay, I’m not wanting a surgeon who won’t even come into the hospital room to discuss any issues I’m having while in hospital. I don’t expect hand holding, but I do expect the doctor to listen to any concerns I have, while I’m laying in the hospital bed. I was hoping he might refer me to a different practice. I have checked out the surgeon who is taking over on my knees, and he is supposed to be equally good. Bracing myself for what comes next. I’m wanting to get the left knee replacement next, as cortisone injection into the knee did nothing. Failed joints don’t get cured, only option is replacement. I won’t allow a partial knee replacement, nor will I submit to an osteotomy. Too many times, they don’t do any good and you end up with the total joint replacement shortly thereafter anyhow.
Hubs has his lung cancer CT coming up, and follow up with the oncologist same day I see knee surgeon. Fun for us. I have PT before the consult as well. Next week I have post op follow up with the surgeon who replaced my right hip. Too many dang doctor appointments! At 67, I feel my health is so not good, at a time when many people still enjoy good health and retirement. I sure didn’t get the good genetics here. But then, a lot of us here are battling the aches and pains of aging bodies. Such is life.
Rest easy tonight, my friends.
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NHWM:
Thank you for the kind words - much appreciated! I was a bit hurt by her calling us names, but also thought it was funny at the same time. She called at 4pm (very late for her) to wish me a happy birthday (with an air like nothing happened yesterday).

It seems a lot of the situations I’ve read on this site is also what I’m experiencing with Mom. I’m soo glad to read about your experience as a caregiver, along with many others on this site. I feel more empowered and able to better handle her antics.

Expect to have a convo with the social worker Monday. Mom has two more approved nursing visits and a few more PT sessions. Besides the ranting about her car keys, Mom said her local drug store is confused about the refill created by them for her diabetes meds. She thinks she got NEW meds from hospital at discharge. Not true - no new meds at ALL. Drug store says she needs a refill, but the reality is that she didn’t take those meds for a while because large bottle is half full of large white pills . . .

After approved sessions of nursing and PT have been completed, I guess all will meet to discuss Mom’s progress? Maybe then they will recommend she shouldn’t be at home living alone - we will see.....

Thanks so much for the Happy Birthday wishes and the song! I love the fanfare and it brought a smile to my face (I love emoticons).
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GirlSaylor,
Yesterday my hubs was due at work, and on his own scheduled a doctor's visit an hour and 1/2 before work. I knew better, but tried again to accommodate him.
We both failed miserably.

He ended up walking to work in the rain (#3 poor decision), was late for both the appointment (#1), and work (#2).

In his OCD wisdom, it was too much driving if I should pick him up at the doctor's and drive him to work. So, no, he would do it on his own. = LATE, Late.

His cell phone became inoperable (so he could not call Uber), and his shoe laces broke while walking to work.

Lesson: Never schedule more than one thing a day. We are in charge of the appointments, not necessarily only the doctors. imo.

Can you reschedule?
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Send

hope your sister is tolerating treatment as much as can be expected - lymphoma is treatable and I know of several survivors

MsM
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Thank you MsMadge.
I hope I get to hear something soon.
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Send help-
Bummer on the husband having such a wrecked day. Hope he stays well. Some of us always get sick if caught in rain, if it’s cold out.
Since my PT is same building as the surgical consult, It’s just a walk across the lobby to check in at the front desk. I’ve found if I arrive 15-30 minutes early for PT, he usually can start me before the actual PT appointment. So, I should be fine. Late afternoon, I expect the surgeon to be running more than a little behind schedule, anyhow.
hubs will drive himself to the oncologist. Hoping he gets along well. I never seem to be available to go with him to those important appointments. Rescheduling is something we avoid, at all costs, as waits to get in to specialists run 3-5 months here. Don’t ever want to have cancer follow up delayed. And I’m determined I’m ceasing always delaying my own healthcare to take care of hubs. We both still drive, have two vehicles. And, I’ve been pulling back on going with him to so many appointments. Trying to get him to take an interest in his own health, not rely on me for things he is able to do for himself. Sometimes successful, sometimes, not so much.
I so understand stubborn!
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Greetings!!!

Girlsaylor, I pray all goes well with your husband and also your referrals.

Send, so sorry to hear about your sister, you are both in my prayers.
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I was just writing a book on the recent developements in my family dysfunction.

I will just sum it all up by sharing my new name for my sister - Slither.

I hope everyone is well and in good spirits. I will be off for a few days.

Rays of love peace and healing to all,
Sleep tight.
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I like it! Like she slithers out of responsibility? Like other *teflon* siblings out there. Slides right off.

Or like just SO low?
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