The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Well, I now feel very bad for the things that I wrote in my last post, as we just got word that my husband's brother passed away a couple of days ago.

My husband's sister called to notify us, it ssems their SIL did not have any contact information for her, so she sent the police to her home to notify her that he had passed, but his brother's wife has not yet called us.

It's very hard to feel that you always think the worst of some people, but my husband's brother has always been one of those people, but I was wrong about things this time and I do feel badly about it.

We have not been given any information regarding any memorial service, but we did send off a sympathy card and flowers, it is a awkward situation as my husband doesn't know this SIL, having only met her the one time, and for only 5 minutes time, so we will not plan on attending if there is one.

My husband seems to be doing OK, he has never had a warm and fuzzy relationship with him, and he is the type who keeps his feelings close to the vest, so he is quietly reflecting on how things have gone on between them in the past couple of years since their Dad passed away, but I have been reminding him that he did everything he could do to mend their relationship, and that he should at least feel good about that.

I am sorry for those of you who are struggling with family relationships, it's never easy with dysfunction families, but the holiday make it that much more difficult.

Send, I pray that you sister does well with her cancer treatment!

For everyone dealing with physical ailments, take care of you and don't push too hard over Christmastime, stay warm and enjoy the real reason for the season! Happy Holidays! 🎅🤶👰🌲🍭🥂🎄🎁🛫✈🛬🌨❄❄☃️⛄🔔🎵🎶📷📮🇨🇦🇬🇧🇺🇸🇳🇴❤❤❤👬👭

Ah Stacey, I can't see how your husband could have done things differently considering all the times BIL cried wolf, and it sounds as though the dysfunction is still carrying on with his wife/widow. Perhaps soon you will both be able to put it all in the past.

Stacey I don't mean to sound harsh but just because someone dies that doesn't negate the bad will they caused people around them when they were on the earth and the surviving family members, i.e. your husband shouldn't feel guilty either.

You have nothing to feel bad about either in my opinion.

DDuck, thanks for the well-wishes. We cannot Control the oncology results, just have to take it in stride. I keep thinking of how painful it was going back and forth to hospital for his two back to back surgeries a year ago. What I learned was that Medicare cares not for the sick, elderly spouse, only expects, no, demands, sick, elderly spouses do the caretaking after the fast hospital discharges. I was in so much pain, I could barely make my way from off street parking to the hospital twice daily,, then through the hospital to his room. The pain for me was excruciating, with several joints needing replaced. The nurses were actually pulling strings to get me a meal tray now and then, as I could not physically walk to the hospital cafeteria for my own food, using cane, wearing oxygen. I keep telling the orthopod people I have to get these joint replacements pushed through, before spouse has another medical crisis. It’s like talking with a wall. As long as it’s not their pain, these doctors and nurses are clueless as far as how difficult it is for a sick person to be a caretaker.
Hoping next week’s knee surgeon visit isn’t met with resistance to do only an osteotomy, or injections, or only partial knee replacements. I’m not going to be one of those people who has to go back in a year later due to failure of a lesser procedure. I refuse. One and done is the only acceptable option, for my joints. Plus, surgery takes me out of commission, can’t take care of house, yard, pets, when laying in excruciating pain. Hopefully the surgeon won’t be causing another round of severe muscle and nerve pain this time.

Hi all. I have so little free time anymore so I almost never write posts. I just wanted to let you know, I do pop in to read when I can. I miss you and think about you all quite often. I wish everyone well during the holiday season. Maybe over the Christmas beak I'll get a chance to post. Till then take care.

Stacy - (((big hugs))) There’s no reason to regret your low opinion of hubby’s brother.

He was a fraudster and a narcissist. He intentionally caused strife; then played the victim. When he wasn’t deceiving his family, he was ghosting his family.

He earned his legacy.

The wife loves drama, too. If she has the internet, she probably could have tracked down (a minimum of) one sibling on her own. But calling the police allowed her to
✅ amp up the drama
✅ avoid the uncomfortable task of telling y’all herself

Hang in there, Stacy. It’s OK to be a truth-teller. (In fact, the world needs more of them! 😉) Be present for your husband, and go easy on yourself. Feelings will be all over the place. It is what it is.

Stacey it's always embarrassing when somebody calls your bluff like that and catches you out :/ - but no worse than the villagers must have felt about the boy who cried wolf.

It is not your husband's fault, and it is definitely not your fault! - that your BIL destroyed his relationships with the people who would have cared for him if he hadn't made it impossible. May he rest in peace.

Stacey, just HUGS.

Sorry for your loss Stacy 💐
and condolences to your hubs.

There is no shame in protecting yourself from a toxic relationship.
Bil's passing does not make your assessment to stay away wrong.
That instant regret and guilt should fly out the window in a few days, so don't hold onto it, let it go sooner.

stacey (((((((((((hugs)))))))). You told your truth - nothing wrong with that. You and your hub had more than enough guff from his bro. The timing was bad but, hey, that's OK. Glad to hear you are not planning on going to a funeral if there is one, You and your hubs may feel some relief that this charade is finally over, That's OK too.

Prayers for all to get through their stresses. Deep breaths, be kind to yourself, have faith it will work out.

One year having passed since mother died, I find I am reflecting on my dysfun fam.

Of note is something said recently by my dd.

"Bestemor (grandmother in Norwegian) could carve you up in 6 words."

Indeed, and she frequently did to her family members. Usually it was more than 6 words. Her aim was very accurate, her energy intense, and her ammunition endless.

Me too, Golden, reflecting on my dysfunctional family as well. Their words and actions do cut, for sure.

As soon as mom's estate is closed, I will have no reason nor desire for contact with my sister again. I haven't cried a lot since mom passed, but felt a deep sense of sadness when cleaning out her house and going through family photos, etc. I guess still wishing that things could have been different. She was so unhappy for most of her life, and our family had what seemed like this black cloud over it because of all of the narcissistic and dysfunctional behavior. Even growing up, I always had a feeling of anxiety, and feeling like things weren't "normal" but didn't realize why until many years later.

Then, when my oldest daughter was 16, she started rebelling and going through her own troubles, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and for the past 5 years (she's now 21) our relationship hasn't been the same, partly because of dysfunctional family members enabling her rather than encouraging her to seek the help she needs, and even trying to get in my way and sabotaging the process when I was getting her help. Basically, I would set limits and my family would run all over them, making me the 'bad' guy for not letting her get her way all the time, and not allowing her to continue destroying herself.

Earlier this year, my daughter and I had begun talking and bonding again, then out of nowhere I started getting hateful messages from her again. I have a feeling my sister put the kibosh on any bonding we were trying to do. My sister was letting my daughter (who doesn't have a license) use her car, was taking her shopping, buying her things I couldn't afford, etc. Now my daughter posts on Facebook calling my sister "mom". My sister has never been a part of raising my daughter, but she establishes herself now as a parental figure because she knows there are things as a parent that I won't put up with. Sad that my daughter is being used as a pawn but doesn't even know it. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. My daughter knows I love her and that's all I can really do besides pray about it.

It feels lonely at times, but I am glad I'm not in the middle of their mess anymore.

Golden, I hear that. My family could carve you up too. They can be truly very mean. I've never been able to figure where that came from cause my mom who brought us up was an angel. I never knew my Dad. Maybe it came from his side of the family.

Thank you All for your support guys, I did feel bad for not being more sympathetic to hubby"s SIL when she called with the news that his Brother was doing so poorly, but the manner in which she spoke to me (so gruffly!), and her expectation that hubby would just jump right on a plane to go see him honestly made me feel suspicious that there was "something else" afoot, as she was so cold and abrasive, granted she must have been under a lot of pressure and her feelings all over the place.

So far, hubby seems to be doing OK with his grieving, and mostly what he is saying is that it so strange to think he is no longer "of this earth", but mainly he isn't speaking of his brother much at all. Except for our kids and grandkids, he only has but one other cousin and his step-sister still alive, as his was a very small (and Dysfunctional) family to begin with, and that is what is registering in his mind at the present, compared to my very close-knit and ever-growing family.

He did call his brother's wife yesterday to check on her, and she told him that his Brother was cremated, and she would have his ashes back soon, but no mention of any services. He asked her if she had plans to move back to where her kids are, but she plans to stay put, so she doesn't seem to be real close to her family either, they have no family in Bullhead City Az.

I did text BIL's ex-wife, the one (remember that he had been married about 9 times that I can figure! Lol) whom he has 2 daughters with, as hubby felt it important that they know their Dad had passed, and I received a msg back thanking us for the info. She was pizzed that they hadn't reached out when he was first put on Hospice, so they could have had the chance to say their goodbyes, but she wasn't surprised either, he was never a good Father to them by a long shot, in fact had never participated in their lives whatsoever, so hard to think that he was like that, the exact opposite of my husband and his relationship with our kids. It's hard to believe that they are even related, they are so incredibly different from one another, yet were only 10 months apart in age, I mean, how does this happen? BIL also had a Son from a teenage relationship, but I don't have any contact information for him, ironically he is a registered sex offender, I can't make this stuff up!

Interesting note, my husband's ex-wife called the other night, saying that she saw on the news that his brother's youngest daughter (38) on Washington's Most Wanted (now captured)!! Apparently she was sentenced to 7 1/2 years in prison, and the judge let her off for 2 weeks to tie up any personal business that she had, but that she didn't report in on the day she was suppose to. She had 7 felonies convictions, including a home burglary, and she had been caught driving a stolen car and had a large amount of crack cocaine on her with baggies, so "intent to sell", Wowza! I looked it up online, and yup, there she was in all her glory!

They caught her hiding under a house! She now is imprisoned with additional charges, so the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree! It is sad, because kids who never feel love from a parent so often grow up seeking attention in any way possible, she apparently sought the very bad type of attention, interesting though, BIL's other daughter is a pretty nice gal who I met when she sought out her grandparents (my inlaws) when she was an adult (the girls grew up in the eastern part of Washington and neither of their parents kept up the child/grandparent relationship for them so who knows, kind of a weird parallel, 2 brother/2 sisters, huh?

Well I'm off to do a bit more Christmas shopping, Ugh! I'm getting there, and I've wised up and now use those cinch-tie mylar Christmas wrapping bags, they are the nutz!

Thanks for listening to my ongoing saga, LOL! Love to you all!

Riverdale - R has one partly torn ligament or tendon - not sure which, which he is getting PT for which should heal it and on the other side a ligament that is completely torn off so he cannot lift his arm out from his side. That one may need surgery. Both of them cause him pain but he manages to do most of what he usually does anyway. He doesn't take much for the pain - only when he really can't sleep. I mentioned the lidocaine patches. They sound like a good idea.

trying - good to see you posting Hope to see more later when you have time

send - how's your sister? Hard to have that diagnosis and treatment in a close family member.

girlsaylor - sounds like you have way too many challenges. Hope your next surgery is better and hubs medical news is good.

duck - slither is a very good one. Works for me too. Continue to take care of you. The narc behaviour won't go away and your mother's dementia is progressing.

Katsmihur - this senior living at home alone thing (I should talk but my kids approve) is a problem for many. You have to shoehorn them out or wait for a crisis. Hopefully the various professionals will recommend AL and can help you to make it happen

fraz - I have been doing some writing/venting and it matches well some of what you wrote here - the sadness, the wishing it had been different, the growing up with anxiety and knowing things were not normal. At a very young age I realized our family was not normal and I knew it wasn't my fault. i am so sorry about the dynamics between your sister and your oldest daughter. That's horrible. I agree there is nothing more you can do. Better to be apart. ((((((((hugs)))))))

gershun - at least I know where it comes from - my mother. But the rest of her FOO were delightful people. But then there were some cousins who were real characters and that is being kind.. You might find it in the ancestors.

stacey - What a family!!! Glad your hubs is doing ok. Losing his dad and a bro so close together isn't easy. Not being close helps. Hope you and he can have a quieter life in 2020.

Posting is harder with the kitties. They want to pounce on the keyboard or cuddle and watch intently what I am doing.

Finally I think I am over these bugs and I have been able to get back to working on stuff here, though my head still isn't as clear as I would like it to be.

Watched 2 "Home Alone" movies yesterday. Presents to the kids and grands with be by interact transfer. I think I am going to dd's Boxing Day when they are having their Christmas dinner due to sil's work schedule. That's about the extent of my holiday festivities unless I find some nice Christmas music and that's fine. I will go south for a visit around New Year. Dd says she will come here and babysit the kitties. 😸😸

Take care all. Nobody else can do that for you. (((((((hugs))))))

Golden, great you are feeling better!

Okay, so I had the knee surgeon consult yesterday. He wanted updated XRays, got them done at their facility. He advised what we already knew, the left knee is totally bone on bone, nothing can be done except total knee replacement. We did not get into the right knee discussion, which isn’t that far behind, nor the failing twenty year old left hip. Surgeon has major reservations about taking me on, after the hip surgeon’s ego got hurt when I had painful muscle and nerve complications and wrecked his stats, so much BS! I kept reiterating that I’ve had three previous major surgeries on the left hip, all without excessive pain issues. I expect my surgeon to rigorously investigate unusual pain, and not blow me off, like the egotistical hip surgeon did. So, knee surgeon finally agreed, I need the surgeries, particularly the left knee, immediately. I could easily live another 20-30 years, so it’s BS to expect me to live those years from a wheelchair, when surgery can fix the joint problems. Right now I’m playing phone tag with his scheduler, to get me on the surgical schedule. Too many appointments, hard time connecting. I had three appointments today, back to back. Three appointments yesterday. Tomorrow PT, plus another appointment. Maybe hear from the scheduler in the AM, left her a message offering up some times I could be available for her phone call on Wednesday.
Hubs saw the oncologist yesterday as well, and his low dose lung CT scan came back negative for new lung cancer tumors. Very relieved, as now I can try to fit in the first knee replacement, before he goes back to Oncology in June 2020.
I did get bloodwork done today, plus dental cleaning and exam. I have a complex dental situation, as I have about 50% bone loss, lower front teeth and jaw. And, the $11,000-$12,000 cost to do crowns, bone grafts, implants, just isn’t something I can afford. Stinks to be unable to afford the major dental care I need, but can’t fix the low wages, small Social Security checks, many working class people have been dealt. Heck, even this constant driving back and forth to physical therapy is taking a financial toll. It’s just overload trying to deal with all these failed joints, the horrible pain, and now the looming loss of my teeth, for lack of income to pay to fix them. Most working class people can’t afford such ridiculous prices, I know I have much company. Still stinks there’s not affordable dental care for the working man. We don’t have a dental school here, not an option, sadly.
So tomorrow I may get the first knee replacement surgery date. My windshield wipers suddenly failed, just rotted, and it’s raining here. So I will have to go to an auto store tomorrow, between medical and PT, hoping they will put them on my car for me. I am a mechanical idiot!
And speaking of dysfunctional families, I couldn’t believe my spouse’s reaction to my needing to get left knee replacement. He said that I just had hip surgery, and he thinks I need to get a job instead of addressing debilitating painful joints. Idiocy, expecting a senior citizen spouse in agony, terrible joint pain, to get a job....of course, my spouse isn’t dealing with joint destruction of hips and knees, is clueless as to how painful it is. But expecting me to get a job instead of taking care of joint replacements?! It’s all about the man, being waited on, having his meals cooked, laundry done, house cleaned. He wants a mommy to care for him. No care for the pain I have lived with for so many years. Just sad. I hate the abuse of sick people. Usually it’s women who are the targets.

Thx glad -getting there. As you get older it takes longer to heal. And posting takes concentration which gets disturbed with 2 kitties and two family members here.

girl - hope you get that knee replacement promptly. R has a bone on bone knee and lives with it as it would be a complex replacement. Maybe one day. I know it causes him a lot of pain at times but he takes very little in the way of pain killers. I am not as stoic when I have pains. Great that your hubs was clean for no new tumors, but his expectations of you are way off. . Daily life is hard enough when you have ailments.. Can you get dentures? Mother had them from her late twenties.

I thought life was calming down and now my 16 year old granddaughter wants to come and spend time here and maybe move it. She can spend time here, I can pay her if she wants to do some cleaning, we can cook some meals together - but - moving in I am not so sure about. I will have coffee with her and find out what is going on. I called dd and she was surprised and thought things were pretty good there. Also Dgd wants to come over in the afternoon and spend the latter part of Christmas day here, and cook up a supper with me. I can do that. I will teach her how to glaze a ham. They are going to one of her dad's relatives for a noonday turkey dinner.

The good news is that R doesn't need surgery. The specialist said that with treatment he can regain full movement and strength. The L shoulder tendon was not totally torn off, so that he has that condition in both rotator cuffs and a biceps tear all of which can heal. Not that he has slowed down much. I think this time he will take his treatment seriously. I read a good one on face book - Most injuries in old men come from them thinking they are young men. Truth!!!

Bought the kitties each a lovely soft shaggy bed. So far they have investigated them but have no idea what they are for. I rubbed a little catnip on them which put.Rocky particularly, in a very good mood lol. Pumpkin is always in a pretty good mood. I put their pillows on top of their beds so they get the idea. They are still pouncing at birds and fish on the videos I play for them on my laptop. So cute.

Guess everyone is getting geared up for big celebrations. Good luck to you. I gave that up years ago and have never regretted it. A nice fire in the fireplace and a hot drink is enough for me. 🔥 ☕ 😊

Hi All!! I hope you are all in a good place spiritually. The holiday season still hits me even though I know its a regular trigger for depression and reminiscing.

Stacey, I am so sorry for your loss.

I am not really caught up. Just stopping in to say hi. As you know the drama is never-ending.

I had a few down moments so far but I always get uplifted. The knee and hip pain is easing up at times. The new med seems to help my blood pressure it looks real pretty sometimes until I get a high reading and realize that although I intended to take my meds I didnt. I will get it right.

I got off my packages want to give something to two little kids on block. Pay off the fridge this week and my basic " to do list" will be done.

Golden I am happy for you. Such a lovely relationship with the grand, so great you are able to share some of your pearls of wisdom and pass down some family traditions and strengths. Thats such an honor.

Girl, I am wishing all the best in your healing and resolving the knee replacement. I cant even imagine the pain., and I admire your perseverance.

It was really nice seeing all the posts. I may not be posting my books but I am trying to keep up.;

Please treat yourselves like royalty during the season and stay away from toxicity.

Much love, rays of light and healing and joy to all!!!

Good Nite, Sleep tight>

Have never tried fishie videos with Ming. But, play any sort of music and she goes nuts! And don't I dare sing along, she will try to climb on my head. What is she trying to tell me, anyway?! Watched Sound of Music Sunday night, and she was completely crazy. Do you ever sing to yours, anyone? I have never had a cat that did this. Best to keep songs in my head, I guess.🐱

Hit and run on 63 year old woman tonight, killing her. What is wrong with people? The idiot will be caught soon I would think. All the cameras about, everywhere, are people just dumb?

Struggling with what to do about mom's business garments and fabrics. I have started going through it. There is more than 100 coats, I think. There are people here that are interested in some of what I have found. It will be a process. Need to dig through and figure out how best to store it all. My mom did such a beautiful job with it!

Duck, you just keep going and going. Hope things are as well as they can be.

Stacey, my gosh, most wanted?! I am fortunate to have been brought up well, as are most here, I cannot in my wildest dreams even imagine.

Girl, hope you get that knee replacement scheduled soon. I was told years ago, that I would need that done, but at 65 now, everything is still ok. Maybe not much exercise is a good thing?😉

Trying, miss seeing you. It is your son that is the musician, correct? Any exciting trips to see him play coming up?

Hope all are getting through holiday preps that you want to do. I am feeling a bit melancholy about it. Just hard as the kids get older and their in-laws want time too.

Thank you for the support, friends. It means a lot, and families often just aren’t supportive. At all.

The left knee replacement will be done in hospital setting, as I have risk factors disqualifying me from their outpatient joint replacement facility. I hoped it would be done in hospital, so anesthesia is out of my system at discharge. Or most of it. Will be done January 28th. Six weeks! Spoke with my PT, today being last session for my hip replacement recovery. Have a whole bunch of exercises to do at home, to continue strengthening legs. Very painful to do the exercises, knees hurt so bad. But I’m determined I will recover the best me I can be.
I’ve been in contact with the gal who I hired last surgery, and she is willing to do the same for the next surgery. She comes about an hour at a time, and we work it around her business she is trying to get up and running, plus her other part time work. She let’s me know in the morning what time she will be coming back home, and stops by on her way home, to assist a little. I will do the same frozen, cooked meats, meal portions, ahead, so hubs can thaw, heat or add to whatever the rest of the meal will be. Simple veggies, potatoes, easy things he can add to feed us healthy dinners, at least. He is going to have a hissy fit when he finds out he has to drive me to PT three days a week, as soon as I’m discharged post-op. Travis (physical therapist) told me he is going to request me for the knee rehab. We worked well together, he has been very supportive.
Not much for me to purchase this time, have most everything purchased from the hip surgery post-op. Just need to purchase some more of the vitamins I need to begin immediately. Dropped off the script for Vitamin D2 at the pharmacy. CVS tried to overcharge me copay three times the GoodRX coupon price at half a dozen other pharmacies nearby. So, I immediately screen shot the coupon and called WalMart to transfer it. I am no longer embarrassed to transfer prescriptions, when a pharmacy is ripping me off. How does that work for you, CVS?!
I finished putting the ornaments on the table top Christmas tree, so I feel like it’s a holiday. Bought a boneless ham half, getting the local market sides, to make a nice holiday dinner. I know meals will be underwhelming when I have my surgery, but it is what it is. My neighbor/assistant person is happy to do some laundry, change bed, scoop kitty litter. Whatever small extras she can do. I feel so fortunate to have this sweet woman friend in my life.
You all take gentle care, don’t let the family drama consume your holidays. Wine helps, lol. Lots of wine, ha!

duck - keep taking those BP meds. You need them. The holidays can be a down time. Do you have anything to look forward to? My dgd backed out. More on that below.

glad - interesting that ming likes music. Dealing with your mum's garments and fabrics will be a big job. I know she was very talented. Have you thought to setting up a face book page to advertise them? Hope you cheer up for the holidays. I am content on my own,

girl - glad you got knee surgery as you want it. I like your determination. I am so glad you have post op help. I believe it is essential. I am thinking of getting a ham too. It is easy and tasty. Keep up the exercises!!!

Well, had supper with dgd and a pretty straight and serious discussion with her. I believe as a result of that she backed out of Christmas dinner with me, which is fine, and also any plans for staying with me for the time being which is also fine. I laid some expectations on her and she doesn't like that. It wasn't anything very heavy - just doing her own dishes, going to school and passing, helping a bit with housework. To the frustration of her parents she does none of that at home. I think she thought I wouldn't mind her doing nothing except being on her phone all day. Hah! I didn't get the home she wanted to live in by doing that! They have her in counselling, reluctantly, and on antidepressants, reluctantly. Perhaps if she stays on the antid's long enough things will improve, I hope and pray so.

Unfortunately I think she has some of mother's personality problems. Dysfunction - the gift that keeps giving.

Don't overdo it anyone. Take care of you!

Golden, great you were honest with your expectations for GGD.

Mom's fabrics and coats and sewing machines! Trims and buttons and yarn and zippers! Yikes!

I had someone lined up to help with social media, about 2k. I listed one coat online Etsy and poshmark. Etsy looks easy and has links to other social media sites. Don't think it is that tough. The community college, now, has an entrepreneurship program with scholarship to pay for courses aimed at putting together a business plan. Deadline was extended, not many applicants would be my guess, until 12-31. Think I will apply. At the end there is a competition for an award of 10k. That would sure help with everything!

I keep unpacking, moving stuff around to find space and see what all is here. There are probably 150-200 coats, jackets, different styles of animal coats. I have given a few away to staff at work and the woman that has a dual position as director for the chamber of commerce and community college marketing. I told her I expect to see that coat on the front page of the papers😉😄. Seems she is there at least a couple of times a month. She is my walking billboard.

Have found the designer labels for inside the coat, shopping bags with trademarked logo on them and hang tags with story about the animal coats. Many are not labeled with sizes, those that are, really don't seem right. I think the dementia was confusing mom to the point she did not know what sizes were being cut.

Spent the afternoon making Swedish meatballs. That is a time consuming job. Mix meats, spices, etc, then form meatballs, boil for 20 minutes, Brown in butter, bake for an hour, make gravy, add baked meatballs, and freeze to take to see kiddos.

I am whipped!

Glad, Reading about your mom’s coats, fabrics, etc is so interesting. I love fabrics and sewing notions. But I’m sure it is time consuming and hard work to sort thru all of it.

Duck, Watch your BP and keep your spirits up during the holidays.

stacey, Dysfunctional family members are the gift that keeps on giving.

Golden, Hope you’re feeling better.

Everyone have ave a happy holiday.

Yes, Becky, lots of work for sure!

Everything is in my unfinished basement. Fabrics 60" wide leaning vertically against basement wall. I need to figure out a way to get them off floor in case of water problems. Talked to a contractor friend, the husband of chamber director to ask if he had any ideas. He is going to take care of it for me, no charge, and he has metal shelving like bread racks that he will use and wants to get rid of. I am thrilled about that!

glad - you have a major project there. What a blessing that you can get those shelves. Sounds like you have some excellent plans for your mother's business. Wow!!! Your Swedish meatballs take more work than mine. I mix up the meat mixture, make the meat balls, fry them, then make the gravy and simmer all together. Haven't done it in years. It hardly seems worth it for one person but I could invent a spicy ground meat dish in gravy with the same flavours.

re dgd I figure honesty is the best gift I can give her. I am trying to think up a system of expectations and rewards that could work for her. Anything too long term probably won't work. She asked me if she could do some work for money and I said she could do some housecleaning for me and I would pay her. But she wants to do it her way - e.g vacuuming hardwood floors instead of sweeping, and then loses interest. I pay so it is my way! That's life. She is a tough case.

How is everyone doing with their holiday plans and prep? I hope to get out and do some grocery shopping today.

Take care all. Look after you.

I am at dd2's home. Was to be for maybe three nights. I did not feel well yesterday, better this morning, so me and my meatballs drove the couple hours here. Now I am feeling worse again. May just go home tomorrow. Don't want to spread whatever this is to everyone. This happened last year too, but not until Xmas day, then went to er when I got home.

Maybe it is psychological? I really would prefer to be home, but enjoy seeing the kids and grands. I just feel like .......It has been going through my office.

Sorry to hear that glad. What did they find anything when you went to er last year?

I have been wondering if I am coming down with something. I kept falling asleep today. Finally I got out and did some Christmas grocery shopping.

I prefer to be home too

Tale care.

At the ER last year they tested, nose swab, for flu. It came back negative but they treated me with Tamiflu as had been instructed by CDC last year. Even the test for it is not always correct. If it walks and talks like a duck....

Tamiflu works best if started in the first 24 hours of becoming sick. And for me, when I am sick, have a hard time sleeping. I wish I could just knock myself out.

Flu is very early this year for many and is running rampant in some state's yes, this is one.

I am home, in my own cozy bed, going to nap, still feel like crap! Didn't sleep well at all last night. It will be a quiet Xmas, just what the doctor ordered. There is no place like home.