notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I will take seriously consider not accepting guardianship if it comes to that. Thank you all (Barb, Glad, Golden) for wisking me back to earth. It makes sense.
AZsun, welcome aboard. You have come to the right place. Keep posting and venting its the whole purpose of the thread and the icing on the cake is the wonderful, wise souls with beautiful hearts who share and give such awesome advice. Sometimes it may hurt, growing pains Smh.
This thread saved my sanity and helped me in so many ways words cant explain. I learned about narcissism, and from there started accepting truths I had not acknowledge. I am still growing and learning and open to learning. This caregiving is not for punks and witnessing the demise of a loved one is heartrending. I stay in prayer and thank God for the people who come here and share their experience and pain and the wonderful advice and sharing of knowledge and wisdom.
Happy Valentines day to all you wonderful folks out there in AC land.
Rays of love light and wisdom to all. Seep tight!!! SMILE!!!!!
Well greetings everyone. I hope you are all in a good place. And loving and treating yourselves well.
Okay so I read this post on facebook with something like. Keeping quiet and how if they didnt respect your love in the first place what makes you think they will hear your words.
Same situation here, just different days. I like to say sosdd. same ole sh different day.
Lately I have been dreaming of deceased people and also confronting my slither about who she is, blocking television stations, not doing anything.
I still get twisted about the situation with my mother everytime I see a coffee spill or a can sitting somewhere for three days that one or the other bought in half full. Or some paper glue to the floor with coffee. Or I find an old molded something or another wrapped up in paper that they bring in from subway or advertisments; when I move something and find a bunch of old garbabage and when I see a large mcd coffee cupp in fridge, cabinet behind toilet or in a bag stinking with stuffed tissue.
Frustration is still there. Sometimes I pride my self on not expecting. Im just sick and tired cleaning my mess, my mother's mess, their mess and the mess that their solutions cause. I constantly find things wrapped in paper and stuffeed in pillow cases. Not to mention the mice. I am the only one who searches and change the bed looking under mattresses both the foam and the sofa bed. Its crazy and painful.
Oh the main reason I am posting is that I finally got the lock on the door to shed paid guy working in house accross the street. The wood is gone between the walls because of water damage. He says the whole thing need to be changed. Then I take him upstairs to look at lock my sick nephew and slither put on the bathroom door on my floor. He says he couldnt do anthing with it and then started bumping it open, it gave and he just broke it in. So that is done. Yay!! The sad thing is I am now anticipating retaliation and maybe that is why I am so pissed enough about dreaming about checking my slither about her regular mode of operation -spite. So I really have to stay in prayer and be mindful of my reactions to whatever comes because in my dream I was so upset I couldnt even speak. Just a dream but sometimes they play out for me. Im not trying to go to jail she nor he are worth it.
'
So I pray and try to smile and project positivity. Deep down I know their day is coming. Yet I cant help but stupidly wonder if they see their wrong and neglect. Today and Yesterday no one bought her anything. I normally see a coffee cup or tea. It pisses me off. I wish I could just feel okay to not bring nothing in for my mother when I come or leave out.. Silly me. If I could just get past I mean truly expecting anything reasonable or right from them!
So there is a lot of work to do. I will clean enough around my cooking area and fix us a good meal and then do my laundry and try and to some damage control in my room.
Rays of peace and love and wisdaom to all. Do smile. It does work and comes back like threefold. It feels good :)
Just saying hello to you. You’ve been busy!
Yes it is same old same, old for sure.
I am not surprised you get frustrated at the messes you find, Good for you in persisting with your clean-ups. I can't imagine someone locking someone else's bathroom. Your are right about needing to get past expecting "reasonable". Keep smiling!
glad - how's the coat business doing?
We have had some very cold weather again but are back to single digits (centigrade) above and below freezing which is much better.
The couple of weeks here have been a time of reflection for me on the more recent past and the distant past with some not so pleasant memories and emotional pain bubbling up. I guess it is better out than in. It has made me wonder if not cutting contact with family years ago was the right decision. Oh, well. Can't be changed now.
Take care all. Be good to you.
Life for us is going along nicely, and we are having some Gorgeous Spring weather, but we know that it will not last, so hubby taking advantage of this beautiful day and cleaning out the shed today.
He keeps bringing in items that I haven't seen in nearly 2 years, which we packed up when we were "downsizing" and preparing our house for sale. So now the pile of knicky-knacky"s is accumulating on my kitchen island, waiting for it's new home, somewhere in our new place. New Place, we have been here nearly a year now, where does the time go?
We are also preparing a photo gallery wall of family pictures, all in new black frames, a gift from my Daughter for Christmas, it's all coming along! I will need to buy another pack (12) or two of same frames to get it all done, but it is a fun project and will look nice when it is all finished!
I turned 60 on the 16th, 60!!!, OMG. It is another Monumental Birthday that I despised (30 was the worst), but all my sisters, cousins, my Daughter and many of my girl niece's surprised me at our monthly BUNCO party, and I was shocked by their kindness and for all of the lovely gifts I recieved from them! I will say, that many of the prezzies were skin care anti-aging products, and Boy do I ever need them, lol! It will be fun to see which ones work to turn around some of this stress related wrinkles that have surfaced on my face and neck due to Caregiving and moving in the past few years, and let's not talk about the grey hair, Ugg, We will see how they work!
My kids all came to celebrate my big day, with more prezzies and treats, so all in all, a great day, it's just difficult to believe that I'm on the downhill side of middle aged, Ugg! My sisters and I were all chatting about how our Mom and her 3 sisters looked So Much Older than we 4 now look at this same stage of our lives, but maybe it is just wishful thinking, and we are just Kidding ourselves. Lol! Luckily I am the youngest of the 4! Whoo-Hoo!
So just a little update, and wishing you all the best! Love to you all! Stacey
I played Bunko too. Also played Po-Keno.
What was you favorite childhood game? Keep in mind that I am 64. I loved Jax, Pick up sticks, Tiddlywinks, Operation, Chinese checkers, checkers, any card games, hop scotch, barrel of monkeys, and a million more!
Didi you play with marbles? strings? I recently had to look up how to make those string creations - I remember holding the string between two hands and winding it, but couldn't remember anything more.
I still have some marbles; I love their colors.
NHWM, I feel like I have lost my marbles, many times.
Duck, I am reading, not responding often any more. Stay strong. Have you made decision to not seek guardianship of mom?
My wife's doctor has cleared her knee replacement leg for full weight and outpatient PT. She's walking with a cane at home and thus will use her walker in other places for the next 6 weeks of PT. This is a good change for both of us after her time in rehab and several weeks home bound.
I've also been busy helping her identical twin sister get things in order for her retirement in June for earlier she was about to make some big mistakes. My wife is glad that I could help her. I'm glad that I friendship is strong enough that she would let me help her.
I learned that her light for seasonal affective disorder is broken. SAD is what people have when they find themselves depressed during the winter months because of a lack of sunlight. It is diagnosable from bipolar because it is a seasonal change, not a bipolar mood swing which she has as well. I found one with high ratings that was on sale, bought it for her from Amazon and had it mailed to her house. She wanted to pay me back, but I told her it was a gift.
She is a walking miracle of having survived stage 4 Endometrial cancer back when it was found in 2001. Duke Hospital treated her with the usual and an experimental treatments. She does have complications from the treatments which can and do make daily living rather challenging at times. As a survivor of my own near death experience, I feel a special bond with her.
My frozen left shoulder is much better. I'm cutting back to PT once a week and exercising twice a week.
Well, that's all folks!
BTW, how's your mother doing these days?
Twister was so much fun! This is why we did not have many overweight kids in our generation. We were active! I was skinny mini. I never stopped. I used to bring my jump rope to school everyday to play at recess with. Then I jumped at home too!
I rode my bike for miles and miles! Just for fun! Of course, it was safe then. Now kids can’t have that kind of lifestyle. Sad 😞.
glad - you are making progress. How did your trip to the city go? Your mum would be proud of you.
yoda - great that your wife is doing well. Your sil is fortunate to have you as a friend. Near death experience??? Glad your shoulder is better. I know healing shoulders takes a long time.
all you game players out there - mention of marbles brings back memories of early spring and playing marbles in the driveway against the garage door with the weak sunshine warming the air. For a number of years a neighbourhood kid several years younger than me came annually for a game of marbles as soon as the snow melted. His sister was a grade ahead of me in school. He was a number of grades behind. I don't remember how it started but I remember him knocking on the front door and asking me to play marbles with him. I let him win, of course but not till after we had had a good game, The last time we played I was about 16.
I spent much time on a bicycle too. We had neighbourhood games of football, we skated and skied in the winter, played tag, hide and seek, run sheep run and many more games outside still the sun set. I remember skipping double dutch We played the indoor board games as well and cards. Good memories. 😊
I was a horrible skater. Couldn’t get the hang of it. I wanted to so badly.
I will tell you a stupid thing I did as a kid but I had so much fun doing it. It was with my aunt, my mom’s sister who was so much fun. My mom would have never allowed it! We had places that had rows of trampolines.
There was a fee for 20 minutes, 30 minutes or an hour. We usually only got to jump for 20 minutes. My aunt was frugal with her money and 20 minutes was long enough to still have fun. We were happy with that amount of time.
Anyway, it was dangerous. Guess parents didn’t realize it. We didn’t realize it either. They would play rock music and put sprinklers on. We were allowed to jump in our bathing suits. Jumping soaking wet to rock music was a blast to me! Not exactly safe, but fun.
So I had my little bikini on, jumping to the rock music and I thought it would be fun to jump from one trampoline to the next. Oh boy, did I get into trouble!
They announced on the loud speaker to stay on our own trampoline. Kids think they can do anything without fear! That was a nutty thing to do, right?
And Need,, I can't ride a bike to save my life,, but I just remembered hula hoops!! I loved those!
Now I could hula hoop! My friend won a hula hoop contest. Hahaha She can still hula hoop and she is in her 60’s! She does it with her grandchildren. I don’t have grandchildren to play with but I would be a fun grandma!
I know there are trampoline accidents but they sure are fun! That’s a shame you had to take yours down.
I agree, 4 wheelers are more dangerous. I never rode on one of those. My daddy wouldn’t let me ride on a motorcycle either. I couldn’t date anyone on a motorcycle.
I think the most-used toy for me was the clamp-on roller skates. We were only allowed to skate inside, in the basement. There was enough room to skate around and around the support posts. We didn’t have many toys, but sure enjoyed what we had. Hula hoops, second hand bikes. Kids were raised pretty much free range, and boy, did we roam!
All is decent here at the moment. Spouse recovered from his meltdown, ill-tempered display last weekend. I’m not recovered enough to grocery shop, so asked him to go. Desperately needed a few items that couldn’t be ordered for delivery.
I did start driving this past week, two doctor appointments. I still need to take pain medicine before physical therapy, so have to have spouse drive me for those appointments. He takes the dog along, and walks her a bit on the facility grounds. So it’s not miserable waiting for me. I’m the one putting in the hard work, inside, doing the PT. They have cut me from three days a week down to two days a week. Surgeon said I waited almost too long for the knee replacement. Had o explain to him that I had to pack and move us intrastate, then I was hospitalized with salmonella poisoning and diverticulitis. A few months later, we detoured to tend to spouse’s lung cancer. Once I got him on his feet, asked for orthopod referral. Took several months to get in, then several more to get on schedule for hip replacement. Which was why I didn’t have the knee replacements a few years ago. And I didn’t want to have them done in south FL. I’ll be discussing the second knee with the surgeon soon.
My knee surgeon says I’m his rock star patient, I’ve healed so well. Had full extension of knee by day three post-op, and flexion at 120 degrees at one week. Working on building strength. And my gait is horrible, for walking with a cane, several joints destroyed by arthritis. Going to try to get the second knee done yet this year, if surgeon concurs.
Have a good rest of the weekend, people!
"As a survivor of my own near death experience,"
Yes, when I was here in the late 70's as a college student, I was in a bicycle accident which fractured the back of my skull, broke an ear drum and put me in a semi-conscious state for 8 days. All they could do was wrap my head up in a big bandage and many were praying for me.
A college freshman stepped out in front of me from between two parked cars on College Hill St. I flipped over the handle bars and landed on my head. People told me later that I landed so solid on my head and back that my white bell bottom denim pants did not get dirty. I'm not sure that was true.
Everyone, please be careful what you say around someone who is semi-conscious. We can hear you.
My dad said he had seen a miracle the next day after the accident. I did need ear surgery and the EEG found only a tiny amount of brain damage. Out of fear from me having seziuers, I was put on dilation. It made me feel drunk. I came off of it after a year and that's when I remembered the whole accident and those who visited me in the hospital. Even some of my professors came and one of them from a few semesters before. Some of my friends in nursing school there were my nurses. I think both my believe alive and able to do things as well as I can is a miracle. I thank God that I've been alive since 1978,
Glad, I am not taking on guardianship, thanks to all for the advice.
This weekend was a repeat of sabbotoge. I guess for retaliation for opening busting lock on bathroom door, my hurricane mop bucket was tossed. Looked all over for it and its not something easy to hide.
Then while I go to foodtown to get my 24 pack of toilet tissue, noticed the bag was opened and went to get another bag. As I walk back I get the harsh brush of a bag on my knee as someone passes. I stopped to see who did it and was very surprised to see my sister.
I really truly want vengeance for every violation she and nephew have made against me. I stay in prayer that I dont lose it and end up in jail.
Whoa!! I didnt share that we now have a court date in April. I cant wait.
I got robaxin for the pain in my hip and knees it seems to be working. I am trying to remember if this was one of the muscle relaxants I was on many many years ago that gave me these vivid crazy dreams.
By the way, I played marbles, Jax and I would love to get in any PoKeno game. My oldest granddaughter loved the trampoline when she was younger. I tried it made me dizzy. Now I could hula hoop and won a double douch city wide contest we played alot of games growing up. We also love to pull each other in the metal milk crates real fast and make sparks on the pavement and many many hand games.
All is well, I got fridge cleaned out finally looks new. And I happened to have bought another mop similar to the blue hurricane mop a few years ago. I put it in the back yard out of view. It works better than the hurricane mop, its orange and it may have cost about =$15 with the mop, bucket and extra mop head.
Cant keep a good man down!! LOL
Girl, so happy for the stellar healing.
Notry, that incident sounds so scary, glad you came through ok.
Rays of love and light.
Kinda decided that I am not going to buy a sewing machine. But, have found someone that will do sewing for me, has a shop for that purpose. When the heck would I sew? I have to work too. There is so much fabric her a guess would be enough for 400-500 coats and I think that is a low estimate. At a coat a day it would take more than a year to sew up the fabric. Then there is the yarn, 8-10 cases of that for use in the blanket stitch machine. What have I gotten myself into?
Need to find a sheep farm that has merino sheep. I think there are a few in the state. Mom used to get her wool from New Zealand and Australia. Want to keep it in this country if at all possible.
Wow! I had a bicycle accident too but I only had an open compound fracture on my arm. Nothing compared to you.
Glad you came through. Miracles do happen!
That’s a lot of fabric! My word! Did you get the sewing machine?