The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Glad, did you have the fever? Or just your workmate?

Your neighbour sounds lovely. That's some of the good isn't it? Our street has a group WhatApp group chat now.

Well I hope your scratchy throat is it & that's that. Got it, bit of a scratch, recover, done!

Just workmate had fever. I don't think I have had one, no body aches as I always get with a fever.

Yes, thankful for this neighbor!

glad - what a nice gesture from neighbour. Happy to hear you are not very sick. Don't think this is anything to do with antibiotic use. They are for bacteria and this is viral. I heard there was no yeast around. Can your dd make her own starter?

beatty - whatapp group chat sounds like a great idea!

Got my second grocery delivery several days earlier than they said. Yay!!!! It works pretty well and I trust that will continue. Washing off everything isn't a lot of fun but has to be done. The kitties like the grocery bags. They were nuts today. Not sure what that was about. Saw Pumpkin across the road this morning but she came home quickly. I worry about her and cars as when she sees something she wants she rushes at it with no caution. I didn't want to call her in case a car came. Rocky is very alert and cautious.

Hope everyone is relatively well. This is one crazy ride for sure. (((((((hugs))))))

Because of the way my siblings have acted towards me over the last nine years since we lost dad I have not had any contact with them since June of last year. I have poa and trustee over my MoMA's estate. I know what it is all about - money - but makes me sad that they would give up their sister and aunt over this when we are talking about not really a whole lot of money here. I live 5 hrs away and all of the work is left to me. They ignore my text mags when I ask for anything but are real good about sending ugly ones to me. Accused me of taking care of myself to a bigger share of the estate and doing things out of spite. Gaslight me and keeps me miserable all the time. I feel like they are doing all of this to wear me down mentally and physically so they can get what they want and they are doing a good job at it. I have done alot for my family because momma has not been capable too over these years and this is how I am treated. I now have high blood pressure, anxiety, depression and can't have any enjoyment out of my live. So that is why I have gone no contact with them. I have noticed that I am not as stressed out dealing with all of their drama. I found a caregiver's group, a knitting group and I go to the gym and joined ww because I have gained weight. When we go see momma - we just see her - nobody else. We don't have christmas with all of them - just with momma. Momma doesn't understand or wants to believe that her kids are acting the way they are
So when we are with her we don't talk about them. I was raised by the same parents in this family and I just never thought that it would be like this. How much worse is it going to get after we lose momma?

Akababy, you don't ever have to see or speak with any of them again. That is completely up to you. You can use an attorney to settle your mom's estate.

Don't worry about the later now, it will be enough for that day.

Take care of you and your mom and let the rest worry about themselves. I would block them from sending you anything and I would not send them anything, if they want to know they will have to figure it out.

Akababy I feel you when you said: I know what it is all about - money - but makes me sad that they would give up their sister and aunt over this when we are talking about not really a whole lot of money here. I feel like they are doing all of this to wear me down mentally and physically so they can get what they want and they are doing a good job at it.

Yes I felt and feel the same way. I beat myself up at times, saying I let them win by physically leaving my parents. But take care of yourself as much as possible.

Golden 23, I didn't see your response. Trying to catch up now.

They are my babies (my heart). I’m tearing up trying to type. But my family has been with the two old-timers a long, long time, even before taking on the role of paid help. We did church, traveled, carried them to doctor appointments, and did fun stuff around the home.

Seeing them once a week or every other week is hard. Talking to them on the phone (whenever sibling allows) and not seeing them physically is hard. Sibling can’t tell one simple truth and aids especially will not say a word even when a problem exist. This was happening before my exit so no expectations.

Sibling claimed so much night help was needed. But as soon as I was out of the picture, an accidental leak let me know no night help (person declined job). One of the parents is no longer on hospice after getting out of the hospital and does not receiving a separate aid. I was ripped a new one from putting that parent on hospice so I was trying to let them decide (but guess what?) The parent without the extra help is begging us to come back and help. I have tried to convince this parent there will be no peace although it is already touch and go from a few calls I've heard.

Don’t know how to get out of the transport business because the health agency says aids can’t do transport (and they don’t seem interested in ride along). Very recent appointments resulted in a big uproar because of this one can’t do this and can’t do that and this one don’t have this so can’t help with that. Can’t use funds to get a rental because siblings aren’t equipped if you know what I mean. We have been the only ones equipped.

So I’m feeling stuck helping with even if we’ve gotten away from the daily grind.
And with the covid-19, nurse visits are down to twice a month (hospice notified) and no one is talking in regards to the pca visits. Feel without health care poa, I will not be able to ensure help at all times.

In regards to finances, I don’t know what to do. One parent is still okay with me handling the social security, although I don't have poa or representative payee status. Other parent will not be able to communicate preference. I usually pay all bills out of their account (my name is not on account) and then ATM out for their pocket money although now I wonder if I need to go even harder on the receipts with western union or similar. Store trips I usually keep store receipts.

With the pocket money that parent can do as pleased which I know some goes toward groceries and other toward helping siblings (runs deep). By the second week, there were calls from siblings about the checkbook and the parent says no for me to keep. Then this week, I get a call asking who carries parents on taxes from one of the siblings. I said no clue. I do not.

This worries me handing finances back to live-in-sibling. Hiring someone is out of the questions, I know one can be appointment but not sure if parent would be okay with a outsider.

I’m resolved to do health care power of attorney to ensure parents get the help and eyes they need. I resolved to get financial poa although reading here it says that can be changed with a quick writing with a pen from another attorney. I'm resolved to start doing certified mail so my sibling can quit saying I wasn't told.

Answry,

A pen form another lawyer can change this only if the person granting it means with them and changes it themselves. I don't think that lawyers make house calls.

You all, it has been a mind-blowing week. A visit this week found mom bruised in several places with live-in-sibling and aides being hush, hush. Then hostility even from the aides when I asked what happened.

Employer refusing to replace aid because everyone love aide so much. Also said aide has no place in calling on hospice if they see an issue with parents and that it falls on the live-in-sibling. If the live-in-sibling doesn't request help, the aide has no responsibility.

Anyone heard from SharynMarie? Pretty strong earthquake in her parts yesterday

My two week quarantine is up, back to work tomorrow. Then I get a call from the assistant that was sick that sent me home. She has been back in the office for just over a week. Now, she is sick again. So she is out for awhile. Of course, she says it is just a head cold, she was running a low grade fever. But, guidelines are guidelines and this is not my decision up to HR, powers that be and the health department. She is frustrated, me too. This woman, if anyone is going to get it, she will be the one.

Gladimhere,
Last heard Sharyn Marie in Dec. 2019.
She was very busy and posting much less.
Would love to hear from her.

Hey All!
i know I’m not here much, being wrapped up in everything from sourcing groceries via mail order, to finishing up tax records for accountant to prepare taxes, to medical stuff times two people.
Given the current COVID virus situation, getting ready to explode in our community, I requested my PT evaluate and prescribe me home-going exercise plan post hip and knee replacements, for our own safety. Due to the severely deteriorated condition my muscles were in going into the surgeries, it’s very slow, hard recovery. But I am now doing home PT only. It’s mentally hard to stay focused and disciplined.
I’ve been battling the blues, sad that I had to delay my badly needed right knee replacement. Trying so hard to fit in all these joint replacements, living in pain times the number of failed joints. Hard to function, hard when PT exercises hurt the joints needing surgery, hard to do housework. But I did what was right, to stay out of hospital for what is considered elective surgery right now, though the pain doesn’t feel elective to me.
The other source of my dark mood is that I didn’t get my health back on track as quickly as I wanted, before hubs’ health problems jumped back to the forefront. He had balloon angioplasty yesterday, right femoral artery mostly blocked. After six week follow up, they will go back in and unblock the left femoral artery. I have to call the internist for a referral to the interventional cardiologist, to check his main aorta, heart valves, etc. same blood system, needs re-evaluated. I have put myself behind his urgent medical needs for so long, and now with the COVID virus situation, seems I never get to take care of my own urgent medical issues. Even though I know it is terrible timing to be having a joint replacement, just when will be a good time?! Life is so unfair at times.
I am fortunate to have a generous neighbor volunteer shopping for groceries for us right now. She has lost her job now, hope she can stay well. I feel like I am imposing, so used to doing for myself. But with both of us being diabetic seniors with lung disease, him with heart disease as well, we don’t dare take chances. Unfortunately, his medical situation is too urgent to wait. And of course, I am very concerned for him, even though we’ve been through many of these roto-rooter sessions, patching, stents, stroke, you name it. I just keep propping him back up, like the energizer bunny. Lol.
I also see the urologist next week, follow up on blood in urine, bladder spasms, and urinary muscle that does not fully close. Not fun.
Oh well. Stay well, All, be safe.

Well, today a bit fed up with this entrepreneurship program. This week's assignment is to submit a personal financial statement. Nope, not doing that. If I were applying for a loan that would be one thing. I am not. I submitted the blank template provided with an explanation why. 😠😵

And the class has become very caddiwompus as a result of the virus.

Hi all, I hope everyone is coping with this sheltering in place. It is so scary and at times there does not appear to be much direction. I’m still working🙏🙏🙏
we have as last reported, 1,077 confirmed cases in the state with 10 deaths. My county has about 400 confirmed.
im just trying to stay busy when at home so I don’t obsessively listen to the news. At work we are slow. Stock is not completely caught up. They have hired temporary workers just to restock. The biggest issue I see is the 18-49 age group who continue to socialize.

I do hope everyone is staying safe and sending my thoughts and prayers.

Sharyn, I was just asking about you! Great to hear from you! 400 in your county sounds like a lot to me. Population of county here is about 24,000, we just had a tally of 17 a couple days ago which was double the number of the day before.

Take care and stay in touch.

I'm not sure if I have the dreaded covid, or just a bit of normal seasonal sick, but I haven't been good for a week. I have a cough and a slight temperature, some GI distress. I don't expect it will get any more serious, just unusual for me. Everyone take care, lots of bugs going around, and the novel virus pandemic.

The weird roommate has a long history of doing strange things, Golden. I refuse to ask them why they take the paper off the rolls in the bathroom and don't replace the roll. I feel like there are just some questions I shouldn't have to ask in life. LOL. I believe they do it because they wipe down the bathroom before or after they use it with that paper. It's all fine. The only issue is -- why not go ahead and replace the roll, since it's now empty? This person lacks what I would call "common sense" sometimes, but that's the worst of it, they're not mean spirited or criminal or anything.

Ali, stay in take care of yourself and keep us updated. Sounds like it may be the virus. How hard is it to get a test there?

Gives a whole new meaning to toilet paper war, doesn't it?😄 keep a sense of humor about it.

Glad, Our county is just under 500,000. It includes the city of Boise.

Hello Ali!
Hello Sharyn!
Nice to see you posting after so long a time. It is reassuring and helps with the loneliness to see you are both still around. 🌞🐦🌱

Note to self:
Taking Vitamin C is a good thing, so take it every day!
Missing a dose of Vit. C can give one cold symptoms.
(It is said...I don't have the reference.) 💊

Send, I don't recall if I posted this elsewhere or not, but it's a list of foods to boost immune systems:

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/27/opinions/healthy-diet-immune-system-covid-19-mozaffarian-glickman-nikbin-meydani/index.html

Interestingly, had a call from the college today asking about satisfaction with this program. I downloaded. This weeks assignment is not at all appropriate! The instructor is not good at planning, not prepared, does not post items until the day of class, actually a couple of hours before, bases quizzes on a powerpoint presentation. Has never presented his own information.

I was told, not the first time they had heard it. Others had called to complain. Told them that if I had paid for these classes I would be ticked! I am sure he will hear about it and narrow down some of the complaints based on my comments on submitting the blank template for the personal financial statement. Tell me? Did he really not even think about how inappropriate this was?

This may seem strange or just odd, but sense this whole lockdown I feel more relax. Yes, I am scared of getting Covid-19 not just because I don't want to give it to my mother no matter how mean she is, but also because I have a autoimmune disease and the Covid could kill me. And yes it is sad how many cases there are and how many people have died. However, it is nice that things have slowed down. Now, no one is in a hurry...there is no more pushing or people running into me in the stores. There is no cars driving like mad-hatters. As if everyday is Sunday! It is a nice change of pace. Plus, I haven't seen or heard from my low-life brother. If only we could have this lay back life style without the threat of Covid-19.

akababy - sometimes no contact is the way you have to go. Money often is the issue. I am sorry they are treating you like this. I felt safe after going n/c with my sib. I am quite content to never see her again. I am glad your stress is less. Keep looking after yourself.

real - I agree!!!! I have let the lawyer deal with my sib.

answry - I can see you still are under a lot of stress. Whether they are doing it intentionally or not, they are wearing you down and you need to take care of yourself. Honestly, I don't see it as them winning but I do see that not seeing or talking to them is hard for you. I can see the transport thing is a problem. Is there money for cabs or is there seniors transport? In some places, volunteers transport seniors to appointments. For your own protection would it not be wise to get POA or get non family to do it. ? Can you use email to communicate with your sibs? Easy to keep records this way. Did you find out how mum got bruised?

yoda - that's right!

glad - happy you are over that bug but sorry your assistant is sick again. Does that quarantine you again? That instructors sounds like a dud. Good you had a chance to voice your opinion.

send - we all have wondered about sharyn and have hoped she is well. Thanks for posting that. Remember your vitamins!!!

girl - it's a lot of extra work isn't it.. Good for you for working on your PT. I know it is hard to keep at it. Sorry your hub is having problems again. Yes life can be very unfair. I am glad you are being careful.

sharyn -so good to hear from you. Glad you are still working. It's hard not to focus on the latest news isn't it? 400 is a lot and scary. Some people just don't seem to get it and that spreads infection. Look after yourself and don't be a stranger here!!!! You must miss the twins.

ali - it certainly could be the virus. As long as that is all the weird room mate does I guess you are fortunate. Replacing the roll makes sense. SMH. Who would know that countries would ever be so fixated on TP. Let us know how that bug progresses.

ga - that's a good article. Thank you. I think eating anti-inflammatory foods is the right way to go. Another point about the immune system is to reduce stress as stress decreases your immunity. Easier said that done these days.

shell - I completely get that. I had that sense of relief too. I think once this crisis is over, or more manageable, life will be different. Not sure how though. People's values may change for the better. I hope so. Glad low life bro is not on your scene.

stacey - wondering how you are...

duck - you too ....

sissisu - now you can't go!

everyone - check in and let us know how you are,\

Before mother got dementia she would have found living through these times exciting. I know it's weird but that was her. The really big stressful stuff didn't bother her, but the little imagined slights, or things that didn't go her way caused huge strife. Go figure.

Still a little snow this morning but we are getting up to freezing point so it will melt. The sun is warmer.

Someone came to the door yesterday looking for someone who wasn't here. Again they didn't observe the 6 ft rule. That's the fourth one since the virus came here. So I wrote on cardboard "Please back 6 ft away" and have it handy by the door. Normally no one comes to my door except the delivery guys n gals. I really want to have a sign saying "Go away" but I guess that would be too much. Sigh!

Other than that the kitties and I and kids and grand kids are fine.

Looked online for hair dye and it's a choice between Purple Passion or Bad Boy Blue. I don't think so! Hopefully some other colours will become available before too long or I will let it grow out and that's ok. Just call me Snow White! lol 👩‍🦳

Take care all. Sleep well.

I lost my post.

I hope everyone is maintaining safety and protective meaures.

Golden, Barb, Book, Sissu, Girl, Glad, I hope you are all okay and in good spirits.

I am not caught up and I am trying not to do my MOA of mixing up names and events.

Akababy, finances is a bottom line for the crazy nasty things sibblings do thing that we will never understand. A motivation for the crazy ugliness. I sympathize with you as my situation has many similarities.

Someone msg me with refference to "Still I Rise" and its so true and has been a comforting inspiration.

I was stressing out over a backed up toilet my mother kept putting stuff in there. Everyday when I came in from work or came downstairs I was scooping out waste, and all other sought of things, plastic candy rapper, cloth, torn plates cups. It was crazy and on top of that plunging the tolilet. Got a snake also. I was getting depressed and angry at the lack of help or attention. Its like no one looked past seeing my mother with her eyes open and saying something anything before moving on.

Wed, a profession plumbing company truck was sitting on my corner waiting for me as I came home from work. I was like this is God working, no way can I walk past and not inquire. I say you guys work off the books,Yes!!!. It was a job and obvious good work guy says something big was in there and finally got it to move. said sewer line was backed up also he could smell it from drain when he walked in. I got his card notified nephew that I had a professional come and unclog toilet and reporte3d that the sewer linee needed work and I could not afford it and that this is the reason my mother has a case with the courts,. 5 weeks only one time did someone plunge and clean mess in and around toilet. its like no one cares to check, she could have thrown up back there, or cut her self or bled in toilet no one would know becaue they dont care enoughtr to check.

So same ole same ole, the lawyer says they have applied for emergency guardianship. Which is great.

Golden and Barb, yes I realize the reality of a nursing home for my mother even if I dont ever want it to go there.

Today I came down in an orange oversize tee shirt. and not my ususal periwinkle blue and white housecoat. My mother was being very nasty telling me to leave and get out give her my keys like she was going to beat me up or something after I got past the hurt I realized that she didnt recognize me. She went to the door and called for me in hall. I tried to feed her and she was having none of it.

My sister has been home about 4 weeks now. Did nothing about toilet. When I came in this morning she had left a homecup tea on table with notheing else. I cant rely on her feeding my mother so I made her a nutrri shake from powedered formula and gave her some cookies just incase my twisted didnt bring her anytghing. When I came down it obvious she had notheing else. I heated up her meal and she refused it and said she didnt want it would take it and put down or say put it here or there. she really thought I was someone else,. So I text DN and explained she hadnt eaten and to please see if he could get her to eat. He hasnt been around in a while so she might not eat for him either.

So its going to be an issue getting a home attendant and her cooperating.

Meanwhile this hip pain is getting crucial. Its weird because it comes and goes but past few days it makes me yell out in pain. If I walk a certain way with out twisting and turning much when I change direction Iam good but the least little change can give me bad pain.

with this pandemic doctors are not even seing people, I call wtc and my new city gotham plan for refills for meds they did it right away.

So I am staying in prayer for my friend and loved ones and all of you to remain safe from exposure or harm from this virus.

I have no choice but to work, I wear gloves and mask. I do my best to keep my distance and remove myself from someone I think is sick

Rays of love, healing and protection to all. Be safe. Sleep tight

Many times I think of you all and just dont have the energy to express my self. Theis forum is always on my mind in my heart. My joy or pain or sorrow are all triggers to think of this forum and how much the wisdom and love and understanding that I have felt has changed my life for the better, has givne me hope and understanding. You all have helped me in ways that words cannot express thought your sharing and caring.

God Bless and Keep You All

((((((duck))))) sorry about your hip pain. Most things are on hold for the virus. Emergency guardianship sounds like a good thing. I have self quarantined since Mar 13th, not that my rather solitary life has changed much. I take precautions with (sanitize) anything that comes into the house and choose my times to go get the mail (in the crescent nearby) when nobody is around. Groceries and other stuff gets delivered.

God bless you too!

I've been sleeping 10-12 hours or even more lately. I don't have anything to be up for and I suppose it's good that I rest, if I'm sick.

I think I'm fine, I feel all but better today, even the cough is going away after a couple of weeks with it. I was taking a daily dose of Vitamin C for some months up until this point. I figure it may have helped keep this bug short lived.

I don't think I can get a test here in Chicago for covid, no. The general guidelines that I've read is for us to shelter-in-place at home unless you're very sick, then you should call in and give symptoms to someone on the phone, go from there.

I don't remember having a temperature for years and years, though, up until this past couple of weeks. Some of you may remember that I had a bad Toxic Mold exposure in my grandma's old house. I had so many illnesses during that time, but never a temperature. Maybe my system is getting back to a more normal state, who knows. I keep taking vitamins, and recently did some green juicing again, as a way to keep immune function up.

I wish there were some nurseries open where I could get spring plants, though. Maybe I can get small ones in the mail. I want to grow some herbs and lettuces this year. I don't have any yard now, but I can make window boxes and I have planters.

Ali,

Take care of yourself. I'm glad you are getting rest.