The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Where is everyone? Ghost town again.

Well I hope everyone is busy or occupied with some good stuff.

My old boss from many years ago went missing but they found her. I was her Secretary in the mid eighties. Ive always had a lot of repect and honor for her. she was very political and worked with a state senator for many years. I last saw her at my girlfriend Deb's memorial service. I saw the onset dementia, her son was right there with her.

Its so sad, but a part of life that we age and as we do so we lose so many loved ones the longer we live.

Being an emotional person, I easily boo hoo privately. So many times thinking about Jean and moments with her. Then remembering my old boss and how stout and serious she was. I hated her and then gained so awesome tools and grew to love her in a way.

Everyday its hard and sad to see my mother in this realm of dementia. Its nice to laugh and make her laugh like every thing is normal. Lots of time she is talking about something and I listen and smile and laugh where I see the que or act suprise whatever anything to help her feel understood and normal.

I get in the shower and sometimes I cry. Lots of times and then hope my eyes clear up or that it just looks like soap got in my eyes.

I have always been needy for love and attention. I wasnt the baby or the favorite and sometimes even though lonliness is a norm it hurts even more at times like this. We connect more now than we ever did.

I hate the feelings and thoughts I get when I come down or come in. Where is she, is she okay, finding her bent over somewhere sleep. Or seeing her in the bed asleep (which is rare, and mostly after my sister has, I suspect, givnen her something and then tucks her in. I hate that after these times I am wondering if there is a change in her mental status, a stroke maybe, becuase she is not her self and not as responsive until she completly wakes up.

Its frustrating to have these concerns and so much more so frustrating to realize so many possibilities. This forum helps me keep it together better.

I have a lot to do on my days off this coming week. I am working my four day 12 hour shifts weekend. I usually like to cook something speicial and treat myself and my mother with something special. I need to mop and scrub kitchen and bathroom. I did toilet a tad today before leaving. I dont know what my mother does to that seat. Its always got something on it or a smear of something???

Rays of love and light to all.

Good nite.

answry - sounds like things are a little better for you and your family if not yet good. Sorry about the unemployment, I hope you find some work. It seems you are the family scapegoat so they will blame you for whatever doesn't go their way.. I don't know any defense against that except cutting them off for your self protection. With these changes we do grieve the losses. Be kind to yourself.

duck -sorry about your loss. She was very important to you and I can see how it triggers off thoughts of your mum passing. Sad about sham's children. Glad someone is helping them.

I am glad something is happening re help for your mum. and sorting out all those issues.

Thx Duck. I guess I do have a glamour side - I like my nails done and that is challenging right now, My hair normally gets done every 6 weeks but in between it could be anything from really curly to straight, down long or up in a low bun depending on my mood and energy.

The kitties smell so nice when they come in from playing outside.They smell like the washing does when it dries on an line outside They love it when I go out and work in the garden and come and roll around my feet.

This thread is much quieter than it was. Many of us have lost the one we were caring for and , speaking for myself, are working on developing a new normal. It takes a while.

Take care all. Treat yourself. These are hard times. 🤗🤗🤗

I haven’t posted for a long time. But dysfunction strikes so here I am. My son is 39, married with three children. I’ve tried since my divorce 25 years ago to maintain a relationship, but it simply doesn’t seem to work no matter how hard I try. Most recently he told me I was intrusive in his life when I called (first time I had called in several months. I’ve seen the once for a bout 4 hours in the last 8 months. Not what I should do - call it quits. Hurts my feelings.

Golden, thanks for the support and encouragement. It most be beautiful and fresh if the kits come home smelling so good. Sounds like blessings all around.

Mr. G from APS called this am stating that the court reporter or someone asked him to contact me to see if I would like him to come with his laptop and skype for the court date. I had mentioned I didnt have it and didnt know if I could get it on phone. I also asked if my twisted was petitioning for guardianship and if he thought I should do the same. He said no. and that at times the court will split guardianship with a family member aslo with what they have presented sounds like my sister's case is nil. You never know but I have faith.

I did some damage control to kitchen and bathroom this afternoon, I woke up, couldnt get back to sleep so I started decluttering in my room and decided to go downstair and start on the floor before I lost track of time before my ride to work.

Jean's family spoke to the her friend across the street and Millie says they are planning something around the 26th. I am so glad about that. I would like to give her flowers one last time. I just keep seeing her in my mind. She had chinky eyes and I always told I thought they were pretty and how she must have been a knock out. She also had pretty little legs too.! lol. I loved her also because she was very honest when she would notice my stomach getting bigger or going down. smh. I was always fussing over her fly away red hair, we talked deep real talk alot. Im going to miss her and never forget her.

Becky, I dont know the full situation there. But I think you should keep hope alive. There is some reason he feels this way and although it is toward you it may have been fed maliciously or it could be misunderstanding. At one point or another he will realize what you being his mother means and realize how much you mean to him.

We share here, its hard sometimes to do so. I had the binders on with my mother and sister and in these recent years realized how they tried to sabatoge my son and my own relationship. They used his pain to try and turn him against me. He said at one point after I almost died from pneumonia that he didnt realize how much I meant to him. My sister and mother acted like they were mad at me for almost dying.

My son didnt have anyone telling him to love and respect his mother. He grew up with the people and person (my mother) he respect most tearing me down, and belittling me while I did every thing for everyone. So it hurts really deeply that we lost so much because of being fed negativity.

If he was 14 when you divorced and ended up with his father. He probably has a lot of resentment which was probably fed by some one else. Adolescense is hard time and a child, in pain around someone who feeds it is very vulnerable.

Just keep loving him. I understand how painful rejection is.

Speaking of which I am still a little sore in my heart. I told my son to give my GD thirty dollars. He videoed him giving her a shopping bag say this is from grandma she took the money out looked in the bag and just tossed it. My feelings were hurt, I didnt read into those actions. It wasnt a smile even for show.

So I feel cheated in some ways and very blessed in others. I was surprised because the last chats on msg video she was smiling, I made her laugh. Am I going to spend the rest whats left of my life trying to get her to love me like I love her. I dont think so. I did it with my mother, and got treated like pooh, and yes it hurt and almost bought tears, there were times before when there were tears so Im moving up and getting better.

Even today, I forgot, this morning when I came in my mother was at the door of living room in the war mode. She heard me coming in and met me at the door, blocking living room door, tellng me to go right upstairs dont come in there. This is the kind of spirit she had with me, crazy ugly rejection and meaness for no reason.

Duck, Becky, I am so sorry for your pain. Life is so hard right now, we all just need to ((((((hug))))))).

She has flipped to her old self many times before and it hurts like it always did, dementia or not.

So I say I need to use the bathroom room can I come in please, she is acutally blocking the door. I was like, the enemy is busy. After thought she lets me in I go in the living room where she sleeps on sofa bed, checking and looking. She says sternly the kitchen is there. I make my rounds and fix her a shake mix which she say put it there, notice there is no sign anyone fed her or left anything.

I wondered if she got a turn on me lecture from my sister. I am not sure but I think she goes out to work in the am and returns around 12. I hear her coming in at that time on my days off. Or I wonder if she may have treated my mother in a bad way on her way out this morning and I got the brunt end of it.

Anyway when I came down this afternoon. She was like heeyyy. She wouldnt leave bathroom and turned out light so I took shower by light in kitchen as we talked. She ate good. Then tried to help as is started mopping bathroom and kitchen. I would love to be a fly on the wall when my sister inteacts with her. I wouldnt put anything past her and her MOA is retaliation. If and when she gets shut down there is not telling what she will do. She is very spiteful and malicious. She is a narcissist and has no boundaries.

Not to keep rambling but Jean knew how she was and always told me to read the 37th Psalm which at one point shows the weapon and enemy using to hurt you turning back on them;

I just know I am staying in prayer and although I hit lows I will keep up the good fight for my mother's benefit.

Hang in there Becky.

Good night, and rays of love and peace to us all.

Duck, it takes an honest and forthright person to recognise and even more so to see that they are needy for love and attention. I am the opposite way, I think, even to the point of detachment disorder, possibly stemming from losing my dad at the young age of 13. And then my mom, too, in a way. She became soooo needy and self absorbed after my dad passed and they were divorced. Good luck with mom stuff.

I have been at DD1 since Sunday. She had a hysterectomy because of long standing female problems and about the same age I was. I can't understand why she waited so long. It makes life so difficult. When I decided in had to do something we were out to dinner for dd2 birthday. Everyone went to the car while I went to the bathroom hoping to relieve the pain. Well, I passed out, dd1 came back in and found me. Never so glad to get something done with in my life. And the tales you hear about the depression women go through afterwards? I never had any of that. Hoping the same for my daughter.

Well, night all.

And Duck figuring out Skype isn't hard. Setup an account an practice with a friend. In had a Skype interview about four years ago. The internet connection on their end was awful, it disconnected. We ended up finishing and really starting too just on the phone.

Start by downloading the app. It will walk you through setup.

Mom was doing okay-ish with the quarantine, but there were signs of her cracking.
She has gotten worse, now saying she's being neglected. Not the case as I have sent her things, including meals delivered to her. Brother has continued fetching her stuff. I have even called her more, but it is not enough. Complains about pain, refuses to see a doctor. I even found a different doctor for her, but says she has too much going on now. Had small ants in bathroom, which had her crying. Brother sprayed vinegar around which she said was a natural bug spray. He even lined up an exterminator; now she doesn't want him to come. Again, too much going on now. Then she went off on me saying she needs help! I need to go there soon - aka this weekend. I told her no, not willing to risk getting me or her sick. It is not a big deal to her-I am in the car all the way there. True, but I have to stop for gas, plus it is a 4 hour drive. I do not have new tags come to think of it. Not sure how long the law is relaxed for that- completely spaced on doing it online. And what does she need help with? The ants again! I am not going for just that, not when she had an exterminator ready to go there.
She then said again I was an adult when my dad died, almost 14. I should have been made to work. Basically, she spoiled me by feeding me, doing my laundry etc. Just the basic stuff parents are obligated to do she considers extra.
With the meals she's been given, always finds something to complain about.
She made the mistake of telling me that with her friends, their families do not even enter her friends' homes. But I am to go and spend several days at her house; it's ok for her to have guests. She is a narcissist,so missing the attention.
She does have carpal tunnel which her doctor noted in her exit visit paperwork on one of her last appointments. She never read the document, told me I was wrong when I said it sure met all the symptoms of CT. Now saying that she'll never get treatment due to the current situation. She delays getting things done because she thrives on drama and being a victim.
Should I even consider going? I would be cleaning, cooking, probably doing her garden upkeep (which is a lot!!!!). I paid my regular guy and mine is all done (so I am beyond irritated when she asks me to do hers). I then hear, can't you do that little bit for me when I did so much for you? Honestly not sure what she really did. I have zero memory of her ever playing with me, reading to me, just telling me she was busy had work to do or scolding me.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Hi. I've had my mom living with me for the last 8 weeks as a choice to make sure she is ok during this time. She lives independently in a very social condo that has been a great transition from the house she shared with my dad who died 8 years ago. I see that she is in the same pattern of behaviour and cognitive change as her mother was as she slipped into dementia. I'm more of an introvert and need my quiet alone time each day and at least a full day each week. I haven't had that for awhile. She talks non stop and wants so much attention.

My mom and I were never close - she was too busy to raise me, the youngest of 3, as she worked full time, 12 hour shifts and always took on extra shifts. I had a lot of anger and resentment growing up because I had a particularly tough time and needed an advocate or simply a parent. I did a lot of work in therapy to end the cycle with my own child but there is still the residue. She can't remember anything about who I was as a child and that really hurt. Now she is with me because I care. She is who she is and I cannot change this. She insults me, questions what I do throughout the day, asks me to do things constantly, doesn't accept or register 'no' then when I lose it she cries and tells me how sorry she is and doesn't want to be a burden. I try hard to dismiss feeling guilt but it is so taxing. I try so hard to walk away, to find humour, to ignore but I still reach my limit so fast. I think a lot is that I am not getting my regular social interactions and being with friends or singing in my choir or going to my yoga classes. I'm just stuck here, plus I provide in house support for a man with special needs who lives down stairs and I am still working on line for my job.

I set a date and she's going home soon but I see that she needs support in place to shop, make food and actually eat nutritious food - borderline diabetic, post cancer. She needs support to do finances and often gets caught up in old bills, stressed out and phones the bank or companies asking questions and getting mad at them. She doesn't think she needs help. My sisters have already said that they won't help as their relationship already deteriorated. I am POA. I'm on Van Island, she on the mainland, and am thinking of moving her here to supported living and am inquiring about MC in a good place that is very pricy. My mom can afford it but I know my sisters will be litigious when it comes time for the will. I will keep a very through and tidy paper trail. They already have shown that side by raiding her house when my dad died and by contesting my grandma's will. I don't have a relationship with them because I can't handle the negativity, although, during this time I have exposed myself to them more in the last 8 weeks than I have in the last decade.

I'm so stressed that I don't like who I am becoming with her. I don't like that I get so angry and frustrated, that my teen is subjected to this toxicity that I fled from at age 18. I guess I am just needing some empathy. To know that I'm not alone when I feel it so much. No one wants to hear people complain. My best friend gives me the tough love thing every time. Others just tell me their problems in response or change the subject completely so I don't talk about it anymore. I already know what I'm going to do and what needs to be done, I just need to know that I'm not alone and I am seen and heard when I feel so so alone in this. Thank you for reading - or not reading. I appreciate having a place to put this all. I think that's all that matters is that it's off my chest so my heart has room.

You are not alone, Hummingbird. I went through similar with my mom, and also had to make the decision to move her to facility care for her safety and for my sanity, as she could not stay here with me. She passed last February, but I remember in detail how I felt on the days when it was all so overwhelming. Dementia is a cruel disease, and dysfunctional relationships make it even more complicated. You are doing the right thing by getting her the supportive care and maintaining good records.

Hugs, I'm glad you found this forum and please come and post here anytime. Many people here totally understand what you are going through.

You have our support, Hummingbird.

Caring for a personality-disordered parent is distressing. The steady dose of tension changes us. It’s rough.

Lotsa kindred spirits here on AC Forum. Welcome! - and keep coming back. We’re here for you.

I have been going thru some health stuff over the last few months. Started dialysis. Had some port problems with that and had repairs. I live by myself and felt that my son should be aware. I sent him copies of pertinent papers. Because he lives over a thousand miles from me, he is not POA medical or financial. Medical POA will always call him and financial stuff is very straightforward. I’ve filled out advance directive. I always sign a new DNR when I go to the hospital. My bills are paid directly thru my bank. My pensions, SS, etc. go directly to savings and a bank transfer is made to checking to cover bills. My son is mad because I did not consult him. I sent him copies of everything. I didn’t send him a copy of my will. A trust officer at my bank is the Executor. My late husband and I had a couple of assets that will be split between our children. There was no problem until his dad and stepmother told him that he and his wife should be in charge. Now my sending the paperwork and calling him have been declared me to be intrusive. My ex-husband called me and said my son should be in charge. Gut instinct tells me my ex and his wife are stirring in things to cause trouble. My ex said I have mental health problems. My brain functions just fine. It’s just my kidneys that are failing. I feel ready to close all accounts, get new ones and leave my son in the dark about everything since he is sharing info with my ex-husband and his wife.

Update: Dad told me last weekend mom was getting a new hospital bed. So I called home health yesterday to see if insurance covers the hospital type table and if not, I would order one and other stuff she may need. Home health said they would check with doctor. So several hours later, home health calls me back stating that the live-in says not to release any information to me about anything because she has authority over mom. What does that mean? I explained to the care worker that I was asking about a table and not about medical diagnosis but told worker I understood.

I was upset for a while but had to catch myself because this is what my siblings want. They want me to be as miserable as they are. I’ve been trying to let it all go but this is not setting with me so I may consult an attorney at least.

Becky04401, what does your son feel you should have consulted him on? Is he jumping at the bits to see a copy of that one piece of information that you left out? From reading, it sounds like you are still very capable of handling your own affairs and you have it in order.

Your son and his wife should be in charge of what? Trust what you feel now that you’ve tested the waters. How is your relationship with your ex-husband? Him suggesting you have mental issues sounds wacky. Can you get advice from your team before you close accounts? If I didn’t have a very, very good relationship with my ex, I would not feel comfortable with information being shared.

How is your relationship with your son? I know this one incident rubbed you the wrong way, but outside of that, how are things? It will help you determine how far to go with him as well. It sounds like you are trying to mend fences with him but for some reason he has not let go of whatever is being fed or whatever he thinks he remembers in his upbringing and/or the marriage demise.

Keep us posted and hugs!

Answry, I think it was a mistake to say anything beyond " that's nice" when dad told you about the bed.

If he asked you to call insurance, your response would be "talk to live in. I'm not in charge."

"Not sure why you continue to be involved.

I see from past posts that parents defend siblings and then call you with complaints.

You are being triangulated by your parents. They are playing you all off against one another.

Stop responding and let your parents deal with the results of their behavior."

Aswry, read the above again.

Becky; good to see you.

Does your son have mental health challenges? I know that you were attempting to be transparent with your finances, but it seems to have backfired.

Perhaps account numbers can be changed, rather than closing the accounts. All of my "big three" credit bureau profiles are frozen to cut down on fraudulent account openings; if you haven't done this, it would be a good idea.

Be well.

Barb, Needs anger management. Was never angry until this year. Always happy, very active outdoor lifestyle. His wife’s most recent transfer has been a huge change for the family. Kids have had adjustment challenges. None of their favorite outdoor activities. I’ve been there once. Flew in and out in one day. Glad I don’t have to live there. I changed my bank stuff. Leave my ex and his wife out of it. Sending my son nothing. If something happens to me someone can notify him. Put everything in trust for kids so ex can’t manipulate my son for money. I’ve had everything locked down at credit bureaus for several years. I check every six months to make everything is locked down and nothing strange going on.

Well it was better with Mom for maybe 2 days. I said no I would not go there this weekend, maybe the following weekend but I would see how the infection rate is etc. If there is any increase then no way would I go.
Today she is back to blaming me for everything. If I had only gone along with her plan (there was no real plan) for us to live together everything would be just great! I would be in a padded cell by now. We get along lik oil and water, but that is all due to me for being so "funny "(basically having my own opinions not doing all she wants etc etc).
The ants are back. She has small and some bigger ones. She had ants a year ago and I killed/swept up maybe 6 to 10 max. She made it seem like a infestation and it was not. Brother had exterminator ready to come out and she said no. I just know she wants me on 'ant patrol'. Plus if they are gone, no drama, nothing to complain about- although she would find something. She asked if I ever had ants in my house besides small ones. I said yes and got my head bitten off. You always say you have the same stuff or worse! She doesn't like when anyone has more of anything; stupidily I just told her the truth rather than editing my comment. She went on and on, so then I couldn't take it and said you're right no one has ever had ants like you. Yeah that was no a good move but that is how she was acting. She then said all she is meant to do in life is work. Ok every time I either take her somewhere or suggest it, she is the wettest blanket ever. Always saying how we need to get home there is work to do. A killjoy always, so I stopped trying with that. I made multiple trips there years ago to take her to local fairs. Most times did not get ou of the car. "I didn't think it'd be like this". Turned out she wanted to go solely because a friend had gone, but they like to walk around and browse, which Mom hates. So the just work comment was for sympathy, but I have zero clue what she actually does for fun. She does or never has been a "fun" person.
I was actually musing about moving back there today. Nope. Hard pass on that. She would expect me at her place all the time. She doesn't look at me or my brother as being adults with our own lives. She is to be our main and sole focus.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Someone else commented how their friends are tired of hearing about their mom issues and it is the same with me. It's easy saying you'd do this or that looking from the outside. There is usually years of baggage tying us down.

One year since my niece took her life and I am feeling it. Talk about family dysfunction.

I'm so sorry Golden. Be gentle with yourself when the feelings well up.

I am in the night mare of my life with no support.  I posted on here2 times  my situation already and it's so good to vent! To make a long story short, my 80 year old dad is in hospice.  My mom isn't keeping safe ( he falls off a high bed at least 7 times in 2 months and their are steep stairs he can barley make it up.) She is hurting herself severly helping my dad buy herself and bragging about it.  I'm sure people in this forum know how difficult it is to take care of a 200 lb man dressing getting up and down cleaning.  She's taking his medicine and gave him a medicine the Doctor told him not to take. She won't get my dad a nurse or pain medicine. I told their doctor who turned them in to adult protection services and she talked her way out of it by lying.  I am closest to my dad that her or anyone.. he's my life.    My 6 siblings could care less and now are never going   "to ever talk to me again".  They changed my parents' locks to their house. My dad has dementia and is getting worse.  He texts me OVER and OVER "where are you"? I miss you",  "come to the round about" I don't know what that means!!!  I've never been on my own and i''m scared to death.  I' so sad for my dad.  He deserves a peaceful death.
Thank for the last comments, this is what happened.

Love, think about what you want. For dad not to be in pain? For him to have proper care? Do the things YOU want align with what your dad wants?

Text dad that if wants this to get "fixed" he is going to have to say that he wants you to call 911 and get him to the hospital so that his pain can be treated.

As long as HE doesn't speak up, this will continue.

I'm so sorry that this is so hard.

As long as your parents are competent, they can make very bad decisions.

Have you looked into getting counseling from the hospice social worker, as was previously suggested?

You should also send a "return receipt requested" letter to his doctor describing the drug misuse, possible addiction issues and lack of pain meds. Send the same letter to the hospice oorganization. Since when you spoke to the docs office last time you indicated that you were "joking around" it's possible they didnt report these serious issues to APS but simply reported "possible abuse".

Round-a-bout? That is a street design feature that is often used instead of a full intersection with a traffic light. They are used because they take up less ground and do not need traffic light. They are very confusing when first learning to use them. No traffic light, less ground, much cheaper for developers.

Would that make sense in the context of what dad says?

Love, did APS tell your mom they were closing the case? Can you trust what she says?

Round-a-bout another thought. Are you certain he is not in a facility? So many are now designed in a circular pattern to allow staff a view of more rooms. No long hallways.

Golden, I’m sorry you are dealing the loss of your niece. It is very hard. I do keep in touch with my other niece (sister to the one who died by suicide). Next month will be 2 years on the 4 th. Big hugs to you as you journey through 💕.

i hope everyone is well during this time of mask wearing and social distancing. Idaho is in phase 2....but I know there are businesses that are open who should not be. I do wear a mask at work when out on the sales floor and when I’m helping a customer. However, in the deli itself, I’m not wearing it. It’s hot, hard to breathe and fogs up my glasses, hee hee!

At home I’m working on a secretary desk that I’ve had since the ‘80’s. It was made with very cheap wood, probably factory made. It has sentimental value to me. I am repainting it, I have a wood moulding to put on it and I’m going to add a furniture transfer That is a vine with white flowers and birds. The desk is a soft yellow. It will be used to store all my craft stuff. I also enrolled in an online (virtual) art class. It is very inexpensive, covers painting on canvas, fabric and furniture plus more. You work at your own pace, choose what you want to do as far as the lesson presented each month. This month is perspective, painting trees looking up through the trees at the sky.

we are warming up this week looking at 90’s by Friday. Last week was rain with a high in the 50’s.

enjoy the week as you can, little accomplishments move us forward.

I have a hard time with masks cause I'm claustrophobic. I had to wear one to an eye appt. on Thursday and it kind of stunk.........I felt really nauseated and got a headache from it. But I will wear one if I have too. Not like a certain yellow-haired person we all know.

Oops, was I just political.............? Ah well, I'll slap my own wrist so no one give me grief. :)

One thing that has been bugging me lately. Actually has bugged me for a long time. How do you respond to someone who complains and whines and feels sorry for themselves? I've always responded with the little pep talks and stories of how others have had it worse and have carried on. But lately I just weary of it. I don't say anything anymore and then I'm accused of being moody when I'm the one who has been dealing with the moodiness for so many years that I'm just done.

I remember my mom saying she went through this with my younger brother and when she had finally had enough of cajoling she would just remain mum and then was accused of not caring anymore.

I imagine God on his throne who has infinite patience and always has an ear for his children. I certainly am not ever going to live up to God's example. I remember an old song that had a line that went "If you just want to cry to somebody, don't cry to me" That's how I've been feeling lately.

No one on here of course. I love hearing all your stories. This is a personal relationship I'm talking about. Any suggestions on how you've dealt with something like this?

Gersun, I get it. Your cup of listening to woe is full. Just can't take more.

I remember reading that Queen Victoria enjoyed recounting her dreams to her husband Albert every morning. He said he understood she found that enjoyable, but it bored him. She said she had the right to talk. He said he had the right not to listen. He suggested she write it down in a diary instead. She did & they stayed married :)

I'm here because my DH could take no more talk of my needy relatives 😂.

Maybe you could just repeat the sentiment then move on. When I get 'I'm sad today..' I nod, say yes you are sad. It's ok to be sad. Short pause, then shift convo forward. If this is no longer working, bigger visual distractions like magazine, bunch of flowers?

Otherwise shorter visits/calls for your own self preservation. Maybe that's why people pray? To tell someone who cares... Hmm.

PS not saying YOU need to go off & pray! This is where WE come 😊