The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Yoda, good for you back to school! I have thought about it, but the cost! Some schools waive tuition for us old folks. Did you find such a program?

Golden working in office.

Hey I love you all. I am not in a position to move out. I do plan to do so eventually. I appreciate the honesty. Its all so very very true.

Meanwhile I am hoping and praying for the truth to be exposed and reaping what has been sown. I know part of this is my mother reaping but with her dementia I am sure a part her has a clue, and I am hoping to witness my sister and nephew get put in full check and reparation.

I dont have much choice. I am still paying a large amount monthly for taxes.

The house is by far not dilapidated but it is fast on its way to that point. I hate to think of the damage if I wasn't there. A beam was damaged from water pouring in because the roof drain was clogged. I saw it and it was like an amazing waterfall pouring down inside the door jam between shed and kitchen..

These houses are going for a lot "as is" most likely there would be a nice amount after probate period after paying debts and Medicaid..

I dont really care about the money, I am more disparately concerned with my sister constantly manipulating and feeling entitled and besides my mother health care that is something I hope to see put in check before I leave this earth.


Rent is off the chain and this salary I make puts me between a rock and a hard place. Its just enough to put me in a high rent bracket but not enough to pay the lowest rent.

Anyways I am going to fight the good fight because that is exactly what they want me to do skedaddle. Me just being there is a thorn. Hearing me laugh and talk with neighbors just being me, kills my sister because she once had the nerve to say no one liked me and I had no friends. My mother used to say the same kind of things that she projected on me but were her own situation.

So unless I get a big windfall, maybe from these Facebook hackers who hacking people I know saying I hit big whoo, hoo! I would just set it up and take my mother with me with no word. Their issue is greed and control and I stay in prayer that the Father will show His Face Upon them.

So I finally got my phone. I have to take it so they can transfer info from old phone so it will probably be Thursday or Friday unless this phone just spazz out..

I am looking forward to spending Xmas with O and P. O is my prayer partner. I met him in a computer class while I was out of work. He is like a brother and over the 7 years Ive known them he and his wife bring peace love and God in my life.

I didnt show up last time I was invited in June for O's birthday. My fear of Covid and isolating was my priority. So I have missed several moments with them and one or two other beatiful people they invite over. They make a feast and the people I have met through them are beauitiful. Sometimes I cant believe it. They reinforce goodness and love. Anyways I speak to Mama C when she comes buy she is elderly, and goes there on the regular from day one and everyone is fine.
I did go there I think around september.

In any case I need to feel love and accepted unconditionally and to be around goodness. Its like a safe haven I go there and when I leave I feel stronger, wiser and happier everytime. When O and I pray, things happen for the good.

Today on train going to work a young man sat across from me and pulled out a deck of cards I kept checking to see what he was doing and finally he shuffle kind of fancy. So finally my curiosity got the best of meand I asked if he did card tricks. He says yes I am a magician. I love it He was in his mid twenties. So anyways he ends up doing game on me where I pick a card and he finds it and another one where I palm a card he shows me a card he does something and I end up with hisw card and he ends up with my card. We both had on mask and I excused my self when I used my sanitizer he was not insulted. It was wonderful and made my day. Thats tv stuff. I thanked him for making my day. It was a nice change from the hustle bustle you better not cough ride to work.
Little blessings, big smiles!

No Try, I thinks its great you are back in school. As Golden mention its can be free for seniors I know at one time the city college in NYC allowed seniors free tuition.

I would love to go back in my retirement years if I am around. One time it seemed I was a professional student, I was in school for so, long so many papers and requirements.. Its fun and a challenge. I am wishing you all the best.

Barbs! You give me smile with your honesty and truth. I am going to hang but I wont be homeless. I am not spending my all...
But I do know one thing and that is you give good advice. I know I will look back one day and wonder why it was so hard but right now I can't leave my mother. I am also aware that it could be a manifestation of mental illness acquired from being in this type of situation with my narcissistic mother and sister over the years. I didnt see what I see now, If I did back then I believe I would have been long gone.

Its now like I am a weeping willow. I am dealing with family that I have made quite aware of how I feel and how I am not going to be manipulated. I maintain a strong front, that what I have done since a child. And yes it gets to me but it hasnt killed me and what dont kills you make you stronger. Many times I wonder how this turns out. In any case I will still get what my sister dosent want me to have and if I dont live my son will get it or his kids.
Her sickness does not let her see us as equal in anyway. She does not feel I have a right to be here. My very presence unravels her. I wouldnt mind seeing what is left.

Glad its not territorial its just plain sickness. I bought a xmas tree from a thrift shop years ago. I put it one place. I was the one who put up the tree everyyear and my sister never touched it. She kept moving my tree. I finally took it upstairs. there is no boundary to her hatered and her son feeds off her poison.

Well everyone sleep tight. Rays of love.

My posted repeated itself.

gladimhere and DDDuck,

Thanks, actually being in school fully online which started out to become a global education school is not only awesome, but less expensive that my first doctorate which I worked on from 1996-2001. This PhD program will last me 4-5 years once, the Lord willing, my dissertation proposal is accepted. I raised over $30,000 for my first doctorate by looking for scholarships, grants, yes, believe it or not, one person brought me a $500 check to my house and without asking for money as I began 7 of my best friends gave me a total of $2,000 with one person, who really didn't have the money to give, giving me three months of his car payments after paying for it while another friend who is loaded hardly contributed anything. Right now, I am planning on using the money from the farm I inherited from my mother to pay my yearly tuition instead of using the yearly disbursement from the bene IRA from my dad.

Oh, by the way, tonight, my wife said something about travel and that how our not being able to take our Christmas trip or even to go see her identical twin sister on their birthday in January and that is what had her all depressed and weak today and thus did not feel up to going to PT which her doctor prescribed and I've been asking her to do for months. When she mentioned future travel, my response was no, not until you walk and get much stronger than you are now. Well, I waited for a time to sow a seed and the door was open! What else can I do?

Night folks!

Yoda, you're going for a PhD. Impressive! In what field? What is your dissertation about? I'm curious. Glad you were able to get grants and help from friends. So nice and generous of them. You gave me some motivation. Maybe after I finish homeschooling my kids, and they are off to college, I'll continue my MBA where I left off.

PolarBear,

Thanks, I joking tell people that with two doctorates I will be a D.D. which is a degree but an honorary one not an earned one. I already have an earned doctorate but it is not a PhD. Soon, I think our whole house will be doctors and we can start the notrydoyoda university online with our youngest son as the President since he is so wonderful with money and that is the main job of a president in a school anyway. What a pipedream.

glad - I would feel less isolated if I worked away from home during the day. When I worked I looked forward to the peace in my house. As things are now I don't necessarily see another human being once a week except those walking on the sidewalk passing by the house. But the vaccine is coming, so things will change. I know I could mask up and go to a store, but I am not sure it is worth it with the case numbers we have here now.

duck - I understand that you don't want to leave your mum and that you can't afford to move out. But in all of that you still need to take care of yourself and distance from the crazies as much as you can. I am so glad you have those good friends. (((((((hugs)))))))

yoda - glad you are enjoying your new educational effort. Yoda U sounds like a nice fantasy.

2 years ago today mother passed - in the afternoon. I was in the hotel trying unsuccessfully to rent a car. There was black ice and cars were in the ditch, and it wasn't safe to go out even if I had found a car to rent that day. I had flown in the night before, gone right to the NH and spent some time with her. She was totally immobile but for her eyes and she recognized me and looked at peace.

I called the NH in the afternoon saying I couldn't come because of the roads and they went to check and said she had just passed. I felt relief and still do. The next few days were a flurry of phone calls, and business visits to get the necessary stuff done. It's almost finished now - just a few more things to look after. I'm having trouble imagining life without any demands from mother.

On another note of her legacy, my dgd has been just diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Mother had it. Some think it is entirely a product of environment but I am convinced there is a hereditary aspect to it in some cases as in our family, There are too many very normal people in the family as well as some with BPD. It is good to have the diagnosis and that dgd is will to go for do therapy.

The vaccine is coming - light at the end of that tunnel.

Take care all,

Yoda I think its great that you are further pursuing your education It sounds like one of your natural gifts. I wish I had know how to do the grant thing when I was in college and felt even worse when my son went.

Golden, I agree with your precaution. Especially if there is a high number of cases in your area.

I just took another test on Friday. I thank God my routes and routines have been a safe path. I ride the trains and everywhere I regularly go everyone is wearing a mask. And hard stare the poor rare person who is without a mask.

Golden, I was bought to tears when I read about your mother's aniversary and again as post. I can't imagine, you've gone through so much and so much for your mother changing and checking up on her care in nursing homes on top of your dealing with wild fire that caused you to relocate.

I dont know if its a Virgo thing or psychotic but change in anyway messes me up. I find my self checking details on my mother situation and as a medical professional I dread her further deterioration.

I felt so peaceful with everything sealed up in basement and under sink and no show of mice or rat untill........... this afternoon as I prepared for work. There was pieces of foam, a nice amount where they are working there way back in. I heard this scratching and the boldness of not stopping when I came near sink unnerved me. I had read ammonia works to repell them so I poured some in two bowls and it stopped immediately. But when I came back down on my way out I heard the scratching now behind the washing machine. So now my psyche is out of wack again.

Good news though, DN bought new sheets and foam mattress. Yay!!!!. Of course there had to be sabatoge , he threw away or rather my phone chargers are missing that I had in sockets that I use for my blue tooth speaker and my phone. I seldom use it and I was actually surprised that they lasted this long. I just cant understand the need to sabbatoge something of mine everytime they do something for my mother. I would like to say it doesnt bother me but it does because I can feel the hatred and mindset it takes to do these things and naturally my quilt was tossed to the side. I wonder why they have not thrown it out.

I had the meeting with the guardian rep manager on Wednesday. She was late and I told her I need for her to be on time, I have other things set up. I was initially not even going to say complaints but I was so fed up with the rat and mouse and fly thing on top of the cleaning and the blatant lack of care from my sister that I just told her all. I told her that DN threw out foam mattress and sheetset and what was I supposed to do keep buying stuff for him to throw out. I told her how my sister does not even bring my mother anything to eat except on a whim. She asked if m mother had breakfast and I said no. I just got in and my sister was upstairs everyday. That I was preparing our lunch and dinner. She saw the pepers and onions cut up in bowl.

Then I told her about how DN taped a notice from con edison all of a sudden on the gate.

So..... as she is leaving she says I am going to call your sister and can I please do her a favor and pay half the bills. I almost blew a fuse! I says well what about half on these repairs she says that doesnt count. So I almost went off but just sternly deely said if its going to be dual then its got to be dual. I started to say I aint paying s&*^& unless I see a court order for us both and they have access to my mothers accounts becasue I know without a doubt that my nephew would use my mothers monies to pay my sisters part. She called my sister and said I am here, my sister says I will be right down. What?

Next day my mother had breakfast and hadnt had any sense the next Wednesday when I guess she suspect the Guardian was coming and after that this past saturday. Its sad. I will continue the book on next post.

Yes, so there are two con ed and two gas bills. They came and my twisted opened all four and left them in gate. In past she does not even open or pick them up they stay there until DN picks them up.

Anyways I guess the Gardian rep must have said same to my sister and I know if any half was paid it was done with my mothers money. And I am going to beg and plea for them to investigate the 5000 attempted transfer and any others and if there are any then to have my sister return that money. My sister has used me all my life and trained her sons to do the same.

So anyway the bills will remain there with the rest of their mail that no one picks up.

Sometimes I am in a place that this situation does not bother me. But deep down I am angry about the farce they present and the fact that an outside agency has to come in to do right by my mother.

Its my faith and hope that hold me together and to tell the truth I am close to being in my crying funk. So much new developements and the pest situation, the outside agency in our lives, my mother deteriorating, my hip issues and goodness knows I know there are people about who have much worse and intensive issues.

Its just sad for me and I can not express how much it means to me to be able to vent my truth and my pain amongst wise and spiritually blessed people who have been there or are there or seen worse.

Even if the truth hurts I appreciate it and if I dont agree I take what I can use especially when its not personal. So I thank you all for the patience and consideration that make this forum possible.

Suddenly Christmas is not what it used to be for me. I cant stand the song it hurts my heart.

Shams aniversary was this last week, my grandmother was in november. And when I think of one deceased loved one, they all come to mind and its truly quite a few.

After one death of a family member I remember thinking it must be one hellva thing to grow old, having so much history of love and lost.

Rays of love, light, healing and strengh to us all.

Good nite All.

DDDuck,

Your situation sounds interesting with things being done, but then your stuff being sabotaged. That would aggravate me too.

If any of your friends or anyone else wants some free advice about financing going to college. First, have very good grades and test scores in high school. Second, look for schools that have a strong program in your area of interest. Third, don't worry if they look expensive on the outside. Fourth, I say this for as my son discovered, these schools often have deep pockets. Fifth, they like really good incoming students for it helps keep their GPA up. Sixth, with their deep pockets, they will often substantially help someone with limited means attend. Seventh, ignore the fact that their generosity is rather self-serving. Finally, if two or 3 schools that student really likes don't offer enough, try telling the one you really want that one or two others are offering more grants and scholarships than they are. My son found this to be very true in undergraduate and grad school and thus was able to go to Emory University and the University of Chicago. My wife and I didn't have that kind of money then until later when our parents left us an inheritance. The Bene IRA that I inherited from my Dad plus other money and the Farm that I inherited from my mother plus other money is paying for me being in school again and helped us buy this house and move to this city 3 years ago which was a great move! Medical care and other things here are just very much better. Plus, this is a University city where I went to school and that is fun.

Take care of yourself and I hope one day you can fly out of there before your wings get hurt. I'll be praying for you.

NoTry, thanks for the advice.

As I witness my own aging and deterioration I get scared, dont want to end up being a burden, I wonder how long I can be there for my son and my mother or for my self.

I forget things and wonder if its the beginning or dementia or just stress or my trade forgetfulness.

Anyways today I decided to take a look at the bills, they had not been payed on date of mailing and are due this month. I attempted to scan them and send to the lawyer in my mothers court case but scanner is down. I called and left a message. Felt like I was overbearingly reaching out about the issues. I asked if he knew of any organization I could reach out to. The free legal aid I know of is down because of covid 19. I went to them about being blocked in the health care proxy my twisted head.


I know its tiresome to hear my issues over and over. I just checked and saw I tested negative for Covid so that was uplifting news amidst, this the crazy sickness where I live.

I notice there are very few posts recently. I hope its because everyone is busy with some good happenings. I know sometimes when I dont post for a while I am just overwhelmed and to bogged down to reach out.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying the magic of the holidays. I have lost the spirit. But the lights bring joy to my heart. Every year I would ride the family around to areas that had serious olympic like competion decorations. It was so beautiful we be oohing and ahhing. So the lights touch my heart.

I picked up some nice large snow flake tree ornaments I thought were cute they were encrusted with gold jewel pieces. I am one of the angel hair fans although its not around anymore. Probably for the best health wise.

Anyways, in case I am MIA for a minute -- "From the bottom of my heart I wish you all the sweetest, most beautiful heart warming and blessed holiday season."

Merry Christmas to you, too Duck, and everyone!

I cannot imagine being a healthcare worker through all of this. You must be very frustrated with so much illness many times due to people not following guidelines and selfish self absorbed thinking.

Awe, Duck I understand your concern regarding being there for your mother, your son. We all want that but I have to say in your situation you need to focus on you right now. I say this because I have similar issues going on which I will share under separate post, much love to you.

Hello everyone, I have some issues to share. It is painful to me because I believe I have gone more than the extra mile for my family. Below is my issues:

im the youngest of 4 children, I was separated out from the older 3 to accommodate my mother’s emotional needs.

as a result, my 3 older siblings do not see me as a person of value. They have a relationship that I am in. I have tried but was not accepted.

I sent my sister an email on Tuesday, which was my birthday , I wanted to thank her for the birthday card she sent. She told me she can’t talk now and that we will talk on Wednesday, she will call me when she gets of work in the afternoon. She never called. I refuse to call her because our relationship has been up to me to keep going.

today, December 17 is my sisters birthday, I sent her a card but refuse to call her.

she isn’t going to call me and I refuse to call her. The phone works both ways and that includes my brother who had double lung transplants.

im tired of putting myself out there for my family. I’m just the kid sister who knows nothing.

thank you mom for separating me out from my siblings who now have no desire to have me in their lives.

I am just done with family.

Sharyn it is good to see you but I am sorry to hear you continue to have family issues with your sibs. Ts2 has reached out to me sent me a bday card and gift cards. I can't help but wonder what caused that. It was a shocker. Wasn't at all sure what to think.

When we go through what we have with family, especially, it is very hard to trust. I think I have detachment disorder as a result of those caregiving years. Years ago I used to joke about taking my red wagon stacked with cinder blocks to protect myself. Then it was literal after being hit by cars, twice. Now, it is psychological. There are good parts to it too, though. Love my alone time.

Take care, Sharyn.

Merry Christmas to you too, duck. Hope you have some peace and good will during the holiday season. I am sure we all look ahead and wonder what's coming for us, especially when we have been or are caring for someone older than ourselves. It isn't a pretty picture for most of us.

((((((sharyn))))) I am so sorry about your continued unhealthy FOO dynamics. I totally understand that you are done. There comes a point when we have to value and take care of ourselves even though others who are close don't. Good for you. Hope you can enjoy your grands and dd and ds. The last I remember was ds was going through a divorce. Hope things have settled down now. I cut contact with my sis a while ago and feel safer than I ever had. No more nasty comments coming from her. It's a relief.

glad I have wondered what ts2 was up to. I found with my sis something good was usually followed by something not good. I'm done with it. I doubt you have detachment disorder but you have learned to detach from unhealthy situations. That's a good thing. Being an introvert means needing time alone. Nothing wrong with that and it makes covid times easier for us.

Roasting veggies again - an easy way to have healthy food on hand. I am just recovering from a bad fibro flare-up. Haven't had one in a long time and hope not to have another any time soon. The onset of minus 20 C - that's minus 2 F has caused it before. The kitties don't like going out much in this weather. The friendly volunteer shoveler has been here a few times. As soon as he gets it cleared it snows again. He has a lovely dog he brings with him, who would come in and visit if I encouraged him, but I don't.

Good news about my dgd - despite the BPD diagnosis she is achieving at the honours level in Gd 12 English and close to it and working to achieve it in Gd 12 Math. She has good counselling right now and meds that are working well. Long may it last. Younger dgs is plugging away and older gds is still working despite covid and fostering a cat who he loves dearly.

No much Christians prep here except in my heart. It will probably be roasted veggies for Christmas dinner lol. 🍠🍅🍆🥔🥕

Sharyn, so sorry to about you and your sisters relationship. It seems to be a theme in this forum. A very painful one.

As I have mention sometimes I am inspired and motivated in my growth through reading and seeing how others have dealt or deal with a situation. Mostly it feels good to know I am not alone in my issues.

I had similar issue with my sister. She never ever used to call me for my birthday or her sons. Silly me would remember everyone's birthday and do something special.

She never called unless she needed something from me and when I called she never had time. Many times my mother would say she couldnt talk to me because my sister was on the line.

The one and only time she called to wish me a happy birthday I had to look at the phone. It was in 2007 when she moved back into my mothers house after abandoning her 2 sons on her and hardly visiting. The next week I visited my mother and all this "stuff" was in the house and hall. I asked her what and where all this came for was she buying this stuff. She never said my sister moved in. I just figured it out.

My friend, T's mother died. She was in nursing home with deteriorating bedsores and then they learned she had a form of leukemia. He really did his best to get the best for her. He also teases me about how I tell a story with every detail about the details and had me cracking up.

Now the good thing is a had a long wonderful laugh on Friday. And didn't even cough! Thursday night I cooked fed my mother and as I was wiping down things I decided to put this old pot under sink, it had a bout a 1/2 inch of ammonia and soap and I put it under the sink for the rats. I had read that the smell of ammonia actually kills them. So Friday I had a big itinerary, laundry, post office groceries maybe cook. So anyways my post office didnt have the weighing scales and I had to walk to another one further away and we had just had a nice amount of snow on Wednesday. I had a big box for Cali and a large envelope with cards for Shams children and grandson.. Okay okay so I go home before I do this trek to another post office to eat and rest. So I see a rat in the pot under the sink. I took pictures but I was too terrified to pull it out to see better. I had a flashlight and shined it to get a good picture noting it was black and slick. So I called W the handyman. I says W I dont want to see it, do you need me to be here and he says no so I am lurking anyways. When he gets the pot out he say this aint no rat. "What is it!!" I look and it was a blackened banana the my mother had thrown in the pot it was partially eaten. I thought the stem was a leg. I dont think I ever laugh so hard and clean from the gut. I still laugh in odd places when I think of it. W is from Barbados so with his cute accent he says "mom set you up" Which caused another fit. Its was so funny because he sees my mother in action When he is working. She moves slowly investigating every nook and cranny.

Then to top it off she was able to loosen the hook lock on upstairs door and bought down some Christmas lights this was after she stood in the window for a long time looking at the snow.

Got all my Christmas presents out except for my client and I will pick that up tomorrow on my way in.

Big Hugs and Merry Christmas! again! Muhh!!

What a great story, Duck! Belly laughs are good for you!

Merry Christmas.

The banana-rat! 🤣🤣🤣

LOL Beatty! The banana rat!
Awesome!!!!!!!!

Barb, Merry Christmas to you also! "MUH"

I hope everyone gets a good holiday smile or laugh with lots of love. ((((HUGS))))

Merry Christmas!!! "Muhh''

"Muh" to you too, Duck!!

Just checking in to say Hi" and hope everyone is doing as well as possible and no banana rats! 🍌 🐀

I am very overwhelmed by my mom. She refuses to get up and move around. She has kidney disease, diabetes, and thyroid problems, among other things. She always lashes out at me if I ask her to go out for a walk or a drive. I've moved myself and children from the Mi to CA to help her, and eventually my husband was going to move to join us. Now she doesn't want my husband and is just making my life very difficult. She is unable to do anything for herself anymore, and refuses to believe she needs help. I do the shopping, cleaning, cooking, picking up of her medicine. I'm overwhelmed.I am nothing but honest with her, and want to make her as comfortable as possible, but it has become extremely difficult doing it all and and rising 3 children with her constant negatity and wanting to make my life difficult. I need help and advice. I have not complained or told her siblings or my brother how she's treating me, or should I say no one has asked. She puts on an act and tells everyone that she does everything on her own, and bad mouths me to everyone. I over heard her on the phone multiple times. I need advice and guidance.

Hi Everyone,
I had a lovely quiet Christmas with my "brother" his wife and Mama C. It felt good to be around unconditional love and acceptance. MC is 85 and very sports minded.
She used to participate in swimming competitions and races. Shares a plethora
of personal experience and history. The food was great the spirit was great and it felt so good to be in the midst of positive energy.

LOL, Golden and Beatty.
Unfortunately a live banana rat appeared this weekend plus the small species. I made a batch of poison on Wednesday morning there were no signs of anything and Thursday after I shut down the kitchen, went in to get something saw him on old washing machine, screamed so hard my stomach hurt, he scuttled out and I refilled containers of ammonia so I decided to lounge a little longer with my mother and saw his tail as he dove into the stove burner opening. The poison I placed around was gone. Haven't seen him since. Handyman W wants to lay the wood traps and get pull out cabinets to find entrances. I am leaning towards just getting a professional exterminator. Heard of tracking powder. Thank goodness the doors to living room where my mother sleeps are flush to floor.

Otherwise all is well and I am thankful.

Now to get through the New Year. I stay in prayer over my family situation. I am hoping that I can see my son and his family next year.

I hope you all had a wonderful pleasant holiday!

Mimo, so sorry to hear about the situation with your mom. Just know that you are not alone. And know that Narcissists are beautiful liars and performers. Its so very painful and the the guilt is the secret weapon.

Keep posting, and venting. Most of the forum is either going through or been through something similar or worse.

There is awesome wisdom and truth to be found here.

Hang in there.

(((HUGS))) and Love to everyone in this coming year.


Rays of Love, and light to us all

(((((hugs)))) mimo. Your mother sounds narcissistic and people like her can't be pleased. It sounds like you are in an impossible situation and one that is not good for you or your children. How did she manage before you came? You could tell your mother and siblings that this is not working for you and return home to be with your husband. Your sibs will probably be perfectly happy if you stay there and do all the work and get all the flack. That is not fair to you or your family. You could consult your local Agency for Aging to see what help is available for your mother and hel set that up before you leave. I honestly don't see how you can continue as you are without burning out very quickly. Let us know howyou are doing.

duck so glad you had a good Christmas

Happy New Year to everyone! May 2021 bring us all some blessings.

Hi everyone, Happy New Year Again! Nice quiet and I felt pretty good.

Golden, well said. You always keep things so real and too the point. And it always amazed me how you keep up with everyone.

Mimo, Golden's advice is on point, its not working, go back to your husband.

Mimo one of my first learning moments was to learn about narcissism. My mother is one and my sister was her minion and is worse. During my first months on board here, I was lead to investigate narcissism and given certain websites and other info. I wish I could remember and pass some things on to you. There were some leads that spoke my relationship with my mother and sister to the "T" and bought tears.

Its a lot of damage entailed, a lot of unlearning especially when being a victim to their manipulation probably started very early. Sometimes it scares me that I didnt see the truth. And guilt is their major weapon.

Your siblings are there, they can do for her, why did you have to leave your husband and they were right there.

Beat that Guilt down and go back to your husband. I dont know your situation and I am now standing in the inability finnacially and spiritually to leave my mother in the situation we are in. I dont trust my sister. Even if the state is now involved I dont feel she will be safe or well cared for.

Sounds as if you have one or more siblings sitting back letting you do the work while they count on the guilt and conditioning to keep you there.

Now, as I slowly stand my ground and dont allow my self to be baited there is a constant retalliation in one way or another even if nothing has been done I anticipate it.

I hadnt watched Joseph Prince in a while. He is a Pastor and great teacher. So I saw a notification that said something about a battle. He gave a lot of examples and 5 words for battle. "Lord the battle is Yours." Once I could internalize the concept I find my self at ease. I think the concept will help you when you return home to your husband.

Its so sad how we are manipulated by our loved ones and the rage and ugliness we face when we refuse to allow them that manipulation.

Wishing you all Ray of love, peace and wisdom, good night.

Where is everyone?

I had a crazy day. I misplaced my keys!!!!! So given the dyfunction and past experience I am considering that I left them in my bedroom door this morning and my sister took them. I have found them in door two times over the last few years. or I misplaced them somewhere in my room. There are so many possiblities in there becuase of my chronic clutter situation. So I had several copies made over the years and I was just in a panic because the first set I tried didnt have the shed key which is where I put most of my cooking and cleaning things. Then after searching I found the extra keys to the shed. So I have all the keys except the key to the gate door didnt work. I never checked them when I had them made. Long story short (smh!) There was a good set right infront of my face I found after I dumped drawers and containers with junk in them. I had pr3eviously made an old pocketbook for all the keys but couldnt find it. This was after one of my quest to find the key to the parlor floor entrance and my mother's room which I could put my hand on at one time.

So I left my room in a way I could possibley tell if someone entered. Actually the truth is I can sense when someone has been in my room. When I first moved in I was not allowed to lock the door but my twis and mother had locks on their doors.

Anyways all of this just sent my pressure up. I felt like I was going crazy not to mention the the shower cap was turned to spray me when I turned the water on. that has been my sisters signature mode of operation. I was ready but it added fuel to my frazzling state.

So I am beating my self up about being aware and more organized. Then I am frustrated because of the reality that I cannot trust anyone I live with... So anyway I found the keys. I will be able to get in in the morning. If I dont find my keys I will just have to change lock on shed and change lock on my door.

All the while I did get so relief by saying those five words. "Lord this is Your Battle". But I was like please help mefind my keys. But leaving things in His Hands is a relief. The money I had in places is very minimal now since the recent repairs. I left a few dollars around just incase. They are so petty and self righteous in their wrong I doubt if they give any thought to their actions.

Thank goodness I had given a key to O and his wife. Just in case. Now I am thrown off by these two sets of keys with no chain or string, plus I had to change my bag because the strap buckle broke. Aye aye Yie!.

On top of that I had to train two nurses today because one nurse is going to visit her homeland. I thought I was going to be very late. I got up early, changed my bed packed laundry, called myself getting a headstart on the week chores and getting out a little early, and I think I place the keys somewhere without paying attention. So now I got it. I am getting old I have to stop that multi tasking and just do and focus on one thing at a time.

So I am cool now. I dont think I have every been in such a state for so long as the incident today. I felt like crying but I didnt. My mind was racing at options.,

I hope everyone is faring much better.

Rays of love, healing and wisdom to us all. ((Hugs)) good nite.