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No offense Yoda.
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Trying, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Hugs.
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Trying, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hugs 🤗!!
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Trying,
I am sorry for your loss. At least she went in her sleep and now she is at peace!

Hugs!!!💗
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Thank you everyone. Thank you so much. I will check back in now and again to see how you are doing and to let you know how I am.
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TryingMyBest, I remember when you first posted on this forum; it's been a few years, and I'm glad that you're still here.      I've wondered periodically how life was proceeding for you and your family.

I am so sorry to learn about your mother's passing, and hope that your involvement in the community here as well as other support you have will be of comfort to you at this challenging time.

Please accept my condolences, and sympathy for you and your family.   May peace be a companion to you as you go forward.
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Trying,, my heart goes out to you, I have also lost my Mom this week. We can take heart knowing they are now pain free and with their loved ones who have gone before.
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Thank you all and Pam I am so sorry for your loss as well. Yes, they are at peace now which is a comfort,
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Awhh Tgengine, it is so crazy what we go through, as we care for our elderly loved ones.

I took a mental health day and some time from my mother. I just stayed upstairs all day on Thursday. When I came down on Friday I did laundry, cleaning and bought out and took my butt back upstairs. She said something to the fact that she hadnt seen me and I didnt come down. I felt bad but for a change I put myself first.]

Barb, I have started to make note of the violence since the last episode because when it happended I couldnt remember the last time and thought there might be something to her changes.

The last time she was very active and buzzing right before she went off. Yesterday when I left for work she was asleep. I left some snacks under a plate cover. When I came in she was buzzing. It was hard to get her to eat but I finally got something in her. When I came down to go to work it was a mess. And she was busy bee. Finally left her eating.

So glad to have this forum. I feel stressed and worn down and resentment. being outcasted by my twisted and her children. Not just me but my mother also until there is going to be a visit from and outside authority. Its was very irritating to see my sister outside talking who knows what with the guardian rep. N for so long. gesturing (lying). The guardian agency now has control of my mothers monies and the repair person finally came but was not what I expected. I expected someone who actually worked and knew stuff. Like the professional sewer line person who knew something was wrong with sewer soon as he walked in.

This guy was scarier than I was to go into the basement so I had to send him a picture. He took pictures of everything and that was it. Ms N just watched and then as they were leaving she called my twisted who came down and showed them the parlor floor rooms to which I dont have a key. ( I did at one point but I misplaced it or they changed the lock cause none of the keys I have work anymore) and then Ms. N and my sister stood in front of the house and spoke for a long time.

Since then there are f4 large coffee cups and black platters lined on mantel piece from the last week since Wednesday. I do not understand why they feel they dont have to throw them out. The Nephew does when he comes sometimes but not twisted, I just let them accumulate and take pictures. I refuse to touch them its enough cleaning up my mothers messes.

I wish I had the mindset to not care. I have to find a way to cope with this better.

Rays of love and light to all.
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cwillie, yes I have and we are not really wanting our home to look like a nursing home. We still want to be able to entertain our friends and have the place look like a hospital. At some point in time we will most likely have to put in a stair chair system to get him up and down, that will really put a damper on my wife's view of our home.
its just infuriating at times. Last night was my wife's birthday so for the first time in a year we went to a nice restaurant. I got him a roasted chicken to have for dinner. While we were out he found a crab cake from last nights dinner that I said the night before was for my wife's lunch, of course that is what he ate, and he cant find anything in front of him but he finds the pie in the fridge down stairs. If we have something saved for later and it is expensive he will find it and chow it down but yet wont eat normal leftovers we have in the hose like I do all the time (I hate to throw food away) I always eat leftovers for lunches of dinner.
If I make a special dinner or something really nice he wont say he likes it. If I get an item that is not cheap or hard to fine he will scarf it down. We had special berries brought in from a friend and make some desserts and jellies, he goes for that right away, so I have learned to put the good stuff in store brand jars or say something is store brand then he wont touch it. If I say something is nice or special we goes right for it. I took him to the Dr yesterday for his check up and the Dr asks him something and then I tell the Dr the truth, "have you fallen lately?" him "no", Me "what about a few weeks ago when you fell out of bed?"... him "that was a nightmare"....... the Dr. "Have you gotten him a bed rail?"... Me "yes the next day".... Like having a child.
While we are out he want a sandwich so we stop at mcDs he gets his normal the tells me "the next time you are at the store get me sushi"..... OK I get it, he cant drive anymore (I wont let him) and he cant go out to restaurants (COVID), but it just pains me the way he asks.
Funny note, he loves oysters, so do I and they are not cheap and a task to open. We get them once in a great while, I got him some for his birthday which was a filet, lobster and oysters btw, not like he is being treated like a prisoner. For Christmas he buys me a large contraption and Oyster opener.... so I ask him why? "Well I saw you opening oysters so I got this for you". That means I'm supposed to buy him oysters and open them for him... Like buying your mom a baseball glove in your size for he birthday....

I know in the large grand scale of things this is the most minor but its another straw on the pile everyday with no break. We cant go away because he is a fall risk and we have no back up. Plus I get the guilt card going all the time. its inbred in me I guess. Just hard not to have privacy and everything he hears he repeats to family and friends. We cant talk about my writes work because he repeats it to friends in town and her work is not that to be repeated. again no privacy.
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duck - so glad you took time out for yourself. We all really need that. It's good the agency had control of your mother's money. Hopefully some repairs will be made. and your mu will get the care she needs. Please continue to care for you.

tg - things are getting worse and that will continue. Its sad when you have to hide stuff in your own house. Did you check with the doctor about his blow outs? It is worse than having a child as his condition will only deteriorate. Re the oysters, my mother once bought me season tickets to the symphony in her city. I live 5 hrs drive away. She was hoping I would then come down and drive her to the symphony. It was purely self serving and the true mark of a narcissist. I returned them to her and suggested she give them to someone who could use them.

I have had a few long phone calls with my oldest son and am quite concerned about him. Maybe it is the diabetes he was just diagnosed with, and/or the job loss and working to set up a new career, and/or the pressures of covid. I would appreciate prayers from anyone who does pray. His dad and his grandma on that side both had Alzheimer's which puts him at risk for early onset if he has inherited the gene. Frankly, I am worried about him.

I seem to be more or less over that last flareup. Now to get some things done without setting off another one! Due a delay in delivery our vaccination schedule is set back a month or two or maybe more. Eventually it will happen. Have a good and safe day everyone.

Good weather continues here for the rest f the week. It is a major blessing.

I
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Golden so good to hear from you. I've sent up prayers for your dear son.

Take it easy. As a Virgo I know I am prone to overdo things. It was a very slow painful process to accept my limitations and the toll my life circumstances have had on me.

So I try to take it easy and felt good when I took the long walk to the express train station and didn't feel winded after a steady pace.

The hip issue still present and aggravated last night when my client acted out and I had to maneuver for our safety, also the occasional eye flashes, I dare not mention anything else except that eating out causes my pressure to go up. I didn't cook this weekend but 1 day. I will be playing it by ear this weekend.

I am looking forward to viewing the inauguration. I pray for a smooth transition. So much going on in the country and in our lives.

So being new at aging these past few years have been tumultuous, the process is not a joke!

So glad to have this forum as part of my arsenal in life.

Sleep Tight, Good Night, Rays of love and healing to us all.
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Sending out prayers for your son Golden. I would say try not to worry but as a Mom I know that is near impossible when it's your kid. Instead I will hold you in my heart till things get better for him.
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Here's an update. My wife finally saw her physical therapist. She gave her several ideas for natural pain reduction, some exercises to do at home, a 4-week plan and emphasized so her that she must become more active via one of their personal trainers, to begin with, but this was not the time to start walking for other things need to be addressed first like my observation of her not walking like someone who had a knee replacement. She still walks like that is her bad knee which the PT noticed as well.

I see my therapist on Monday morning and will report back about it. I still haven't decided if I want to keep him or not.

Other good news is that my health insurance now offers a free app to help me with weight loss and diabetes plus has reminders about when to take what medicines through the day. I'm spoiled! :) You may want to see if your insurance does that.

You can likely see from my pic that my hair is now getting even longer on the sides and in the back. I am still not comfortable with having a person cut it. My God-sister's hair has grown down from her shoulders to halfway down her back. If this pandemic goes much longer, it will be a long as a friend of mine from high school who could sit on her hair.
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I saw my therapist. He said that the only person who can change my wife out of her giving up on life is her. He also said the fact that she has written up her own funeral shows that she has given up on life.

He is glad that she went to see the PT who talked straightforward about needing to get more mobile, that she's had a hip replacement and spine pain also, but by using what she knows about PT has been able to help herself. The PT observed as I have that my wife does not walk right. She said they would deal with that latter, but she didn't want her doing any walking now. She gave her some exercises to do at home plus advice about using ice on her back in three places and using some new pillows to help in her sleeping The last part, she has done. She's done the ice one day.

My therapist also said that her excuses for not cuddling are weak and that I should make an appointment with her to do that.

We did talk about my mother some, whose memories still return randomly, he said that what she did to me is much more common than people think for it is seen as less taboo. I told him that I did not miss her at all now that she's dead, but I do miss my dad and appreciate him more now that I've learned more about what he went through in fighting to visit me and to pay a monthly bond as well.

My sister in law understands my plight as she has said herself, our lives are very similar. My God-sister is in the same boat in some ways although her husband is disabled with a brain tumour and lung problems. Yet, he can get around with a walker which he does not always use as he should. She told me that given how he treats her that she doesn't feel like sitting beside him and holding hands. She does have the help that comes over plus several supportive family members, plus goes to her husband's business a few days to work. Unfortunately, her former therapist left. So, she is not sure what to do but talk with me. I'm sure she's not being completely open like with a real therapist, but I try to be supportive and try to refer her to a real therapist.
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Trying, my belated condolences and prayers for the loss of your mom. I noticed I missed it as I scrolled back to see what I have missed.

So very sorry for your loss. I hope you are well.
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So much has happened since I last posted. I pray that everyone is well and in good spirit.

Same drama, bigger twist.

Rays of love and light to all.
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NoTryDoYoda

Thanks for the update. The therapist is right about your wife. She's the only one that can change her thoughts and hopelessness. But the pain does play a major role. When you're in so much pain that you can't move, it makes you feel defeated. That's probably how your wife feels. I hope she can put her efforts in doing her PT so she can get better. You can encourage her but she has to be the one that wants to do it.

About your long hair, do you think you want to dye it to a darker shade? Maybe brown or light brown? I think it will make you look and feel younger.
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Hi, polar bear and thanks. Today, my wife has PT at 1:30, and we close on our house's refinancing at 3:30. Our interest rate will drop from 3.69 to 2.89, and it will be a fixed 30-year rate instead of a variable one set to change in August of 2022. This will reduce our monthly mortgage bill as well. I've been looking forward to doing this.

What did you think about the rest of what I said in my update?

Thanks for your and everyone's support!
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Hi, polar bear and thanks. Today, my wife has PT at 1:30, and we close on our house's refinancing at 3:30. Our interest rate will drop from 3.69 to 2.89, and it will be a fixed 30-year rate instead of a variable one set to change in August of 2022. This will reduce our monthly mortgage bill as well. I've been looking forward to doing this.

What did you think about the rest of what I said in my update?

Years ago when my beard changed colour before my hair did, I tried some die, but my skin reacted to it. So, I'm not sure I want to try that again. I'd likely look younger if I shaved my beard closer to warmer weather. I have always had a young-looking face for my age.

Thanks for your and everyone's support!
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Yoda - Hooray on your loan closing. It's a reason to celebrate. You can sleep better knowing your mortgage payments aren't going to creep up or skyrock in this uncertain time. I was so lucky when I refinanced my adjustable mortgage just months before the crash of 2008.

About the rest of what you said in your earlier post, I think it's good that you have your SIL and your god-sister to confide in and to support one another. Do you tell your wife what you tell the SIL and g-sister specifically things about your wife that bothers you?
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polarbear

No, I don't tell my wife what I tell them, and we don't get into specifics, just generalities. My SIL mainly talks about her struggles with her health. She knows that I already know her struggles with her husband. Even my boys don't like being around him, my wife takes extra anxiety meds, and my meds help me a lot.
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Yoda, I didn't mean that you tell your wife that you talk to SIL and g-sister about her. I meant to ask if you tell your wife what bothers you with regards to her giving up and how that affects you. I was thinking that if my husband had a problem with me, then I would want him to tell me about it.

I think it's good that you have a support team (your therapist, SIL and g-sister) to talk about what you're going through.

For me, I am so grateful for this forum because in truth this site is the only place I can fully express my frustrations, my feelings and thoughts about my caregiving burden. I don't share much with friends and relatives because I fear they would not understand and would judge me. I do share with my husband, and he understands but can't appreciate fully since he's not in my shoes.
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Polarbear,

Sorry, I missed your point. I have talked with her, but nothing changes. Our youngest son, who was with us for several months last year, noticed how she's given up and talked with her about it. I'm finding this is dragging me down a little too.

One more thing, I've decided to see my therapist once a month for three months to see if that helps. I had been seeing him far more frequently. Then, we started only meeting every 3 months. He told me that this time, it had been 5 months with his emergency surgery.
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Happy Saturday February 6 to everyone! I have some info to share with those caregivers dealing with Alzheimer’s specifically.

a recent study has come out showing gum disease plaque and the plaque in the brain with Alzheimer’s patients is the same. There are some new drugs they are working on to slow this process with really good results if the drug is given to the patients early. Yes, more studies need to be done and will be. But it does give hope to those of us in the future.
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Happy February to you too, Sharyn. Any news about something we can do something about is good news for Alzheimer's . Do you have a link for that study? I would be interested in reading it.

Hope you are enjoying the weekly get togethers with you grands and surviving the winter.

Duck - thinking about you and wondering how you are coping with your various challenges.

Yoda - hope your therapist is helping you and that your wife decides life is worth living again.

Trying - thinking of you too and the grief you are processing.

I am looking out my living room window and it looks nice and bright out, but the temps are still pretty low. I am very thankful for a warm house, grocery deliveries and amazon and such.

I've written it elsewhere but I will again here. Listening to music - really soaking myself in it - is helping me sleep better, and hopefully that will benefit me re the CFS/FM. I feel calmer, less wired and tired. After an emotional phone call with my oldest son, who is going through some difficult times, I was wired again but continued to listen to music and was good the next day. It's better than any drug I have tried. lol There is research to support these effects of music, no bad side effects and it doesn't cost me anything. Youtube is enough.

Kitties are good - staying in mostly because of the cold and a little bored, but good.

Thinking of you all and the challenges of covid. Hopefully the vaccine will make a difference to society. I see no signs of it coming to my area yet, but I guess it will eventually.

Take care all. Big (((((((hugs)))))).
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My Step Mom passed away in May and My Dad and I sold our houses and I both a bigger one for him to live with me. He was driving and fine when we moved in to the house In August.

October he fell in yard broke 5 ribs pierced a lung went to 24 nursing rehab. He began to hallucinate and do strange things. He came home November 25th fell the 26th and broke his shoulder back to rehab.

He has lost 70Lbs since May and the doctors don't seem to think it is an issue he was 275. He was on about 14 medicines and I got him into hospital on a 72 hour hold and they reduced all meds down to three in November so I don't think it is due to prescriptions and he does not have a UTI.

He has been home since Christmas ever. When the OT and PT come he is charming does all his exercises etc. When they leave and I get done with work he is confused and demanding.

He won't get out of his chair etc. I have been working around the clock between his care and my work.

My bloodpressure is off the charts and I am falling apart. I cant sleep. I have to call lift assist a fe times a week and he refuses to go to asisted living or even talk about solutions.

This is my responsibility he keeps telling me.

Now the OT is telling me he is able to get up when he falls but cognitively he can't get his legs to move and gets confused and frustrated.

I have a neurologist appointment and one of the nurses sent me a link for sundowners. She said the neurologist can give answers but not solutions.

I have held the hands of many of my family as they died of cancer. And a great aunt with dementia who was in a care facility. It is just he and I. He told me to quit my job if it is stressing me out. I have been with my company for 28 years and love my job I just cannot keep up this pace any longer.

I have no experience with this and truly am at my wit's end.

Any advice or tools would be greatly appreciated
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Deb,

I read your post and it broke my heart. I can relate.

I was struggling so horribly with high blood pressure that my doctor sent me for heart tests.

Stress can really take a toll on us.
You are not going to be able to keep up this pace.

Your dad is most likely not going to understand and I realize how frustrating that is.

Your decisions regarding caring for your dad are going to have to be made with YOU in mind. Your LIFE is depending on it.

My doctor warned me that I was heading for a heart attack or stroke. You don’t want either of those!

Continual high blood pressure is a serious health concern.

This is working for either of you. Dad needs more care than you can give him.

Find a social worker. Make a plan. Either you or the social worker will have to tell dad, not ask him, but tell him of the necessary changes that must be made in your lives.

Sorry for the loss of your stepmom. I wish your dad had better health. This is very difficult for both of you.

I know that you love your dad and had the best of intentions to care for him.

The truth is that none of us ever knew how incredibly hard it was going to be.

Don’t stay trapped! So not worth it! Do not repeat my mistakes. I had mom for 15 years in my home and it nearly killed me.

Please nip this in the bud now.

Take care. Best wishes to you and your dad.

Keep us posted. We care.
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Golden, https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjL9NPfud3uAhVFvJ4KHQrGBioQFjAAegQIBhAC&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nia.nih.gov%2Fnews%2Flarge-study-links-gum-disease-dementia&usg=AOvVaw0SAuCiVzUJ1LIFSu8hWspQ
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hello everyone, yes we are enjoying the monthly dinners and card/ board games. The boys are doing really well, they are in kindergarten from 9-3:30 M-F. E has speech on Friday which my hubs takes him to before school starts. He tell gramps, you are driving too slow or too fast because he can read and understand the speed limit signs, lol! L is doing great, he is still very easily bored and gets into things we don’t want him into. I don’t know if I shared about him getting into my craft paints last summer and he painted his naked body, his brother, and got paint all over the carpet and walls. I was not a happy camper when I walked in the front door. I blamed my hubs, he was sleeping on the couch, lol!
The kittens are 6 months old, still very playful and follow me everywhere. They do try and succeed at getting out the slider door to the backyard. I am going to figure out something for them once the weather gets better for them to be outside Enclosed and safe. Hokus loves to nibble on toes and fingers much to our Golden’s dislike, but he will just push him away with his paw. Pokus loves to rub against my slippers, especially the toe, then he will literally just fall over in front of my feet making it hard to not step on him. They love open windows and today is great for that with 45 degrees and no wind. I open a window in a back bedroom and they love the cool air.

l’ve been going to a chiropractor/pain center. I paid out of pocket (insurance won’t cover), for 5 appointments including exercises for stretching the hamstrings, quads, and hips in addition to core exercises. Friday is my last appointment and I’m doing so much better. I still have pain once I go to bed but I’m going to do the stretching before bed to see if that helps.

have a nice week, if possible buy yourselves a treat for Valentines Day❤️❤️❤️
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